Now, in recent months there has been a lot of whining going on regarding Jake's current choice of busom buddies. Personally, I don't get what you're bitching about - anyone who smokes weed, does yoga and plays the bongos naked is A.O.K in my books and Matthew McConaughey isn't too bad either. But, Jake Watch being the public service that it is, I guess we should take a moment to choose some new, more appropiate playmates for Jake. As soon as something gets the official Jake Watch seal of approval there can be no more complaints (ooo, that just gave me an idea!).
A. Snoop Doggy Dogg
Now you steppin' with Big G from Los Angeles
Where the helicopters got cameras
Don't think I'll be bikin' up mountains wit you Jake,
We're gonna chill by the pool wit my home-made cakes.
Fo' Shizzle!
B. His Holiness The 14th Dali Lama of Tibet
Now that would make for some boring ass Pap pics.
C. Oceans 11 through 24
Clooney needs a new mac to ride with ever since Pitt and Damon got all sprogged up.
D. Paris Hilton and friends.
I can't remember who her friends are anymore but I sure know all about her enemies. Maybe Jake could help patch up that rift with Firecrotch and Skeletor. Or maybe not.
E. Lieutanent Dan and Forrest Gump.
Shrimp Boat Captain? Plenty of fresh air, exercise and well, shrimp. Sorry, I don't know what it is with me and Lieutanent Dan lately.
F. Tom Cruise
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. McBongo not looking so shoddy now, is he?
32 comments:
Hi - Im along time lurker - absolutely love your site :)
I havent seen this mentioned here yet - your chance to win a lunch and set visit with Mr G :
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=140029857996
tony
xxx
Oh 1st anon - you missed the prior blogs I see - check out Archive my pet on the Pimping of JG!
Okay as for the bid - we got $3,100.00
from Brokebackfan - gee I wonder what kind of fantasy this bidder gots in mind?
BTW - the winning bidder can bring 1 GUEST! HELLO BRITPOPBABY - I think I see your 'in' on this visit! You need to get in serious negotiations with the bidders for that guest slot!
Ah, the combinations are but many...
I can't think why I would pick Snoop Doggy, but other than Jake's love of garish sneakers...baggie shorts...and his lapses into hip-hop, a twisted cap perhaps?
Maybe it's somewhere deep down, I believe there's a more deeper,sensitive side to Doggy?
Paris Hilton.
She would be the warning flare of distress ....
Shooting brightly skyward,in a glorious,glowing display...while one ponders
above the screams of the woman and children,....the cold black icy waters below...
King Neptune awaits.
I'm voting Lt. Dan. He'd probably be into working out, or at least living vicariously through Jake by making him work out, which is something we all want to see.
Lt. Dan!! Lt. Dan!!Lt. Dan!! Lt. Dan!!Lt. Dan!! Lt. Dan!!Lt. Dan!! Lt. Dan!!Lt. Dan!! Lt. Dan!!Lt. Dan!! Lt. Dan!!Lt. Dan!! Lt. Dan!!Lt. Dan!! Lt. Dan!!Lt. Dan!! Lt. Dan!!Lt. Dan!! Lt. Dan!!Lt. Dan!! Lt. Dan!!Lt. Dan!! Lt. Dan!!Lt. Dan!! Lt. Dan!!Lt. Dan!! Lt. Dan!!
Hello.
Dali's has found nirvana...
the same expression on his face.
"No matter the time or place."
and great taste in drapery materials.
a red frock Joan Collins could die for.
Buddhism might propel one into self realization...but it's a killer of acting abilities
I think this could explain Steven Seagal?
http://img85.imageshack.
us/img85/952/stevenseagals
b7.gif
Do we want to encourage this?...his gain and our loss? I'm just not that selfless!
Now I return to my meditations whether "to be or not to be"...as some would like to shave me from existence.
eBay - JG on set visit:
Q: To prevent an awkward moment - who pays for lunch? Does the winning bidder split the bill with Jake or is this on ACLU's tab?
A: This will take place on a set, so their will be no tab. Just food from the caterer.
So free lunch is included!
HA HA HA HA HA HA! TOM CRUISE! HA HA HA!
green said...
"Q: To prevent an awkward moment - who pays for lunch? Does the winning bidder split the bill with Jake or is this on ACLU's tab? "
Oh my god that is hysterical...I love the fact they even answered that question!!! LMAO - Jake breathes a sigh of relief know he doesnt have to hit the ATM that day!
^^Brown bag it.
Excuse me, Mr. Gyllenhaal? Mind if I have my peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Would you like my second Funny Bone?
-for europeans unfamiliar (peanutbutter filled chocolate finger cakes which come in a twin packs)
http://www.amazon.com/
Drake-Funny-Bones-Box-12-5/dp/B0004M02XY
Brit, this is just insane!...
We need a damn plan!...
Contact the BBC with a proposal...if they advance you the 5-60 grand necessary to win. You in return would write a exclusive account for broadcast?...or perhaps better yet! Approach "Hello" magazine?
Remind them of his sexist man alive status (did we not vote him so in their poll? ) and tell how it will do nothing but multiply readership...and ad revenues.
You launch/lunch your fabulous magazine career...
Jake wins your company , takes a impressive check to the ACLU, not to mention excellent promotion of his future unknown upcomming film?
Could Hollywood overlook the blogging world's power with"Snakes on a Plane"?.... hmm? I think not ,you would have them speechless, at this point.
Look at it this way.
You would be doing Jake a considerable favor...
Sparing him some unknown, potentially strange creepy person, for one he does know of (kinda ,somewhat, sort of).
Your creepyness is a known quantity...he wouldn't feel as uncomfortable...rather pity, an excellent basis for friendship.
There are only 2 days left to spring this plan into action.
What do you think?
Yours most urgently, TBL
oh God, I think if Tom Cruise EVER gets anywhere near Jake, we should be ready for some kamikaze action! That man is dangerous.....
Paris Hilton - don't worry PG i have my reason!
TBL -- excellent plan. Totally failure proof!
FYI - I believe he goes by just 'Snoop Dogg' these days.
i vote for ocean's eleven - there's nothing like a bunch of handsome guys in the background who would accentuate his gorgeousness (does this word even exist?). of course he will overshadow them all - but it's nice to win in a good competition, unlike mcmatty
I'm going to also go with the Oceans Whatever series. For his past roles, Jake seems to have favored the angst-ridden teenager & the rural working-class looks. And yet he looked so damned sharp when he dressed up for the award shows last season. The sight of Jake in a tux made my mouth water. I'm hoping he'll one day pick a movie role that will eventually get him into a wardrobe of beautifully tailored suits.
or those historical outfits like in "liaisons dangereuses" - can you imagine him in those tight trousers and a shirt with fluffy lacy collar.
god, i'm al ashamed of myself and my overheated imagination...
or in a MR Darcy's costume a la Colin Firth - imagine the scene in the lake... wet shirt with chest hair peeking through. Guh
i'm starting to drool over my keyboard
I vote Snoop! For no other reason than the fact that I love him...
and, uh, did I miss something with the bongos? LOL
BWAH!
Okay I'm on team McBongo. I think he'd be exceedingly fun to hang around with all horny and high all the time, but I digress. I vote for George Clooney and pals. I can tell by award season that George has a great deal of affection for his little replacement and the feeling seems mutual.
re: SquallCloud 's comment:
ooooh Clooney is gonna get you for that one!! LMAO
But Jake will never have the 'Facts of Life' memories that George has - NEVER!
See if Jake doesn't hang out with McMattie then he misses out on this:
http://tinyurl.com/j5tke
If Oceans wins Brad will have to keep Jake away from Angelina. I think she would eat him alive. I pick Snoop! He would be the most fun.
I, Diana Rigg master sleuth should be able to discern an actual photo, from a computer generated work.
It's just that Tom is so bizzare...that all visions have a element of plausibility...
Is that a actual photo of him at some Scientology alter?
This is not fair. What possible choice can there be for anyone concerned about the well-being of Jake? I mean, would you really choose a Gangsta rap murder suspect, or a bunch of robbers, or an alcoholic cripple, or Tom "Thetan XXX I'm not gay" Cruise? (I can't even bear to mention that hotel chain French tart). The Dalai Lama it has to be.
As a meditator and in the spirit of concern for Jakes moral and spiritual well being I have to agree with anon 1.37 the Dalai Lama gets my vote.
I´m all for the Dalai Lama for Jake´s moral and spiritual well being. But our boy needs some fun once in a while, and I´m pretty sure Clooney & Co. are the right guys for that.
But as long as he stays away from Tom Cruise and Paris Hilton, it´s all good.
i think it's be cool if the sunday projects have voting buttons, so we can see which are the most popular choices! i mean, how can we NOT pick lt. dan?!
found an interesting article on zodiac: http://www.hollywoodwiretap.com/
?module=news&action=story&id=6394
i hope the idiots at paramount come to their senses and zodiac comes out in december.
Oooo! Penis spam!
I think I threatened to whip babies when I heard of the Zodiac delays. I gotta stake out a pre-school or something... I call my high school students my babies but then I'm pretty sure all of those fuckers who tower over me mind you, could whoop my ass so that's out.
Paris is pissed again and her useless sister just looks on!
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