Running a 5K: Basics for Beginners, with Jake Gyllenhaal
What to Wear:
Always a beacon of fashion, Jake shows off classic "beginner style" 5k wear:
1. A cooling haircut, ideal for men. (Ponytails are recommended for the fairer sex.)
2. Seen mostly on walkers in the back, Jake breaks tradition by charging up front in the light-colored race-day t-shirt that comes in all registration packs. Designed by local artists, this brightly-colored abstract work of art will be thrown into the back of your dresser after the race and never worn again. Your race number is best displayed at bellybutton-level and can be attached with anywhere from 2 or 4 safety pins...it's up to you!
3. Running shoes and ankle socks. No knee-highs here; it's all about showing off your man-legs.
Career 5k-ers will likely invest in a get-up more like that of the gentleman to the right of Jake (marked *). In other circumstances, his indecently short shorts and sweat-wicking tank would get some scandalized stares. On race day, they are the proud badges of someone who knows what they're doing.
Who You're Running With:
1 and 2. The "Blatant Stalker" Guys. Usually ogling girls in sports bras, these particular stalkers are distracted by the movie star in their midst.
3. The "Run Around Before the Race" Guy. By the time you drag yourself to the course at whatever godforsaken early hour of the morning, this guy has been running the track for hours. He will finish before you and continue to run until everyone else has crossed the finish line. He makes sure you know he's more in shape than you are and that for him, running is fun!
4. The "I Love the '90's" Guy. This guy loves his hypercolored shirts and patterned shorts. He even wears high-tops...and he will fly past your sorry ass while you're laughing at what he's wearing. Turns out those are his lucky clothes that he's worn to every 5k since 1991. They haven't failed him, yet!
5. The "Local Celebrity" Guy. In Memphis, this guy is Action News 5 anchor, Joe Birch. In Chilmark, apparently it's Jake Gyllenhaal.
6. Your Grandpa. He will beat your time by at least 20 minutes.
8. The "I'm Hot When I'm Shirtless" Guy. For this guy, the race is an opportunity to show off his tight abs and run around half-nekked. One smoldering look into the camera and he's ready for the ladies. Race? What race?
9. The "Clueless" Guy. While everyone else is gearing up to run, he's idly standing around looking at his own hand.
10. The "Fearless Female." The one woman who dares to work her way to the front of the line with all the manly men. She will not finish first, but dammit, she will finish before the local celebrity.
Hey, showing up well-dressed and knowing who you're up again is half the battle! The actual running part is more of a sidenote. We're not sure what training regimen Jake sticks to, but judging by his time (19:38, holy shit!) we'd say he's slightly better at this running thing than PG.
HUGE thanks to Felicia for this find! :)