Sunday, June 04, 2006

CELEBRITIES WE'RE NOT CONCERNED WITH GETTING TOO CLOSE TO THE ONE WE ARE CONCERNED WITH

Now look, stalkers, with all the trouble Louella caused yesterday we took our eye off the ball for a moment and see what happened! People were touching Jake and not people we have officially approved (Pops, Naomi, Maggie, Sarsy, Heath, britpopbaby). Seems everybody is in love with the Gyllenhaal and whilst I commend Jake for attracting such adoration the fondling must stop! Please see the evidence below (you may need to shield your eyes from some pictures):
Pics removed. Soz.

Perpetrator Number One: Kate "Remember when I used to be English?" Beckinsale. How did she even get in the building?

Perpetrator Number Two: Eva "Earlobes" Mendes. I'm not comfortable with the amount of loving that went on in these seconds. I'm just going to repeat over and over to myself that they're old friends and are not sexually attracted to each other in any way.

Perpetrator Number Three: Adam "Da Waterboy" Sandler. I'm letting this pass this time, Sandler, but if I see such firm man-hugging again from you, it'd better be the longest yard away from Jake.

Perpetrator Number Four: Kevin "No Way Near As Sexy As Michael Rosenbaum" Spacey. I went off you when you chortled along with Tony Blair's jokes on Parkison and you're doing yourself no favours here if you're trying to get back into my good books.

Perpetrator Number Five: Justin "Just No" Timberlake. Who decided the Timberman was an attractive human being and where was I when this decision was being made because I would have voted against the motion. Don't pass your Britney germs onto Jake, please.

90 comments:

Nothing Really Matters said...

Britpop you should have hired bodyguards to protect Jake.

Anonymous said...

I think it was that sweater with shirt sticking out that made him so replusive to Jake. It wasn't Justin's best look.

Anonymous said...

Spacey is an excellent actor. And he's been known to guard the public late at night in parks.

Becky Heineke said...

Um, WTF? It's like all these people KNEW there was no operative from Jake Watch up on stage and thus took the opportunity to rub their grimy hands all over our man. It looks like we're going to have to take out all five of them.

Anonymous said...

As far as the "Big Head or Not?" discussion goes, regarding Jake (and I mean the big head, of course), just compare the size of his features to Kevin Spacey's. I think there is one day going to be a Jake bobblehead doll, and that it'll be a big seller.

Anonymous said...

Even though Spacey is not actually touching Jake, his facial expression alone makes that picture the most disturbing. Makes me shudder, and not in the good Doctor Guppy of BBC One's 'Casualty' way.

Anonymous said...

The biggest chemistry is deffinitelly between him and spacey. I so agree on your comment about timberlake, i was always supprised how anyone with eyesight could find him hot?! And what if he starts stalking jake now, arent u concerned? I can already picture him leaving whiny phone calles on jakes answering machine... with that high-pitched voice...gross... lets be jakes version of charlies angels...Jakes Angels!and brutally murder anyone like justin or any girl that isnt one of us..

Anonymous said...

I don't approve of the way in which Kevin Spacey is fangirling our Jake. I'm with wtbgirl on this one, the threat needs to be contained!

Anonymous said...

I don't approve of the way in which Kevin Spacey is fangirling our Jake. I'm with wtbgirl on this one, the threat needs to be contained!

Anonymous said...

btw, what were you saying about justin trying to kiss jake? Did it happen? Whats up with that, help, cause i didnt watch!

Anonymous said...

but really people, can you blame him? (I mean spacey). If i were near jake id probably be salivating, giggling, and basiclly giving the worlds best retard impression ever.Dont be so hard on the guy, hes only human, and humans lack the gyllenhaal-resistance gene. u know what im talkin about:-)

Anonymous said...

thanx miss twist, now i feel better :-). I didnt watch bubble boy however...i just cant find it anywhere...sux

Anonymous said...

Man, you people are right on. It appears to me that Kevin Spacey is making eyes at Jake. 'Course, it also appears to me that Jake is making eyes back.
Well, I like Kevin, but in the end I'd say I don't think he has a shot. ;)

Anonymous said...

In the third picture it looks as if he's bitten off Adam Sandler's head.

P.S. Justin Timberlake is hot.

Anonymous said...

girls, you wear blinders.
of course kevin spacey is making googly-eyes, but he doesnt stand a chance. watch jakey crossing his arms and sporting that "maybe you are nice, but you dont have a chance"-expression. relax, girls, as far as i can judge it, he´s not inclined. this eva-picture though, well, well....looks like he likes it to feel some warm, woman flesh under his hand.

Anonymous said...

LOL! Britpopbaby you said the truth.
Damn.. as soon as this man give these people a chance (to get closer), they flock!

re airing in UK.. i read somewhere that it'll be on MTV UK channel on 10 June. Should check the website though.

The Chemistry Guru said...

Gosh what long fingers Kate "I still sound English" Beckinsale has!

Miss Twist according to mtv.co.uk it will be shown next saturday on the 10th.

Anonymous said...

First of all, Britpop, you're friggin HI.LARIOUS. Love this blog!

And OMG these pics are just too much to bear. Back off, y'all!! Especially Spacey. And don't even get me started on Eva Mendes.. Aargh... Okay, I think I need to go have a lie down and breathe for a few moments.

@ thesweetestone: Jake's Angels, brilliant idea, I'm SO on board!

Anonymous said...

I'd much prefer Spacey around Jake than Mendes.

Anonymous said...

Justin is just one pathogenic rat. I am glad Jake didn't do it. Thankyou Jake! Justin's fugly face expression makes me wanna puke into a box, put stamps on the box and send it to Justin + his talent vortex (thank jla for that expression).

Anonymous said...

Each time I read that I start to laugh all over again! "talent vortex" lololol LMAO!!!!! thanks.

Anonymous said...

The Sweetestone: I don't know if you have The Comedy channel wherever you live, but they show Bubble Boy constantly. Practically once a month. Also iv'e seen it being sold on EBAY as recently as yesterday.

Anonymous said...

thanx dani, i dont have the comedy channel, but now ill check the program so when its on ill go to my friends house to watch, i think he has like every channel there is. Freaky, but useful. Should i buy it? I dont know, is it that good? Ok, stupid question, since jake is in it...but really, as a movie, is it very dumb, or dumb in a sweet way? Is it funny?

britpopbaby said...

Welcome back Miss Twist! Wondered where you'd gone!

When I read about Bubble Boy on ebay I thought for a moment you meant the actual bubble and I got all excited!

Anonymous said...

Don't worry britpopo, I've heard that there is be some extra material on the DVD on 'how to build the prefect bubble'...so you can build your own...

Anonymous said...

Britpopbaby, I have two questions: First do I understand correctly that you haven't seen Bubble Boy?...oh you are in for such a treat!! Second doesn't the blood rush to your head in that pose?

Anonymous said...

the comments about louella are gone..Jake stole her moment of sparkle! oh,well..i honestly prefer Jake. I don't like the women that interract with him at these awards..and i don't like Justin.He's playing hard to get.I think he's attracted to Jake. We just have to keep a close eye on him..

Anonymous said...

Are u upset? feeling blue?....just say these words....it will cure you! ... Talent Vortex, Talent Vortex, Talent Vortex!

britpopbaby said...

Yeah, I've seen Bubble Boy but didn't watch the extras. Maybe I will then I'll construct my own bubble.

Anonymous said...

"i don't like Justin.He's playing hard to get.I think he's attracted to Jake."

Hard to get? Huh? I don't get it.. He's like doing it to any trailer trash he come across..

THINK he's attracted to Jake? He's like BEGGING to Jake to perform a kiss on that MTV movie award podium. Justin however needs a reality check cause Jake is like GOD and Justin is like...fugly!

Anonymous said...

Nooo they can infect him. He just shines brighter next to all that dullness!

Nothing Really Matters said...

I’ve not seen Bubble Boy. I feel left out! Is it good???

Anonymous said...

Talent vortex talent vortex :) :) :)
Well, heading for bed now. Repeating STFU will do better... hee

Nothing Really Matters said...

Okay so I guess I really did not have to ask, after all it has Jake in it!

Anonymous said...

Oh NRM it's a wonderful comedy! Excellent cast and they had to have fun making it! Jake was so great...from the opening of the film on. You will enjoy it no doubt at all. I recommend it highly!

Anonymous said...

Speaking of his casual style, I came to think of this classic link (not that it was published like in the last couple of hours but...anyway!):

http://www.mensflair.com/
celebrity-styles/
jake-gyllenhaal-style.php

Swedish fans: MTV movie award will be on swedish MTV 10 June 19-21.

Nothing Really Matters said...

Will i be giveing money to you if i buy it? You already have so much! Might check it you, I don;t have many Jake dvd left!

Nothing Really Matters said...

Damn I can’t spell tonight

Anonymous said...

Me? no I'm cheap...I tried to record it when it ran on comedy central here. But my DVD recorder died :( The commentary with Jake and the director was on You Tube ...about 8-9 mins long and as funny as hell! Jake goofs around..should hear it!

Nothing Really Matters said...

I will have to check that you thanks.

Anonymous said...

For anyone who hasn't seen Bubble Boy, of course you will like it because you love Jake. But I did have to see it a couple of times before I appreciated the movie as a whole. It's only been in the last few months that I saw it for the first time. Jake does have great comic skills as also shown in Highway with Jared Leto. But I guess I prefer Jake as the gorgeous man he is today as opposed to the boy. But any true hardcore fan must see all of his films as I have. Even in his younger roles you can see his eventual brilliance shining through.
P.S. To Thesweetestone - Bubble Boy was just on Comedy Central last week so it may be another month before they show it again.

Anonymous said...

Who can blame them, who???
who???

Anonymous said...

britpopbaby, I am so with you about Justin! I have a category of celebs who I think of as "people who fans only think are attractive because they are famous" and he is at the top of that list. Justin has a good body, but he would need a bag over his head for me to actually appreciate it.

Miffed67 said...

Awww, I lurve Kevin Spacey! And DAMN is he lookin' good. He was getting a little rough around the edges last time I saw him (rode hard and put away wet, Kevin?) but he cleans up nice! And.....Awwww, Kate Beckinsale, I lurve her, too! I have a thing for vampires, tho...that's probably what that amounts to. Nevertheless, neither of them has MY (oh, excuse me...OUR) permission to touch the Gyllenhaal, so I'm sad to say....BACK AWAY FROM THE MERCHANDISE, baby!

Spacey's giving him the same look he gave Mera Suvari in American Beauty Oooo, I love that movie, one of my all time faves. He is looking hungry, isn't he? You know...I'm not a TT fan, but I'm sorry....that's SO HOT. Still...there will BE no licking of the Jake (unless I'm doing it, of course), Spacey....I'm watchin' you! As for JT...I have no words. The poser doesn't even rate a rant, you know what I mean? Puh-lease. SUCH a non-issue.

but really, as a movie, is it very dumb, or dumb in a sweet way? Is it funny?

It's dumb, but in a very sweet way. And Swoozie Kurtz was HIlarious. Jake is just funnily CUTE....I mean COMPLETELY adorable! Don't miss it! Watch it on Comedy Channel first...that's what I did and now I'm buying it. nrm, ygm in about 2 seconds.

Jake does have great comic skills as also shown in Highway with Jared Leto.

I finally got around to seeing Highway this weekend, and OMG....it's WAY up there on my list of favorite Jake movies. He's EXCELLENT in it....as was the whole cast. I don't know why it doesn't get a better rap than it does...it's a great movie, imo.

SO up for Jake's Angels. Call me!

Welcome back, Miss Twist! Nice to see you!

Anonymous said...

HIGHWAY is stellar, check out Jared Leto's band, 30 seconds to mars.
It will knock you OUT!

Anonymous said...

Kevin Spacey's gay. Word of mouth from a guy that tricked with him on gay beach in east hampton a couple of summers ago. Seems to be common knowledge, in that community.

Anonymous said...

I think it's pretty much an open secret about Spacey. Doesn't he live in London or something now and just "do his thing" IOW live his life not-closeted but just not making a big deal out of it?

But yeah, that is some flirtin' body language in the Spacey pic.

Miffed67 said...

OMG! 30 Seconds to Mars is Jared Leto's band? I had NO idea! I LOVE them!!!! Too cool, I'm going to have to go see them next time they play Dallas.

Anonymous said...

Take that Oscars!! Your politicaly correct,overproduced, bloated, over feted,cannabis induced,parade of the specious... has been layed bare. From the time it was decided to remove the words "and the winner is"...this charaded farce of a ceremony has been too much industry politics,rather then talent based. No you don't need a new comic monkey to come rescue the day. Nor 5,000 exotic categories. Perhaps the actors/actresses should pick a number, as one would say, at a deli, and wait until it their number is called? One can always hope,as they say,for hope springs eternal. That the class and integrity, once there for artistic excellence will be honored. Can anyone over there in Hollywood grazing on wheatgrass lift their head and see how off track you are? Film ideas,frankly any ideas brought to the screen are all too often rehashed sitcoms or comic book heros, loud over special effected, crude & vulgar. Yes, you may get a crowd at a horrific accident,but is that what you've been reduced to attact an audience? So at a loss are you to compel anyone to go to the theater and spend a hour's wage? I watched this year's Oscars for one reason...I hoped to see BBM win. Jake win. But you reminded me again ,why I just don't give a danm what the hell you folks pick. Ratings down? Keep scratching your head...it may at least increase cirulation to the brain. Gold put at your feet and you embrace the tin. Tin shiny enough to reflect just where the movie buisness really is.

Miffed67 said...

Kevin Spacey's gay.

Uh, yeah. I thought everyone knew that. Hence my, "I'm not a TT fan but it's so hot that Kevin's all over Jake," comment.

What's funny, my best frined calls me a fag hag because I love the Spacey. I've been a fan of his FOREVER. That still doesn't give him permission to stand next to and eyeball my man, tho. Sorry, Kev!

Miffed67 said...

^^ Yeah, what simon said! Take THAT, Academy!

*thumbs nose at Oscar*

Anonymous said...

I had to get that off my chest! BBM was robbed ,Jake was robbed and for what? A beautifully filmed, ground breaking, love story vs. what "Speed"? really? I was so sorry to have watched for the first time in years, staying up ....for that? what a joke , what a joke on me. And I won't be tuning in again cause I just don't care, and can use the sleep. I'll perhaps read the results in the paper like a lottery numbers! If there is anyone im interested in.

Anonymous said...

Spacey is a very talented man. 1st class actor 1st class singer! I said that as short as possible

Anonymous said...

Here's a link to a website that gives you the movie schedule, date, and time for a particular star. Just put "Jake Gyllenhaal" in the search and you can find out when his movies will be on cable (US).

http://www.tv-now.com/stars/

Anonymous said...

Thanks anom!

Anonymous said...

I want to find a site like that for talk shows--it can be overwhelming trying to watch every one when you know Jake is promoting a film. It was sheer luck that I caught the Oprah on BBM the first time around. Or perhaps it was fate: I went home early from work because I was sick. And I turned on the TV for some reason--I never watch daytime TV. And there they all were! I about fainted!!!

But if I had known it was going to be on, I wouldn't have been so shocked.

Anonymous said...

Well some people have been kind enough to put some episodes on "Youtube". Can I suggest the Nov 2005 Ellen Show #400 for starters. He was so sweet and charming...you'll be putty in his hands! lol

Anonymous said...

Did you try your internet service home page? Often they have T.V. listings and search options that allow you to see what will be on a few weeks ahead. Put in a keyword of what you are looking for, and it will search the listings tell you if and when such programs might be on. I know for a fact Yahoo offers this , so you can always go to their page.

Anonymous said...

kris,
"Justin has a good body, but he would need a bag over his head for me to _______ it."

What's wrong with a good body and a bag over the head? You're awfully picky. Actually it sounds kinda cool. I mean anything important would be accessible.

Anonymous said...

Oh I've SEEN them all, I just mean, when he is making the rounds--as he will be one of these days for Zodiac--you obviously want to see him on your actual TV, full size, first run. So you have to check Conan, Letterman, Leno, etc. every day. Not to mention wonder if he's on Ellen while you are at work.

Anonymous said...

Do they list all the guests?

Anonymous said...

That sweater/shirt combo was utterly repulsive. It reminded me of something I would have worn to school in 1978.

Anonymous said...

britpopbaby, boys and girls, as you all must know, GODs are to be worshipped and adored by all mankind alike. how can we blame poor spacey, kate and eva for bursting into ecstasy in front of a NEAR-GOD? i don't think they enjoy exposing themselves.. (hey, they're supposed to be adored and worshipped you know). sigh, poor things, but what can they do in front of his highness? have mercy on the poor beings.. we're all in a struggle of love..

didn't you find that our love for jake is all the same? i do. our feelings and reactions and behaviors are all soo similar. i doubt that it's the same thing running between us, and one thing only. call it love, or whatever you like.

so, let's be generous and share a teeny tiny bit with poor spacey, kate and eva..

Anonymous said...

God you guys make me laugh so much! Talent Vortex. The Sex infected with their mediocrity heee.

WTF yo, did the MTV Movie Awards not invite the oher hot guys in Hollywood? Why is he surrounded by pretty women and fug or plane men? Shite! It's okay though. He looks oh so scrumtious in that casual attire. I wonder what he's gonna do next? I don't mean to be a nag but he really needs to get on a set and soon so that 2007 can be filled wiht Jakey's releases... er... I meant his film releases get your mind out of the gutter.

Eva and Jake would be hot, hot, hot.

Anonymous said...

Regarding the pic w/Eva, and in particular the video of that encounter: WTF is her problem with not letting Jake hug her? If you haven't seen the vid, it's excruciating--she totally created awkwardness with her obvious oh-no-ya-don't hug evasion.

It was weird. I hate her. Between that and the sweaty shirt, the evening may have been slightly tarnished for the boy. I mean, we may find a perverse thrill in seeing underarm sweat stains, I don't think we would feel great about ACTUALLY HAVING THEM AND IT BEING ON TV.

Anonymous said...

anon 8:17 wanted a website with talk show schedules. I have a link to one:

http://www.interbridge.com/lineupsdate.html

Anonymous said...

Even though I don't like the idea of Jake with Eva, I do agree with Squallcloud about Jake getting on another movie set. I think he's had enough of a break jetting back and forth between coasts, bike riding, skateboarding, ball playing and lounging around eating. It's time to get back to work. One movie a year just won't cut it. We got spoiled by the bounty of films this year and we expect the same for next.

Anonymous said...

I watched the video... somewhere... dont... remember... but... Justin slapped Jake's butt... yes... it was on youtube... 2006 MTV Movie Awards Clip... vaguely remember... what... yes... justin slapped Jake's tush.

Oh my GOD!!! Justin slapped Jake's booty!!!

Jake Posse, we've got a job to do! And I feel pretty bad at the hug. It's obvious that she didnt know what he was doing cos she's all over him backstage. I think it was an unplanned akward moment for both of them, or they are... No. I'l leave it at that.

britpopbaby said...

Arse slapping? This I gotta see - and all this Jake's Angels talk has made me rethink the entire design of the blog!

Anonymous said...

Justin, that litle perv... Jake so obviously needs our protection, we must react fast. Jakes angels, c`mon! :-)

Anonymous said...

oh god, i just saw it, justin is really harresing him! Like, NO MENAS NO, you litle ... oh, good thing he didnt start humping his leg or something. Id be sacared...

Anonymous said...

what i meant is id be scared... im so upset i forgot how to write:-)

Anonymous said...

Sorry to be off-topic for a moment, but am very intrigued about this Blatant Stalker..is she one of you guys?Confess,please..otherwise, Jake's Angels must go in PRONTO.He's not safe. I repeat. He's not safe.

http://www.iheartjakemedia.com/displayimage.php?album=634&pos=57

Anonymous said...

Jake's Angels talk has made me rethink the entire design of the blog!
I know what you mean, go for it!! It would work perfectly.

Anonymous said...

Take that Oscars!!
@ simon: have you checked the latest Empire? There's a great story called "Oscar's best mistake" on how the snub actually did a favor to Brokeback. It's the best BBM review I've read for months. You brits rock!!!

Anonymous said...

Regarding the pic w/Eva, and in particular the video of that encounter: WTF is her problem with not letting Jake hug her? If you haven't seen the vid, it's excruciating--she totally created awkwardness with her obvious oh-no-ya-don't hug evasion.

I agree. I was already cringing because I don't think the "let's put a big gap between us as a joke" thing ended up coming across as funny as the boys obviously hoped it would. But then I cringed even more because Jake went from shooing Justin away to being evaded by Eva. Hopefully it'll play better when watched on a better video feed but as it stands now, it did hurt some of my excitement over the win.

Anonymous said...

Um...though I tend to generally be in complete agreement with the sentiments of my dear Britpopbaby, I must protest to but one expressed here:

Justin Timberlake is SO not fugly.

He's not nearly in the Gyllenhaal's league, mind you, but any white boy who can sing and, mre importantly, dance like that is okay in my book.

I do, however, now hate Eva (I'm one of the worst actresses in Hollywood but I'm totally hot so I stil get work) Mendez even more than I already did.

Anonymous said...

Justin, the little slut. Jakey had the grace not to give him what he wanted up front, so he had to resort to the sneak attack from behind.

To be fair his sleazy methods got him more than Spacey. Not as much as Eva though.

WHERE were the Jakewatch operatives?

Anonymous said...

to 1978...you must have sent or read my exact thoughts! But understand Justin wasn't around then. And fashion circles around even the bad.

Anonymous said...

"Do they list guests?" many times in reguards to talk shows, they will give you 3-7 days head's up on up comming guests. But not always depends on the show ,listing service, as to if they update on a regular basis.

Anonymous said...

Well the breasts do fasinate...the tension of it all ...will they pop out? ...can they be natural? .... is nipple showing? lol

Anonymous said...

I think they should cast them (the breasts) in bronze, and create a new MTV award....the boobie!

Anonymous said...

I hope I'm not too late but where do I sign up for Jake's Angels?? I so want in!!
As for the pics...no fair!
I don't have MTV, we only just got freeview how deprived am I, so would appreciate a heads up on when the awards will be on bog standard UK tv please!
Thanks Angels.

Anonymous said...

Anabell, sure u can. Im really serious about this angels thing, me and some friends are already training! So join in! :-)
we have to make some program...

Anonymous said...

With this one, it's 100 comments on "celebrities we're not concerned with..". Do you realize what would happen if Jake gets into a relationship? I mean..the first pure evidences of his romance.. I'm scared.

Anonymous said...

In that photo with Spacey i believe that their conversation went something like this:

Kevin: You could call me Ennis...
Jake: For the last time Kevin, i was just acting.

Anonymous said...

I hate to intrude upon private grief but the sight of Spacey as over-excited giggling skoolgirl in the face the G-force magnetism that is the Gyllenhaal is irresistible. Note the defensive arms folded pose of your man Jake. Clearly not comfortable and not amenable to any man-hug today. Wisely so given what we know about the Artistic Director of the Old Vic and his taste for leisurely strolls in parks at 4 in the morning....

Anonymous said...

I hate to intrude upon the private grief of one so eminent as the Artistic Director of the Old Vic, but the sight of Spacey as over-excited giggling schoolgirl in the face the G-force magnetism that is the Gyllenhaal is irresistible. Note the defensive arms-folded pose of yer man Jake; stay where you are SPACEY. Sorry Kev luv, our man is all man-hugged out. Fortuitously so given what we know about the Artistic Director of the Old Vic and his taste for leisurely strolls in parks at 4 in the morning...”Look officer, I was just taking my dog for a walk when all of a sudden this guy appears outta nowhere…”

Anonymous said...

Oops. Posted twice..Sorry, not my fault guv. It kept crashing so had to retype and then, lo, the first post had er, posted... Brit if its within your power, please delete the first one ? ta luv.

Anonymous said...

"What's funny, my best frined calls me a fag hag because I love the Spacey. I've been a fan of his FOREVER. That still doesn't give him permission to stand next to and eyeball my man, tho. Sorry, Kev!"

Don't worry about that, sweetie, and don't believe everything is lingering on the internet. I know from a reliable source that Spacey is NOT GAY. He's been dating for a couple of years an Irishwoman in her early forties, but as she's a mere nobody the press in not interested, and their relationship is very quiet. Before her, he dated for eight years a certain Dianne Dreyer who was Shayamalan's and Minghella's script supervisor. And he also dated April Winchell, a radio personality. She talked wittily about it on the radio and in her web diary.
But I'm afraid the gays never will accept that awful truth! :-)