But apparently, according to Paramount Pictures, I'm not deemed a 'respected member' of the film critic circuit. Whatever, biotches. I don't care, I got me a trailer to review and I'm gonna break it down for ya now, sweet seconds at a time.
0.00 R rated. Mention of brief sexual images. We've peaked too soon, haven't we?
0.02 Shot of the Golden Gate Bridge. Just so we know where we are - San Francisco, fyi.
0.14 The Zodiac appears to have quite childish handwriting. I'm not sure how relevant this is.
0.15 Jake has got away with having to wear only moderately bad 70's clothing.
0.23 Jake is belittled by some bit part actor. Blacklisted.
0.34 The Zodiac might be a paedophile. Not good.
0.44 Jake likes killing people..oh wait, the Zodiac likes killing people. Figures.
0.52 Jake likes him some Sudoko - this cartoon will never get finished.
0.54 Someone needs to call in Lieutenant Dan 'cos there is like, 500 suspects.
1.00 Robert Downey Jnr looks like a cop who makes his own rules.
1.09 Jake is a Eagle Scout, 1st class...hee, hee, hee! What's an Eagle scout? Like a beaver scout?
1.15 Robert Downey Jnr insults Jake. Blacklisted.
1.28 Jake climbs tree and peers in Mark Ruffalo's window. Yeah, we've all been there.
1.29 Mark Ruffalo busts Jake for climbing his tree and peering in his window.
1.34 Chloe whatshername bitches about Jake's face being on TV. Shut up.
1.38 Jake gets a phone call with heavy breathing...er...
1.44 Yay! 70's car with cherry light! Fingers crossed for a Daisy Duke bonnet slide, people.
1.45 Robert Downey Jnr does not look like a cop you could trust.
1.47 It gets better! 70's music! Bink bink bow!
1.50 Something about squirrels.
1.55 The Zodiac rings Jake, they've obviously formed a bond that we're not at this stage privy to.
1.58 The Zodiac can give you a lift to the train station. See, not all serial killers are self-involved.
2.13 There is definately someone else in that house.
2.18 Rounding up with some blues music - nice!
2.22 Coming soon. It better be.
PS - If anyone out there can sort of make videos please email us because we have a small project to complete. We'll pay you in sherbert lemons.
Nervous Jake from IHJ.com.