Saturday, January 13, 2007

IN FROMAGE

Being from outside of the USA, I've never been quite down with the SNL but, for some reason, I still know all about Choppin' Broccoli, Jimmy Fallon and how it's got a bit shit. So, all in all I', just as excited about tonight as our American viewers as hopefully someone will upload to YouTube promptly and slyly. FYI, NBC, you suck.

In honour of tonights proceedings Prophecy Girl and myself have composed a short (read: long) ditty, inspired (read: palgarised) by The Chronic-WUH-cles of Narnia. If you have never seen Bubble Boy, 1. You majorly suck AND blow and 2. this will make little sense.

THE BUBBLE BOY RAP
To be sung in the key of 'muthafucker'

J to the I to the M, M, Y
That's Jimmy, muthafucker and I'm the bubble guy.
I'm no Snoop Dogg and I'm no Fiddy Cent
But still sit your ass down, I'm about to represent!

My Mom says Jimmy came gift wrapped from above,
And all I ever needed was her suffocating love.
I stayed in my room and watched life from a far
It was pretty cool as I had an electric rock music guitar!

But then something happened and it hurt kinda bad
Mom said just pledge allegiance to the flag.
With all the neighborhood haters, man I just couldn't win,
Then I looked out my window and saw Chloe moving in.

I soon fell in love with that whore next door,
But stuck in my bubble it was damn hard to score.
I always knew she was an awesome chick,
though Mom said she wasn't a friend Jesus would pick.

Lets take it to the bridge with my main man Pushpop. Say whaaaat?!

If you havin' karma problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 gods but Jesus isn't one.

Cut the vato!

Yeah, Chloe and me, well we got kinda tight,
Even got into my decontamination tunnel one night,
But she brought over this guy and I knew he was trouble.
'Cause next thing I know, he's dry-humping my bubble.

Off to Niagra she went, she's gonna marry this poser,
I gave back Bubble Guinea but I know it ain't over.
So I stayed up real late making a portable suit.
That's right muthafucker, I'm out the door, in hot pursuit.

Short delay at the bus station, no cash for speaker guy,
Damn bus full of cult people came rolling on by,
They tell me of the Kloobda and the of Round One
And how they could mutate and burn on Planet PX41.

Later found me a biker with one hella fly ride,
We hit Vegas for some gambling and some pimping on the side,
But this trip to Niagra, it ain't nothing but strain,
Lost the biker, freaked my mom, then I bounced in a train.

That's where I met freaks worse off than me,
This tiny dude runs the show, but don't call him "mini!" see,
They had this human sasquatch 'bout 8 foot tall,
But his name wasn't sasquatch it was just Claude.

If you havin' karma problems I feel bad for you, son
I got 99 gods but Jesus isn't one.

Get crunk.

Aight fools, where we at? Is this story over yet?
'Cause I know if you was me, you'd be starting to fret,
But I'm J-I-double-Mizzle-to the Yizzle, that's for real,
And my story's got some twists before we're closing this deal.

'Cause 'fore I get to the Falls, and give Chloe a holler,
I mud wrestle some shorties to win 500 dollahs.
500 dollahs!
500 dollahs!
And the freaks and the cult, see they gotta meet up,
Then I hitch a ride with Pappy but he dies in the truck.

I went gansta, stole a beer and got drunk off a sip,
But if you're gonna hit the sauce, let me give you a tip,
Don't do it when your parents are around, aight homey?
I got some dirt on my shoulder, can't you brush it off fo' me?

Man, we're almost there now, with some help from a plane,
But it's Pippy, not Pappy, bitches both look the same.
Crash land in the Falls, me and the water gots to grapple
But I'm a survivor like Beyonce and I make it to the chapel.

Burst into the church cos nigga likes to make a scene,
Chloe's all like, 'Jimmy, oh god! Where you been?'
I gotta kiss you once no matter what I said,
Then hit the floor smiling cos I'm passed out dead.

Has homie passed on to the globule in the sky?
Can this really be the end for our brave bubble guy?
Dad says honey, tell him the truth please
Turns out a got a shit load of 'mmunities

So me and Chloe get wed and that's the end of this aong
Better wrap it up now cos it's already taken too long.
Let's go back to the buffet and get us a beer
Farewell muthafuckers, Pushpop; boy, you take it from here!

If you havin' karma problems I feel bad for you, son
I got 99 gods but Jesus isn't one.

That's a wrap, boiiiii.

(fade out)

copyright 2006. All rights reserved. Simon Cowell, call me okay?

25 comments:

cina said...

Turns out a got a shit load of 'mmunities

LMAO!! You girls ROCK!! :D

ncwoman said...

ROFLMAO!!

You chicks should be writing for comedy shows or movies. What you come up with is WAY better than the shite that's on these days.

Seriously.

Anonymous said...

That is just so funny.

Katie said...

WOW WOW WOW!!!

Fanfuckintastic you two! I'm in awe.

What wouldn't I give to hear Jake read some of your stuff on SNL.

BRAVO! ENCORE!

ncwoman said...

katie said: "What wouldn't I give to hear Jake read some of your stuff on SNL."

Here here, Katie! Maybe Brit and Prophecy Girl could get jobs on SNL! They'd come up with some seriously hilarious stuff!

Muffin said...

EXCELLENT! Gold Star....

cina said...

SNL? Hell YES!!

Anonymous said...

BRAVA!

Anonymous said...

I totally heard Jimmy's voice throughout the whole thing which made it even more funny, bahaha. Really well done, guys!

kokodee said...

Genius....absolute, pure Genius!

perfectscore_goldstar said...

**bows to BPB & PG**

We're not worthy ! We're not worthy!

(had to make SOME reference to SNL here ... ;))

That is absitively, posolutely AMAZING ! ! !

Fo'schnizzle !

Linna said...

ROFLMFAO!!

Freaking excellent!! :)

smurfette said...

hahaha-- snl should hire you guys as their writers to get them out of this recent creative slump. i'm afraid whatever they do tonite won't compare to this. i heart bubble boy, so awesome! i was picturing andy sanberg and jake-as-jimmy doing this video short as i read it. hahaha. i remember how everyone raved about natalie portman's rap, but can you imagine jimmy livingston trying to rap? sooo funny.

Anonymous said...

Brit & PG: That shit is funny as hell! Hopefully Jake will have some equally funny material tonight.

Kendra said...

Hysterical rap, Brit! You girls have future in the gansta genre!

veeveevee said...

LMAO!

In the immortal words of Jimmy Livingston:

"Dog poo??? This is AWESOME!"

Regarding SNL on YouTube, keep an eye on the forum/message board. I am going to try my best to record at least some of it and get it up tonight if my camera/computer can handle that size file. They'll probably be blurry, but at least it'll be something until someone with more technological savvy can get some real clips up!

Anonymous said...

Here I am 'swathed' in flu, drinking teas and potions and then i get this glorious, delightful rap!!!! BPB/PG excellent! Makes Natalie Portman look like an amateur. I cannot believe that in about 4 hours and 45 minutes Jake will be in my living room. I am going to do my meds and get ready. I think ...I think my flu may get cured!!!! Kidding!

S4M985 said...

Ok you were right, this was a doozy of a post! Brilliant, bloody brilliant.

"But I'm J-I-double-Mizzle-to the Yizzle, that's for real"

"But it's Pippy, not Pappy, bitches both look the same."

"Turns out a got a shit load of 'mmunities"

"Burst into the church cos nigga likes to make a scene,"

That is just pure genious. You guys put the G in Genious! Im in awe. That is one of my fav posts! Thankyou for making the "not getting to see SNL until someone uploads it" mood go away for a few minutes!

S4M985 said...

oh veeveevee you rock! ^^

I hope BPB and PG give you an very good agent promotion!

anonymous blonde said...

jeez, you girls are brilliant! this has to be one of your most inspired posts yet.

2 hrs. 10 min. for me 'til SNL . i'm distracting myself pondering that age old question..... will Jake be smooth shaven, or show a little scruff?

Prophecy Girl said...

Ah, and the best part is that of those four lines, two were mine and two were brits'. We are slowly achieving our goal of morphing into the same person.

Prophecy Girl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
perfectscore_goldstar said...

Ah, and the best part is that of those four lines, two were mine and two were brits'. We are slowly achieving our goal of morphing into the same person.

That's a scarrrrrry thought ;)

Would we call you Prophecy Baby or BritPopGirl ?

Stephanie said...

FYI I bought Bubble Boy several years ago on bestbuy.com after being unable to find it in any stores...muahahahaha. Actually I own every Jake movie, arranged in chronological order of their release date on my shelf. I have a slight problem when it comes to obssessing over him.

IloveRiverRIP said...

That is hilarious! I'm sure Jake would love it!
Love + Peace
Sam x