Whilst the world has been clinging on to the edge of it's hospital bed over the continuing glossy front page Jake and Reese rumours, we here at JW have been keeping a level head. Witches curses and anthrax-laden faux fanmail aside, we remain wholly unmoved by recent incidents as we were greatly preoccupied with the disappearance of one Boo Gyllenhaal (Puggle) and also, the gin numbs us. As regular viewers of Jake Watch may have observed, Boo is Jake Watch's 'favourite' and has at times even managed to usurp Gyllenhaal himself. So threat level has been maintained at 'hot potato' ever since Boo was last spotted in August. Bloomin' August 5th to be precise.
Thankfully, after much research, some blackmail, a drunken afternoon of Connect 4 with Atticus, home baked muffins, a rifle through the records of The Barking Bedgebury County House Dog Hotel and then some futher blackmail we discovered Boo has spilt with owner Jake Gyllenhaal. What?! NO!
Apparently Boo felt Jake was 'holding him back' as the dogged, er dog, attempted to become a star in his own right. Boo has shown an interest in performing since a chance encounter with British animal actor, Elvis The Swan, who played 'The Swan' in the smash hit cop comedy Hot Fuzz. After acquiring an agent, Boo jetted into the A-list of animal actors thanks to his connections with the Gyllenhaal family, even securing a deal to star in a guaranteed blockbusting film trilogy. Jake decided such commitments and sudden global fame would be too much for the young puggle to handle and demanded he withdrew from the projects or face having to walk using his own legs. Boo told him to 'get fucked' and promptly filed for divorce.
A close friend of Boo's added, 'Boo finally feels free. It was tough at first, with the pressure on his paws but...oh, you mean hows he going with the acting? Well he's currently in the West Indies finishing the first part of the aforementioned trilogy and he's having the time of his life. That is why you have not had any pap pics of him 'accidently' flashing his crotch as he gets in and out of cars or groping Lindsay Lohan at Butter, which he enjoys doing, despite reports to contrary...er, woof!'
So there you have it, Booaholics, the very true story behind Boo's mysterious and unending disappearance. You heard it here first. But never fear, we managed to get our hands on a preview poster from Boo's swashbuckling trilogy that doesn't infringe on any copyrights! This puggle is heading places.
*Okay, so we still don't know where he is. Booooooooo!!!!!