...I mean elaborate lies, but what the hell, it's Tuesday! (Golden Globes action coming later although be warned Jake was not wearing that beautiful dress he wore for SNL)
From the (cough, cough, cough) National Enquirer (UK/Eire Edition):
Reese and Jake Play Santa to Each Other! (not as sexy as it first sounds)
Christmas was merrier than Reese Witherspoon, 30, expected, thanks to her co-star in the upcoming CIA thriller Renedition, Jake Gyllenhaal, 26! (way to use grammar, NE). Down in the dumps since she filed for divorce from cheating (woah! slander much?) husband Ryan Phillippe, 32, in November, Reese was all smiles when Kirsten Dunst's ex-beau (all that work, Jake and this is how you shall forever be remembered), suprised her with a ladies' Schwinn bicycle a few days before Christmas while the two were on the LA set, a source reports! (oh, good old source!). Jake, who's been photographed recently cycling all over LA, even (actual quote coming up) "told her he could help her get reacquainted [with biking]," adds the source. "Reese was flattered beyond words and said maybe they could go riding together after New Year's." As a thank you, Reese presented Jake with a gift certificate for an expensive caviar firming facial at The Beverly Hills Hotel Spa by La Prairie (ooo, the gift that keeps on giving!). Sounds like Jake and Reese are becoming fast friends! It has already been reported that the Brokeback Mountain star had a crush on Reese! (oh shut up).
Usually I wouldn't have given this sort of report a second look but something just rings true about Jake buying bikes for, like, everybody. I bet even Ramona got one.
On to more serious issues. Yesterday, Prophecy Girl noticed that all the highlighter pens have vanished and this guy was seen using the ladies bathroom. He did not wash his hands.