When Jake found out that I was going to be taking over for britpopbaby for a couple of weeks, he kindly came over to my house, donned an Uncle Sam outfit (complete with wig and beard) and sat still for several hours so I could hand-paint this exciting and completely original promotional poster begging you, the reader for help. What a guy! Also, damn, I should have been in advertising. Maybe I'll sell this idea to the U.S. Army when I'm done with it.
So if YOU, my fellow agents, happen to run across any news, gossip, pictures of Jake running marathons whilst naked, for the next two weeks, the place to be is firstname.lastname@example.org. I will be humbly indebted and give you credit in the form of shouting your name across the interwebs (i.e. plastering it at the top of the story and maybe, if you're really lucky, I'll put it in bold). Also, I should warn you that while I had hoped this would be a seamless transition, we will have to undergo two major changes while I'm in charge...
1. We're moving to Central Standard Time (the finest of all U.S. time zones).
2. I'm afraid I'll have to ban the unnecessary use of excessive vowels in words such as "color" and "rumor." I've never understood the point of that extra "u."
That is all. Please be gentle to me seeing as how I'm very scared. I'll now go and try to find some real news.