Last night Gordon Brown set his priorities straight as new leader of the Labour Party and Prime Minister of Great Britain. "What I really want to do," announced the ashen-faced Scot at a conference of London's leading press, "is offer my support to Presidential candidate, Jake Gyllenhaal. He's my choice, and I also know he's the choice of the British people. I look forward to working with him in the future."
When reporters asked why the new PM was so taken with Gyllenhaal, he answered, "He obviously has the most experience out of all the candidates, having dealt first-hand with such pressing issues as global warming, gay rights, Middle Eastern wars and imaginery rabbits. All this, despite being techincally too young to run. All the other candidates are tosspots and have shit MySpace profiles." When challenged by a journalist from The Times, who debated whether Presidential candidate Jake Gyllenhaal even had a MySpace page, Brown simply responded, "Oh, DOESN'T HE?". He then flashed the already amazed press his underpants and skipped off stage.