Wednesday, November 22, 2006

AGENTS IN ACTION: A WORD FROM YOUR LEADER

Agents, I've just been over the report from our latest assignment and although it went relatively well there are a few points I'd like to go over. Can I please refer you to the diagram below:
As you can all see, Jake has managed to flee the scene looking dazed and confused but generally unharmed, with his yet to be identified purchase that may or may not be Sprinkles cupcakes, wholly in tact. The jeans, as usual, are hot.

So far so good, but now may I steer you in the direction of the figure marked (A.). On initially sight, I'm way impressed - going undercover as an orderly? NICE. Nobody expects a hospital worker, 'cept maybe Lieutenant Dan (Ex. 1). On closer inspection though agent, you've totally given yourself away. Your lack of training has resulted in the common, 'Oh my freakin' god, it's Jake freakin' Gyllenhaal'-face. There was obviously some admin oversight in sending you out into the field so soon. I apologise and will make sure Terence (Senior Office Manager - Ex. 2) doesn't make this error again.

Now for Figure (B.). Peter Sarsgaard is that you? Homeless people, as we have learnt in the past, make for pretty interesting paparazzi pictures and also serve as a great distraction for agents in action but this guy? Not homeless looking enough. Jake doesn't even care. If we are going to continue with our 'Plant-a-Tramp' initiative we're going to have to do better than this - may I suggest, for starters, dirtier sneakers?

My last point is just a general request. Since I moved Eugene out of fieldwork and on to the switchboard because his sciatica was playing up we've had no-one to go round and check all the public phones in the world are working. As we all know, all phones should be connected to the JakeWatch Network Advisory Kinetic Emergency Directory (or Jake-NAKED for short). If Jake or an agent is ever in trouble they can dial 5253-92824 and be put straight through to the emergency response team. So can someone please check that phone for connectivity? Thanks.

That's all agents. Keep up the sterling work because remember, someone has to keep a damn eye on him.

40 comments:

Nothing Really Matters said...

It’s good to have a number that non Jake Watch agents will not remember!

cina said...

Aww hell. We shouldn't have sent Kitty out on a mission so soon. Our fault. Never to be repeated again. She obviously still gets starstruck, and that is a BIG no-no for a Jake Watch Agent. At least one shouldn't be Jakestruck. ;-)

kaydee said...

is there any particular reason why JW agents should remember the phone number better than anyone else?

or am i dim and it is some crucial number in a JW agent's life?

the JakeWatch Network Advisory Kinetic Emergency Directory (or Jake-NAKED for short).

LOL, i snorted my tea all over the screen again


he really looks dazed and confused... LOL

Agnes said...

Okay doggie Terence should maybe not handle the paper work. He is cute though and I almost laughed my ass off...

nice anonymous said...

That's just Jake doing another animal impression: Deer caught in the high beams.

mpom said...

As we all know, all phones should be connected to the JakeWatch Network Advisory Kinetic Emergency Directory (or Jake-NAKED for short).

Still laughing hystericaly at this one. You are the best. I really needed that laugh too. My sweet cat "peed" a puddle on my just cleaned bathroom floor. And I rushed in to close the window, cause it's blowing a gale around here, and I STEPPED IN IT, barefooted. "GAAAAGH." More scrubbing, washing cleaning.

I can always count on Jake Watch humor to make my world a happier place, even on the worst days.

BTW Jake looks great in that pic. Lovely eyes, as usual. Can't really blame the agent for a sneak peek. Cause no ammount of training can break the spell.

kaydee said...

That's just Jake doing another animal impression: Deer caught in the high beams.

Nice Anonymous, don't tempt me :-)

cina said...

OMG, I didn't notice at first that little Terence was peeing on the laptop!! LMAO!! Über-cute! :-)

Nothing Really Matters said...

Lets just say that's not any number Brits thought of!

mpom said...

My cat has issues about holiday preparedness. She knows when THEY are comming by what I do around the house. My two kids come home for Thanksgiving bringing 5 grandchildren, spouses, and my two big grandogs. Zoie, a black lab and Ellie a golden retriever. Minnie the cat hates it. She pees in a place where she knows I will walk to get back at me in advance.

I wonder what has Terence so upset to be sprinkling the lap top.

Simon Agent 002 said...

Poor Eugene, I know that sciatica can be a real pain in the a**.

Simon Agent 002 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Smurfeyshmoo said...

LMAO. Jake-NAKED. Now there's a something we can all rely on.

dottieb said...

So, what is "C"?

Anonymous said...

I love your emergency number (Jake naked) it's easier to remember than that boring 911 thing.

I suspect that Jake lives either in that building or in that area since your agents took photos of him numerous times passing that address. You should have agents report to confirm. OH don't they have cells? I mean come on using public phones for official matters is so old fashioned isn't it?

please continue to let us see reports as they happen

thanks Jake watch for all your diligence

dottieb said...

Oh, C is the phone! Didn't recognize it at first! (Been a while!)

Newport Girl said...

"That's just Jake doing another animal impression: Deer caught in the high beams."

Yeah, and his SHOES look like something Bambi would wear to the dance, didn't ANYONE notice those two-prong white hoofy things?!

One word: ADORKABLE

veeveevee said...

Hey Newport Girl - "adorkable" is the perfect word to describe Jake - no matter what he's doing, even doing a dorky dance, he's adorable. I like this "deer in the headlights" look.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, even those across the pond who may not celebrate!

Newport Girl said...

Thanks, veeveevee! I thunk we gots us a spankin brand new description for whats-his-name: Adorkable.

By the way, I was wondering if those horrible hoof shoes of his might be clogs, worn with matching white socks. And if so, why does he have three humongous toes? Does that have any, uh, masculine significance?

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I'm hosting it for my family, but on Saturday. Since I have never cooked a chicken or a roast in my life, much less a friggin twenty pound turkey, I'm hoping that all goes well. I've already booked rooms at the hospital.

cina said...

Okey everyone, it's BRITPOPBABY'S BIRTHDAY today!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL! :-)
Keep up the fab job you do with this blog! And hope you have a BLAST today! :-)

Newport Girl said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRITPOPBABY!!!

Are you finally of LEGAL AGE or are you still JAILBAIT?

No matter, because you'll always be JAKEBAIT!!!

atk said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Britpopbaby!

Thank you for your wonderful work on this blog. Keep it coming, girl! You rock!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday BPB, keep up the good work I love coming here, it always makes laugh.

jacknastygirl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
penny lane said...

Britpopbaby, Happy Birthday (argh, to be that young again..!) and Happy Thanksgiving to all Americans! Enjoy your turkey and - if possible - your family!

jacknastygirl said...

happy birthday brits!

JakeNAKED - it's like new brand :)...you wanna brand you gotta earn it

S4M985 said...

Is my phone connected to Jake-NAKED?? i do hope so!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIT POP! Hope all your dreams and wishes come true! xxooxx

Simon Agent 002 said...

Happy Birthday Brit! :)

Anonymous said...

Hedda Parsons

Happy Birthday Brit! And to everyone: HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Frank Sinatra said...

Brit, the month's all wrong and it's bit melancholy...but beautiful. One of my favorite songs.
Happy Birthday dear.

mpom said...

Happy Birthday Brit. Have a great day. And I love this place, you make my day a little brighter.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL. I gotta go now to stuff a 20 lb turkey.

Wonder how the G. family will handle the Turkey day thing??? Maybe Jake will cook something.

cina said...

Apparently Maggie, Peter and little Ramona are in LA, probably for Thanksgiving...? I saw a pap-video of them arriving at LAX the other day. They didn't look too happy about the paps... Maggie was hinding little Ramona under a blanket and Peter shoved the camera away. I can't blame them.

Simon Agent 002 said...

Moonlight Mile is on today. time time from my listing is eastern standard time, so it maybe different out west?

Moonlight Mile

Channel: OXYGEN 45

Airing Time: Thu 11/23, 12:30 PM (150 minutes)

Anonymous said...

Apparently Maggie, Peter and little Ramona are in LA, probably for Thanksgiving...?

For that and also because Peter is filming Rendition. :)

Kendra said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRITS!! I hope you have a glamurous day with or without turkey ;)

cina said...

For that and also because Peter is filming Rendition. :)

Oh yes, that's true! Forgot about that! :-)

amerita said...

Oh it is your birthday, happy birthday BPB! And happy Thanksgiving to all.

Went to see Casino Royale yesterday, cool. No Zodiac trailer though. Thought about Jake in the famous scene coming out of the sea, would have been much sexier. Somehow this Craig does not do much for me but he is cool. I was wandering what a different Bond Jake would make, with all those emotions oozing out of his entire being... well if in a few years they need to revive the character and move in a different direction ...

veeveevee said...

Simon - thanks for the heads up on Moonlight Mile! Just switched cable systems yesterday, and as of then, have the Oxygen network, so it's about to record as I type!

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