Friday, March 02, 2007

PROPHECY GIRL REPORTS FROM THE RED CARPET...OR AT LEAST DOWN THE STREET FROM IT!

Dear Jake,
Remember days and days and days ago when you called me up, personally, yourself, and you said, "PG, I know you are currently being held in a Mexican prison by Ed Marrakesh but let's face it. I can't make my own Hollywood premiere and by God, if someone has to show up in my place, it might as well be britpopbaby. But she doesn't want to go, so how about you?" And remember how I said, "Yes, I will temporarily break out of my holding cell to do this for you but Paramount isn't going to like it because The Day After Tomorrow Never Dies has already wiped off the map any chance of Zodiac being successful?"

I thought now would be a good time to give you an update.

OBVIOUSLY learning that I was en route to the premiere, Paramount decided to cancel the public event, presumably while I was somewhere over the Grand Canyon. I must admit the sneak attack worked and I was caught, shall we say, unawares. It was low to go to all that trouble just so that all my adoring fans wouldn't get to see me walk the red carpet, but I've now learned that those Paramount bastards will stop at nothing.

Seeing the crisis at hand, Agent Katie (whom you may remember from the BAFTA's a few weeks back and already stationed in LA for this particular assignment) used her impressive resources to secure us tickets to an advance screening of Zodiac. Over breakfast at Urth Cafe, I laughed heartily to think how the studio execs would react when they found out I was not only going to see the movie, but going to see it a day earlier than everyone else. Ha ha ha.

Around 4:00 pm, shortly after the arrival of Agent Dani, it was learned that Paramount was, suspiciously, hosting an "invite-only" screening of Zodiac at 6:30 where the stars were sure to show up. Interesting. It looked like our viewing would have to be put off, mainly because I'd already spent $3.50 to buy a copy of Esquire magazine with Robert Downey, Jr. (Celebrity Agent) on the cover and another $1.99 for a Sharpie.

Dani narrowly avoided breaking the sound barrier and got us to the Paramount lot in record time. She used her agent wiles to talk us into the gates, but we had to go right back out again because the red carpet was actually at the entrance down the road and also because we were only let in to turn around and the guards probably had guns. We found a parking spot down the street and walked over to stand in line with the paparazzi this blog admires so sincerely. The security guard at this (correct) entrance was slightly less pleasant than the first guard, and he yelled at me when I tried to take a picture of the red carpet. See, I was standing on the driveway and apparently it was important that I stay on the sidewalk at all times. But he didn't realize that you had asked me to be there, so I tried not to hold it against him.

From the sidewalk, though, I was able to get a nice shot of the setup:
The man on the left was the one who yelled at me, so feel free to have him fired. There was nothing to do then but eavesdrop on the paps. One of them hated Oprah (I knew these people weren't human) and there was the repeated lament that you weren't going to be there. I heard one woman (I kid you NOT) say, "But he went to the one in Tokyo! Oh, wait, that was Spider-man 3. Never mind."

At 5:30, the paparazzi were let in, but their names were on a list and they had to be cleared by photo ID, so unfortunately I was unable to get into the press area, even though my paparazzi skills are clearly above being questioned. (Example.) Fine. Whatever. Who wants to get close to a bunch of celebrities who aren't you (even though your sister was on the guest list)? If we had to stand on the sidewalk, we would stand on the sidewalk.

So we stood on the sidewalk. Until someone came out and told us we couldn't stand on the sidewalk but had to stand down by the street where we could see nothing. A non-JW operative met up with us although he seemed to know about the blog. It's possible he was just being polite, but I'd like to think that my international fame has reached such a height that even non-Jake (Watch) fans (poor, misguided souls) both recognize and adore me.

Once reaching the quarantined section of the sidewalk outside the Paramount gates, we were joined by Rachel, who actually did know who I was. Which was awesome. So I gave her a button.
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
A few more of your fans showed up. There were probably about 15 of us altogether, mostly there for you, which was a little sad since you weren't there. A random woman with blond hair rolled down her window as she cruised by and reaffirmed for the billionth time you weren't going to show up and were already back in Africa. I was like, "Bitch, please. They all know that! They're here to see me." OK, no I didn't.

The arrivals continued and the sun went down so it was really cold. I spend a lot of time standing outside in the cold for you, it seems. Someone claiming to be Mark Ruffalo's brother came sauntering off of the Forbidden Sidewalk and told us you were going to be there and then took pictures of some of your fans. Not me, though, because I wasn't really paying attention and also I wasn't sure it was really Mark Ruffalo's brother, especially since I knew more about your whereabouts than he did.

Other than that, it was mostly lots of standing in the cold watching cars with tinted windows go by. I may or may not have been able to make out the blurry figure of Emmy Rossum in the distance (OK, an exiting pap had to identify her for us). Was that Robert Downey, Jr.? Who the hell knows? I didn't bring binoculars. I don't know if your sister showed up. I know that's not very agently of me, but I told you this was a bad idea. I knew Paramount wasn't happy with me, but I didn't know they were going to ban me from being inside the gates.

When it was finally over and I had succumbed to low-level hypothermia, the paps exited and I got a press badge off one of them (and took it back to the hotel and took a picture of it on a towel):
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
As it turned out, though, most of the paps were total assholes and almost no one else got a press badge because they "couldn't" give them away, or they "collected" them, or (more frequently) they didn't feel it necessary to acknowledge the few frozen people left on the sidewalk. So all in all, it was a really fun chance to interact with other people who enjoy Bubble Boy...but maybe next time you should come with me.

Headed back to the jungle...
Prophecy Girl

P.S. I guess this means I won't be seeing Zodiac until I leave LA now. I have friends here who think I came to see them or something. I know. Like, what the hell, right? But I can assure you that when I see it, it'll get a seriously kick-ass review on Jake Watch.
P.P.S. I put up a picture of us in the forum! It's way better than any sketchy piece you get off Mark Ruffalo's brother.

87 comments:

veeveevee said...

{{{PG!!!}}}

I know all this Jake-turning-his-back-on-you, Paramount-canceling-the-premiere-just-to spite-you stuff has had to bring you down, but you are amazingly still able to turn out the most spectacular of Agent Reports!

Thanks for being our Agent-in-the-Know, and for keeping us in the loop, no matter how much TPTB try to bring you down!

I commend you! (And that press pass thingy you got is really cool, too!)

veeveevee said...

Oh yeah...I want one of those buttons! ;D

Prophecy Girl said...

Yeah, we're working on the button thing. We order a billion of them for me to hand out at the premiere, but then that didn't happen...so I think we might be selling them off. But don't quote me. Somehow, we'll make them available. ;)

kokodee said...

How cool are those buttons???
But seriously, I'm glad to see that you can keep a sense of humor about these rather unfortunate series of mishaps.

Just don't go back to the jungle. Please!

veeveevee said...

Definitely put me on the list for one of those buttons!

One of those, and a shirt with the Variety Awards poster on it, and I will be one happy agent!

An awesome report - this should go up on the list of all time favorites!

gerry said...

Wow! your post is simply toooooooo good for the way you have described the excitement that you felt on that day with the enthusiasm of a kid. I like your great sense of humor despite having everything screwed up. Do visit my blog for some really good time.

j01560403 said...

I swear PG, adversity just sharpens your wit, if that is even possible! You are the Queen of comedic writing! (((PG))) am I creeping you out? Sorry..... I know, too much hugging and kissing. I will try and stop, but how can I when you so rock? you are to blog comedy what Jakey is to..... mankind?

Umm, in other words, I loved yur Red Carpet Report, stay safe.

j01560403 said...

PS: Don't go back to the jungle PG, Jake Watch needs you! What the hell, you're not Patty Hearst are you?

S4M985 said...

Oh PG that was a great post it really really was. I know u must feel like its all a waste of time, and i mean all of it, all of this Jake stuff... but i do think he would appreciate everything your doing and if he knew he would try but i just think he doesnt 'know' Thankyuo for everything u do for us, and even tho it doesnt feel worth it it totally is! Your insight was amazing, and im looking fwd to the Zodiac post! Oh and the buttons! Woo!

j01560403 said...

Ok, I have read this four times so far.... good stuff!!!

Kendra said...

Bravo, PG, stalking Jake in the L.A. jungle even when he isn't around, that's the spirit!

Anneka's Alias said...

Man, we've missed you! Laughed my new shoes off at "I was like, "Bitch, please. They all know that! They're here to see me." OK, no I didn't."

BTW, did you bring me a present from the jungle? Like a three-toed-sloth? My wombat needs company.

penny lane said...

Oh PG, you really ARE good..!!

atk said...

PG, you are the best.

And I sooo want one of those buttons!

Anonymous said...

Not sure if the URL will work, but the New York Times has a review on Zodiac.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/
02/movies/02zodi.html?
_r=1&8dpc&oref=slogin

Anonymous said...

LA Times Review, http://www.calendarlive.com/movies/


http://www.calendarlive.com/movies/reviews/
cl-et-zodiac2mar02,0,1756922.story?
coll=la-home-entertainment

Anonymous said...

http://www.salon.com/ent/movies/
review/2007/03/02/zodiac/

Salon.com

cina said...

PG, I don't think I've ever come across a person more capable of staying positive when basically everything is working against you. You are a real trooper!

Kudos to you, Katie and Dani for defying the cold (which I guess I would probably have found to be like a nice spring day where I come from... LOL!) and for not letting the paps and the guards scare you off. WELL DONE AGENTS!!

cina said...

Oh and PG? Are there any toads in the jungle? If there is - DON'T KICK THEM! Like, EVER!!

city girl said...

Prophecy Girl, thanks for that report!! I know you were expecting to see our Jake in LA, but I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. Safe trip back home.

I also want one or a dozen of those buttons!! Please let us know when they're available for sale.

Thanks!!!

heddaparsons said...

PG- love the post and your sense of humor,I would love one of those buttons!

smurfette said...

PG!!! you're back! words cannot express-- man, so great to have a post from you again. please don't go back to the jungle! or at least come back real soon?

tough break on the premiere cancellation, etc., but hey, that press badge is frickin cool! and how bout them badges? probably the awesomest thing i've ever seen ;)

anyone catch the early show? i caught it from the middle i think. due to (i think), the interviewers boring style and questions, jake was super-subdued and only giggled like, twice from what i saw. but it was good, he answered the serious actorly questions well.

smurfette said...

oh, and PG, found some pics of emmy at the screening (we'll all collectively pretend we were there):

http://celebsfan.blogspot.com/2007/
03/emmy-rossum-zodiac-premiere.html

some other stuff i found trolling the web. (wait, not like i'm a troll...)

here's a report on the ny post-screening party:
http://www.fashionweekdaily.com/
news/fullstory.sps?iNewsid=407502

and someone's cute personal account: http://genex.typepad.com/genex/
2007/03/i_have_seen_the.html

Anonymous said...

"One of them hated Oprah (I knew these people weren't human)"

^LMAO!

Kendra said...

Thanks for those links, Smurfette, it has brought my infatuation for Emmy back.

coffeecat said...

Agent Prophecy Girl - you should change your name to Agent Cat-Something* because you always land on your feet. Great resilience, girl!

Coffeecat [little heart here]

options: cat-o-nine-tails, JWcat, SecretCatAgent, SpyCat, you get the idea....

KayDee said...

Hi PG! Nice to know you are ok!

i'm a devoted fan of your paparazzi skills. i howled with laughter so loud that my gran asked my from other rook what was wrong!

ROTFLMFAO!

KayDee said...

oh, and i want the button too!

Prophecy Girl said...

Thanks, everyone! :D I'm checking out for a day or so...but PG will definitely be back for the Zodiac review. To everyone seeing it today, HAVE FUN!!!!!!

Nothing Really Matters said...

Dude how cool!

LOL @ "I was like, "Bitch, please. They all know that! They're here to see me." OK, no I didn't."

KayDee said...

hey, there's nothing wrong with that jake-pic you took. it shows everybody that he's got an amazing neck!

Anonymous said...

Mama always said everything that happens to us is merely preparing us for something else...so with that in mind, PG, I am certain that all these "experiences" are helping you, even subconsciously, to prepare for the BIG DAY. The day when you WILL meet Jake. It is in the stars. It is gonna happen. I can feel it. ((((hugs!))))

Anonymous said...

Big Question PG - did you hit 'Sprinkles'??

Anonymous said...

Jake is on NBC 'Today' 8"25a EST USA 3/3/07 Sat

right now

Anonymous said...

^It was nice to see him with the Robert Graysmith.

nice anonymous said...

ProphecyGirl, I know it must be a drag for you, to be experiencing these near-misses, but your bad luck in this regard somehow makes your written accounts all the more endearing. It leaves us readers on your side, rooting for you to triumph. As I know you will, eventually, and it will be all the sweeter because of all you've had to overcome. When finally you get your meeting with Jake, you will have EARNED IT. And I also agree with those who say it's made your writing very sharp, as well. (Like Talese writing "Frank Sinatra Has a Cold.")

Anonymous said...

I agree.
Actually this is a whole new in-depth side of near-misses. Its an adventure in itself. You met other fans - spreadin the love for Jake's work and baby blues.

I think PG's stories are funnier and worth reading more than those who have spoke with Jake - like 5sec or 2 min they might get. I mean you really don't learn more about him - just reaffirms what a classy and gracious actor he is with his fans. But these stories of near misses reveal more about the fan - personal account that is written with flair!

heddaparsons said...

Here are Friday's numbers for Zodiac:

http://www.showbizdata.com/dailybox.cfm

It came in at #2 with over 4 mil. for Friday. The #1 movie on Friday: Wild Hogs at 11 Mil. No comment.

PS: Hopefully the #'s will adjust for the weekend, I haven't seen Zodiac yet but I will tonight. It goes to show you that great reviews mean squat.

Anonymous said...

Zodiac will be lucky to get btwn $12- $14 Million for opening weekend. Local reviewer said it was boring and pointless. Didn't comment on acting at all! Family pictures and crap like tthe "Hogs" movie and "Ghostride" will keep generating $$$.

Anonymous said...

Zodiac will be lucky to get btwn $12- $14 Million for opening weekend. Local reviewer said it was boring and pointless. Didn't comment on acting at all! Family pictures and crap like tthe "Hogs" movie and "Ghostride" will keep generating $$$.

Bobbie said...

PG, your stories remind me of the memoir "Queen of the Oddballs" when the author talks about her days stalking Carole King. You have a great sense of humor and are a great writer and even if you didn't get to meet Jake, you had a way more exciting weekend than me!

LOL at Wild Hogs beating out Zodiac. Oh, America. Why must you have such bad taste?

Anonymous said...

Local reviewer said it was boring and pointless.

Yeah, but all the opinions that matter said it was great, and that's I'm guessing about 95% of the reviews I've read.

Girl Friday said...

It goes to show you that great reviews mean squat.

You're right they don't. If you're not a fan of this genre of movie you won't care who is in it or who directed it.

I went to see Wild Hogs this weekend because I was out on a date - if you can call it that after four years. (Marry me damn you!) I've been so busy at work lately I wanted to sit back and laugh this weekend and I didn't have two and a half hours to devote to doing anything else. I think perhaps I wasn't alone in this thinking.

I think it would have done better if it was released earlier last year around Halloween or later.

I miss you guys!

Anonymous said...

Anon 8:24 here. The local reviewer's opinion means a lot in this area bcz backward ass people will be governed by that, is why I mentioned it. Two hours and 50 minutes is a long time. Unless you are very intrigued by the Zodiac, period, or you are a Fincher fan, or a fan of one of the actors, you aren't putting it at the top of the list to see opening weekend.

Anonymous said...

Jake's still in NYC as of Saturday, bcz some girls on IHJ almost literally ran into him in Central Park...on purpose LOL!!!

Anonymous said...

2:43:PM Yeah, I read that too. Ran in to him and Chris working/out jogging in Central Park. I wonder when he will be returning to Morocco for filmimg?

Anonymous said...

Anon. 2:15 here -

Sorry, Anon. 8:24, I didn't mean anything by my comment about the reviews. I just wanted to say that the overwhelming majority of reviewers have loved it. I hope that will persuade people! :-)

Anonymous said...

8:24 here. You didn't say anything wrong! And I hope ppl didn't think I'm panning the film, bcz I'm not. But sometimes local critics hav a following and affect the way local communities react. Our guy will go on the local TV stations and say, "...boring & pointless...". Of course panning a Wild Hogs type movie won't affect it at all.

Anonymous said...

Pap pics of Jake/Chris in SoHo coming out of an apartment building.Jake in plaid, flannel lumberjack shirt (yeah!) and cap, very incognito, near a black SUV...Separate pics of Reese Witherspoon, allegedly in SoHo at the same bldg. (no way to confirm),
with a black SUV. They're not together, but the paps caption said they were. No way to confirm.

heddaparsons said...

Weekend box office:

Weekend Estimates
1 N Wild Hogs BV $38,000,000 - 3,287 +2,467 $11,560 $38,000,000 - 1
2 N Zodiac Par. $13,100,000 - 2,362 - $5,546 $13,100,000 - 1
3 1 Ghost Rider Sony $11,500,000 -42.7% 3,608 -12 $3,187 $94,757,000 $110 3
4 3 Bridge to Terabithia BV $8,587,000 -40.2% 3,159 +20 $2,718 $57,889,000 - 3
5 2 The Number 23 NL $7,050,000 -51.7% 2,759 - $2,555 $24,684,000 $30 2
6 5 Norbit P/DW $6,446,000 -34.4% 2,827 -318 $2,280 $82,953,000 $60 4
7 6 Music and Lyrics WB $4,895,000 -36.0% 2,644 -311 $1,851 $38,680,000 - 3
8 N Black Snake Moan ParV $4,016,000 - 1,252 - $3,207 $4,016,000 - 1
9 4 Reno 911!: Miami Fox $3,750,000 -63.5% 2,702 - $1,387 $16,413,000 $10 2
10 7 Breach Uni. $3,483,000 -41.9% 1,498 +5 $2,325 $25,421,000 - 3
11 10 Amazing Grace IDP $3,002,000 -26.0% 791 - $3,795 $8,202,000 - 2


http://www.boxofficemojo.com/weekend/chart/?view=&yr=2007&wknd=09&p=.htm

Anonymous said...

YAY!!!! Zodiac is #2!!!!!! Thanks HeddaParsons.

Carla said...

Thanks HeddaP. - I had expected a bit more, but this is a good result.

Pictures of Jake/Chris and Reese. Obviously not the same building and definitly NOT the same SUV. Interesting to see how easy it is to start new rumours....

cina said...

^^ Exactly. Probably the paps/photo agency just wanting to sell pictures. *rolls eyes*

Anonymous said...

Pretty dumb pap stunt bcz they have no pics of them together and no verification it was the same bldg or even on the same day!!! OK. Box office numbers indicate that Zodiac is projected to average more than $5,000 per screen for its opening weekend. Those are very good numbers. A film is considered to be doing well with that kind of distribution (more than 2300 screens) if it averages $3000 per screen. I predict Zodiac will probaly drop to third or fourth place, but still hang in the top five next weekend. There seem to be a lot of "news specials" on the Zodiac case all over the "legitimate" news programs last week AND this coming week. Well coordinated PR campaign! If they keep running ads in tandem with the news promos, they might hold 2nd place...depends on what new kids' movie or Special Effects thriller is being released. I think the Sandra Bullock movie, Premonition, might steal audience share.

Anonymous said...

300 opens next Friday. People are predicting this flik will open at #1.

Anonymous said...

The 'I'm Stalking Jake' buttons remind me of the 'I Am Not Avery' buttons. I love and want them both.

smurfette said...

^ totally agree, anon! the buttons were made well before the agents even saw zodiac! fantastic ;)

Anonymous said...

^^ Yes clearly JW Agents are more in the know than even they know ...

Anonymous said...

I'm starting to feel sad.The BIG LETDOWN is seeping in.(sigh!) Zodiac is out. Jake will be heading back to Africa. His PR people need to feed articles, pictures, and morsels of news to the media while he is gone. Stagger it a bit. Bcz by Wednesday, I'll be banging my head against the walls. (Sob!) I'm so glad I can come here and ppl will understand...At least I hope they do.

welliwont said...

^^^ I know what you mean,*sigh*. What a Jake Week it has been though! :) I knew this was gonna happen, we had such a banquet of Jakey all week, and now we are faced with a big long drought. And I can't get into the Gallery at IHJ!!! What's up with that?!

Anonymous said...

I loved going to IHJ and reading those breathless encounters!!! Especially the ones where they run and chase.I would never run and chase. Totally not!!! But I love that someone else did. Anyone here ever see The King Of Comedy with Robert DeNiro??? The IHJ encounters speak to my innner "Rupert Pupkin!"

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