Alright, Zodiac, you've got a trailer, a GQ interview, one movie poster...guess it's time we take this up a notch. Never before seen, I present to you, the official movie poster of The Day After Tomorrow Never Dies (working title, Jake Watch: The Movie):
Oh, wait! 'Cause no movie worth it's buzz has just one official poster, we got two, baby! Count 'em. One, two.
Man, you don't even have to tell me how awesome I am for making these. I am sometimes astounded by my own brilliance. I would also like to thank the late, great Joyce Davenport for titling our flick.
The problem is this, friends. The recent security breaches seem to have culminated in the ultimate crime: the Jake Watch script has been stolen from the vault (what? no!) and it looks like our release date is going to be pushed back again by at least a week or so while our diligent writing team (*cough*me*cough*) gets some shit in order. Oh, what to do in the meantime? What to do indeed.
I'll tell you! Check out The Official TDATND Website and read up on the history on the movie (surprisingly non-humorous). Also, until I start putting up the script, I will be periodically posting the artwork of ATD who has done an entire promotional campaign for us. And to prove that I'm not actually making this up, here's a little excerpt for you:
We flashback to Harvard-Westlake High School, circa 1995 (swirly graphics and dream music accompany the time shift):
ED stands off in background, alone, watching JAKE (wearing his postage stamp t-shirt…huh, who knew it was so old?) who is popular and surrounded by friends. They are looking at something on the wall.
JAKE: Locker partner, baby! Who wants to be my locker partner?
(MAROON 5 FRONTMAN) ADAM LEVINE: Man, you got top pick again? You’re rigging the system aren’t you?
JAKE: What can I say? I was born lucky.
DAVID BOREANAZ walks up wearing a maroon shirt (I didn't know he went to high school with Jake! OK, he didn't...but this is the only time this story strays from the absolute truth).
DAVID: Jake! How you doing, man?
JAKE: Five by five. Ooh, I like that maroon shirt.
ADAM LEVINE stands off quietly putting the pieces together.
ADAM LEVINE: Maroon? Five? My God, that’s brilliant.
He rushes off to find his bandmates while JAKE flashes a charming grin and then announces to the crowd:
JAKE: I’m going to be the only underclassman with a locker outside in the quad and I can choose whoever I want to be my locker partner. This is the best day of my life!
He laughs, not in an evil way; just good-natured fun. He puts his arm around a person standing next to him who will remain gender-neutral lest we be accused of making assumptions about Jake’s sexual preferences. The group walks off.
ED, still away from the crowd, hears everything. His face shows he would give anything to be JAKE’S locker partner.
ED (softly): Pick me, Jake. Pick me!
He slowly walks over to where they stood. Close up of a piece of paper taped to wall:
“Sophomore Locker Lottery,”
“1. Jake Gyllenhaal”
ED searches the page, searching, searching, finally finding his name at the very bottom.
“199. Ed Medina.”
ED (to himself): I’ll be stuck with a basement locker. Again.
ED walks outside to the spot of the coveted lockers. JAKE and friends are hitting them, laughing, deciding which one JAKE should choose. Again, this is all very over-the-top.
The bell rings. The crowd dissipates and JAKE rushes by ED, not noticing him. ED’s face shows his devastation. He is in love, but he doesn’t know it yet.
Cut to classroom. JAKE and ED sit side by side. JAKE leans over.
ED freezes at the prospect of Jake talking to him. He slowly turns his head
ED: Um. Uh.
JAKE: Dude. Are you deaf?
JAKE: For God’s sake, man, I’ve been trying to give you this note for the past 5 minutes.
ED responds, so hopeful it’s painful.
ED: You wrote me a note?
Did Jake write the note to Ed? Will Ed be Jake's locker partner? Who is Ed Medina? And what the hell does this have to do with Jake Watch? Oh. Stay tuned; this is only the beginning...Oh, and guys? Something really needs to be done about this security thing...