I'm a fan of the women. And I'm guessing Jake is too. But it's not all sex you know(?) Isn't it about time he found himself a sweet little texan girl and settled down on the ranch (not a gay one.)
Now before you jump up and down shouting "who the shit is this?" - My name is Matt and I have successfully hijacked the jakewatch site - but only for a short while. I thought I'd write a post. "Hell if I'm gonna write one", I thought, then "I'm gonna write one about stuff I like".
So... the ladies. Let's see who is currently available for old jakey jake jake jake.
I decided to analyse the top ten women as voted for in this years FHM poll (US version)
In reverse order...
No.10: Teri 'why is she still successful' Hatcher - seriously now what do people see in this girl. Yeh, I'm all for the brunettes but eh? Marriage potential for Jake (MPJ) : 3
No.9: Carmen 'run carmen, run' Electra - a bit fickle maybe? I'm not so sure. One night stand yes indeedy but a life of commitment? MPJ: 4
No.8: Maria 'has she actually won anything?' Sharapova - Who'd want sloppy seconds from Enrique? Not me and probably not Jake. Another mystery to be so high up the chart. Unattractive, unfunny, pigfaced MPJ: 2
No.7: Jenny 'up for it' McCarthy - Not classy but v. funny. I like this girl. Whether I'd spend my life with her is a different matter. Jenny scores high for kicks and as a result would always offer promise for a more long term 'event' MPJ: 6
No.6: Halle 'Catwomen' Berry - Scares me with her hair in X-men. Would she offer a good marital home. I think she could - but is she a bit too dull for Jake or a perfect match? Not my choice but a solid MPJ of 6 offers some potential.
No.5: Keira 'thrice nightly' Knightley - very tight looking girl. English. Pretty and what's more she's dyslexic. A big candidate for me - but does Jake prefer the larger breast? MPJ: 7
No.4: Jessica 'is this chicken?' Simpson - yeh yeh, great body and all but seriously, tits and ass aside, what else is there? MPJ: 3
No.3: Jessica 'mmm' Alba - okay now we're talking. Stunning, natural and pretty darn funny. A high candidate in any one's book. MPJ: 8
No.2: Angelina 'what I would do' Jolie - drool drool drool. Is she for real? Can I touch her? An ideal candidate. Would score high in top trumps on all categories. Sex kicks would be immense but a long term relationship? Could you really tame her Jake? Last the course? I admit defeat. MPJ: 7
No.1: Scarlett 'who filled in this survey?' Johansson - another natural beauty. But ruins the whole image by doing a cosmetic commercial. Far more beautiful in a pair of slacks and t-shirts than when all dolled up. Would also score high. MPJ: 7.
So, then what have we learnt? Absolutely nothing. What the hell is Sienna and Natalie doing at 63 and 61???? Crazy. So Jessica it is then at a score of 8. I'm off to re-laminate my top ten list now so I hope I've not offended you all.
So who would Jake choose?
Take it easy.