Saturday, September 29, 2007
The picture accompanies an interview in which Jake divulges that he is hard at work on his first album. In keeping with the patriotic resolve that inspired his bid for the White House, his CD will feature several covers of acoustic hits from the Civil War era. Listen...I can hear the soft, lilting chords of "Battle Hymn of the Republic" from here...
It's amazing how Interview magazine was able to capture all these secret parts of Jake's life that no one knew about.
Except for us.
Thanks to heddaparsons for the heads up on the picture (courtesy of Interview magazine)! This post is best enjoyed with the Battle Hymn of the Republic link open in a separate tab.
*No, I didn't.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
From the Jake Watch Press:
Ledger takes home top prize for World of Warcraft, a defeated Gyllenhaal crashes stage party
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Heath beat Jake?! AND he was wearing better socks?! What the hell, Gyllenhaal? That's it. I am so not letting you come over to play Halo 3 this weekend.
Brokeback story HERE. Unrelated TV news for you Brits HERE - thanks Dee!!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
And because no conversation with Jake is without grand revelations and over-analyzed subtext, let's take a look at what we've learned from him this time around. The least you need to know:
- The anonymously-penned introductory paragraph describes Jake as "6 feet tall" and "bigger in life than he appears onscreen." (I can relate to this because when I see Jake onscreen, I always envision him as no taller than 5'11".)
- Regarding the now-infamous opening monologue on SNL, the bit about Jake performing in drag was an afterthought (!). The SNL skit is a recurring theme in this interview; I'm guessing the same wouldn't be true if the singing had not been done in a dress.
- Jake is intimidated by David Letterman (well, who isn't?).
- Jake offers psychological reassurance to Fincher: "I am glad to hear that, because I really thought you needed a new perspective on life. I mean that in the nicest possible way." Finch, dude, I think you just got dissed.
- David Fincher somewhat randomly brings up that he doesn't want Jake's thighs getting too big.
- The previously-published segment on the Civil War and mud-wrestling gives me pause as I draw a loose connection between hand-to-hand combat, trying to kill people on the set of Jarhead, and pig slaughter...
- On a man in an elevator who rented Zodiac: "So I told some people, and they were like, "Why didn’t you grab him by the neck and say, "Where were you when it was in the theater?" Seriously. Why did I not notice this violent streak before?
- On the difficulty of filming Zodiac: "Well, that was just a weird time-Saturn and Mercury had aligned." That was either a random statement, or some brilliantly subversive way to connect astrology and astronomy to the filming a movie called "Zodiac." I think my mind needs to rest after that one.
UPDATE: Apparently the key to that statement is in the audio portion of the interview. That's what happens when you just jump into these recaps all willy-nilly (and when magazines edit out pertinent information).
- Jake reveals that he might have been exposed to radioactive material at age 10 or 11 but seems thoroughly unconcerned about the consequences. It came late in the game, but there it is: the patented Gyllenhaal Straight-Out-Of-Left-Field Interview Moment.
- Fincher: "I don’t remember, but the light caught your eyes in a really neat way." We'll let that one speak for itself.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Pics from I Heart Lumberjacks.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Pictures from Simple Questions to Complex Answers.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Jake: we're being recorded.
David Fincher: Exactly, so be very careful. By the way, I finally saw your SNL which I thought was awesome- balls-out one of the funniest moments I've seen on that show in a long time.
Jake: Thanks. I figured, if you're going to do it, then really do it.
David: Well, you did it, and now no one ever has to do it again. (Both laugh) Somebody sent it to me on DVD because I missed it and everyone was talking about it. ..
Jake:...They played the song, we practised it a couple times, and Lorne came up to me and said "You should do this in drag. What do you think?" And I was like 'Fantastic!" And that was it.
Rendition: This isn't some liberal movie or some conservative movie
Jake: There's not just one side to the story, this isn't some liberal movie or some conservative movie - it shows both sides pretty clearly. At first my character doesn't really know what's going on one way or the other, but after a while he discovers what's what. At first, even with all this stuff happening, he supports what they're doing because he's in the CIA. But after a while he realizes it just doesn't work. It's not even a question of whether the guy did what he's been accused of or not - you're just not going to get accurate information from somebody when you're torturing them to the point where they'll tell you whatever you want to hear.
I really want to work though... Let's buckle down and get to it
Jake: I think there are a lot of people who don't learn how to grow up, so I'm in a place now where I feel like the decisions I make will be really good...
David: So now you're like "I feel confident that I'm in a place in my life where I probably, in all seriousness, would have never met you, David." (laughs).."I'm feeling so good about myself that I would have instantly turned down that last script you sent me."
Jake: Shut up...
David (laughs)..No, I know what you mean...
Jake: I really want to work though. I'm so excited to be in a place where I'm like, "Let's buckle down and get to it"... That's where I find myself, and being antsy to commit 100 percent is a great place to be as an artist. That's where you always want to be...
Running is a really good antidote for a mind that tends to spin round a lot
Jake: Well, we were shooting that in the middle of a desert outside of Marrakesh, and I'd go running a lot. I imagine that as a director, when you're filming, every possible second of your time is filled. But as an actor you have so much free time your mind wanders. Running is a really good antidote for a mind that tends to spin around a lot.
David: Yes, and you do tend to obsess a lot, too. This is the idea for me: I don't want to obsess at work. I want to take it home or out into the desert so that while I run I can do, Idiot, why did you say that? (laughs) People try to get me to meditate, and all I do is sit there thinking. You should have started this so much earlier. You have so much meditating to do that you'll never catch up now.
Jake: That's exactly how I think, too. Maybe that's why you and I have this strange cinematic love affair. Did you get my message that I think we should do a Civil War movie together?
David: Yeah. I like that. I know nothing about the Civil War, but every time I see a movie about it, I'm like, Wow, that really happened?
Jake: I thought you'd really be into it.
David: You thought I would appreciate having a group of miserable, blood-covered actors standing knee-deep in mud.
Jake: See, if you put me in mud, you'd see how much fun I could have. But seriously, they did crazy stuff in that way - really dark stuff like engaging in hand-to-hand combat and tearing each other's throats out.
David: But I'm over that kind of stuff. (sarcastically) I want to make stories about love and communication...
This was me acting independently, by the by, so if you want to lodge an official complaint, please email me directly. I won't be able to check until October 13th and I won't care until approximately 11th April 2086.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Jake "You Just Blew My Mind" Gyllenhaal, on Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
In other news, it would appear that a certain friend of ours has landed himself at number 27 on Radar's list of "The world's most overrated people, places, and things" (or "nouns" to those of us in less wordy circles). Unfortunately, I was too busy putting up a new Jake in '08 banner to adequately respond to this bizarre list in this magazine that no one has ever heard of, so Jake Watch is pretending we don't know anything about it.
(Note: We should have said a long time ago that the Jake in '08 MySpace profile borrows heavily from the profiles of Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John Edwards. We are most appreciative of their unintended aid in all this. It's nothing personal, but the Republican profiles are mostly too boring to parody.)
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
We've averaged 1.2 posts a day for 534 days now (!).
That's a lot of days, a lot of posts, and a lot of Jake.
jake gyllenhaal" (not that we don't appreciate you), or Google image searches, where we seem to pop up all the time (check out what you'll find on page 5!). I'm talking about the people who search for something specific and, for whatever reason, think they're going to find the answer here.
So let's play a game called
(Hint: The answer is "all of them.")
1. The Google search for: attractive m-shaped hairline
- Jake Watch is the first search result*. Understandable, because Jake does have an attractive m-shaped hairline. What's not understandable is why anyone would be searching for this.
2. jake gyllenhaal, boo, what happened
- 1st result, as we should be, since we are the Boo Authority. But in this case, "Authority" is not indicative of having any sort of knowledge on the subject.
3. where is jake gyllenhaal
- 9th result, but you won't find any specifics here. I will, Google Searcher, give you this tantalizing clue: Jake is somewhere on Earth, likely on land. To give you anything more would be unethical.
4. Jake gyllenhaal favourite food
- 1st result, although I don't think we can answer that. I can say for certain, though, that it is not cilantro!
5. jake gyllenhaal nude pictures
- 7th result. Seriously? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I would know...
6. jake gyllenhaal stalking
- Jake Watch shows up 1st...and 2nd and 5th and 10th! Now that's what I'm talking about! I'm guessing this searcher does not need me to elaborate at this point.
7. jake gyllenhaal acl
- 6th result; someone cares about something important (I'm assuming there is a vowel missing and this person is not actually interested in knee injuries)! Thank God, britpopbaby did that one post that one time that had actual facts about Jake on the issues...too bad that wasn't the post that showed up in the search.
8. boys like jake gyllenhaal (do they?)
- 9th result. Who searches via declarative sentences? Google couldn't do much with that. Neither can I.
9. jake gyllenhaal in boxers
- 6th result. Huh. You're a pervy bunch of searchers, aren't you? I hope the Rendition review helped you out.
10. wet cowboy boots pics (what?!)
- 1st result and, I gotta admit, this one actually makes sense. There was, in fact, a post about water, pictures, and cowboy boots. Interestingly, this post also came up under the search for "jake gyllenhaal nude pictures" and "jarhead shower jake" so basically it's the Google version of Jake porn. Awesome!
And the wild card:
11. heath ledger hair loss
- 3rd result (!). We did actually have a discussion on this. It went on for 61 comments. Those were the days...
Also, many of you have asked about britpopbaby. She has not abandoned Jake Watch! She is alive and well but completely without internet access at home, and has been for several weeks now. It is quite the mess, but unfortunately it's out of her hands. She will be back when she is able.
* Search positions subject to change based on time of search and country where search was performed. All of the above searches showed up as a "referral" on our SiteMeter between Monday night and Tuesday night.
Random picture of Jake from HERE. Wet cowboy boot Jake from IHJ.
Film About Brothers Being Looked At By Real Brothers Who Would Play Brothers in the Film About Brothers
Should the Maguire-Gyllenhaal brothers take on the movie, shooting will start in November, which will require Gyllenhaal to take time out of his busy Presidential campaigning schedule. Analysts within his campaign assure us that the break will not be detrimental because Jake cannot technically run for President anyway (although we are assured he will be victorious regardless).
Industry insiders say the only reservation in hiring the twins is that audience members may find it confusing; the boys are so identical, most people can't tell them apart, not even the boys themselves. In fact, during the 2006 BAFTA's, it was Tobey who accidentally accepted Jake's award for Best Make-Out Scene with Heath Ledger In a Sheep-Herding Film. Similarly, it was actually Jake who starred in the third Spider-Man movie, apparently thinking the Spidey suit was some new Livestrong cycling gear and the camera crews were just paparazzi. In each instance, it was months before anyone realized the error.
Jake and Tobey can be seen below in a never-before-seen, heartwarming home video:
Full article HERE, and the exact same information again HERE.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Does his throat hurt? Does he need a throat lozenge? Oh my God, is he sick?! He's sick, isn't he?!! Is he going to be OK? Why isn't he in bed resting?! Should I send him a care package? Is it contagious? Is he contaminating the people around him? Why would he do that? What if he's not sick? What if he's just thinking? Has he always stroked his chin while thinking? Or is it a stress thing? Is he stressed? Why is he stressed? Why isn't he at home resting if he's stressed? Why isn't he communicating his needs better?!
Too much. Too much!! The erratic behavior of Jake Gyllenhaal has Jake Watch on the edge of our seats. We can only sit back and wonder just what we could possibly see from him next!
More at IHJ!
Saturday, September 15, 2007
So start friending!
UPDATE: An intrepid photographer catches Jake's reaction to the newly recreated MySpace page:
I know, Jake. I was happy to see it back, too.
But, you know, this MySpace thing is a little fishy. Two of our sites have gone down now; Jake knows nothing; I know nothing... I'm starting to suspect these guys.
Yeah, that's right...
...George Clooney. The face of evil.
Picture of George randomly plucked from the internet. Picture of Jake from...guess where?
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Because peeking above the shoe, what is THAT?! It appears to be none other than the flirtatious edge of a sock (!!). I might swoon. It's little to go on, but we'll work with whatever Jake is willing to give us:
- COLOR: Surely the brown hue is an optical illusion! I'll play it safe and go with "dark."
- TYPE: The occasion calls for formal.
- HEIGHT: Deliciously mysterious. *prays for at least lower shin*
- OVERALL STATUS: Leaving us hopelessly wanting more. Lord, it's been a while since you've graced us with some decent sock, Gyllenhaal.
I ache to see their full size.
Brown, or trick of light?
My God, I should have gone into poetry. I think we should all write haiku's about Jake now. In fact, I'm going to write another one.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
The Jake in '08 campaign, fresh off the victory of being highlighted in Jake Watch's coveted Quote of the Week, has now received an honor only slightly less impressive: a mention in the Canadian National Post.
From this, it is painfully obvious to me that Canada wants Jake to be President of the United States. (See the new Canadian poster below; as of today, they are showing up everywhere, and by "everywhere," I mean in one awkwardly specific niche of the Jake Gyllenhaal blog world and probably nowhere else).
I would like to take this opportunity to give a shout-out to the Jake Watch constituency. Despite the fact that IHJ is mentioned in the piece, ALL of the questions Jake answered were submitted by Jake Watch readers. But that was probably obvious because I'm sorry, no other part of the Jake fandom would come up with questions as awesome as ours.
Monday, September 10, 2007
The Official Jake Watch Rendition Post (spoilers tagged), aka The Longest Post in the History of the World
A man came out and introduced a woman who came out and introduced Gavin Hood who came out and introduced the key players of the film. After the behind-the-scenes peeps, the actors came out.
First Jake (far left; click to enlarge)...
And so on until the stage filled up. Then they all filed off stage and Jake tripped. Awkward! He recovered nicely, though, and sent a cautionary pointed finger to the guy behind him.
Then the lights went off and we were plunged into a series of commercials for (of all things) the Toronto Film Festival. Dudes, it's OK. You sold us already. We're here.
And then the movie started. By the time it was over, I already knew how this review was going to go. Give me a movie this serious, and I'll give you an analysis even more serious, bitches!! So sorry if you're not into the heavy stuff. But I have some thoughts I'd like to express...
The best thing about seeing Rendition at the Toronto Film Festival is that I never have to see it again.
Don't get me wrong; it's a really good movie. Brilliant in fact. It's earnest and well-made and well-acted. However, it left me depressed and uncomfortable, and did so without giving me the satisfaction of knowing that my response was the result of a genuine connection to what I'd seen unfold on screen. The many plots, the many storylines...everything is emotional, but nothing is personal. This movie left me with tons of questions, just not about the practice of extraordinary rendition. Instead, I wondered about the movie itself. Was I supposed to feel sympathy for the suicide bomber? I don't know. I was too busy being lectured on the values of his culture to get a full portrait of him. Was Douglas Freeman's reaction to what he was witnessing supposed to be transitional? I don't know. I was too busy being shown his barely-contained disgust to catch a glimpse of any of his other emotions. How about the torture scenes? Gritty, graphic, extremely explicit (although not gratuitous)...was that to convince me torture is wrong? Was that what I needed convincing of? Maybe I'm not the right audience for this film.
Rendition takes itself so incredibly seriously that its self-importance is distracting. There were times when I was taken away from the story because I was blinded by the overwhelming "This is IMPORTANT!" message being broadcast in every way imaginable. True, the subject matter of the film is important and serious, but the biggest problem with this movie is that it confuses itself for the message. For me, that's what caused the questions I walked out with. If so much time and effort hadn't been put into making sure this movie was Serious, then maybe more time could have been spent on the fact that this is a movie, an art form ultimately successful based on entertainment value.
The black-and-white morality issues presented in Rendition are far too clear-cut to inspire any sort of debate. Hey, I get it. This is wrong. But the weight of the movie makes it feels a little like I'm being punished for agreeing with the filmmakers. I'm already against it, so why make me uncomfortable? Also, the all-too-neat converging plot lines fit together in movie-magic perfection, but if the story is supposed to be realistic, why rely on the convenience of trite predictability? Surely there are countless compelling true stories that could be told, or even fictional ones that don't tie together in a neatly unrealistic way.
So, I had some problems with it. That's not to say that as a piece of art, it didn't work. Overall, Rendition is a beautifully done film; it looks good from all angles. It's perfect in its execution, but flawed in its conception. No doubt it is impressive, but the balance between art and politics was not one that I, personally, found most effective. (I say this knowing that everyone I was sitting with in the theater will disagree with me.) Amidst the Important Message, it forgot that it's "just" a movie. Ironically, remembering that would have probably made the Message more accessible. I just don't see a film this self-aware attracting a large audience.
And now that you've been onslaught by my heavy-handed analysis of a heavy-handed movie, let's get to the good stuff!
***MAJOR SPOILERS AND TONE SHIFT BELOW*** Highlight to read. The sex scene portion (in which there is no actual sex) is marked in case that's all you want to read about. ;)
Non-sex scene starts here.
The movie opens with a quick teaser starring Reese and Omar. After the word "Rendition" fades in forebodingly, we're treated to...shirtless Jake! Like, seriously, five minutes in and he's already taking his clothes off for us! It's a trick to distract us from the horrors to come, but we don't know that at this early juncture.
After groaning a bit in early morning lethargy, he drags himself out of bed (boxers only) and makes out with a woman in a towel in the bathroom. This girlfriend of his wins the award for Least Developed Character EVER. She just randomly pops up to fondle Jake and do his bidding at the office. They work together, you see. "His bidding" in this sense is meant as in, "he is her boss," and not, "he calls her for nookie at lunch." Anyway, back to the making out...
Jake kisses her. A lot. She tries to leave (unrealistic though that may be) but he kisses her some more. Is his hand going to a naughty place up her towel? Yes...but on the side of room where the camera is NOT! Why would they do that to us?! Tease. While he's kissing her, he says, "Seriously, stop kissing me." I crack up; she leaves (unrealistic though that may be). It's the second best line in the movie.
And ends here.
Immediately after that, Jake and some dude are riding in a car when a bomb goes off. Some Dude dies (not before ruining Jake's shirt) and what? Some Dude was, like, the top guy in this region for the CIA? Next thing you know, young and impressionable Jake just got himself a promotion (Meryl Streep sees his picture and asks, "What is he? 12?"). Jake's girlfriend brings him a new shirt. And gum.
And so that's how Jake came to oversee the torture operation on Reese's husband, who was detained because...I have no idea. It's never really explained. I think that's to bring home the point of the wrongness of rendition, but as witnessed by the first half of this post, I wasn't really in need of yet another hit over the head with the Hammer of Important Movie Messages. But don't worry; Jake does not do the torturing. He just watches in horror and occasionally offers weak protests.
I didn't watch hardly any of the torture scenes (or the brutal violence scenes), but the sounds alone were nauseating. I literally left the theater sick to my stomach. If you are sensitive to such things (as I am), be prepared to be upset.
I believe Jake is supposed to go through a transitional period where he gets more and more unnerved by what he's witnessing, but he pretty much goes straight from completely unnerved to totally unnerved. We know this because he drinks a lot. Meryl Streep (the head honcho) calls him up one time while he's drinking and asks how he's doing. He responds, "This is my first torture." And that is the best line of the movie.
There is one other sexy scene about halfway through the film. Jake comes home and his girlfriend starts groping him. He's really distraught/distracted but tries to get into the mood by grabbing her, picking her up, and throwing her on the bed. He goes at it for all of two seconds before rolling off of her in defeat. This is another Important Clue that Torture is Bad. It ruins sex for even the casual observers.
This role is very, very different for Jake. He's commanding and way Alpha Male, unlike anything else he's ever played. Of course, he pulls it off flawlessly. Not flawless? His hair! I know half of the known universe thinks it's the greatest thing ever, but I'm opposed to it. Honestly, though, I couldn't focus on it all that much because I couldn't watch half of the scenes Jake was in (due to the torture content).
Lastly, there is a twist at the end of the movie which will make it worth your while to pay very close attention to the differing plot threads. And that's all I'll say about that. But Oscar material? I'll just say it's probably the best Jake's ever done. He is amazing. If they're giving out awards for this one, he definitely deserves a piece of the action.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Jake: “Wow, no, I don’t.”
Damn you, Jake. Damn you! It was gold, I tell you. GOLD! Maybe one day it will be recreated. Or not. Man, that was a lot of fucking work...on second though, make that, "damn you, MySpace! Damn you!!"
I want to give a HUGE thank you to Vanessa at Green as a Thistle for asking this question for us. Vanessa, you're wonderful!!! Read her Jake update HERE. Ironically, her interview puts the future of yet another MySpace page in question. At this rate, my updating duties will be non-existent by the end of the month.
Rendition stuff when I get back! (Sorry for the false advertising in the last post.)
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Then he came back out of the building. The extremely short version, because I am tired (details later!):
PG (who has taken a magazine from her hotel room and opened it to a two-page spread advertising Rendition): Jake, can you sign this?
PG: I run a website for you.
Jake (looks up and smiles): Oh, yeah?
PG: Yeah, Jake Watch!
Jake: Oh, wow! OK!
Jake and PG smile and look at each other and awkwardly nod until other autograph seekers distract Jake's attention away. PG starts snapping pictures.
PG: I'm taking some pictures of you. I hope that's OK.
Jake (looks over and smiles again): Sure, that's fine.
PG: Thank you!
[Click for big versions.]
(This is not zoomed; I was really that much up in his grill. You can see my reflection in his sunglasses. I'm wearing a pink shirt.)
Then Peter Sarsgaard came out.
PG: Peter, can you sign this?
PG: Uh, sorry it's a picture of Jake.
Peter (laughing): It's fine.
Peter then signs his name boldly across the picture of Jake. He steals PG's Sharpie to sign autographs for several other people.
PG: Can I take some pictures?
Peter (smiling): Sure!
Peter: Whose Sharpie is this? (to PG) Was it yours?
PG: Yeah, thanks.
Meanwhile, a WireImage photographer caught a picture of PG and Sarsy conversing. Just so you know I'm not making this up (and shhh! don't tell them I'm posting their picture!):
(PG and Peter shared a moment earlier in the afternoon when he arrived and she yelled, "PETER!!!" and starting jumping up and down and waving even though she was at that point quarantined across the street. He waved back. It was a good time for everyone.)
I will upload the autograph page when I get access to a scanner because the digital camera just isn't doing it any favors. It's really awesome in a generic, hastily-scribbled sort of way.
THEN, at the world premiere of Rendition, Jake was kind enough to walk by me again on the red carpet inside the building:
There wasn't a lot of (any) talking at that point, but I'm sure it was because he didn't want to be distracted. No doubt he was still ruminating on our ground-breaking discussion from earlier.
Meanwhile, Ace Agent Marcia was taking the following video so that everyone would have the chance to experience the hysteria of waiting for Jake to whiz by:
In summation: Was all that worth it for a couple words, an impersonal autograph, and a couple of close-ups? Er, not even remotely. But the IMPORTANT thing is that I finally got a picture of Jake FROM THE FRONT!! About damned time. :)
Sorry this is lame but I have to go to bed. I'll make it better later. Also later (tomorrow)...RENDITION! The sex scene, the balcony seats, the nausea over the torture scenes...thrills await! You can only have so much excitement in one post anyway. I wouldn't want people to faint.
PG would like to thank Alice for being so wonderful and letting her stand at the front of the line for Jake's post-press-conference appearance. She'd also like to thank her fellow stalkers, Marcia, Cindy, and Carol for their wonderful company. And especially Marica for carrying around her shoes all day. And Megan for posting the news!
Thursday, September 06, 2007
You should be delighted to hear that Jake Gyllenhaal is alive and cruising the streets like a geographically challenged prostitute. Unfortunately this means he is once again a direct target for those dastardly blatant stalkers. Please see below:
Now you know I'm one for giving credit where credit is damn well due, so I will say this; this is an almost perfect example of "forward stalking", i.e, staying literally one step ahead of your
WHO ARE YOU TO SECOND GUESS THE GYLLENHAAL, WOMAN?!!!
He is wild and unpredictable...like the sea, not like Britney.
Monday, September 03, 2007
- Jake Gyllenhaal, on why I'm glad I'm not a boy
Happy Labor Day (now that it's almost over)!