Okay, guys, I gotta be straight up with you here. Prophecy Girl and I have, in the past, used the funds amassed in the Jake Watch Piggy Bank for less than honourable means. There was obviously a lot of gin involved at the time and maybe the Guadalupe Foreign Embassy but, y'know we've forgiven ourselves and so has Mayor Lupe Alvarez.
So the deal is, we're pretty low on cash. Usually we wouldn't hassle you with our financial troubles but they come at an imperative time as a opportunity as golden as Reese Witherspoon's hair has landed in our laps. The Gyllenhaal Seniors are putted their property up for rent for a mere $20,000 a month. Peanuts! Dry roasted peanuts! The prospect of having Jake Watch coming at you from inside the very confines of Gyllenhaal Towers is surely the most interesting news you've ever read in your life.
Now, I know what you're thinking, obviously we're close personal friends of the Gyllenhaals and they should probably just let us stay at their house for three months completely free of charge, with a block of brie and the pool boy thrown in, but apparently times are hard and house-sitters are few.
So, basically, we need to raise $19,998 to get our foot in the door, literally. If you would like to see this ludicrous suggestion become a reality, please give irresponsibly. We'd like to take stalking to a whole new level.
Apparently the fire pit is a bit cliche now, so Prophecy Girl and I will rip it out and replace it with a hog roast. Also, those steps after our daily gin allowance? Deathtrap. Some kind of all-weather Stanner stair lift needs to go there. Sofas, outside? Plastic white chairs are surely more pratical? And I'm not sure about all that birch either. It gives off a slight vibe of wildlife conservation centre. Paint? And where are the pink flamingos? Do you people have no sense of American pride? What? We'd be doing you a FAVOUR, Gyllenhaals.