Thursday, September 13, 2007

Sock Watch: A Poetic Vision

I was sifting through the gazillion shots of Jake from last weekend on IHJ and I was overwhelmed by this particular picture:
Because peeking above the shoe, what is THAT?! It appears to be none other than the flirtatious edge of a sock (!!). I might swoon. It's little to go on, but we'll work with whatever Jake is willing to give us:
  • COLOR: Surely the brown hue is an optical illusion! I'll play it safe and go with "dark."
  • TYPE: The occasion calls for formal.
  • HEIGHT: Deliciously mysterious. *prays for at least lower shin*
  • OVERALL STATUS: Leaving us hopelessly wanting more. Lord, it's been a while since you've graced us with some decent sock, Gyllenhaal.
Not much, but I have a feeling all this teasing will just make the next time that much sweeter. I was so struck by the beauty of Jake's barely-visible ankle that I decided to write a haiku about my feelings:

Your socks, exquisite.
I ache to see their full size.
Brown, or trick of light?

My God, I should have gone into poetry. I think we should all write haiku's about Jake now. In fact, I'm going to write another one.
Jake, why are you sad?
You look like you will vomit.
Don't ruin your tie.

Beautiful. But seriously, your creative contributions are welcome.


Cherita said...


Goddamn it, you almost got me fired for roaring out loud with laughter at that last haiku plus photo. Do you think I should add those to my random rotation at Zen Gyllenhaalism? ;)

I'm really looking forward to the comments on this one. What a week, I swear. RedCarpet!Jake, PoliticallyNon-committal!Jake, SportFan!Jake, Mounty!Jake, and now Sock Watch. I'm beginning to feel spoiled by both Jake and JW. A girl could definitely get used to this.

Becky Heineke said...

I definitely of thought you with the haiku-action!! ;D I have a feeling things will go back to being slow for the next month or so, but I guess we should enjoy the onslaught while we can. I think PoliticallyNon-committal!Jake is going to need a post one of these days, anyway... ;)

Cherita said...

Okay, I'm sure you knew I could not resist this challenge. Here's contribution number one.

What hue is this sock?
Has your hotel room no light?
Matches hair, not suit.

I think you're right, the action is going to trail off rapidly and we'll be twiddling our collective thumbs until opening week. We definitely need to take as much advantage of TIFF!Jake as possible.

Cherita said...

Shit, I'm not going to get anything else done because now I've got sock haikus on the brain.

I do not believe
Those socks go with your pants, but
At least you wore socks.

Anonymous said...

A foul odor
Assaulted Jake's nose,
He lurched. He retched. Then ...he froze.
Sorry. That's my best effort at haiku. I know. I got the syllables all wrong. SO?
PG. my aging eyes cannot discern the tip of sock so cunningly displayed.Rats.

welliwont said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cherita said...

Here's another one for the bottom pic.

Evil caterer--
Cilantro in every dish!
Jake is not amused

BirdGirl said...

I suck at this shit so please be kind guys.

His shoes look funny.
But his legs make me horny.
Wear shorts more often!

I was inspired! :)

Anonymous said...

OMG PG -that second haiku literally made me cough splutter and laugh.

OK my effort:

Stern visage, not amused
Has he seen someone whose
socks match their shoes?

I know it probably isn't supposed to rhyme, and doesn't have the right number of syllables, but it's free form haiku OK?

Yay for sock watch, takes me back. Has it been nearly 18 months?

Anonymous said...

*Memo to self*

Do not read Jakewatch whilst phoning clients, coughing and spluttering down phone whilst attempting to disguise laughter is not a good idea.

Inspired stuff

Becky Heineke said...

Yay for sock watch, takes me back. Has it been nearly 18 months?

It was 18 months on September 3rd. We're just about to hit our 650th post (!!!!).

You guys, your poetry is fabulous. I feel like we should compile these into some sort of official collection. :D

Anonymous said...

I'm poetically challenged, but I would love to read a haiku - or maybe even a sonnet - dedicated to the formidable amount of facial/cephalic hair he has (see 'the sad picture').

BirdGirl said...

You are so manly.
Can grow a beard in one day
Itchy on my neck!

A girl can dream can't she! This is great, no matter how bad I am at it.

cina said...

We should ask Cantara to publish Jake Watch's very own poetry book. I've never seen such profound poems in my life. In fact, I'm moved to tears! *sob*

Cherita said...

Anon 3:18, I have never in my life attempted a sonnet, but here's a haiku for you:

Sexy, furry beast
Man, animal, temptation
I ask: does he bite?

BirdGirl said...

Let's hope so.

Becky Heineke said...

OK, now the Jake Watch Soundtrack MySpace is gone. What the hell?! Grrr.

Anonymous said...

PG: I don't want to sound paranoid but I smell sabotage. First the Jake in '08 MySpace, now the soundtrack page??

Has MySpace explained why they deleted because I have never heard of them deleting a space w/o notifying the person before hand.

Are yiu sure no one is pretending to be you and doing this? Do you know of anyone that would have enough info to pull this off???

This sounds like someting that happened a few years ago when I was involved in the Buffy fandom. Deleted Live Journals, hacking into sites. I would check into it.

PS: Has MySpace ever gotten back to you regarding the Jake in '08 MySpace deletion? If not then that is suspicious IMO.

Becky Heineke said...

^^^ I hate to admit it, but two sites going down in under a month is definitely suspicious. MySpace did get back to me on Jake in '08 but nothing personal. Two form letters, one telling me how to delete a profile (NOT helpful) and one asking me to verify my identity (also NOT helpful since there was nothing about ME on the Jake in '08 page). Then I heard nothing; it's been over two weeks. And it's not like there's an 800 number where you can call up MySpace and complain to Tom. :-/

I never even had the login info for the soundtrack site and brits has had no internet access for almost two about the only thing it could be is an outsider complaining or something. It's bullshit. :(

Cherita said...

Whiff of sabotage
What demon would hurt Jake Watch?
Tom is not our friend!

...Sorry, it had to be done.

cina said...

Yeah, I smell sabotage too. >:(
This is totally unacceptable. An explanation from MySpace is in order, that's for damn sure!!

Unknown said...

You wear brown socks well
But they are not stripey
I like red and white
:D :D

Unknown said...

Sorry I missed a syllable:

You wear brown socks well
Jake but they are not stripey
I like red and white.

:D :D :D

Anonymous said...

Where art thou puggle?
He's been missing for a while.
Perhaps he was lost...

Anonymous said...

Please go to the beach
Your skin exposed causes joy
Do us a favor

Anonymous said...

Sock watch is back!!!!

Sorry, i'm not good with poetry.

Charlene G said...

Hi guys...just droppin' in and catching up on the blog...and may I say...

OMG LMFAO!!!!!!!!!

Haikus...Sock Watch....Jeez I've missed you guys!!

PG, that second haiku almost made me spit my water all over my computer monitor!!!