Saturday, September 23, 2006

SO CLOSE YET, OOO, SO FAR!

A Jake Gyllenhaal Set Visit can be yours for just 2000+ dollahs!

Nice. Thanks a bunch Gyllenhaal. Yet more waving of the proverbial carrot in front of the proverbial donkey. Well, this literal stalker ain't biting, mainly because she has no $2000 and unfortunately the Jake Watch Piggy Bank stands at around $250, but I promised that was for the Gyllengaard and copious amounts of Bombay Sapphire.

Yep, ebay via ACLU are pimping out Big G all in the name of freedom and liberty and stuff. Did you know the poor have rights? Amazing.

Now, I've been watching a lot of CSI:NY lately and so I thought I'd put my newly acquired detective skills and Noo Yawk accent into action to investigate this 'once in a lifetime' auction. I asked Lieutenant Dan to help me out

Point 1. Transportation and accommodations are not included.
So you pay $2000+ and you don't even get a bus ticket or a night on a blood-stained mattress at a $6 motel? Tight bastards.
Lieutenant Dan says: What a crock of shit.

Point 2. Gyllenhaal's official website includes a section on causes he cares about, with links to College Summit, NION and the ACLU.
Hey! So do we. Man, we never get the recognition we deserve. And on't even get me started on that 'official' site.
Lieutenant Dan says: Well kiss my crippled ass!

Point 3. Buyer will pay actual shipping charges to be determined after the auction based on weight and destination.
WTF? They're gonna ship the Gyllenhaal?
Lieutenant Dan says: Get that pig unfucked and get it on the tree line!

Point 4. He doesn't have a film planned at the moment, but he will certainly make one, and then we will make arrangements with the winner.
That sounds like a threat to this psuedo detective. He will make a film if it's the last thing ACLU do!
Lieutenant Dan says: Have you found Jesus yet?

Yeah, I'm not gonna ask for Lieutenant Dan's help again.

54 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't forget, there's still Maggie's signed poster (no bid yet!) and mommy's signed scripts at a cost somewhat less than current bid of $3050 for Jake.

dani said...

The ACLU are pimping out Big G.

Hilarious!!

PICKLE said...

BPB, You = hilarious. Now how many times do I have to say this?

Anonymous said...

What's the ACLU doing?
We even don't know what's his next film project!
And pay money to have lunch with Jake? Why? They should not collect money in this way!

Anonymous said...

i was reading the paper the other and it said in a survey that the number 1 fantasy for women was sleeping with a celeb and jake was like number 4 (i think!) on the list of celebs women would like sex with

Anonymous said...

Shipping Charges for Gyllenhaal? Umm - do they do C.O.D.??

No Bids on Mags' poster - min bid is $50!!! Price IS RIGHT!

Dustin Hoffman visit is going for $4k and some lyricist duo date is going for $5k!!

The Sex is youuuuurs... IF the PRICE IS RIGHT! I can See Jake Standing on the 'Price Is Right" Set flanked by the shows' hotties - Bob Barker and his skinny ass microphone and oompa loompa tan calming down a near hysterical Gyllenhaalic.

Anonymous said...

To Anon who was reading the paper on Fantasy Celeb Booty Calls - I'm thinking based on EBay auction that Dustin Hoffman must be 2 or 3 on that list!

I wanna know if you get the Grandpa sweater - I'd sleep nekkid in it everynight! I'd pick all hairs off the collar and make a mini Jake Doll with my old Ken doll - do a lil Dr 90210 and WHAMMO you got an eerie mini vers of Jake 1.2

Anonymous said...

Okay - why hasn't Papa put anything onthe bidding block?? Like a signed copy of his book or poster or SOMETHING - maybe a date!

Anonymous said...

I'm a lil hysterical over this EBay business - some fool is selling Jake's THONG!
http://tinyurl.com/hk8bv

Anonymous said...

I really want to have lunch with him, but that's not enough! I want to spend more time with him! But too bad that I don't have enough money.

kaydee said...

if ACLU is so big on human rights, why is it pimping? (G)

ok, i know i probably wouldn't complain if i actually had a chance to win...

kokodee said...

I am totally digging that thong, anon 6.15.
But I'm confused. He wore this on the Brokeback Mountain set??? I thought he went commando in keeping with the script?

Simon Agent 002 said...

Don't necessarily believe everything you see on Ebay as authentic. (the thong dubious frown) lol

There have been forged autographs etc. out there.

The ACLU auction I believe to be genuine.

An autograph to me would only represent a tangible memory of meeting the person.
Otherwise, it's not very personal is it?...to buy one?
(but by all means support to a good cause!):)

Anonymous said...

Okay I found that restaurant that Jake and Maggie were at - Olive's - this is in the previous blog where Jake is smoking in that geriatric sweater - purr!

http://www.olivesnyc.com

cina said...

I'm a lil hysterical over this EBay business - some fool is selling Jake's THONG!
http://tinyurl.com/hk8bv


BWAHAHAHAHA!! LMFAO!!

I wonder if they washed it... LOL! ;-D

Nothing Really Matters said...

Remember our plan to be Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love Hewitt Brits! Heartbreaker style! We need to out that plan into action! We only need £1200 as the exchange rate is good!

Anonymous said...

to Cina "I wonder if they washed it... LOL! ;-D"

GOD I HOPE NOT IF ITS JAKE'S!! I mean it would be the 'essence' that is Teh Sex!

nice anonymous said...

I'd cash in some CDs & put a bid in, yes, but only if I could examine the eBay item very thoroughly beforehand.

Very thoroughly.

And eBay requires that all clothing items sold there be washed before being listed.

The most amusing auctions are run by the women who cater to the shoe fetish crowd.

Anonymous said...

It says on the eBay site: "As far as I know the clothing has never been washed, so please don't ask me."

I'd put a bid on straight away if I'm sure that it is legit, but I'm not. You never know whose crouch you are sniffing (that's the only reason I'd buy it of course, to have a good sniff).

mrs_dalloway said...

WTF? They're gonna ship the Gyllenhaal?Lieutenant Dan says: Get that pig unfucked and get it on the tree line!

LMAO!!!!

I think Brits should go,I mean..Jake said it through this auction..more or less..now how can we make like..$4000..in couple of days?

Simon Agent 002 said...

I'm afraid we'd need more than $4,000 to send Brit...
This auction still has a bit of time left and it could well shoot up in price in the final second.
I wouldn't be surprised if it went into the five digits...
Geez Jake, You could have given us a head's up to start a fund raising campaign?
Will they accept S&H Green stamps?...or General Mills box tops?

britpopbaby said...

We only need £1200 as the exchange rate is good!

Ooo! That IS a good exchange rate. Well, I have a kidney I don't nessecarily need and I could sell my hair to Posh Spice if she decides to go long again?

britpopbaby said...

I think Brits should go,I mean..Jake said it through this auction..more or less..now how can we make like..$4000..in couple of days?

That's exactly what I was thinking! Although he has grossly mis-estimated the pay packet on my new job. I guess when you're a multi-multi-millionaire you lose track on the value of money.

Diana Rigg said...

It seems the description for his auction was largely lifted from his website...
Bubble Boy is added at the end, almost as a disney foot note??
CAA you could do much better by Jake.(I think)
How many of his earlier films, were poorly promoted?, finally being discovered now yrs.later?(or is it all the studio's problem?) huh?
Get Britpopbaby to run his PR and website...and the sky's the limit!
They should be scratching their heads to find projects tailor made for Jake.
Instead of filling in for other star's cast-off roles.
Jake should not be a second choice for anything at this point.(get with the program...wake and smell the coffee... news flash!...and all that good kinda stuff.) ;)

Simon Agent 002 said...

Brit, it will take more than £1200...what's that 2400-2600.? US?...it's over $3000 now, and fairly certain to go higher before it closes.
It's a bummer...

The Bearded Lady said...

Britpop, you could sell your long beautiful dark hair to Italian wig makers? (if Posh Spice won't buy)
But then you might not be in the best condition to met Jake.
A Kidney?...Jake put a stop to this crazyness before she goes under the knife!

And the current high bidder has already won a lunch date with Ed Asner and Richard Dryfuss.
Isn't Ed Asner enough man for you? hults2006?
Can't you let the little folks have a chance?...

kaydee said...

Brit, couldn't you make more money on the jake-t-shirts business? i mean, it is a great idea, i can't see how anybody could want not to buy it? it should make you extra rich... just have to advertise it properly.

britpopbaby said...

I think we have to accept that we simply can't afford The G.

TBL - I was thinking some people in Russia would want it? I think they'd pay more. Can't you sell your beard?

kaydee said...

hey, i have like $5 in my piggy shaped saving box. guess it is a good cause, so i'm willing to share.

i only want you to write us a review of the meeting, ok?

The Bearded Lady said...

I don't know if there's a market for beard hair...esp. Gray.
I know for a fact that the world's best real human hair wigs are from Italy...at least they were at one time...

The Bearded Lady said...

I do have a back-up plan if you want to hear it?

Anonymous said...

Ed Asner?

Oh my god - who is this person getting a date with Jake?

Brit - this is just not RIGHT!

I think someone had a point earlier - why IS the ACLU PIMPING out Jake?

Hows everyone's credit? Maybe a Corporate Card from AMEX?? Surely this could be written off as a business expense....research, publicity,etc..

The Bearded Lady said...

My, mistake on the Asner, Dryfuss thing.
I hit the wrong button and was looking at the seller's record's and not the buyer's (hults2006)

Anonymous said...

I noticed someone asked about when he'd be available and the answer was that's no problem because he has no films lined up! When is he ever gonna make another film?! You tend to hear about them months in advance, when the actor signs for it, as it's never signed then they start filming a week later, it's usually about 3 months away at least.
So at this rate it could be next summer at least before he starts filming a new film, and that wou;dn't be out for another year at least!
Good job Zodiac is on the horizon, but after that ..... ziltch, for too long!

Simon Agent 002 said...

I don't think the movie part would be a real problem.
I think it was put in as an extra thill...to see a movie being filmed.
I'll bet you could arrange just the lunch if you were willing to forgo the movie set visit.
Maybe he would be willing during the Zodiac promotional tour?... you could always ask?
NY? Babbo's?...but you might have to pay for your own meal! lol

mrs_dalloway said...

This unsatisfactory situation reminds me of The Elephant Song from Moulin Rouge!I'll change the parts and we have:
Brits: 'I was made for loving you,babe,you were made for loving me..'
Jake: 'The only way of loving me babe is to pay a lovely feet!'
Brits: 'Just one night,just one night!'
Jake: 'There's no way cause you can't pay!'
Brits: 'In the name of love!One night in the name of love!'
Jake: 'You crazy fool!I won't give in to you!'
:))
Sorry,it was long,but damn!It fits!

Anonymous said...

OOOH! Yeah maybe he could cook a lunch at Babbo's for the winning bidder - how hot would that be? I would TOTALLY take that over a movie set visit.

JAKE+COOKING = MIND BLOWING!

JoyceDavenport said...

Darn! If only I hadn't spent my career doing ACLU type legal aid work I could be rich enough to afford Jake- my god I would sell my principles for that man in a second. I somehow don't think that was the kind of response they were looking for...

mrs_dalloway said...

*that was fee, not feet,of course..lol..

Simon Agent 002 said...

Brit, Would you be able to meet him for lunch?
Could you keep your composure?
or would you be reduced to a mute pile of jelly?

britpopbaby said...

I guess it depends how much gin I'd had, Simon.

One bottle = cool as a cucumber.

mrs_dalloway - I can't sing but I'd try.

Joyce - can you not quit Scotland and try to get a job at the ACLU and then fix the auction - I think that's the best idea I've had all day.

Simon Agent 002 said...

Ed Asner was 500.00 ... a real steal!

The Bearded Lady said...

Joyce, I think you should study up on the legalities of Ebay...in case we want to dispute any future outcome!
We need to know are rights, besides the right to lose.

As Brit pointed out, the ACLU site does say the following:

"Defending poor peoples' access to the courts is a high priority for the ACLU"

ACLU bypass the middleman!...help the poor directly! :)

Katie said...

How could they sell our JG? Well, how could they sell our JG to anyone but us - it could have been such a great JW party. Jake and Brits at the head of the table, a nice buffet, some dancing, maybe a quiz....

mrs_dalloway said...

Right in the middle of the action,I have to go for three days to the mountains!I hope when I come back I'll find here the winner of that auction..I'll send karma in your direction,Brits!I'll just need a compass for that..
Ask the banks for help,they can't be THAT insensitive!
Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Anyone else noticed the way Maggie has hemmed her jeans in this picture :o)

http://www.iheartjakemedia.com/albums/870/006.jpg

amerita said...

LOL! I can do it for her, I even have a sewing machine!

cina said...

Anyone else noticed the way Maggie has hemmed her jeans in this picture :o)

http://www.iheartjakemedia.com/albums/870/006.jpg


LOL That's a trick I haven't tried before! I'd say she really is wearing Jake's or Peter's jeans.

bubblegirl said...

I would love to have the money to bid on the auction! That would be so great. I don't even know what I would say to him.

Brit you do deserve lunch with Jake. You work hard on this Blog and being a secret stalking agent. I wish I could buy it for you.

SquallCloud said...

Aww yay Maggie in the Saarsy jeans. Cute dude with ipod in the background too. Thanks cina.

ATD said...

Darn! If only I hadn't spent my career doing ACLU type legal aid work I could be rich enough to afford Jake- my god I would sell my principles for that man in a second.

How are you at compensation claims Joyce - I'd be more than happy - for the greater good and all that - to meet with a financially beneficial accident to help the Jake Watch funds

Anonymous said...

it's very weird that he "supports collehe summit" because WE HAVE NEVER RECEIVED MONEY FROM HIM! Hey Jake, send College Summit money, so that low-income kids can live the American Dream...

Ear Deth said...

it's very weird that he "supports college summit" because WE HAVE NEVER RECEIVED MONEY FROM HIM! Hey Jake, send College Summit money, so that low-income kids can live the American Dream...

Anonymous said...

it's very weird that he "supports college summit" because WE HAVE NEVER RECEIVED MONEY FROM HIM! Hey Jake, send College Summit money, so that low-income kids can live the American Dream...