Tuesday, December 19, 2006

INTERNATIONAL JAKE DAY

Dear Jake,

I'm not gonna lie. We made a boo-boo. See, um, real life kinda got in the way of your birthday celebrations. Let me explain...

We started to plan for your birthday way back in August when ProphecyGirl came up with the awesome idea to write for you, Jake Watch: The Movie (aka, The Day After Tomorrow Never Dies). It was going so well until your Dad kind of pissed on our parade and made us realise you would either a, probably not appreciate it in the vein it was intended or b, plagarize it, turn it into a multi-million dollar movie franchise and take all the credit. Okay, more a than b.

So, our next plan was to do something for charity 'cos we're just all about the little people/ice caps. It was an amazing idea, trust me. We even contacted Livestrong and they were all like, 'OMG! It's not exactly a bike-athon but it's perhaps the best idea we've ever heard in the history of time'. Anyway, it was going to involved signed Jake goodness (real not forged, otherwise we would have done that ourselves), but alas, it fell through because some people that we're involved must of died or something. Man, I hope Shelley at Livestrong didn't say anything to Lance or else we're gonna look like asses...

Then we were going to do something artistic and creative with the usual Jake Watch flair, but then like I mentioned, both ProphecyGirl and britpopbaby had to be somewhere last night and now are totally hungover and can't be arsed. It's not like you put a lot of effort into our birthdays either though, so let's just call it even.

Here, we brought you these.

A new puggle because you seem to have misplaced Boo:

Cupcakes, your favourite. This one has Mohawk Ken on it...and also yoghurt. I don't know anymore, either.

Some Lance/Livestrong artwork. Umm, yellow.

A polar bear. Those ice caps are melting Jake, and Reginald needs somewhere new to live.


Peace Out!
Jake Watch.

PS - We shall also bring you UJN's head on a plate.

77 comments:

cina said...

FINALLY!! :D

Happy Birthday Jake. Party hard and eat a lot of cake and all that... Wish I could be there to pop out of the cake for you, but unfortunately I'm busy drying my nail polish so I can't. I hope you survive without me.

Now Brits and PG - go and have yourselves a Bloody Mary and put your feet in an elevated position.

Over and out.

'agentH= H said...

Ohhh been waiting on for this post like all the geeks lined up at target trying to get a Wii...(that sounded funnier in my head)
moving on.....

Happy Birthday Jake!

agent h said...

^^and that should be agent H

Prophecy Girl said...

So much anticipation and all our good stuff was foiled by none other than Jake's own people. The irony!

cina said...

^^ Amen.

Get real said...

Um, okay, guess the celebration has become a bit sarcastic around here, lol.

Well, Happy Birthday Jake! Hope you have a fantastic day, you sexy, talented thing you!!

Agnes said...

Congrats Jake!!!!!!

smurfette said...

haha, the cupcake looks lethal, but very cute. these presents were nothing short of artistic and creative and with the usual jake watch flair =)

i’m very curious tho, what was the brilliant livestrong idea that was initially embraced and then got killed?

hedda parsons said...

Ahhhh! The Lance pic looks like a Soviet era propaganda poster, it's only missing a splash of red!! Too bad the Livestrong thing fell through, that would have been great. And where is Boo??? Happy Birthday Jake!!

britpopbaby said...

I’m very curious tho, what was the brilliant livestrong idea that was initially embraced and then got killed?

We were going to have a cyber charity raffle for Livestrong. We got the people at Livestrong behind us (they are SO cool), a way to get stuff to Jake to be signed by him so we could raffle it off and even got contact from Jake's people but then it all fell apart. Kinda put a dampener on everything. I was going to get Jake to sign SOCKS! I also had a Bubble Boy poster eady to go...blub.

cina said...

Brits, that would have been so amazingly cool! Why is it that when Jake's people get involved, things always fall apart?? :(

Anonymous said...

So happy you finally posted this thread!!! After surfing the usual sites,I grew concerned so little attention has been given to This Day Which Is Different From Any Other. Even IHJ only has a thread or two for greetings. And of the gossip blogs, only the reprehensible dlisted had Jake's picture posted in their Slut of the Day section, even tho HE wasn't actually the SOTD, but some overly voluptuous blonde female was. He was the Birthday Slut...and dlisted posted one of Jake's famous "I'm Ready When You Are" pics. But then I thought, how typically biblical...as it were. I mean, aside from a lot of angels which are mostly transparent and you can't really see them, and a few cuddly little barnyard creatures, a shepherd or two, it was just Mum and Pop and the wee one in a manger and who knew...I mean it wasn't for weeks that the three old guys riding camels came along and brought actual gifts...
It's just that I thought there would be fireworks and the earth trembling (I hope it trembled for some lucky girl out there in LA) and I thought for sure there would be celebrations, especially at the second coming...(bcz you know there had to be at least two...)
So, Happy, Happy Birthday, Beautiful Jake!!! It comforts me he's a year older...I feel less like a pedophile.

Simon Agent 002 said...

Happy Birthday Jake!

I did want to let you drive the chariot, unfortunately we were detained by a Cyclops
A wrong turn at a asteroid crater, and next thing you
know your really lost.

It's been one of those days.

veeveevee said...

Ohhhhh...I would have loved to have some very official, Jake Watch-endorsed socks that were signed by Jake.

I'd better start gathering my pennies, just in case the whole thing comes together for next year's birthday.

Happy Birthday, Jake!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Jake! I hope you celebrate with loved ones around you and have a happy new year!

hugs

Anonymous said...

Oh well, this is the third time I've done this, but it's for my darlin' Jake so...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR SWEET GORGEOUS JAKE!

May (the rest of) your day be filled with love, laughter, good food, and the company of those you love.

Hugs and LOTS of deep, slow, sensual kisses that last for DAYS...

NC Woman

Nothing Really Matters said...

Dude how mean are you sending Jake a dead polar bear!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKE!

Anonymous said...

Actually, Polar Bears are consummate actors...Reginald isn't dead...he's lolling...

Ditto on the "...deep slow sensual kisses that last for days..." Really. What else could a gorgeous 26 yr. old want!

Happy Birthday Sweetness!

nice anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Jake!

And Poor Brits & ProphecyGirl. You've got my sympathy. Both of you are always so full of good intentions & warm wishes toward Jake, but you are always getting thwarted somehow.

Nothing Really Matters said...

Can i have your CUPCAKE Jake???

cina said...

I wanna have the puggle!
And I also wanna rub the belly on that polar bear. But I'd rather rub Jake's belly though, that's for sure. Guess it would be less dangerous... and waaay more delightful!

Jake - when your tummy is aching from too much birthday cake, I'll come and rub it for you. All night long. Just send a textmsg to the Jake Watch Central with my secret code (I know you know it) and I'll be right over. ;)

Nothing Really Matters said...

^^ You better watch it Cina, Brits will be doing a back away from my man on you!

Prophecy Girl said...

Dude how mean are you sending Jake a dead polar bear!

For some reason this has had me hysterical for about the past hour. I cannot stop laughing.

Nothing Really Matters said...

Next you’ll be sending me empty cupcake cases!

~DKBB~ said...

Hope ya have a happy one, Jake.

Brits, the cyber auction idea was AWESOME - kudos to you for coming up with it, and boos the those that scuttled it.

only1annabel said...

I'm a wee bit distraught that there is no Jake Watch birthday party for Jake in full swing...would have been cool to get drunk with him in mind! It's always nice to have Jake in mind!!
Anyway Happy Birthday Jake!

ATD said...

Happy Birthday Jake

Hope that you’ve had a great day.

Now more serious business; I know you’ve been raised right and respect your elders, so:

1.GET SOME NEW PEOPLE. Your guys buggered up JW’s plans.

2.Make sure you get that cute ass of yours over here to the UK for the premiere of Zodiac (you’ve got plenty of time to plan it) – and just to clarify, we’re not talking about the trashy London Premiere, Manchester is where its at man.

Anonymous said...

Don't know how far Manchester is from London (I flunked geography!) but I believe Jake will be going to the BAFTAS as a presenter even before Zodiac, so there's always a chance to see him then.Bet the west coast USA premiere is held in San Francisco, too. Makes me wonder. When will Jake go out of town for Rendition shoots. Unless they don't need him to go to South Africa or Morocco. Maybe they're just having their second unit go down to shoot exteriors. But I thought Jake would be going, too.

dani said...

Thanks to you Jake, I have become true friends with a very special person. She knows who she is. So Happy Birthday Jake, with your fine ass self!

Anonymous said...

I can just see Reginald reclining by an L.A. swimming pool with dark glasses and a cocktail, adjusting well to his new home! ;-)

Sarah K said...

I think it's really funny that we're all making these Birthday Shout-Outs to Jake...I mean, i know he's definetely aware of the site, and may actually look at it from time to time but does he honestly read the comments??

By the way, I signed up with Blogger, so from now on, I'm going to be SarahGyllenhaal.

perfectscore_goldstar said...

Awwww that Boo "replacement" is adorable!

Can I get Jake, holding that puppy, sitting under my Christmas tree in a few days ???

Please ???


HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKE ! ! !

penny lane said...

A very happy 26th birthday to Jake and many happy returns!

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday Jake. Somehow this post is the least funny in ages. Wish all the bruha hua with his dad could have been left out on the day of Jake's birthday but alas. Happy birthday Jake, seeing out on SNL in January, you'll rock, baby!!

Anonymous said...

Some info on Jake's Birthday presents ~

http://www.defamer.com/hollywood/jake-gyllenhaal/a-very-gyllenhaaly-chrismukkah-birthday-223118.php

atk said...

Jake, I hope you had a very special birthday.

So he got socks and a tea service for his birthday? Sock Watch alert!

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday Jake!

Cashmere socks and a british tea service????? For a 26 year old guy??? Ok, I will be nice.

Jake was also bike riding on his birthday. Some pics at IHJ or Perez Hilton.

cina said...

So he was opening presents in public at a restaurant...? Okey, I'm not totally buying that to be honest. But who knows.

hedda parsons said...

"So he was opening presents in public at a restaurant...? Okey, I'm not totally buying that to be honest. But who knows"

My thought too. If this is legit, it sounds more like they were exchanging Hannukah gifts than birthday gifts!

Anonymous said...

I imagine it is legit and they were birthday presents - it's a nice, normal, family thing to do.

S4M985 said...

Well ill say it again too, Happy Birthday Kale- even tho in 1.5 hours its like exactly 2 days since his birthday... im still celebrating!
What strange presents. and i cant WAIT to see these socks on sock watch. hope he cracks out some socks and thongs (flip flops whatever u guys call them) for the occasion like this

cina said...

Oh, you mean like this?
;)

joycedavenport said...

Can't let the day pass- well actually I have as it's now the Day After the Day before' s official Birthday Day - but anyway Happy Birthday to the most beautiful man on the planet.

Katie said...

Jake, I hope you had a great birthday and your head's not hurting too much today. I love ya and I was thinking about you all day - and my head does hurt as I had to break open the Special Occasion Talisker Single Malt Whiskey to celebrate.

By the way, as a Brit, I approve of the tea set (not so sure about the wind chimes...)

Jake - thanks for the big gift you've given to us - Jack Twist (can never thank you enough for that one) - and you have directly led to the enrichment of my life over the past year in a very specific and very special way for which I will always be grateful.

This seems like a 'funny' post to mark Jake's birthday (I'm rather relieved I'm not held responsible for the words and actions of my family and colleagues - no-one would talk to me again. It'd be a nice birthday and Christmas gift to Jake if he could be forgiven.)

Anonymous said...

Did Jake do something wrong that he needs to be forgiven, anyway not to sure about the gift thing. Would anyone take a tea set gift to a restaurant to be unwrapped.

Hope you had a wonderful birthday Jake.

mpom said...

I am late posting here today. I had to be traveling on your birthday. Sorry Jake.

So my slightly belated
HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! Wishes to you.
I hope your day was grand and you got all you wished for.

Simon Agent 002 said...

S4M985 that was a disturbing photo @12:31 PM ...

Nothing Really Matters said...

a british tea service?????

If i'm visiting i want to drink from things that remind me of home!

jacknastygirl said...

http://www.people.com
happy riding!

Prophecy Girl said...

He got SOCKS for his birthday?!? That's the greatest thing I've ever heard. Even though we didn't get him anything, he still got what we would have gotten him had we been able to give him something. Brilliant. Even if it's not legit, it makes a good story.

Just to clarify, we here at Jake Watch have a very complicated albeit completely fictional relationship with Jake. I'm just feeling the need to through that out there. :)

smurfette said...

complicated yet fictional-- extremely well-put, PG. i loved the cashmere socks bit-- think the gal who made up this encounter has been reading JW? haha, sorry i'm cynical, but it's just my nature to assume these are also fictional...

BP-- that livestrong idea sounds wonderful, ugh, must be frustrating that it fell through.

btw, stumbled on a nice, albeit a bit gratuitous bday post on jake at this blog here:
http://mynewplaidpants.blogspot.
com/2006/12/happy-jake-day.html

westenera said...

I doubt that the defamer report is true. Socks? Come on. No one does that unless they a) hate the person or b) are doing it as a joke. Since Jake is thoroughly unhateable, I can only assume that someone is pulling JakeWatch's leg, since socks are funny over here.

Nevertheless, I am amused.

Wet For Went said...

I totally missed Jake's day. Happy Birthday Jake! I barely get to leave Wentville lately to visit Jakeland but I miss him terribly!!! I LOVE the banner...I mean, who needs Jesus anyway?

Simon Agent 002 said...

"If I'm visiting I want to drink from things that remind me of home!"

^Pussy, wouldn't that be a bottle of Thunderbird in a brown paper bag?

Anonymous said...

Nice pics on that blog, Anon. 3:24! Gratuitous? Maybe. Sexy? Definitely! I especially love the 24th one, with Jake lookin' lusty with his beautiful mouth slightly open, sitting on a chair. Makes me think of sitting on his lap, undoing the buttons on that necktie and shirt, kissin' those lips and neck, and I won't even tell you what else, but let's just say it's my favorite! ;-)

Anonymous said...

Didn't I read somewhere that Jake bought a house a while ago somewhere in H'wood? And since he's spent so much time this summer and early fall in Texas, New York, Martha's Vineyard, etc.
maybe he's finally having a chance to spend some quality time and settle in and get his house put together. That may account for wind chimes and tea services. As for the cashmere socks, maybe it's bcz when he comes to London to present at BAFTA it will be rainy and chilly again and they want to make sure The Chosen One has warm feet. I can think of many more pleasureable ways to warm Jake's feet, but I don't think his parents and his sister unit would appreciate those.

Anonymous said...

Very luxurious gifts!

Anonymous said...

Those sound like Hanukkah gifties to me. I'm not Jewish, but isn't Hanukkah celebrated over a period of, like, eight days, and ppl exchange gifts on each of those days?

Smurfeyshmoo said...

I'm gonna go ahead and not believe that sighting. Or maybe, since they knew people would be watching and reporting on what Jake opened, they got him gag gifts. He's 26. Gay, straight, whatever, no 26-year-old is going to jump up and down because he got cashmere socks, a tea set, and windchimes.

britpopbaby said...

This seems like a 'funny' post to mark Jake's birthday (I'm rather relieved I'm not held responsible for the words and actions of my family and colleagues - no-one would talk to me again. It'd be a nice birthday and Christmas gift to Jake if he could be forgiven.)

Er, it was a joke.

Anonymous said...

5:57: I agree. No way in hell that those were birthday gifts. A tea set? Socks, definately a Hannakuh gift. The person that witnessed that justv assumed it was his B'day gift. And opening them up in a swanky resturaunt to boot!

Simon Agent 002 said...

^ I want my money back!

cina said...

Oh god simon!! You crack me up!! :D

Kendra said...

So funny, Simon! Those adverts are unexpected jokes, it's almost better Britpopbaby let them be posted!

smurfette said...

oh cool news, the musical guest for jake's SNL night is the shins. how perfectly fitting for our favorite hipster indie music lover =)

http://www.nme.com/news/the-shins/25546

Simon Agent 002 said...

the shits?... Can't say I've heard of them?

smurfette said...

hahaha, simon, you are in rare form today. i believe the shits are what happens when you drink too much beer-- i.e. beer shits =P.

here's the band's official site if you want a listen: www.theshins.com

Anonymous said...

Hey. I know this is really OT, and if there's a huge convo about it, i PROMISE i'll take it to the forum. But what do you guys think of this:
http://www.mcnblogs.com/thehotblog/archives/2005/11/jarhead_theory.html
I think it's interesting.
But ever since Brokeback, people have been WAY to eager to interperate everything Jake does/every movie he's in as Gay.

Anonymous said...

^^Sorry, thats:
http://www.mcnblogs.com/thehotblog/archives/2005/11/jarhead_theory.html

Anonymous said...

Arg! Sorry, amigos, i cant get my link to work. It's the one called Welcome to the Suck (It's about Jarhead--obvi)

cina said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
cina said...

Okey... something fishy is going on with Uncle Jack Nasty's MySpace... I think it's being taken down! One minute it's there, looking all weird. The next minute it says the account has been deleted. And the next minute it's there again, looking all weird. So there's DEFINITELY something happening...! LOLOL

atk said...

The Shins? How cool is that? I love The Shins. I can´t wait for SNL and the clips on youtube.

It seems that UJN is deleted. Mission fulfilled I would say! :)

elvis [uesims] said...

Re: the Jarhead analysis, I think it's revealing that it's the only aspect of the film he identified. There were so many subtexts in Jarhead, and the homoeroticism, while fun, was one of the least interesting.

Anonymous said...

^^Yes, I agree that the homoerotic aspect (if any) of Jarhead is the least interesting and a very minor part of what the movie is trying to say. If that's all the reviewer wants to focus on, it's really oversimplifying it, it was a complicated movie.

And YAY for getting rid of UJN ladies! It really needed to be taken down. Just disrespectful to people in general, not just to our guy, which is bad enough.

Linna said...

A polar bear. Those ice caps are melting Jake, and Reginald needs somewhere new to live.

ROFLMFAO

Anonymous said...

Communist artworks, diet cupcakes and unconventional pets... the perfect birthday blend! hehehe