Thursday, November 02, 2006


Hello? Jake? No? Fine. I don't need you.

Please allow me to present Part Deux of Anneka's October Sky review. Fantasique!
Jake is sneaking around in someone’s back yard at night. Please be mine, please be mine, please be mine. No, it’s someone who knows how to weld. Not that dancing chick from Flashdance, a European guy. Euro-Welding Guy says NPC wouldn’t be happy. Jake, his hands twisting on the shaft of his rocket, says he’ll pay him. Ah, the rocket imagery has taken a new and mildly disturbing tone. Jake spins some romance about the universal nature of Sputnik. Euro-Welding Guy is unimpressed, saying there are worse places than Coalwood. Uh, no there aren’t, except maybe Blaenau Ffestiniog. Jake says that working on the rocket made him feel like Jean Claude Van Damme. So presumably he wants in on a film where time-travelling and kick-boxing are brought together in some way. It is this that melts Euro-Welding Guy’s heart and he has a look at Jake’s rocket. It’s a mighty fine rocket, and he agrees to help.

In the canteen, our Rocketeers are examining Jake’s fine, long rocket and are again impressed. I’m going to have to stop this soon, aren’t I? The Headmaster comes over and confiscates Jake’s rocket. He asks if it’s a weapon of some kind. Oh it is. And you don’t want to make it angry. Mrs Sam Neill swoops in like a blonde Pterodactyl and saves the day by saying she asked Jake to bring it to school. She also mentions entering it in a science fair. And we all know Jake’s perfectly-formed rocket would win any competition hands down. Okay, I’ll stop. For a while. Row-Lee says science fairs are for geeks. No they’re not - I entered a science fair, went to Chemistry Camp and joined a model UN debate, and I’m not a geek. Mrs Sam Neill mentions scholarships and you can see Jake’s brain sitting up. She says Jake’s maths might let him down and Jake gives a really funny smile, like “Oh Mrs Sam Neill, you know me so well!”. I don’t like this jokey-ness between them, it does not bode well for my own relationship with Jake.

Cut to Jake’s rocket, titled AUK1. Row-Lee asks what an Auk is. Non-Descript Friend says “Fool, it’s one of those ugly things outta Lord of The Rings”. As they prepare to light it, NPC is having a meeting about layoffs at the mine. Apparently coal is on its way out. The Rocketeers dive for cover to watch, counting down from ten, only their hands and eyes visible. Up, up and away the rocket flies. Instead of being pleased, Row-Lee shouts “Holy Shit, it’s headed fur the myne!” and legs it. The rocket nearly kills several miners. While the others head for the hills, Jake comes down to see what damage he’s done. NPC is steely faced. Don’t worry Jake, he had a bad meeting, I’m sure he’s not mad at you. “So this is what you’ve been up to in the basement?” NPC asks. In fairness, I can think of worse things he could have been up to in the basement. Drink, drugs, sex with barnyard animals. NPC says Jake is a menace, Euro-Welding Guy is a thief and Jake is not to be caught with rockets on company property again. Ah ha, I see a loop-hole to be exploited there.

Jake goes home and cries to New Movie Mom that NPC yelled at him in front of everyone. Suck it up Jake, worse things happen at sea. New Movie Mom, who is painting a mural on the kitchen wall - ? – says NPC loves him. Jake says “He loves the mine.” But the mine don’t keep him warm at night. Not that I’m suggesting Jake does. Seems the mine has given NPC a black spot on his lungs. Oh dear. Don’t take a crystal ball to see what’s coming round that bend. NPC overhears, not about his impending doom, but Jake bitching about the mine and says Jake’s just a boy. Jake counters this comment by drinking his glass of milk. The argument finishes when Jake says he’ll never go down the mine, then goes down to the basement. Methinks Jake should have taken more debate classes. Jake is shocked to find he’s been burgled and all his rocket making junk is heading its way south of the border to be stripped down and resold. No it’s all right, they’ve not been stolen, your loving father NPC has just thrown them out into the pouring rain. Like that puppy you had that Christmas. Jake goes to retrieve rocket junk – it was too late to save the puppy – but the cardboard box breaks and all his stuff is in the mud.

Down at the river, Row-Lee is making good use of his time by shooting at a stationary car, which may well be his. Jake tells him that they should be trying to get in the science fair instead of sitting around like hillbillies. Row-Lee makes the best observation of the film so far – “We are a bunch of hillbillies.” Jake has good news and bad news. The good news is the loop-hole – they’re just not allowed to set off rockets on company property. The bad news is that company property goes on for eight miles. And Row-Lee’s car is shot to shit, literally. Jake wants to walk, no-one else is interested. Row-Lee says he knows he is destined to be miner so what’s the point. There’s a can-do attitude. Jake points out that being a miner has made Row-Lee’s step-daddy the biggest drunk in West Virginia. I imagine that’s probably a hard one to win. Jake then tells a horror story of how Odell’s Dad died – decapitation by a piece of slate. I don’t understand why Non-Descript Friend leaps on Jake – other than the obvious, he wants him - until Row-Lee shouts “Odell, get off him!” and everything falls into place.

While our favourite hillbillies are scrapping in the mud, a sexy red car pulls up looking for directions. Jake helps them on their way. He doesn’t shoot them, he gives them directions. I think this is a sign of how their lives could be, they too could be driving red cars and looking for directions. Jake points this out and then starts walking. The other three catch him up down the road. Odell, Promoted From Non-Descript Friend asks what their chances are of winning. Jake says one in a million which seems to be what Odell wants to hear as the Rocketeers are back on.

They reach a spot which Jake deems suitable – Cape Coalwood - and starts planning where he’s gonna build his bunker. The Shermanator grins, slightly demonically. Jake is once again writing to Jean Claude Van Damme. He says their site is nearing completion while we watch the wall of their bunker fall down. He says local businesses have been generous while we see them nicking wood from the timber yard. The Shermanator proves he was put on this earth to terminate people, not to use a hammer. Jake says people have kindly donated them things while we see some poor guy missing a window, who will later die during the winter. Jake says everyone is behind them, even his Dad, while we see NPC not letting him have any cement.

NPC finds out that Jake’s been walking eight miles to play with his rockets. Most people use the bathroom. NPC thinks rocket making is a stunt and when the novelty wears off, Doctor Van Damme will be out of a job and will have to mine coal. I think Jean-Claude Van Damme would be good at mining coal. NPC says coal makes steel and without steel America would wither and die. Jake goes to stomp off but NPC gives in and lets him have some cement.

Science class. Jake and The Shermanator are giggling like girls over some rocket fuel they’ve been making. As the teacher approaches, they pour it down the sink. Some girl lights a match and throws it into another sink. All the sinks in the classroom spurt fire. I bet this kind of thing happens at Hogwarts all the time.

Jake sneaks into the mining workshop to visit Euro-Welding Guy but finds out that NPC sent him down the mine. Well, at least he didn’t leave him out in the rain like the rocket stuff. Jake meets Euro-Mining Guy (Previously Euro-Welding Guy) after work. Euro-Mining Guy says NPC is a fair man. Has he met NPC? Besides, Euro-Mining Guy can make more money down the mine. Especially if he finds a noodle seam, isn’t it. Euro-Mining Guy makes a big deal of kissing his id token 723 so I’m sure this will become the only way of recognising him when he gets buried in a mine collapse.


Anonymous said...

Hooray - I've been waiting for this! October Sky is one Jake movie I haven't seen, so I'm going with the experiment of reading Anneka's review first, and then watching the movie. Other than the fact that I actually get to SEE Jake during said viewing, I think Anneka is ahead. Can't wait for Part Tres!

salailama said...

lololol… i love the part about jean claude van damme—cuz that was what I thought the first time I heard it too!

I don’t understand why Non-Descript Friend leaps on Jake – other than the obvious, he wants him - until Row-Lee shouts “Odell, get off him!” and everything falls into place.

comic genius. i see why people are clamoring for a bbm review, cuz it’s an awesome jake movie, but honestly, it’s more fun for me to hear anneka inject this kinda humor in movies where it doesn’t belong. in bbm, we don’t really want to joke about it, it’s a SAD movie/outcome. and i don’t think i want heath to have a silly (though hilarious)nickname like non-descript friend or ugly git.

Anonymous said...

The best yet Anneka. So So Funny. Can't stop laughing. Jake's Rocket indeed. Not too many things can get me to LOL like this.


Anonymous said...

Thanks, Anneka. I'm all in favor of hearing all about Jake's rocket and its various launches.

Becky Heineke said...

Jake, his hands twisting on the shaft of his rocket, says he’ll pay him. Ah, the rocket imagery has taken a new and mildly disturbing tone.

HA! Aw, man. The recurring rocket innuendo had me giggling like a third grader (I'm terribly immature). Top notch, as usual. I'm with mpom...keep 'em coming!!!

Anonymous said...

Yes, Anneka. More, please. I really need something to put the magic back into my relationship with Jake. I fear it's fading over time. Some of the happy anticipation of each day's news of him & my light-hearted regard for him is gone. In particular, my sense that he (or his people, more likely) might be reading over our shoulders & sort of enjoying all the fun & games -- that seems to have vanished. (I'm probably alone in this, but I felt I had to confess.) So I need your reviews to remind me of what drew me in the first place: The acting talent, the charisma, as well as his good looks.

"Zodiac" seems so far away & so uncertain. Like one of those movies that never gets released because of some kind of conflict.

Anonymous said...

^ How about a playgirl mag?

Anonymous said...

Brad Pitts in his geriatric white boxes on the cover Vanity Fair?
maybe that can fill your needs until Zodiac?

Anonymous said...

boxers,not boxes!

Anonymous said...

Oh, no. Sorry, my needs are quite specific. Brad is ... well, he's just too damn WASP-y. Brad would have to become hairier, all over his body, & he'd need to dye the hair on his head to something nearer to dark brown with auburn highlights. His skull would have to grow, and his eyes would have to become more prominent & heavier-lidded. Then Brad would have to acquire a little more intelligence & ironic self-awareness. He'd have to become a little more hyper & geeky, too. And he'd need to pick up two loving dogs along the way.

I'm not so sure he can manage all that.

But I'm going to see "Babel" this weekend, so we'll see.

Brad has nice abdominals, though, doesn't he? I wish that were enough. Alas, it isn't. I'm female, so I'm not ENTIRELY visual.

salailama said...

nice anon, zodiac does seem far away, but it's definitely coming soon-- i saw the poster at my local theater already! no release date on it, but it’s definitely out there. now, when’s that trailer coming?

and as for filling your needs, nice, have u seen the departed? leo is not our dark haired, geeky, hyper, intelligent, ironic duo-dog-owning jake, (whoa, mouthful!), but his soulful performance and heartbreaking vulnerability as an undercover cop on the verge of a breakdown is just… so sexy. my, the boy has grown. anyway, i see potentials for some character similarities with jake robert graysmith character in zodiac, so that’s getting me pretty excited =).

britpopbaby said...

In particular, my sense that he (or his people, more likely) might be reading over our shoulders & sort of enjoying all the fun & games -- that seems to have vanished. (I'm probably alone in this, but I felt I had to confess.)

Yeah, the fun has been a little sucked out of being a Jake fan but I've been trying my hardest to remedy this with insane posts.

I'm also still working on how this downer managed to happen. Appears to be more than meets the eye, so on and so forth. I may have to resort to torture in 'Camp JW-ray'.

Anonymous said...

Brits, thank you, again, for your time & effort. You are doing a fine job at keeping the show going. (And all your cohorts are, too.) It's not you. Definitely not. I'd be a better audience if I weren't still sort of glum over the whole thing, though.

And Smurfette, yes, I **loved** "The Departed" but I am trying to be very quiet about it, lest that invite divine retribution. (By which I mean, this invites God to look down from Heaven & say: "Nice Anonymous clearly loves that new Scorsese movie too much ... therefore, it will be skunked by the Academy. Just like 'Brokeback Mountain' last year. Ha, ha, f-- you, Nice Anonymous." (Because it's all about me, you know ;-)

I'm very encouraged by your report of the "Zodiac" posters. Very, very encouraged. I was so afraid they'd hold the movie forever. And I also really, really hope it's been edited nicely.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE JW! And really, the main mission of JW agents: to watch Jake, seems unchanged tho at times dificult and challenging. I am suffering terrible withdrawal from not having seen nor heard from Beautiful Jake since October 22nd. But I console myself with the fact that, if Rendition is indeed to start shooting the end of this month, Jake is probably busy as hell with meetings, wardrobe, and various other activities attendant to the start of filming. I think of him as being deeply involved in preparing for his role. A role which forbids him the coffee runs, the dog walking, the biking, the working out, meeting up with friends,shopping, and all the other things we've been so spoiled with. I'm looking forward to Zodiac, but I'm more and more convinced it probably won't open before the first of the year...unless they begin massive PR for it in just a couple of weeks leading up to a NY/LA opening in December. And if it's true that they are pouring all available marketing resources into Dreamgirls as their most viable Oscar-worthy project, maybe Fincher is insisting that Zodiac get it's props by waiting for '07.
I sure miss Jakey, tho. Hope he's OK and not harrassed by crazy paps and stalkers. JW agents are showing remarkable grace under pressure and no other group of agents are as cunningly resourceful or as witty!
P.S. I LOVED Leo in The Departed. He was all that you say.

Anonymous said...

Totally agree with you 6:16 PM. I feel the same way.

Nice Anon, the "Zodiac" poster is up at theatres in NYC. Saw it myself about two weeks ago when I went to see "The Departed" (which I also loved) and at a different theatre in the city when seeing "The Queen" (another amazing movie/performance). So no worries on that front. Now we just need the trailer and a release date.

salailama said...

i echo what nice anon said, great work by BPB, PG, anneka on keeping the writing on this site so fantastic during this jake lull. that, combined with the regular posters keep me coming-- speaking of... why aren't more regular posters speaking up today? i'd rather be reading everyone's witty comments than writing this much, guys. come out and play :P.

yeah, the day a trailer and release date come out for zodiac, i call a JW party :). i'll bring the champagne. BP can bring the gin.

Anonymous said...

I luv you Anneka. Yes in this time of where the fuck is our boy I am actually pleased that he is off the radar for awhile. I bless him and his cock and balls and general gorgeousness, and want him
never to be shop soiled. everytime I see a copy of People and other mags at the supermarket, I pray that Jake not get fucked over in this way.

Anonymous said...

Don't you think that this is what it is to be a real fan? We all love Jake. Not just when he is riding the crest of some big new movie release, or when we see him in interviews and all every day. It's easy then. His real fans will be there to wait for him and watch him grow as an actor and as a man for a long time to come. He has alot more to do in his career and his life. I am here to watch and enjoy. My guess is that it will be well worth the wait.

It's sort of like being an Eagles fan. On their worst day, when they have not had a win in weeks. You can be walking down a Philadelphia side street late at night and hear
a fan yell at the top of his/her lungs, with great passion

cina said...

^^ I totally second that mpom.
I'll be here patiently waiting! Like I said when all the baby-gate drama was at it's heights - I'm not leaving. I'm here for the long run!

Anonymous said...

Very well said, mpom and Cina. I am a Jake fan for the long haul, through the quiet times, like now, and the busy times.

Anonymous said...

^^Amen. GO JAKE!

Anonymous said...


Ditto mpop! I would assume he is busy prepping for Rendition. I have been a fan of Jake's since DD, there have been lull's beffore. I'm glad he is out of the eye of paps and concentrating on work.

Great review Anneka, can't wait for part 3!

JadziaDragonRider said...

Hmmm interesting discussion on the nature of Jake fandom and our role as fans/agents. I agree with mpom. Very estute observation. I also totally get where NA is coming from with the diminished enthusiasm. I only experienced it for like a week because then I realized that our boy had not been bespoiled in all the fucked up controversy so why put a damper on my fun! It was nice to think for a time that anyone from Camp Gyllenhaal was aware of our shenanigans but eh, who cares, we crack each other up and that's what counts. Also I'm a Jake fan, always have been. The sundry and random family members have never been a real blip on the radar, not even Maggie. Peter is another story. I love Peter very much but the rest of the Gyllengaard are so much meh to me.

JadziaDragonRider said...

Oh Peter and "The Ugly Git" himself Austin. I don't really care about Chris other than to be comforted by the fact that he is such a fixture in Jake's life and Jake is not one to give up on strong familial/friendship ties even as his star rises. So in reality any affection I feel for Chris would be affection I have for Jake for hanging out with Chris. See how that works? :o)

Anonymous said...


One of the things I love about Jake is his relationship with Chris. They went through a rough patch this summer with the NY paps intruding on their privacy and such, a lot of friendships would have been strained but not them, if anything they are even closer because of it. That is a sign of character and shows that Jake is more concerned with his family/friends than HW IMO.

Anonymous said...

Oh, paps, scnaps! I am wondering when the location shooting for Rendition will start. They were reportedly going to go to Morocco and Egypt? Do we have agents stationed in any of these places???
BTW: IHJ has a really interesting interview Jake did on the eve of DAT where he talks about his parents' relationship when he was a kid.

Anonymous said...

I guess with Jake, I would assume in L.A. prepping for Rendition and Matt in Australia filming that we won't expect them to be in N.. tomorrow to cheer on Lance in the NY marathon. Oh well.

JadziaDragonRider said...

What is McMatty shooting in Oz? I like him for all the reasons that so many folks don't hee. He's an aged stoner who can't keep a shirt on his rippling abs and bears a corn fried accent and bathes probably only when strictly necessary. If ever there was a dude who didn't give a fuck... When is Rendition set to shoot next month?

Anonymous said...

Matt is filming Fools Gold In Australia with Kate Hudson. According to Variety, Rendition is looking to start filming the 3rd week of this month, so it would make sense that Jake, Peter, etc would be in L.A. prepping for the movie rigth now. They will be filming in L.A., Morocco (subbing for Egypt) S. Africa and Washington.

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