Wednesday, February 14, 2007

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, LOVE JAKE (WATCH)

Hmm, it seems like things always get a bit dicey around Jake Watch this time of year. Yeah, I'm talking about February 14th and the world's worst holiday. There are just so many of us...and so little of Jake... Who will be Jake's Valentine this year? Especially now that britpopbaby and Prophecy Girl are seemingly out of the running? Thankfully, we've handily solved that problem with the

"BE JAKE'S VALENTINE PROJECT."

Male Version
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Female Version
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Instructions:
1. Choose your gender.
2. Print off Valentine corresponding to choice made in Step 1.
3. Cut out white circle reading "Insert Picture Here."
4. Find a particularly flattering picture of yourself.
5. Insert said picture into Valentine tableau.

And voila! You and Jake in a completely legitimate Valentine's Day embrace! It's almost as good as the real deal. Except maybe not.

If you're into horoscopes and shit, Jake Watch recommends trying THIS SITE to map your love relationship with Jake. It's quite comprehensive, but also obviously crap since it said that Number Six would be more committed to Jake than vice versa. Lies, I tell you! Lies!

And speaking of lies...
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TIED with "the couch an a box of chocolates?!" Oh, People Magazine. I think you would find many a dissenter among this crowd.

People scan from IHJ.

37 comments:

ncwoman said...

Happy Valentine's Day to all my fellow JW agents and friends! Love you guys!

And most of all....

Happy Valentine's Day to the most gorgeous, most talented, sweetest, kindest, hottest, etc etc etc man on the planet...Jake Gyllenhaal.
Happy Valentine's Day, Jake darlin'!!

MMMMMMMMMWWWWWWAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Love you to pieces!!

Anonymous said...

THOSE VALENTINES ARE ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICALLY AWESOME!!!

#6 You ROCK!! I Fucking Love you Bitch!

Big Valentine's Greeting to His Tastiness - Jake!

I wish I bought those heart print socks for him...I think we need to get him into seasonal holiday sock gear

Anonymous said...

BTW - His Tastiness is FAR Tastier than those crappy box of chocolates!

ncwoman said...

"His Tastiness is FAR Tastier than those crappy box of chocolates!"

mmmmmmhmmmmmm....and a LOT less fattening...

nice anonymous said...

I know this shows a wavering in my commitment to fandom, but to me, it's actualy a difficult choice: The unattainable Jake, or the easily accessible box of chocolates?

From gray, sleety New York: Happy Valentine's Day, everybody! Hope that even in real life, away from the Internet, you are all giving & getting some love.

veeveevee said...

A box of chocolates?!? A box of chocolates?!?!

I can have chocolate every day of the year if I want.

Not so much with Jake.

If I EVER were fortunate enough to have a choice in the matter, you're damn straight I'm going to pick Jake!!!

KayDee said...

sorry, guys, not even jake is better than chocolates.


this post is just great

Happy Valentine's Day Agents! <3

KayDee said...

i'm so proud of my artistic skills i'm gonna share it! and i think we look so cute together! HERE

Anonymous said...

Kaydee, Nice (very Ah Ha video like results)
But further classes in head transplantation may be required to perfect ;)

As for that poll? Must they really place Jake among the likes of Timberlame and Dicaprio?...At least the "box of chocolates" has the possibility to appeal to everyone. Not just Teen Beat magazine readers.

Now let me look under the bed to sweep out those dust bunnies , or as Justin might sing in the lamest robotic way...."Get my sexy back"

For Justin, if you have some need to announce it to the world dear, you lack it!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! Everyone!!! :)

Anonymous said...

I had chocolate yesterday and I'm having chocolate today and if I had Jake, I'd drizzle chocolate all over him. Yes I would.

Anonymous said...

Why is the male valentine on some wrinkly old towel?

Number Six said...

Actually anon, it's a vintage hand-sewn Victorian Valentine. The craftiness loses something with the picture transfer, but I thought the heart shape was a nice touch.

Anonymous said...

I like the caption better on the male valentine!!

Jake or chocolate...hmmmm.

Of course if this was an ACTUAL choice I'd pick Jake - I mean HELLO! But I am having some DAM good expensive Belgian chocolate today - soooo good Jake would be jealous...

smurfette said...

great work on the valentines, number 6, fantastic craftsmanship and LOVE the captions! happy valentine's day and much love to agents everywhere.

and yes, i agree that jake > chocolate, but jake + chocolate > every known thing :)

cina said...

According to that relationship test Jake and I share a "powerful intimacy", and Jake's passion towards me is "powerful". That's all I needed for Valentine's Day, thank you very much! :p

Oh, and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY SWEET DARLING JAKE AND ALL JW AGENTS! *hugs and kisses*

city girl said...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY JAKE!!!

And Happy Valentine's Day to everyone on this blog!! You guys are the best!!

KayDee said...

jake and kaydee are very strongly commited to each other, kay's intimacy with jake is dominant (jake's intimacy with me is weak) and there is no passion whatsoever between kaydee and jake. damn!. but our synergy is strong. ;)

only the results are not accurate, since i have no idea what time of day jake was born (what kind of gyllenhaalic am i, huh!?)

Dumbo said...

This was great, although in both valentines Jake looks like he is more into the camera than the person he is standing next to.

Step 1 . . . LMAO :)

Anonymous said...

I just did that test but put in a fake email address because I didn't want them filling my inbox with crap but then it sends the report to the address. So sorry whoever has the email pancakes101@hotmail.com - you just got mine and Jakes love synergy report!

smurfette said...

since i have no idea what time of day jake was born (what kind of gyllenhaalic am i, huh!?)

interesting question, kaydee. any agents know? is jake a morning baby or evening baby? hmmm...

KayDee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
heddaparsons said...

3:11/Kaydee: You two look adorable together!!

Happy Valentines day to everyone on JW

Anonymous said...

I think Jake needs to pay more attention to me in this Valentine I did - I'm not HAPPY!

I'm always gonna be SECOND!

KayDee said...

jake was born 20:08. i know it from here

do i get a JW seal of approval for that piece of research?

KayDee said...

jake and me would be excellent pen pals. i don't believe in that shit.

cina said...

jake was born 20:08. i know it from here

Woaah! That's f*cking scary! How the hell do they know that?!? Christ on a cracker! - as Lori would say... ;)

smurfette said...

^my reaction exactly. not to mention-- who wrote those blurbs analyzing each celebrity's attitudes towards love, etc? those were freakin in-depth! very scary indeed...

ncwoman said...

Cina said: "Woaah! That's f*cking scary! How the hell do they know that?!?"

Whoever did those things probably got the info from birth records, which are in many states public record, just go down to the clerk of court and look 'em up.

phoebe said...

Hugs and kisses to all my fellow JW agents! Love ya! xoxo

And the post? Frickin HILARIOUS! LMAO!! Excellent. Just Excellent.

And Jakey darling?! Lots of love to you too. :D

Anonymous said...

Bubble Boy now on Comedy Central!

Anonymous said...

We're having a Jake Film Festival complete with ice cream and fresh berries, chocolates and cappucino tonight. The Good Girl, Donnie Darko Jarhead and the first 45 minutes of BBM. I refuse to be sad tonight!

Anonymous said...

I took that relationship/compatability test thing and in the sexual part we (Jake and I) scored highest at 150. The other intimacy thing I got 77 and then the two other things I got 50s. So basically, we'd get along So-So, but the sex part would be smokin'.

cina said...

I took that test again, now with Jake's correct (?) birth time.
"Your passion towards Jake Gyllenhaal: Average or below"

ROFLMAO!!!! Yeah, RIGHT!!!
*dies from laughter*

Anonymous said...

OT: I'm so pleased to know that Heath has started a record label. Finally! Now Jake can sing his heart out. I think what finally decided it for Heath was watching Jake on SNL. There was a "secret message" in Jake's performance. Heath knew. And he's gonna make it happen.

coffeecat said...

I don't know why some of you think that Relationship w/Jake test was bogus. Jake & I score 110% on the s-e-x so of course it's accurate. Never mind we got a 0% on relationship. After Jake & I have sex, I won't much care.

cc33

Juju said...

gosh ...i´m the perfect match with jake ...100 love and 120 sex...
perfect!!!!

Anonymous said...

I apologize for being late on this, but I just read the People that this is from and I had to rip it out right away, cut him out, and pin it up on my corkboard at work. VERY EXCITING! Then I had to come over here and make sure you guys had found it. Awesome.