Wednesday, May 30, 2007


He was photographed in LA recently, uncharacteristically wearing sunglasses and sneakers and carrying a beverage cup.

(ANYTHING to get us off the peeing in a wave tank discussion.)

More at IHJ!

Sunday, May 27, 2007


"Like any other sane person, I do not want to be judged by my looks. If somebody compliments me on my looks - which I did nothing to get - it has no value for me whatsoever. I would rather deal with people who appreciate me for what I do in my movies. All those lists about Most Sexy Males on earth, that appear in magazines quite often, all disappear when a new sexy actor appears on the horizon. A good acting performance will withstand the test of time. At least, I hope."

Oh quit whining, Jessica Alba.

Sourced from some interview, somewhere by someone at some point.

Saturday, May 26, 2007


Jake Gyllenhaal au Grand Journal de Cannes
Video sent by Rubyowen

(Click the link below the video for a larger version.)

Jake, I don't care what the French tell you, you don't look like a 65-year-old man. Big thanks to Carla for finding this! And if you can stick it through till the end, the now-infamous "Night Fever" cover awaits you.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007


This is a terrible DVD cover. Let's discuss.

1. What the HELL is up with that picture of the Gyllenhaal?
2. No, seriously, how did they even GET a picture of Jake looking like that?
3. Come on, are we even 100% sure that that's Jake? We have been fooled before (heh).

On the upside, the actual word "Zodiac" does look quite nice.

More info HERE and HERE.

Saturday, May 19, 2007


You will ONLY see this picture on Jake Watch. I'm not even joking. Try looking for it. You won't find it. A Jake Watch gold star to the agent with the best guess as to when and where this was taken and how we were able to snatch it.

Friday, May 18, 2007


Anyone who can link the title of this post to it's actual content wins a prize.


Welcome to Anneka’s Picture House. Please refrain from smoking. And breathing.
Wow, bet you’re all glad to see the end of October Sky. Talk about the house guest that wouldn’t leave! So I’ve got a little surprise for you all. YES! It’s the movie where Jake wears a cowboy hat and does mindbending things with his limbs! Yes, the movie you’ve all been waiting for - City Slickers!

The movie starts unexpectedly in Spain, where they pronounce Jake with a silent J. The people are chanting “Toro! Toro! Toro!” so I am disappointed when bulls run out instead of the Rancho Carne Toros led by Kirsten Dunst. In the middle of the Spaniards, Billy Crystal, Marv from Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York and some elusive guy who was not in either of those movies are running away from bulls. Oh, I know who it is – it’s the guy from When Harry Met Sally who gets it on with Carrie Fisher and buys a hideous wagon wheel coffee table. Man, I could run my own film trivia based website. I’ll call it…something catchy I’ll think up later. This formerly elusive guy shall hence be called Sally. There are stunts, the final of which involves Billy Crystal getting a horn in his ass. Not a euphemism. Cue amusing cartoon credits. Best name so far goes to co-writer Babaloo Mandel.

Billy is having his rear examined by a Spanish Doctor – el Doctor. Marv captures the moment with a camera swiped from Macaulay Culkin’s house. Billy moans that this is Sally’s fault and that he and Marv are sheep for following him. Hang on, is this BBM? We’ve got Jake, cowboys and now sheep. Sally has a moustache as well. Cut to Billy on the plane with three tonnes of bandage under his ass. He’s going to have a hard time at customs explaining why his ass is full of white stuff. Marv has a bitchy wife (note: not Joe Pesci). Sally suggests they try parachuting for their next adventure. Just in case you can’t tell, they are all at the age of the mid-life crisis. Sally says Marv is up for it and Billy says Marv wants to die because he’s married to bitchy Mrs Marv. Poor Marv.

One year later. Billy’s Mum wakes up him at the moment of his birth – 5.15am. Thankfully, my Mum doesn’t love me that much, if at all. Do you get how some people call their inlaws Mum and Dad? That’s weird. Billy’s thirty-nine. He has hair in is ears, gets depressed on his birthdays and seems a bit of a hypochondriac. Billy, welcome to Mid-Life Crisis City, population: you, Sally, Marv and Bill Murray in all his recent films.

At work, Billy’s caught trimming his ear hair with an enormous pair of scissors by none other than George Snr. from Arrested Development. George Snr. plays an annoying pizza advert that Billy put on the radio and which is so bad, it’s causing people to have accidents. Like Accident Direct. Put your umbrella up Billy, it’s about to rain disenchantment in Mid-Crisis City. Billy sighs “You ever reach a point in your life when you say to yourself, this is the best I’m ever gonna look, the best I’m ever gonna feel, the best I’m ever gonna do, and it ain’t that great?” Billy, that’s like a Tuesday for me.

It’s Bring Your Dad to School Day. Although someone mis-read the memo and brought an ass-crack. No wait, there’s a Dad attached to it, panic over. Builder Dad tells an inappropriate story about dragging a wrecking ball off a woman’s legs that the kids find delightful. Hell, damn, fury and fire, it’s Baby Jake! He has a strangely square haircut and ears that he has yet to grow into but damn it he’s cute, like Elijah Wood when he was a little actor. Not like a hobbit, like in Forever Young and shit. Jake stands up and does a terrible, terrible thing - he says his Dad’s a submarine commander. The thing I don’t get is that working in radio advertising seems pretty cool. You decide what gets on the radio without having to be as annoying and misogynistic as Chris Moyles. Having said that, a submarine commander is infinitely cooler. And Sarsgaard was in a film about submarines. Really gotta think of a name for that trivia website. Jake has the good grace to look ashamed with himself and lowers his beautiful blue eyes to the floor before telling the truth. I reiterate – working in radio sounds pretty cool. The kids and teachers soon tear it apart though until Billy vocalises his breakdown and Jake dies of embarrassment.
At home, Billy’s whining about his Mid-Life Crisis to his wife who has little to no sympathy. Billy feels he can’t quit his job because he won’t be able to support his family. And that’s important because Jake’s a part of the family. How will he become Oscar-nominated without financial security? Oh yeah, Damon and Affleck. It seems Billy’s other child Mag…, sorry, Holly, wants to go into drama but fell off the stage. Holly, Jake’s the actor. Divert your creativity into something else, like fashion. Holly arrives, and appears to be wearing a tartan dress with a hood. Forget fashion Holly, join an office and maybe you’ll be lucky enough to have a Diet Coke break once in a while.

At the birthday party, Jake pulls a face that makes him look like a transformer then does his shoulder-popping trick that makes me twitch. Billy sends him to bed before he can scare any more guests. I get the feeling this may be the last we see of Jake. No wait, there he is, telling Sally’s wife that he saw a picture of her in the newspaper in her underwear and that his Mum was bitching about her. I defy anyone not to use contraception after that embarrassment. Jake is then properly sent to bed and I don’t think we’ll see him again. Again.

Billy goes over to Marv and says “Hellooo?” in a way that cracks me up. Amanda Bynes does it in She’s The Man and I laugh everytime. Because I have a small brain. Marv is pretending to be sleeping to avoid Mrs Marv but it doesn’t work and she tries to make him leave but he begs another 15 minutes. She also makes him get up at 4:30 to open her Dad’s supermarket. Bitchery, thy name is Mrs Marv. Sally shows up and they give Billy his birthday present. It’s three weeks in New Mexico for the three of them, driving cattle. Okay, you’re not fooling me anymore TV, this is BBM and Heath’s about to come around that corner. Marv announces excitedly “Real horses!” I laugh. Billy’s not impressed as he’s supposed to be going to Florida to visit his inlaws, or Mum and Dad. The doorbell goes and Billy says “I know nine people and they’re all here.” I laugh again and then think that I don’t know six people and want to visit Mid-Life Crisis’ twin city, Quarter-Life Panic.

The voice of Lisa Simpson is at the door in a supermarket apron looking for Marv who promptly shits a brick. Uh-oh, Marv been making sweet music on aisle six. Looks like I’m right as Voice of Lisa announces she’s late. And not just for the party. And she stole a pregnancy test from work. Wish I worked in a place where I could steal pregnancy tests. All I’ve managed to steal so far are post-its. Mrs Marv is not pleased. Well, pregnancy tests are expensive. She calls VOL a whore and Marv grows a pair and shouts at Mrs Marv. Turns out they haven’t had sex for twelve years, which explains why Marv would go for the slightly androgynous VOL. Marv announces he hates her, which I understand, and “If hate were people, I’d be China!” which I laughed at. Told you, small brain.

Thursday, May 17, 2007


Except for this post about Cannes because dammit, the Jake influx is out of control, as it tends to be when he's either promoting a film or in France (and in this case it's both). So here's a little to hold you over:
Jake on a boat. Oooh, nautical!

Jake in a video HERE and HERE.

Jake in more pictures HERE and HERE and...pretty much if you go to any standard photo site (WireImage, Getty Images, Ramey Pix) you will find picture after picture after picture of Jake. So many, in fact, that you might think you're in France with him. Maybe. I did. For like 2 seconds. Man, it was awesome. OK, I'm totally lying.

Even more pictures can be found at IHJ, which is where we also got this witty, Beatle-esque interview with Big G from crazy French television:

Q: How do you feel playing real people (meaning Robert Graysmith)?
Jake: I’ve played real people before

Q: Did your life changed after BBM, success wise?
Jake: My life changed in a way that I never came to Cannes before and now I’m here

Q: How is your last name pronounced
Jake asked an actress sitting next to him –“Can you pronounce my last name?”

They then asked him to sing a song and showed the dreamgirls song in SNL.
Jake: I never sing without my dress

When they kept insisting and started to shout, he sang “Night Fever”

Yes, folks. Night Fucking Fever. We wouldn't expect any less from Jake and, as usual, he delivered in a major way.

As more inevitably comes to light, feel free to post in the comments.

Big thanks to Penny Lane for compiling most of this and Just Jared for letting us steal the above picture.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


Jake in LA, sometime this week, I guess. Who knows anymore?

More HERE.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


"Yes, Mr Gyllenhaal. I can appreciate your concern, and no, they shouldn't be in your bushes, but you're really doing yourself no favours with the tongue thing, buddy. Fans gotta get their thrills. Try slug pellets."

Sunday, May 13, 2007


JW is taking a short break because the bloody rum has run out.

Whilst we're gone, please utilize the Forums. Link to any new pap pics or 'gossip' in there and not out here in the comments section. Any such links will be deleted and your IP address will be added to our blacklist.

Yours faithfully,

Prophecy Girl and britpopbaby

Friday, May 11, 2007


Ah, Sprinkles Cupcakes. That iconic relic of Gyllenhaalism that was thrust into notoriety last summer when Jake went to the cupcake specialty store twice in one week. Just days after Jake's purchases, I gave the workers there quite a thrill by showing up myself. It was a magical time for everyone involved.

So what's happened to Sprinkles all these months after JG and PG showed the world that all the cool kids are doing it Sprinkles-style? Well, apparently they're doing well for themselves, as witnessed by this special report on National Public Radio which fails to mention Jake, but does creatively compare cupcake sales to the East Coast/West Coast rap feud. Only NPR. Click HERE and then click "listen" to hear the 5 minute report.

Some actual Sprinkles cupcakes at someone's actual high school.

OK, so it was a slow news day. But come on. I know you're all dying to learn more about Sprinkles Cupcakes. Who isn't? When you can't have Jake, why not have what Jake's eating?

Big thanks to PG's real life friend Megan for compulsively listening to NPR.

Picture taken in the author's Gyllenmad youth (aka last summer). Sadly, none of the above are red velvet.

Thursday, May 10, 2007


...but Presidential 'candidate' Jake Gyllenhaal triumphantly steals his thunder with THE RETURN OF SOCK WATCH!

  • COLOUR: White. Cannot say confidentally if they are 'bright' or 'off' due to shadowing.
  • TYPE: Again, difficult to correctly assess. Tempted to say 'ribbed' but don't want to be held responsible for any fallout that may occur if it turns out they are not.
  • HEIGHT: Ankle? Possibly longer socks that have been turned-down...but again, will not commit as don't want to start rumours and then the inevitable resulting wide-spread hysteria.
  • OVERALL STATUS: Inconclusive but still exciting.

Damn those Yank politicans and their showy vote winning tactics!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

JAKE WATCH AWARDS HONORARY LIFETIME MEMBERSHIP... the lovely and amazing (get it?) Amy Macdonald of Glasglow. And what did Amy do to deserve such an honor? She wrote a song about Jake. A song! Like the kind that gets played on the radio! With lyrics and instruments! (I say all this to remove her from the inevitable comparisons that will be drawn between her work and the wondrous Bubble Boy rap that britpopbaby and I wrote...ours lacks the finesse of a finished radio-ready product.)

Congratulations, Amy, on joining the growing list of people named Amy who express their love of the Gyllenhaal via performance art and are rewarded by being mentioned on our little obscure corner of the internet.
Amy calls Jake "the most beautiful thing ever" in a Guardian career recap (read it HERE). She also has a MySpace page (HERE) where you can listen to the Jake song (titled "LA").

And now that I've hyped it like crazy, I'll mention that Jake is only mentioned in the first line of the song and the rest of the lyrics are so-so at best. Alright, so it isn't quite as good as Jake in a kilt. It's still Scottish!

Picture nicked from MySpace.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


Jake rushed to buy a copy of Unusually Stupid Celebrities as he wanted to study further Alicia Silverstone's theorem that Clueless was in fact very deep in it's lightness.

Monday, May 07, 2007


..with this beautiful piece of Gyllenbabble© from an interview with

"With Robert [Downey Jnr] there aren't just three degrees, it's like there are three dimensions and I got to travel under Robert's dimension. That's pretty awesome."

Also, with this picture of David Tennant in a kilt:

Sunday, May 06, 2007


The forum has been updated. This isn't really post worthy but in case you go over there and it freaks you out, well, that's whats happened.

Here, have a nice picture of Jake:

Friday, May 04, 2007


Who can remember the ancient legends of Jake Watch?

Well, if you can't I'll refresh your memories. britpopbaby was a lowly English student, beavering away at University under the pretence that a degree might actually result in some semblance of a career. How wrong she was! Her final coursework loomed heavily over her when an almighty bout of writer's block struck her weary mind (read: lazy mare). In order to overcome this creativity bump she started Jake Watch, in the hope that a few months of mindless rabbiting about some distant Hollywood actor would drive her back on course. How wrong she was!

Anyhoo, when the degree was done and forgotten about, all britpopbaby had left writing wise was Jake Watch, and whilst this wass good in one way, it was bad in many others. As much as britpopbaby loves Jake and would like to share a smoothie with him, he's not helping her out with her envied J.K.Rowling-esque career. So, britpopbaby is going back to writing non-Jake Gyllenhaal related things and she has coerced Prophecy Girl into joining her.

Our new blog is called 'Pink Flamingos' and it will be updated a couple of times a week with whatever strikes us at the time. You can read it here: Please stop by and leave us a comment because we know you love us and you're not really that interested in Jake Gyllenhaal, you just come here because you're actually stalking us.

Thursday, May 03, 2007


It's Jake Watch Craft Time! We thought we'd continue this tradition after the wildly successful Valentine's Day project. Today's exercise in creativity is called:

Fun With Boo And The U.S. Postal Service!

1. Click on the pictures below to see the full-sized versions. Save these to your computer.
2. Print off both pictures (make sure they're 4"x6") on cardstock and paste the two blank sides together. Instant postcard!
3. Check appropriate box.
4. Sign your name (or someone else's).
5. Affix stamp (before May 14th in the U.S. to avoid the postal rate hike!).
6. Put in mailbox.


And there you have it! It's pre-printed, pre-addressed, and pre-approved by Jake Watch, so anyone with a printer and a stamp can now help us get to the bottom of this mystery! We're not actually kidding on this one. SEND IT! It's the right address and everything.* We even left lots of room in case you have to stick on an air mail sticker. You're not getting out of this just because you don't live in the United States...

(Yes, we did do Boo on a milk carton before, but we had to do a quick edit job on that since the original mentioned Ben Stein and this is probably going to be confusing enough for the recipients as it is.)

Jake, meanwhile, is working hard to distract us from what is really important here:
Doth mine eyes perceive a faux-hawk?! God, Gyllenhaal. It's like you're psychically tapped into all my quirks and fetishes. Now can you stop being so goddamned irresistible so we can get back to concentrating on your dog?

Agents, get to work!

* Thank you, Katie, for finding CAA's new address!

And thank you IHJ for your endless supply of Jake pictures.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007


Does it never end with you Gyllenhaal? Is BooGate not enough drama for you that you gotta throw TacheGate at us? I DO NOT have the time for this; I'm far too concerned about Boo to even get half way up in this madness. What next? Clogs?
Dammit! Maybe it's some kind of decoy?


Tuesday, May 01, 2007


Soooooooo, Jake's been down the old dog park again with 'favoured' pooch, Atticus. Apparently he had a script which is...blah blah blah...interesting career wise...blah blah blah...long wait for Rendition...WHERE THE FREAKIN' HELL IS BOO?
Seriously, you wanna throw this puggle fan a bone here?