Tuesday, April 17, 2007

BOO'S MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE SOLVED*

Whilst the world has been clinging on to the edge of it's hospital bed over the continuing glossy front page Jake and Reese rumours, we here at JW have been keeping a level head. Witches curses and anthrax-laden faux fanmail aside, we remain wholly unmoved by recent incidents as we were greatly preoccupied with the disappearance of one Boo Gyllenhaal (Puggle) and also, the gin numbs us. As regular viewers of Jake Watch may have observed, Boo is Jake Watch's 'favourite' and has at times even managed to usurp Gyllenhaal himself. So threat level has been maintained at 'hot potato' ever since Boo was last spotted in August. Bloomin' August 5th to be precise.

Thankfully, after much research, some blackmail, a drunken afternoon of Connect 4 with Atticus, home baked muffins, a rifle through the records of The Barking Bedgebury County House Dog Hotel and then some futher blackmail we discovered Boo has spilt with owner Jake Gyllenhaal. What?! NO!

Apparently Boo felt Jake was 'holding him back' as the dogged, er dog, attempted to become a star in his own right. Boo has shown an interest in performing since a chance encounter with British animal actor, Elvis The Swan, who played 'The Swan' in the smash hit cop comedy Hot Fuzz. After acquiring an agent, Boo jetted into the A-list of animal actors thanks to his connections with the Gyllenhaal family, even securing a deal to star in a guaranteed blockbusting film trilogy. Jake decided such commitments and sudden global fame would be too much for the young puggle to handle and demanded he withdrew from the projects or face having to walk using his own legs. Boo told him to 'get fucked' and promptly filed for divorce.

A close friend of Boo's added, 'Boo finally feels free. It was tough at first, with the pressure on his paws but...oh, you mean hows he going with the acting? Well he's currently in the West Indies finishing the first part of the aforementioned trilogy and he's having the time of his life. That is why you have not had any pap pics of him 'accidently' flashing his crotch as he gets in and out of cars or groping Lindsay Lohan at Butter, which he enjoys doing, despite reports to contrary...er, woof!'

So there you have it, Booaholics, the very true story behind Boo's mysterious and unending disappearance. You heard it here first. But never fear, we managed to get our hands on a preview poster from Boo's swashbuckling trilogy that doesn't infringe on any copyrights! This puggle is heading places.


*Okay, so we still don't know where he is. Booooooooo!!!!!

58 comments:

Anonymous said...

While I'm thrilled to see the rakishly costumed Boo, as for Boo & Jake, I am sorry for it.They made SUCH a cute couple. The way Jake liked to stroke and pet, the way Jake held Boo in his arms, Those loving looks, the way Jake just lit up, his shoulders back, head a little higher...so proud he was that Boo was with HIM. Seemed like Jake just couldn't keep his hands off Boo when they were together.I've never seen Jake with anyone the way he was with Boo.
This was more than a relationship, this was IT, This was deep. I'm distraught. I hope they can patch things up. Maybe this is a break not a break up. Jake just wouldn't step on Boo's dreams! And Boo wouldn't be such a...a user! To think he was just trying to get close to Jake to further his own career! I'm crying as I type this!

cina said...

Boo told him to 'get fucked' and promptly filed for divorce.

ROTFLMAO!!

And I TOTALLY want to see Puggles of the Caribbean! ("At wit's end" - HA! Indeed!)

phoebe said...

LMAO!!

Oh that poster ROCKS! Cina, I'll join you at the movies, okay?! :)

veeveevee said...

LMFAO!

So threat level has been maintained at 'hot potato' ever since Boo was last spotted in August.

And again LMFAO!

I have been waiting months and months for Puggles of the Caribbean!

call me cherita said...

I hate to say it, but this is what Jake gets for adopting a "designer" breed. You can bet your Nylabone that some lovable, mixed-breed mutt from the Humane Society would never have left Jake for a career on the big screen!

Make your next dog a rescue dog, Jake!

cina said...

Seriously, I can't believe we haven't seen Boo since AUGUST!! Where is he?? :(

Katie said...

I seem to recall that when I was in Hollywood with Dani and a certain Prophecy Girl, we saw an antiques dealer called Boo Radley, hence offering a suggestion for Boo's means of raising readies now that he has split from said master.

Katie said...

Boo is gone... but where?

theshowerlady said...

Boo looks so authentic he's gonna be typecast!!! Glad someone in that family (I can't believe they broke up!) is working!! At this rate, Boo will have more films out than Jake this year...wish Jake would land a project for himself! If they'd remain close, maybe Boo can find him some work.

BooRadleySparrow said...

I had hoped to keep this quiet. Wanted people to focus attention on my new film, not my personal life. I will always have the utmost affection and respect for Jake. His face still smiles up at me from the bottom of my special feed bowl.

coffeecat said...

The big news is that you used 'whilst' in not one, but TWO postings bpb. Impressive. It helps draw attention away from the two misplaced apostrophes.

britpopbaby said...

What?

kokodee said...

Glad someone in that family (I can't believe they broke up!) is working!! At this rate, Boo will have more films out than Jake this year

So funny and yet so true. Jake's prolonged absence from the cinema is truly something to worry about.

Get real said...

Folks, Jake was just out in the movies in the US with "Zodiac", which will be in the rest of the world soon. And he just finished "Rendition" so he has been out there. :) Just hope he signs on to a new project soon so we have a new Jake project to talk about and look forward too. ;)

nice anonymous said...

I always suspected that Boo was the baddest, loudest, most manic member of the Gyllenhaal family. How could Jake deal with the daily competition? Jake was described as having "puppydog eyes," but that's nothing compared with being the real thing.

theshowerlady said...

"...Jake was described as having "puppydog eyes," but that's nothing compared with being the real thing!" ROTFLMAO!
niceanon, I think this may have been the proverbial straw that broke Jake's spirit! I think Boo went all diva on him.

Sterling said...

So I was just at the grocery store (I don't look nearly as extraordinary as Jake when I peruse the dairy aisle), and I finally saw the two glossy "Jeese" (as Stephen Colbert referred to them on Monday -- this may have already been discussed, I've been out of it for a while) covers, and at first I was a little sad. And then I thought, what the hell, why am I sad, I'm such a freak?! And then I realized it had nothing to do with Jake possibly dating Reese, just the idea that Jake is no longer this strange, out-of-the-mainstream crush that lots of people don't get. But then I came back home, read this blog, and remembered that Jake will always be the strange, out-of-the-mainstream crush I want him to be so long as this wonderful space keeps up its light mockery of him and his dogs.

Okay, I totally just lost my train of thought there, but the point was that I love this blog more than I love Jake, and I hope it always maintains the quirkiness that I once saw in Jake. Not at all what I just said in that last paragraph, but what can you do.

Anonymous said...

kokodee said...
"Glad someone in that family (I can't believe they broke up!) is working!! At this rate, Boo will have more films out than Jake this year

So funny and yet so true. Jake's prolonged absence from the cinema is truly something to worry about."

At some point last year I realized that Jake's MO was 1 movie a year. He is the anti-Scarlett Johanson/Jude Law. While I really admire his desire to have more to his life than just being an actor, I am bummed that (apparently) there aren't going to be a lot of Jake movies. I don't expect to hear news about his next project until fall. Hope I'm wrong.

Anonymous said...

Sterling, I still think Jake has that quirkiness that we know and love. I know I still love him despite stupid rumors that may not be true.

And of course love this snarky blog. ;)

Prophecy Girl said...

Sterling, that was beautiful. You perfectly summed up all my issues with this tabloid attention much more succinctly than I ever could. And Colbert referenced "Jeese?" The ONE day out of a million I didn't watch. Sigh. Typical.

The few, the proud, the Jake Watchers. We will never be mainstream. Goddammit.

Prophecy Girl said...

Yeah, I'm an idiot because I just watched last night's show as a rerun. It was sometime last week, but he most definitely mentioned "Jeese."

I came up with Filliam H. Muffman. What about Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon? How about “Jeese?” Anytime they show up, you can just go *disdainfully* “Jeeese…”

theshowerlady said...

I think Jake is almost incidental to the whole thing. It's about Reese and Ryan and the divorce. You know? America's Sweetheart with the two adorable kids and the cute husband. The couple on the wedding cake. Now a divorce. So they're "reshaping " her image and using Jake to do it. It'll pass. Jake's still Jake. He better do more than one film a year...and frankly, if Rendition has no shower scenes I am going to have a serious discussion with Gavin Hood.

veeveevee said...

The few, the proud, the Jake Watchers. We will never be mainstream.

AMEN to THAT! ;)

dottieb said...

Harumph. I came up with "Jeese" (I pronounce it "Jeez") DAYS before Colbert did, over in the Forum!

Anonymous said...

Maybe Stephen is part of JW! This is a slow night. There's no good slash to read. The boards at DC are terribly slow. So, I've been reviewing the various posts/comments over here. And it struck me. Do you realize. We are really all quite insane...to varying degrees. And incredibly funny. Just really nuts! I wish Jake would read this sometime. I mean, even he might have a slow night...or not.

Anonymous said...

From US Weekly

Trailer Tryst?
Despite Jake Gyllenhaal's current torrid romance with "Rendition" co-star Reese Witherspoon, rumors still persist that the hunky "Brokeback Mountain" star has been rendezvousing with longtime bud, Austin Nichols, star of HBO's upcoming surf noir drama, "John From Cincinnati."

In an item dated April 10, 2007 and posted on TMZ.com, Gyllenhaal reportedly visited pal Nichols on the San Diego set of the HBO series days before the Easter holiday weekend. According to the gossip blog, when Gyllenhaal arrived, he was "escorted to Nichols' trailer; there the two young hunks remained for most of the day except for when Nichols bolted for the catering table to get "grub" for him and his Oscar-nominated chum. Later in the week, both dudes were pedalling up a storm throughout LA, culminating in a "quiet" dinner for two at the exclusive Beverly Hills restaurant Jar, where they departed through the kitchen rather than risk exposure by hungry paps waiting outside.

Since the sighting, gossip wags have intimated a relationship between the two that goes far beyond innocent biking and meal sharing. Wanting to get the scoop, US Weekly recently asked a Nichols insider who howled at the implication that his client and Gyllenhaal were engaged in a clandestine romance. "They were playing backgammon," he said, referring to the trailer meeting. "Austin has become so addicted to it ever since he started filming for JFC. Jake also enjoys it too."

But what about the Jar tete-a-tete? "They were just grabbing a bite at one of their favorite restaurants--that's all," continues the Nichols rep. "Can't two buddies go out and have a meal without you people reading more into it? Jeez!"

britpopbaby said...

Surf noir drama?

I like Jeese (pro. Jeez) but I will attribute it to Dottie and thank Stepten for bringing it to the masses.

Speaking of Jake's quirkiness, the recent Leno/Conan/Lettermen interviews still show he's a little offbeat, with his suit made of cashemere and goat's blood.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, yeah, yeah where's Boo?

But more to the point: WHERE'S NUMBER SIX!?!!

I love you BPB and PG but Number Six is gone!
Where did the non-gender agent go???

cina said...

We traded him/her for Brits and PG to get them out of their captivity.

Anonymous said...

Wow. US Weekly is sure hedging their bets. They don't know whether to focus more on Reese who is like a phantom, or Austin.
Being addicted to Backgammon is no joke. Better they should play it on location to pass the time, then hit Vegas and spend a fortune. I don't believe Austin's people aren't aware of the rumors swirling. Then again, who ever heard of Austin before he got friendly with Jake?

People magazine said...

6:03AM: This is a joke, something you were quite aware of when you posted it here . The US weekly site doesn't have this on there, tsk, tsk. Very obvious though, backgammmon?? Someone has way too much time on their hands.

Anonymous said...

The US Weekly story about Jake and Austin was a joke someone made up.

Prophecy Girl said...

No, seriously, is the US Weekly thing real? Because if it's not, I want to make that clear before it spreads across the internet.

Anonymous said...

Yes, and someone on IMDB said it was posted on WTF yesterday by someone from JW.

HAHAHA

Prophecy Girl said...

Ah, I posted too soon! Mystery solved. :)

Anonymous said...

Anon 1.51 here I meant to say yes it was a joke

Anonymous said...

Nobody on WFT said the joke was posted by someone from JW. It was intended to be a parody of how much Jake is on the tabloids lately.

kokodee said...

Jeez (or is it jeese?) people have got way too much time on their hands.
ps: I do like backgammon.

Anonymous said...

I KNEW it had to be a joke!!! Jake and Backgammon???? Back to Boo. It was only a matter of time. When the true story comes out it won't be pretty. Point is, you can't have Jessica Biel out walking her TWO pit bulls and then there's Jake carrying his puggle. Atticus is a better fit. Look at his back story. Street tough, seen a lot of life, rescued from a shelter...I think we should pitch it. Whatta story!

kokodee said...

Speaking of Boo, I hear he's been making clandestine trips to Tinkerbell Hilton's trailer, on the set of her new movie
"That's Hot 2, The extended version".
Perhaps Us weekly can come up with an exclusive on what's really going on with these two. I mean...when was the last time anyone saw the pair of them in public?

Anonymous said...

Dang, kokodee! You just gave me an "awwww shit!" moment.Tinkerbell Hilton????? Jake has to accept responsibility for some of this. You cannot be an absentee parent as Jake has been, with his erratic, jet hopping existence, leaving Boo, young, high strung, pampered, and then be surprised to find Boo hangin' with Hiltons!The downward spiral begins.

kokodee said...

But the make such a cute couple...opposites attract and all that. The party-hopping belle will bring some much needed zest in Boo's life.
And who knows, Boo might even curb her excessive partying nature...he should just ask his Dad. Or maybe not.

nice anonymous said...

Something about Boo tells me he might like to chew on things. (And we wondered why Jake went through so many pairs of sneakers.) Also, like he might pee somewhere that he isn't supposed to. Just out of spite. Maybe on Jake's sheer black cashmere shirt, which Jake left carelessly lying on the bedroom floor. Who knows? Boo just has that look about him. Like he knows he's just as cute as Jake, and he's declared war.

heddaparsons said...

Ha, Ha!!! I'm sure Puggle of the Caribbean will be more entertaining than the next installment of the Depp/Bloom/Knightly sequel that is coming up!!Seriously though, where is Boo????

Anonymous said...

Personally, I think Boo's in seclusion. He was very worried about the impact of the publcity from this film. There are rumors he is scouting out a remote farmhouse in the French countryside. The risks of being out in the wild like that turn him on!

Anonymous said...

hahaha, i love the boo poster. britpop, your photoshop skills are rivaling those of PG's. srsly, are you sure you two are not becoming one person?

in other news, apparently, everyone is trying to steal dottie's thumder and claim "jeese" as their invention-
http://www.chortler.com/34111jeese.shtml

-smurfette (just popping in, bogged down by RL lately)

Anonymous said...

So Boo's shacked up with Tinkerbell? Barf.
The real issue is where's the transgendered Number Six?

kokodee said...

in other news, apparently, everyone is trying to steal dottie's thumder and claim "jeese" as their invention-
http://www.chortler.com/34111jeese.shtml


Baby Jeeses?
ROFLMAO!

kokodee said...

i believe No. six is of the non-gendered variety but good question. wherefore at thou numero seis?

Prophecy Girl said...

hahaha, i love the boo poster. britpop, your photoshop skills are rivaling those of PG's.

Er, I'm definitely taking credit for that since it took me two hours, a half a bottle of rum, and the Pirates soundtrack on an endless loop to do that poster. If it's Photoshopped, it's safe to assume I did it. ;)

You guys really care about Number Six? S/he will be so touched. Cina's right thogh, s/he was thrown to the wolves in exchange for our escape. Takin' one for the team!

Prophecy Girl said...

That should read "though" because apparently I can't spell.

cina said...

PG - you're the true master of Photoshopping! We know it by now! :)

britpopbaby said...

My days of 'head transplants' are well behind me. 99% of the artwork on here is original PG creation.

Anonymous said...

O/T Looks like Zodiac will be in competition at Cannes.

http://www.screendaily.com/ScreenDailyArticle.aspx?intStoryID=31965&Category=

Anonymous said...

There hasn't been a peep out of the gossip blogs about Reese & Jake since the Jennifer&Jake stuff.
The pics of Jen & Jake are all on the internet and ppl are talking about how hot they are.

Anonymous said...

12:59: Next week it will be Jake and Reese again.

Anonymous said...

While I absolutely love Jake, someone should slap his hands! It's just like Joan Crawford adopting these cute little things then "getting rid" of them when they no longer fit into their "lifestyle". Just because all the stars are doing it doesn't make it right. It's wrong I tell you, WRONG!

nice anonymous said...

Jake: Boo, you've been bad again. I don't know. I think I may have to send you to live with Grandma & Grandpa for a while. Grandma will teach you manners.

Boo: Maybe I peed in your sneakers. Maybe I chewed things. Maybe the Beagle in me makes me mouthy sometimes. But at least **I** never peed on anyone's leg, like you did.