A Jake Gyllenhaal Set Visit can be yours for just 2000+ dollahs!
Nice. Thanks a bunch Gyllenhaal. Yet more waving of the proverbial carrot in front of the proverbial donkey. Well, this literal stalker ain't biting, mainly because she has no $2000 and unfortunately the Jake Watch Piggy Bank stands at around $250, but I promised that was for the Gyllengaard and copious amounts of Bombay Sapphire.
Yep, ebay via ACLU are pimping out Big G all in the name of freedom and liberty and stuff. Did you know the poor have rights? Amazing.
Now, I've been watching a lot of CSI:NY lately and so I thought I'd put my newly acquired detective skills and Noo Yawk accent into action to investigate this 'once in a lifetime' auction. I asked Lieutenant Dan to help me out
Point 1. Transportation and accommodations are not included.
So you pay $2000+ and you don't even get a bus ticket or a night on a blood-stained mattress at a $6 motel? Tight bastards.
Lieutenant Dan says: What a crock of shit.
Point 2. Gyllenhaal's official website includes a section on causes he cares about, with links to College Summit, NION and the ACLU.
Hey! So do we. Man, we never get the recognition we deserve. And on't even get me started on that 'official' site.
Lieutenant Dan says: Well kiss my crippled ass!
Point 3. Buyer will pay actual shipping charges to be determined after the auction based on weight and destination.
WTF? They're gonna ship the Gyllenhaal?
Lieutenant Dan says: Get that pig unfucked and get it on the tree line!
Point 4. He doesn't have a film planned at the moment, but he will certainly make one, and then we will make arrangements with the winner.
That sounds like a threat to this psuedo detective. He will make a film if it's the last thing ACLU do!
Lieutenant Dan says: Have you found Jesus yet?
Yeah, I'm not gonna ask for Lieutenant Dan's help again.