Oh, my gaw, y'all. Ok, y'all are, like, my all-time favorite celebrity magazine. And I'm not just sayin' that 'cause in 2004 y'all produced the most amazing spread of Prince William pictures EVER for y'all's "25 Hottest Bachelors" issue (you know, with him lookin' all pissed off and sexy, back when he wasn't ball-and-chained to Kate Middleton and his hairline was intact?) but also because y'all do those crazy survivor stories and stuff and because y'all did that awesome "I'm Gay!" thing for Lance Bass and it was really sweet the way y'all pretended y'all didn't know and stuff beforehand.
Y'all, I really hate to point out y'all's mistakes and stuff because I love y'all so much but I think something's wrong with y'all's website. There is some crazy banner over there that says something about George Clooney being the Sexiest Man Alive! Y'all! No one's gonna believe that! I mean, George is pretty sexy but he's not the Sexiest Man Alive! No way!
So anyway, I was flippin' through y'all's pictures and I noticed that there was someone a little further down the list who was a lot sexier than George and at first I was, like, no way! I mean, this guy's nickname is The Sex. Who's sexier than The Sex? But then I realized that y'all also had a picture of Tad Hamilton and I was like, geez, it all makes sense! Somebody mixed up y'all's pictures! Tad Hamilton isn't even a real celebrity! Y'all, he was made up for that movie with Kate what's-her-name (you know, she shacks up with Orlando sometimes?) and then he showed up on that Las Vegas show, not the CSI one, but the other one. Oh my gawd, what was I talking about?
Oh yeah, I hate to be the one to bring it to y'all's attention but just so y'all didn't have any unnecessary embarrassment, I thought I'd tell y'all so y'all could fix y'all's list. And y'all, Jake is so nice. He won't even care that y'all mixed this up. But I wanted to thank y'all for giving some attention to Jim from "The Office" because I always said that if Jake didn't accept that marriage proposal I mailed him, I'd try Jim next. Or maybe I'd try Johnny Depp next, but I'd try Jim at some point. Johnny's supposedly taken but I don't ever cross a man off the list until he has entered the sacred union of holy matrimony.
Alright, y'all go change that now. I mean, everyone's gonna realize it was a mistake so y'all might as well get on it now before too many people find out. Aren't y'all glad you have such good readers like me? Bye, y'all! Love ya!
P.S. Why do y'all always knock K-Fed? He's an artist, y'all. I saved up all my money so I could buy tickets to his concert and it was the greatest experience of my life even though I was really drunk and I don't remember it. I can't even believe Britney let that man go!
(OK, seriously, THIS is the picture they use, and he's not at the top of the list? What is this, a list for blind people?)