Friday, September 08, 2006

BACK AWAY FROM MY MAN

When I first saw this picture I thought, 'Oh look, there's Kirsten Dunst with Jake on his knees pleading for release from this Jumanji, Mary-Jane, Sofia Coppola jaded nightmare of a relationship'. But then I realised not even the Dunster is THAT pale. What's going on?

We're obviously at some kind of slogan T-shirt convention here but beyond that I have NO IDEA what is happening in this picture. What I do know is, I don't like it. I don't like it one little bit. I mean, I'm almost angry at Jake - what's with the eye contact, the smirk and the tugging?

Yes, everything was beautiful, nothing hurt until "Kim" showed up. Thanks, sister. Thanks a bunch.

77 comments:

kaydee said...

why is he kneeling & looking at her with such adoration?!!!! just ain't right.
and my, doesn't he look geeky on the pic. i love me some geeky jake

nice anonymous said...

Listen to me, Jake, because I am only going to say this one time: Sharpies are to be used on photographs only -- or perhaps DVD covers. Get it? When girls come up to you, begging you to sign their breasts or bellies, you should not comply. Should you feel that you must, because they are related to a major studio head or they're the president's only daughter, then get it over with quickly. No flirting afterward. I know you're a natural-born, instinctual flirt, but try to restrain yourself. You were an Academy Award nominee recently, and now you don't have to gaze up at skinny little nobodies with protruding hipbones, looking like you'd be all too willing to unzip their jeans & go down on them in public. You're a star now. An Academy member. Understand?

S4M985 said...

what would you give to have him look at you like that... to be in her position... wow shes one lucky lady. Lol at nice anonymous!

Amerika Bound said...

She is very Dunst like, maybe all the flashes disorientated him and he thought he was looking at his gf at the time..

Yes Kim, you damn well better watch the skies for JW Agents.

Kendra said...

Yes, she is like a less attractive Kirsten version, maybe for that Jake pays so attention to her, I remember having talked of this photo before in Jake Weird and how I always focus on the guy's shirt slogan "Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt", a Kurt Vonnegut's phrase that was written on a picture of a tombstone in his novel "Slaughter House-Five".

mpom said...

Judging by the look on his face he is having a real good time here.
Remember the old saying "All work and no Play"...
There has to be more to his life than shopping for groceries, spending the day at the beach with his mom, riding his bike, and working.
It's probably my "Mom" instincts working overtime but this fooling around is GOOD for him. See how relaxed he looks here.

All that being said.
HOW DARE SHE!!
The SLUT!!
We're saving him for someone else.

The Bearded Lady said...

I like how the boyfriend stands dutifully by, holding her purse, while this is going on.

pgcatz said...

Well he looks gorgeous as usual. But to my eye, I gotta admit she's kinda cute. I am green with envy all I get are my dreams of Jake. SIGH

winterbird said...

Who is this rock-chick-wannabe and what does she want?

Jake can't be partial to rock-chick, can he? I mean, going to U2 concerts doesn't mean much, right?

The Bearded Lady said...

Also looks like wrote his full name out here,no scrawling initials....

Hold still I have a middle name too.....LOL

Prophecy Girl said...

Do we have someone on this Kim situation? The girl clearly needs to be taken out...

Dumbo said...

Forget this being nice junk, this requires some tough love. Writing on the shirt, okay. Tugging on the shirt, maybe it needed to be tightened to be able to write. Gazing into her eyes with a flirtatious smile, not happy with it, but all it takes is one smile this way and I'm over it. But what is with this signing "love" on the shirt. Is she your cousin Jake? A close friend? Do you even know her?

Next time little Miss Belt Buckle comes around you better not pull this again. It really hurts when we spend all day focusing on the most intricate details of your life, your socks, multitasking, and reuse of the same clothes over and over. Only to be greeted with this after a hard day at the office of Jake Watching?

Wait your leaving? What? Why? I’m sorry it’s okay, keep playing googly eyes with the two bit whore, I don’t care, just don’t . . . (sound of door slamming in face).

smurfette said...

wait, what did he write? i made out: "to kim, watch the skies?"

young jake is too cute... and i gotta say, it's of course hard to tell from this angle but she seems cute. that said, lucky bitch! haha

Dumbo said...

I got the watch the skies part too, but I think he signed it "love Jake Gyllenhaal".

The Bearded Lady said...

Dumbo,
I wish you were there to let out an elephant wail...perhaps shoot some water from your trunk onto this unseemly display!
You know how much time must have been involved in signing this too?...pulling the cloth taut for each word...

nice anonymous said...

Sandaled boyfriend with the portentuous t-shirt slogan is faintly smiling in the background because he knows that Jake's doing all the heavy lifting work of foreplay for him. There's that Sharpie, clutched within the big, handsome Gyllenhaal fist, gliding over the girl's body, within a few scant inches of very sensitive places. It's definitely worth Boyfriend's time to be standing in the background, holding the girlfriend's purse for her. (Even if it does make him feel hella gay.) Boyfriend knows for sure that after this scene, he's gonna get some tonight. Thank you, Mr. Bigtime Movie Star. He'll put up with "Donnie Darko" and "October Sky" on the bedroom TV all night, if that's what it takes.

Dumbo said...

"You know how much time must have been involved in signing this too?...pulling the cloth taut for each word..."

LMAO. I didn't need to hear this. The image is playing over and over in my head.

I like the elephant wail, but shooting water might only worsen the situation. As little Ms. eyelash batter's shirt is a little light, and I wouldn't want to help give Jake any more of a display than he is already getting. Let's just say had I seen this, elephants wouldn't be the only thing flying that day, and she looks like the fall would easily break her in two.

Dumbo said...

^^^^^nice anonymous

Great post, lol.

The Bearded Lady said...

Oh
I wouldn't underestimate elephant spew to break the spell.
Oh course if that didn't for some reason work...you could always lift your tail and relieve yourself.
Bathrooms aren't designed for elephants.
I'm certain attention in the room would quickly turn to you!

@ Sandal Boy...do you really want to be a subsitute?...
I say it's time to chat up some other girl in the room...
one that doesn't wear army surplus winter hats.

smurfette said...

sorry i'm slow today, i still don't get what's the significance of "watch the skies"? is this an october sky reference? jake looks young, but not that young...

abbey said...

He looks like he really likes her, indeed. This pic confirms it, he does like waif-like blondes.

veeveevee said...

What I wouldn't give to have Jake look at me like that...

JoyceDavenport said...

Bet she didn't wash that T shirt again. Oh to have The Sex kneel at your feet and gaze flirtatiously into your eyes while holding on tightly to your T shirt. On second thoughts maybe not. If that was me in about two seconds after that pretty picture the guy in the background would have me lifted off my feet and be dragging me away kicking and screaming shortly after I had disgraced myself by lunging at him wrapping my arms round him yelling don't let go- don't ever let go...

Anonymous said...

I don't think this is a recent picture so i can only hope Jake has become more circumspect in his behavior. Still playful, still a flirt,but more discreet. By now, I think he's well aware of the protective surveillance of JW agents.

The Bearded Lady said...

"watch the skies"?

It looks to be TDAT vintage...

Anonymous said...

That is pic from Donnie Darko Director's Cut Premiere.

Anonymous said...

Anyone catch Jake on the BBC Biography Channel????

britpopbaby said...

^Anneka is reviewing it for us although she will spitroast in hell because she has no method of recording it.

I shall burn too because I do not even have the Biography channel.

dani said...

I was looking at the Biography Channel website and they do offer the documentaries for sale. So eventually anyone that can't see it and really wants it - which would be me - may be able to buy it. That's the only thing that's keeping me from being totally depressed today.

The Bearded Lady said...

"from being totally depressed today."

Why doesn't this pic of Jake happily signing a autograph cheer you?

muffin said...

f*cking blogger!!!!!!!

I had written a whole squeeeing post about the Biography channel show and freaking blogger ate it....and I can't be arsed now.....

Blogger.com said...

"burb"

Anonymous said...

Well, since the folk at IHJ and DC forum are also aware of it, I'm sure someone will try to post clips or at least do something on YouTube. BTW: You say that this is from the Director's Cut DD premiere or something? Then that explains the look on Jake's face! He's channeling Donnie! It only looks like Jake on his knee. It's really Donnie. I can accept that. I really can. He was in character.

britpopbaby said...

^Good angle, anon!

And yeah, I'm sure the Jake bio will show up. I should think it's just a load of films clips shoved together with stuff we already know inbetween.

muffin said...

sorry to disappoint you Brits but there was quite a lot of stuff that I had never seen before, including 10/11 year Jake being interviewd about City Slickers. No new revelations about Jake but lots of clips I hadn't seen before...

only1annabel said...

This truly is a sad day for me. 1. I dont have the biography channel and therefore could not bask in the glory of a program dedicated to Jake! Also heat magazine has numerous photos of Jake on their tv page just to rub it in!!
2. This photo of a smug bitch who it seems already has a boyfriend! Damn her! And as for you Gyllenhaal...turn my back for a second and look what your up to! Not cool Jake. Not cool.

dani said...

TBL...The sight of some lucky girl being the reciprient of Jake's gaze and beautiful smile doesn't cheer me up. But the biking and beach pics did, so I will just look at those.

The Bearded Lady said...

Clearly Donnie is channeling Jake when he signs "Love Jake Gyllenhaal"

The Bearded Lady said...

Brit?, can't you do some cut & paste over this "Kim" chee woman?....

Anonymous said...

LOVE???? He wrote "Love Jake Gyllenhaal" or "Love, Jake Gyllenhaal"??????The comma's important. Bcz It could be Donnie urging the girl to "Love Jake..."
on the other hand, if it's "Love, Jake" it could be a kind of hippie-type, cosmic "love" Jake is urging.
He may even be drawing the peace sign on her ass.

kaydee said...

"He may even be drawing the peace sign on her ass."
that's basically what we are all dreading, aren't I right?

Simon Agent 002 said...

A picture speaks a thousand words.

Anonymous said...

Yes, shes too fugly for my eyes. Just go home, Kim. AND she looks like a druggy with her stupid makeup and pale transparent if-you-put-a-torchlight-to-it-you-could-see-her-arteries type skin and stupid stupid STUPID hat. Pah, so much for sisterhood.

yes I am spitting.

Simon Agent 002 said...

It least he could have tried to misspell her name.

Dumbo said...

The Kimbo's shirt appears to have a comma after love. By the look he's giving her I think we can all guess what kind of love is on his mind.

10-11 year old Jake interview? Hopefully that will be put on youtube.

kokodee said...

*sigh*
What can be better than Jake assuming the position for his fans?
Lucky, Lucky Bi***!

Simon Agent 002 said...

These are the common dominators:

1) Blonde

2) Round face

3) Skinny

4) Pale

5) Name that begins with "K"

Anonymous said...

Just in! - Jake in Austin w/ Mance.

Simon Agent 002 said...

...but he's not making the movie? ok whatever ever you say CAA

Anonymous said...

"Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt" is the epithet of the main character in Slaughterhouse-Five.

Everyone should read it before they die.

I'm dying to know where she got that shirt. Vonnegut is one of my favorite writers.

gargoyle said...

Found the following;
http://texaslonghornsports.blogspot.com/

There's an interview with Jake, Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey.

Anonymous said...

8:39: Yeah, I just saw that over on Perez.com. I thought he stopped hanging with them. Sigh. Anyway according to some of the comments over there, they have been hanging out at clubs and strip bars and Jake tripped on the sidewalk got up and walked up to a club where matty was waiting for him!! They were also seen at football practice for the Longhorns/Univ. TX. Doesn't sound like they are down there for bicycling. Lance and Matt are well known down there for pussy hunting if you get my drift despite the Mance rumors. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

Just in! - Jake in Austin

Boy, did I read that wrong.

kaydee said...

simon, dear. you just made my day!!! i'm blonde, pale and my name begins with a K, just have to work on the skinny part and then... well, but a girl can dream

muffin said...

That was a great Jake interview in Texas....guess the guys are hanging out watching football. He was asked about the Lance movie and he was pretty on the fence about it.

gargoyle said...

I did like Jakes response to Lance's ESPN jokes:

"I've got to say, he dissed me pretty hard, or should I say he was tough on me (on air). I would like to say for the record, that it's kind of a bummer that a close friend would take such a cheap shot, because this is coming from a guy that wears a colorful spandex suit and stares at guys from behind six to 12 hours a day. I guess that's enough said (laughing)."


Go Jake! :)

kaydee said...

well, to me Jake's "joke" seems pretty much as distasteful as Lance's ESPY jokes, so there.

i expected so much more from JG

(i hope nobody's going to treat me as a blasphemiser)

Simon Agent 002 said...

Gargoyle, I noticed that too.

Thanks for the link.

gargoyle said...

I'm just glad to see that Jake seems ok with it and can give as good as he gets. I don't want to reopen the whole appropriateness of the 'jokes' issue. My apologies if I'm a little numb to coarse jokes, I guess I've heard far too many of them in life.

Simon Agent 002 said...

Kaydee, do you have a round face?....if not there's a nighttime head mould you can wear to reshape it.

kaydee said...

well, i too like to see that he fights back instead of behaving like a doormat, but still... those are vile words, no matter who says them. he could retaliate with more class - like kick lance's arse lol

kaydee said...

"Kaydee, do you have a round face?....if not there's a nighttime head mould you can wear to reshape it."

that I would like to see. But.. not even for you, Gyllenhaal

Anonymous said...

Yay!!! Jakey loves basketball the best!!! I loved his part of the interview. The way he described watching the Rosebowl game was so...Jake...I was laughing out loud: 'It was electric...when Texas won, Texas won, but they were both winning and the Texas won...' Yo! Jake. say wha?

And IMVHO, it sounds to me as if Jake isn't all that enthused about the Lance movie thing. He wants to be nice and stay buddies, not give offense.

BTW: Someone plz tell me, what's the ACL he was referring to?

gargoyle said...

http://www.aclfestival.com/default.aspx

It's a music festival. 15th - 17th Sept.

SquallCloud said...

Whore!

*sulks back to RL*

Simon Agent 002 said...

Ok let me understand this....Jake shaves, and Mcbongo grows a beard?

Anonymous said...

^^^^^ *LOL*

Anonymous said...

If Lance trys a beard next, I'm looking for a sick bag!

kaydee said...

"Jake shaves, and Mcbongo grows a beard? "

that's the way things should be : pretty people show their faces, ugly people hide them under beards

Anonymous said...

Jake will BE at the Austin City Limits Music Festival???? Kewl! They have an outstanding lineup this year. Maybe I'll drive on down....for the music.

gin said...

Ya know, I was feeling a little dysphoric today anyway and really didn't need to look at little miss skankified thrusting her bony hip into Jakey's innocent face. I'm sorry, was that hostile? OK. I take back "bony".

amerita said...

anonymous 8:53 I am not sure that sighting about Jake tripping on a curb in Austin ... 'Jake is a small guy'... Jake small? Don't think so! He is 6 feet tall and has pretty large shoulders and powerful tights. He might be thin maybe though those pics from MV do seem to indicate he is not so thin after all.

Anonymous said...

Jakey, Jakey, Jakey. I am so worried about you hanging out with all those jocks and wild men! They are SO different from what your used to. Honey, they probably don't even read books, Jake. Jeez!

Amerika Bound said...

OK, so I have the first 15 mins on tape of the biography channel's doco, the battery died on the camera and i was too eyes stuck to the tv to notice..
so will try upload it asap.

Anonymous said...

It's repeated today at 9am and 1pm.

Anonymous said...

9:56PM: Either Jak plans on being in Texas for over a week because that festival is next weekend! Unless he plans on flying back for it.

Anonymous said...

"You were an Academy Award nominee recently, and now you don't have to gaze up at skinny little nobodies with protruding hipbones, looking like you'd be all too willing to unzip their jeans & go down on them in public. You're a star now. An Academy member. Understand?"

Nice anonymous, that was a funny post - but he really does look like he's enjoying what he's doing WAAAAAY too much, doesn't he? LOL