Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Help! I Need Somebody. Help! Not Just Anybody...

Got a problem? Probably. Need a solution? Definitely. Panic no more my friends because Jake Watch's very own agony aunt, Madame Swiss, is opening up her column, and her heart, and perhaps her legs, to those in dire straights today.

Yes, cashing in on our understanding that Jake Watch can help people through those particularly difficult periods that may or may not involved Oscar-winning actresses, we introduce our newest feature, "Ask Jake Watch". Audience participation: BYOD!

Not one to shy away from work, Madame Swiss jumps straight in with this week's troubled reader.



Dear Madame Swiss,
I have a really embrassing problem. Every time I think of Jake Gyllenhaal, my pants burst into flames. It's really noticeable and I think people at work are starting to talk about me. Any suggestions?
Scorched, 24, Alabama.

Madame Swiss: My dear, I suggest you stop wearing pants.

If there is any problem you would like some advice on, please contact us today at contact@jakewatch.com. Please note: Frank Boulevard and Terence: Office Dog may be drafted in to help with responses.

12 comments:

Cherita said...

My dear, I suggest you stop wearing pants.

Bwaaaaahahahahaha! Now that was fucking hilarious. Good job, BPB!

Anonymous said...

OMG!! I just spit out some water.

I suggest not wearing pants or underwear!

Nothing Really Matters said...

Darling I feel an e-mail coming on!

Anonymous said...

that is hilarious! keep up the good work!

Political junkie said...

OT: Rudy Guliani predicts a Clinton/Obama Dem. ticket. Jake's campaign needs to turn it up several notches!!

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/

Shaken, not Stiired said...

LMAO!! You will be getting an e-mail from me Madame!

Anonymous said...

Choke, splutter cough cough* LOL!

Now that was good! Well played Madame Swiss!

heddaparsons said...

Kisses and a gin and tonic to you BPB, I needed a laugh this morning after last night sweating my ass off at Shea Stadium watching the Mets get their asses kicked by the Braves!)

Anonymous said...

OT: A little tidbit about the threatned writers strike looming. Agents are trying to get their clients booked before if/it happens. They mention Jake among others that are open to movie offers. I thought he was interested in doing a play?:

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/news/e3i4d705b8469ab9fb89a6c95dacd9b4c0f

NY Agent said...

Thank you for this post BPB! I had a horrible day, it's about 100 degrees in NY, there was a storm and I was stranded in the subway on the way to work! Sigh. This post and a beer has done the trick!

Nicole said...

HAHAH i'm not wearing any pants right now. for that reason

Anonymous said...

LOL!!! looking forward to more advice from Madame Swiss!