So Jake, I was thinking of what to post on Jake Watch for Halloween and, to be honest, I was a little stumped because you've never been in a scary movie ever, unless you count Donnie Darko, which I don't, or Proof. So then I thought about authorising an official Jake Watch Halloween party but Prophecy Girl had trouble photoshopping Casper The Friendly Ghost's face onto your body and I really don't know much about Halloween parties anyway cos I'm British so I gave up on that idea. Then I was just going to post some more of Anneka's October Sky but that's not very Halloween-y is it?
Anyway, Jake, whilst I was pondering what to do I had an AWESOME idea. It goes like this: I reckon you should remake Carrie but with a masculine angle. Crazy, I know but hear me out.
Jake, (playing Carl) is in the showers at school, soaping himself all over, when his voice breaks. Jake (Carl) freaks out because his overprotective parents (who recognised his total hotness from an early age) decided not to tell him about 'growing up' in order to shield him from the advances of all the hot honeys and hell, it's the 70's, fellas too.
Jake (as Carl) has no friends at school because their all totally jealous. They mock him and throw, er, jock straps at him. The Gym teacher, Mr Snell (played by Kevin Spacey in really tight shorts), is all like, 'Bitches! Get offa him!". He's so mad at the other boys for being mean to Jake (Carl), that and they almost pinged a jock strap in his beautiful, beautiful eyes, he punishes them to pushups and stuff after school (other boys may be played be assorted fitties including Wentworth Miller, Eddie Cahill and anyone else you can think of because really, there is only enough room in my brain for you, Jake. Heath = too high brow/indie/expensive).
So the other boys are a little pissed about this and Wentworth gets his boyfriend, Peter Sarsgaard as John Travolta, to find a pig, slaughter it and then hang a bucket of it's blood above the stage at the school Prom. By this point Eddie Cahill has persuaded his boyfriend to ask Jake (Carl) to the the prom. Wait, we need someone with a blond-fro to play Jake's prom date...but who? Ooo! Heath! Forget what I said before. So, anyway, Heath (blond-fro) takes Jake (Carl) to the prom and everything's going totally great. Apart from Jake's (Carl's) parents who are now in a trance, locked in the cellar or something.
So we're at the prom (theme is Wild Wild West - have you pictured it? Good.) and Jake (Carl) is wearing this gorgeous peach/pink gown he made himself and he totally has the figure for it - all the other boys are jealous, yet again. We do some dancing, some Kevin Spacey hugging, and now we're voting for prom King and Queen. God, I'm excited. Wentworth Miller's evil bumchums have fixed the vote to let Heath (blond-fro) and Jake (Carl) win. They're up on stage, Jake (Carl) is all freakin excited because he now feels all popular and like he's finally been accepted by his peers - but he totally hasn't, just wait. Eddie Cahill sneaks in round the back and tries to warn everyone, including Kevin Spacey, but they ignore him. How that is even possible because he's like a 6ft 3 inch sex muffin, but anyway...Sarsy, or maybe Wentworth Miller pull the string and all the pig's blood goes ALL OVER Jake (Carl).
Man! What a freakin' mess. Jake (Carl) is furious, especially as the bucket hit Heath over the head and knocked him out for count. So Jake's eyes go like, really blue, and his hair, despite the blood looks amazing, and now you can see his chest properly and god, he is RIPPED. Everyone in the hall is just completely mesmerised by how hot he is and they all start to explode. Even Kevin Spacey. So there's bits of people everywhere but Jake (Carl) just walks out of there, still making people explode in his mere presence as he passes them. Just cos he's THAT HOT.
It needs a few kinks working out but what do ya reckon? I think it has 'cult classic' written all over it. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!