Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Jake Watch - How? Why? What the hell?

The following text is an excerpt from the highly anticipated novella JAKE WATCH: FROM THE GUTTER TO THE PAVEMENT - AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY, released in the near future by the publishing house britpopbaby's Long Tales Ltd.

“It was a dark and stormy April night as britpopbaby, swimming in gin and Doritos, thought, 'Hey, blogs are SO hot right now'…”

Jake Watch is a 76% satirical, 21% sincere (please allow for discrepancies) blog about the life and times of Jake Gyllenhaal; the most talented and smoking hot actor of anyone’s generation. Humphrey Bogart my ass.

Jake Watch was created in April 2006 by the now infamous britpopbaby after an angel visited her in a dream and told her she must carry out God’s work. Unfortunately she misinterpreted the message of ‘spread the good word’ and signed up at Blogger instead of the local convent.

The only thing that could stop her now would be a lawsuit or finding permanent employment.

In August 2006 Jake Watch 'hired' prophecygirl to blog for gold after britpopbaby kept slipping in and out of cupcake-induced comas. Shortly after, Anneka was coerced into writing for JW too after britpopbaby kidnapped her Fiat Punto and held it to ransom.

Jake Watch reached the dizzy heights of fame in May when a small case of copyright infringement scored them a Q&A with poet and director Poppa Gyllenhaal aka Gyllenhaal Team Leader. Since then it’s been non-stop with a couture clothing line, their own perfume and an appearance by association in a best-selling book about blogging.

Jake Watch is dedicated to bringing fans the latest Gyllenhaal news, reviews and oohs, because yes actually, the world does revolve round Jake Gyllenhaal.

DÉCOR - Because you just have to know, right?

Back in May 2006 Jake Watch took on the persona of a MI6-esque agency whose one and only mission was to protect The Gyllenhaal. Hey, you gotta get your kicks where you can. Dude, we took that theme to the max. The only problem was we had The Gyllenhaal all trussed up like James Bond but it didn’t quite work because he wasn’t the spy, we were…and then it got all confusing...

Jake Watch: The Enigma - FAQ with britpopbaby, resident know-it-all.

Do I need to register to comment on the posts?
All you have to do is choose Anonymous and it will let you post. We don't mind peeps posting under anon but if you choose Other Name you can type in any handle you like (Captain Trouserhorn?) and then it's just easier for other people to refer back to you. Plus, it gives you identity and we'll recognise you when you post again. If you do want to register then go to the Blogger HomePage and sign up.

Where do you get your pictures from?
We usually get them from iheartjake (the best Jake website around). Sometimes people send them to me and I also find a lot myself just by using Google Picture Search. Occasionally we use images from picture agencies like Wireimage and GettyImages. You never heard that!!

Don't you think the paparazzi pictures are an invasion of Jake's privacy?
Yeah but hear me out; we've got this great game called Paparazzi Bingo and my desire to see it completed outweighs any feelings of guilt or remorse. Also I have no morals. God, it's good being me.

Do you really stalk Jake Gyllenhaal?
No, so please don't drag me into court as an assilant when Jake finally discovers your stake-out spot in his bushes.

Do you know Jake Gyllenhaal?
No, but I have struck up a personal relationship with his Shiatzu masseuse. I'm thinking of asking her out on a date...


Anonymous said...

oh britpopbaby, I love ya ;)...and I love Jack Nasty,
brit, you rulez :), our fearless leader

site said...

Well, I don't really think it may have success.