Wednesday, May 31, 2006
JAKE AT SOME WEDDING
READY FOR SOME CRAZY TALK?
Or does he? You decide! I'm going with 'kinda'.
BLATANT STALKING #4
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Jake Gyllenhaal, my body is a temple, Shirley Temple.
I felt really good about your body in Jarhead too, Jake. Wait, let me rephrase that - I wish I could have felt your body in Jarhead or any other film for that matter.
THE NOT SPONSORED BY L'OREAL HAIR SURVEY
1.JARHEAD - also known as the slaphead, this is a personnal favourite of britpopbaby's; shaved heads feel goooooood...
2.SHORT 'N' SWEET
3.'NORMAL' LENGTH - aka the Jack Nasty.
5.THE WET EFFECT
6.THE EXPERIMENTAL PHASE - black hair dye, always a winner!
Monday, May 29, 2006
JAKE SECRET 16TH SUBMISSIONS
(CLICK TO ENLARGE)
OFF TOPIC: CALLING ALL BLOGGERS
If you own a blog and want to increase your traffic then please check out SPARKLE MOTION by clicking on the button below!
I WANT THAT ONE!
If you're not a thong fan then you can see what else is on offer HERE. With a tagline like, "I wish I knew how to quit wearing boring shirts!" "Well, why don't you?? Wear a Jack Nasty shirt instead!", who could resist?
I'm still working on the designs for the Jake Watch merchandise that all six of you so eagerly want. My designer (shout out to Lauren!) is very busy at the moment so just sit on your hands and wait. Any ideas anyone has about it are most welcome - colour, style, slogans -let me know!
Sunday, May 28, 2006
THE SUNDAY PROJECT
A. THE RED LION
Ah, the British public inn - is there anything greater? If there is I'd like to know what it is, by Jove! Spotted Dick, Toad in the Hole, Custard Tarts - it's a culinary delight! And think of the custom it would get: Madonna and Guy Richie, Kate Winslet, Hugh Grant, er, Simon Cowell?
B. A, "I'M A MEGA RICH CELEBRITY AND IF I WANNA OPEN A PRENTENIOUS HIGHLY EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT, EVEN THOUGH I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT HOSPITALITY, THAN I WILL BECAUSE I CAN!", TYPE EATERY AKA NYLA.
C. 1950'S DINER
Because those places are hella fun and Jake could dress up as Elvis and entertain the patrons with his snake hips - you know it would be packed every night, mainly with people like us.
D. SPECIALIST SWEDISH RESTAURANT
Meatballs and smoked eel, anyone? I'm sure Jake would be thrilled to get back to his roots via these Scandinavian delicacies - not that I'm in any position to joke.
E. BURGER VAN
The glamour! The riches! Imagine waiting in the rain outside football matches to purchase a quarter pounder of meat from the Gyllenhaal!
I guess they do look more like friends here but don't they look splendid together? Natalie is like half the size of Jake! And what the dickens is young Gyllenhaal doing in this pic....
(pics from http://iheartjake.com)
Saturday, May 27, 2006
JAKE SECRET 15TH SUBMISSIONS
WELL I NEVER, JAKE MIGHT LIKE GIRLS AFTERALL
V for Valentine?
Natalie Portman and Jake Gyllenhaal have long denied rumors of romance but these pictures capture tham captivating each other on a sunny afternoon in the West Village. Brokeback Mountain star Gyllenhaal waited for V for Vendetta actress Portman with a dozen tulips. He sat, fidgeted and frequently checked the time, but brightened up with a grin when he spotted his date. They hugged, kissed, then strolled along until arriving for an early dinner at The Spotted Pig on West 11th Street according to eye witnesses.
Inside the Michellin-starred gastro-pub Gyllenhaal must have surprised Portman with the bouquet. She left the restaurant smiling and holding them - an him.
"The guy looks like he's in love," said one witness to the wooing.
Well, you could do worse, Natalie.
Friday, May 26, 2006
NEWS ROUND UP
Again it was very close so I think we'll have a couple of runners up:
"Toilets? That way." anon
"Atticus, you better get right back to that trailer and babysit Boo like I told you to!" Lynn
And the winner is...gin!
"After his stunning rendition of "Danke Shein", a la Ferris Bueller, Jake takes a moment to give some love to his adoring crowd."
gin, you'll just have to copy and save that genuine autograph because I er, misplaced the original. Sorry.
JAKE DINES WITH JEN
According to THIS article Jake enjoyed a evening meal with Jen and four other friends at Babbo Ristorante in Manhattan's West Village on 24th May.
Thanks to nothingreallymatters for this news!
BRITPOPBABY LEAVES UNIVERSITY
Yeah, I know. It's big news for us all but hopefully, with time, we'll be available to move on and accept that we're adults now and we have to get some sort of career.
WE GOT SMACKED
Jake Watch got reviewed over at italk2much. I submitted it about two months ago to see what would happen and 'twas not good. Here is what the reviewer Charred had to say:
I understand that Mr. Gyllenhall is an attractive young man who’s very much in the public eye, and I understand that people can get...obsessive in their emotional attachments.
I also understand that this blog is meant to have a a tongue-in-cheek, “we’re just pretending to be this crazy” attitude about it, but...why?
Sorry, no, that’s not going to cut it. Not with me, anyway.
I don’t care WHAT actor/actress/personality this kind of blog is about.
I just couldn’t care less.
We got one smack though which ain't too bad and as ripping aparts go, we got off quite light. The site has an honesty is the best policy, er, policy.
JAKE GYLLENHAAL...LADY KILLER
Ah, to be a back seat passenger in that car. We could bring all our favourite CDs and have a car disco and then play I Spy. Of course we'd have to stop about eight times so I could use a restroom and buy waffles and I do get a little motion sick and I'm quite whiny but apart from that it would be FUN, guys! No?
Now, I don't like to spread rumours but it looks like that trip to Martha's Vineyard theory might be accurate. I'm just basing this on Sarsy and Jake getting into a vehicle - what the hell do I know?
Thursday, May 25, 2006
JAKE BUYS BRITPOPBABY'S BOOK, "MY LIFE AS A STALKER"
Includes chapters on camouflage, trash searches, codenames and avoiding court orders. Introduction by Brigadier John Smith, former SAS officer and jet setting playboy. Available from all good book stores, priced £10.99 ($18.50).
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
JAKE SECRET 13TH SUBMISSIONS
FAN OF THE WEEK
FAV JAKE FILM: Bubble Boy
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A FAN: Ten minutes
STALKING TECHNIQUE: Stealth-like
CAN YOU SIX DEGREE YOURSELF TO JAKE: I was in Madagascar with Ben Stiller who was in Meet The Fockers with Dustin Hoffman who was in Moonlight Mile with Jake. Booya!
IF YOU WERE A KITCHEN APPLIANCE WHAT WOULD YOU BE: Soda Streamer
DUDE, THIS ISN'T FUNNY, GIVE A GIRL A BREAK
Helping cute little chubby kids to play ball? What possible cynicism am I supposed to get from this? And the hormones around this place are raging enough without seeing you chillin' with the little people! God knows whats gonna happen when this baby of Maggie and Peter's arrives. I'm going to have to take shelter in a nuclear bunker (which wouldn't be a huge problem because for some reason there are loads round where I live - how scared of the Commies were we?). Look, now I just have to go and get some air - it's a good job Anneka and I are going to the zoo today.
Everyone else can torture themselves some more HERE. You've gone too far, Gyllenhaal. TOO FAR!
UPDATE: Watch the video of Jake playing ball HERE. The pap guy is British!
MORE POPPA GYLLENHAAL INFO
Any questions regarding how Stephen found his publisher can be read over at www.stephengyllenhaal.com. You can also subscribe to the Cantarabooks newsletter for all the juicy gossip and helpful hints about getting into the book business.
A lot of people asked about where Stephen would be doing readings. Cantara tells me that he hopes to do a reading in the UK with Graham Swift (this made me squee inside) and also maybe Minneapolis, Chicago, Boston, and Martha's Vineyard in Massachusetts.
For Maxine who asked about an audio version - Cantara writes, "Stephen still holds all audio and dramatic rights to his work but would be interested in releasing his poetry in spoken form, and possibly even as a stage or film work."
And for malingranger's sister - Stephen directed Jake in the 'Rock the Vote' advertisement campaign. You can see it HERE along with Maggie's ad.
Finally, I'd like to thank my roomie Anneka for her questions that, unfortunately, didn't make the final cut:
1. Which one of your kids do you love more, Maggie for giving you a grandchild or Jake for his Oscar nomination?
2. "Fuzzy Wuzzy Was A Bear" is my favourite poem. What's yours?
3. How upset were you when Heath left Jake for Jen off Dawson's Creek?
4. What rhymes with orange?
5. Could you please tell Jake to wear his long socks more often?
6. Lex and Lana on Smallville - hot or not?
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
JAKE SECRET 12TH SUBMISSIONS
RUBRIC RODEO #3
"In the waiting area at Britpopbaby’s local police station, the three culprits of Friday's midnight mishaps still seemed very pleased with themselves, although now that the illegal substances were wearing off, they were beginning to wonder where their trousers were."
It was topical and it made me chortle a good 'un.
Wanna play again?
So what's Jake doing here? Keep your captions short and witty!
UPDATE: I forgot to offer a totally awesome prize. Look what I just received from a certain someone:
Monday, May 22, 2006
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Jake Gyllenhaal, just one big old disappointment.
How postmodern of you! How ironic! I hope you don't apply this 'disturbing the comfortable' sentiment to every aspect of your life, Jake, like your bed or your shoes.
JAKE SECRET 11TH SUBMISSIONS
Also, some more shameless self promotion. I've put some of my prose up, unfortunately it's not The Homicidal Gift from Toys'R'Us, I can't find that anywhere! Click here to read. Thanks!
Sunday, May 21, 2006
A JAKE GYLLENHAAL MASTERCLASS: FLIRTING 101
Step 1: Smile as enthusiastically as possible at every moment to show you're really, really happy to be there. It shows you're a fun time kinda person, approachable or maybe on some pills. Either way, it's a winner - unless you have teeth like Shane MacGowan...then you might as well go home now.
Step 2: Make like your extremely interested in anything your crush has to say. You may use my patented techinque - the bottom lip bite. Good, isn't it?
Step 3: Hypnotise your prey. That's easy for me to say with my baby blues but even those less blessed can manage it. Persistance is the key. Don't get too carried away though or it'll turn into some weird stare down and you'll have to leave.
Step 4: Joke time! You gotta make them laugh but with you not at you. An inoffensive anecdote will work well. You can recycle my 'Got arrested for stealing Speedos' story but you might want to scratch the Speedos part - I do.
Step 5: Going well? Of course it is! Now you can really test the water. Try a quick quip. Make it confident, maybe even slightly arrogant. Here I'm saying, "Can you see Uranus tonight? Can I?"
Step 6: Now you might want to try the 'Too Cool for School' vibe. No one likes the whiff of desperation so step back and act like you have somewhere else you have to be. Like the Jarhead premiere - actually, that line might not work for you.
Step 7: It's time to close the deal. I recommend the coy, 'Look, I don't usually do this but...would you like to come back to my house/hotel room/alley?". Badda bing!
Now students, use these tactics very wisely. I can't have thousands of folks running around, stealing my game all the time! Okay, you've cramped my style enough now, get outta here.