Wednesday, January 31, 2007

HELLO MY DAHLINGS

My name is Madame Swiss and I have been recruited into the Jake Watch fold by the increasingly mysterious Number Six. My postion is a flexible one but know that I'm here to deal with the rather nasty business of rumors and gossip! I won't bore you with the fabulous details of my life just yet, just know I'm an old Southern Belle with more wisdom than Oprah rubbing up against an oak tree. But let's concentrate on the beautiful Jacob for now, dahlings.

So, I was out pruning my camellias last Thursday when Rev Gregor rode past on his bicycle, spouting some trolly about my dearest Jacob and one Miss Reese Witherspoon-mont. Well, sweet home Alabama! It'll be a dark day in Albuquerque before I see that petticoat rustling the follicles of my sweet, innocent Jacob. I said to the pastor, as he came to a screechin' halt right by my crocuses, where did he hear such damn nonsense? 'All over the place, Madame Swiss! There making a moving picture together back in the Old World'. I almost collasped right there on my secateurs. A woman in her position with that naive boy in the backwaters of god knows where! Well, I'm telling you all right now, ain't nothing but poppycock. She's cute in a 'reserve-cheerleader-squad' sort of fashion but Jacob knows better than to upset his Mama Swiss and make her come over all unnessecary. And that's the end of that.

36 comments:

cina said...

So, I was out pruning my camellias last Thursday when Rev Gregor rode past on his bicycle, spouting some trolly about my dearest Jacob and one Miss Reese Witherspoon-mont. Well, sweet home Alabama! It'll be a dark day in Albuquerque before I see that petticoat rustling the follicles of my sweet, innocent Jacob. I said to the pastor, as he came to a screechin' halt right by my crocuses, where did he hear such damn nonsense?

Bwahahaha!! I'm sorry, I had to quote all of that because oh my god, that made me laugh so hard!!

phoebe said...

I almost collasped right there on my secateurs.

LMAO!!

Oh, Madame Swiss, I think I love you already!

cina said...

^^ Dude, that makes two of us!!

Agnes said...

Well, sweet home Alabama!

heehee...

veeveevee said...

Jacob knows better than to upset his Mama Swiss and make her come over all unnessecary. And that's the end of that.

And that's the end of that.

Nothing Really Matters said...

Madame Swiss, you sexy thing you! We need to talk! Who else can i play with now Brits is not here?? ;-)

I did think number six was a bit of all right! But you are something else!

KayDee said...

It'll be a dark day in Albuquerque before I see that petticoat rustling the follicles of my sweet, innocent Jacob

LOL! i don't know why the tiniest mention of the sweet jacob's follicles makes me feel all warm inside...

KayDee said...

Jacob knows better than to upset his Mama Swiss and make her come over all unnessecary

you wouldn't spank him, would you?


hmm... in fact, that's another idea that kinda turns me on...

i need a life

Simon Agent 002 said...

Madame Swiss,
I haven't seen you since the fondue!
I hope you have forgotten my spilling the pot on you?

Have the burns healed?

KayDee said...

simon, where have you been, i haven't seen you in ages!?

no, don't tell me, it's all strictly classified, you were on a mission to save our beloved leaders, right? :D

ncwoman said...

Ah, Madame Swiss, another Steel Magnolia to add to the Jake Watch team! Welcome from a fellow Southern Belle!

Katie said...

Good to see you Simon!

amerita said...

Did Madame Swiss just stole her outfit from the Marie Antoinette movie wardrobe?

Went to IKEA nearly bought a glass sconce lamp (sp?) calle Gyllen ... not that I knew where to put it, just that the name ... ok, I nearly wish there were paps in Marocco sigh...

Anonymous said...

I wish there were paps in Morrocco, too. Or at least crew people who had telephone cameras who would not be governed by Miss Reese Witherspoon's ban on cell phones. I mean. She isn't even IN Morrocco....or is she. No. I don't think so. I think Jake is there for the part of the film where her husband is kidnapped and brought to "Egypt" to be tortured and interrogated.And even if she is there! She's not the boss of us! She can't keep us from seeing pics of our Jakey! And so what! I don't even care. (Bangs head on wall!) Where are my meds!!!

AgentLola said...

A vacation sounds nice...hmmm, where should I go? Morrocco, you say?...Spy on Reese and Jake? Who, me? I would never! :)

mrs_dalloway said...

Madame Swiss, I haven't laughed like that in ages.You better be careful with those secateurs, you can't afford accidents to happen every time you hear a rumour about young Jacob!

S4M985 said...

Thanks madam swiss for puttin all the rumours to rest. Someone just HAD to do it.

And glad to see u join the JW team!

smurfette said...

amerita, that's so funny about the ikea lamp called gyllen-- i do stuff like that too (get really excited and buy things that remind me of jake somehow)! all together now, (with kaydee too): WE NEED A LIFE =).

veeveevee said...

She's not the boss of us! She can't keep us from seeing pics of our Jakey! And so what! I don't even care. (Bangs head on wall!) Where are my meds!!!

Anon 4:42 - that was hysterical!

And I totally agree!

a close friend of Reese's said...

Madam Swiss, I think y'all are getting the entirely wrong impression. Look. Jake is very tall. Reese is very short. Spendin' all that time discussin' things and workin' real hard put a terrible crick in poor Reese's neck! And she was tryin' hard not to show it. But Jake, empathetic little sweet thing that he is, he knew Reese was in pain. So when he came up behind her and started that neck massage, working his way to her shoulder blades, then turning her spine to jelly, her poor little head just wobbled and tilted util there it was! Pressed against his chest...Maybe that's how rumors start! But it was innocent. It was just one friend helpin' another. It was a very Southern thing to do!

cina said...

^^LOL!

But the thought of getting a neck massage from Jake...

*whimpers*

and

*dies*

THUD.

heddaparsons said...

Those Southern gals are so sassy!!

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