We've got all Jake's films on DVD. We have them on a daily rotation. We slap strangers who knock Bubble Boy. We mock orphans who have never seen Brokeback Mountain. We string up church goers who don't 'get' Donnie Darko. We know the plots, the quotes, the Santa-hat dance; there is no need for people like us to read reviews of any of these films, surely?
But what if they're awesome? Oh baby, they are! Guest blogger, Anneka, has taken time out of her busy leek-waving schedule to pen these here critques what stand before you now. Enjoy!
This film follows the true life story of when Jake got stuck in a library with a tramp and a dog. It was released in May 2004 and cost approximately $125,000,000 to make. We presume $98,000,000 of this was spent on a snow machine and the rest, naturally, on assorted buffets for Jake.
Part One: We meet the cast, learn that Dennis Quaid is a bad father and that Bilbo Baggins is up on his climate shit.
Part Two: Our hapless heroes fly to Noo Yawk city, but what for? A school quiz of course!
Part Three: We get some detailed digrams of New York library and a nice shot of Kirsten Dunst's legs.
Part Four: Some people die, some people almost die and some people are unfortunately still alive.
Part Five: We reach some sort of conclusion but I think we lost the point a long time ago.
This film follows the true story of when Jake formed NASA and then helped Stanley Kubick fake the Apollo 11 moon mission in the Nevada desert. And as the IMdb says, 'Rated PG for language, brief teen sensuality and alcohol use, and for some thematic elements.'
Part One: Welcome to Coalwood! The commies are watching you.
Part Two: The rocket inneundo creeps in sooner than anyone expected.
Part Three: It's Jake's birthday and he'll build rockets if he wants to.
Part Four: Holy Shit! There has been a Movie Mine Disaster!