Friday, March 23, 2007

THE GYLLENHAAL MASTERCLASSES

Hello the literate, puggle fans and the Gyllenposessed. My name is Jake Gyllenhaal. You may remember me from such films as Donnie Darko, City Slickers and the documentary A Day In The Life Of A Fuck Machine.

If you do remember me from aforementioned works, you may have noticed how incredibly special am I. Don't worry, I've noticed too and now I'm here to dispatch small nuggets of my Zeus-given-magic upon you, the less fortunate and generally tragic. Please pay careful attention to my first lesson: How To Make People Who Are Usually Attractive Look Less Attractive...

...Merely By Standing Next To Them. See! See, how I do it?! Look how beautiful I am here. Like I'm not even real. Like, come too close to me with a cigarette and I'll start to melt. To be honest, this was quite a tough one as blondie was pretty statuesque but in the end, it always comes down to who has the best pecs. Me.


Thanks, tune in next week for more handy hints of how to rule. Obviously, this is all theory, please don't expect it to translate into you actual life. Peace out, losers.

34 comments:

cina said...

He looked so thin and tiny back then compared to the buff, broad-shouldered sex-god he is today!!

But then again, Robert Graysmith was no buff, broad-shouldered sex-god so... BUT STILL!! The difference..!!

KayDee said...

she's taller than him!!! how dare she?!?!?!

S4M985 said...

:o I LOVE Charlize, i cant beleive i have never seen this pic before! That is just pure beauty (all jakes work of course)

p.s. what year is this from?

KayDee said...

am i the only one who noticed that agent veeveevee dissapeared some time ago? do we have to prepare another rescue mission? or is she just undercover?

Anonymous said...

She is not taller than him. Just look at her heels, they're extremely high.

Prophecy Girl said...

I noticed, Kaydee!! Where is she?! I miss her. :(

cina said...

Yeah, where's veeveevee?!?

Anonymous said...

isnt this from the BAFTAs last year? when Charlize presented him the best supportnig actor award?

cina said...

^^ Yes it is. :)

Anonymous said...

I LOVE this feature! I hope it really does becomes a regular staple of JW. Gyllenhaal Masterclasses by the Gyllengod hisself! Yesss! Why? Because he can.

theshowerlady said...

I thought I'd seen all Jake's stuff, but I never saw A Day In The Life Of A Fuck Machine. Is it on the list for a film review??? I sure hope so!

smurfette said...

you may have noticed how incredibly special am

hee. i hear this in jimmy livingston's voice...

ncwoman said...

Yeah, I've been a little worried about veeveevee....where is she?
:(

Anonymous said...

Speaking of disappearances: where is the Bearded Lady? I miss her stylish self.

heddaparsons said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
heddaparsons said...

Hey Jake, sorry to break it to you but Charlize is still drop dead gorgeous standing next to you!

Anonymous said...

I, too love this new feature.
And the thing is, Jake is effortless! Charlize has to be one of the top five amazingly beautiful women in the world, Monica Bellucci being another. (You can decide amongst yourselves who the other three are.LOL!) And then Jake walks in and sucks all the oxygen out of the place. The only recent picture that seemed a bit balanced was Jake and Penelope Cruz at BAFTA. Dayum, they looked stunning together!

S4M985 said...

veeveevee... i havnt seen her around the forum latley either :( Thats one thing that sucks about having friends online, there is no way of knowing if they are ok!

And i agree totally with Heddapersons!!! She is stunning (look at her legs, to toned and brown!)

claire said...

I love how that was posted by 'Jake'. Details, details.

KayDee said...

he has a manic expression on his face, doesn't he?

Anonymous said...

OT: Kate posted this over at IHJ. It's a feature on Jake and the cast from Zodiac from The May issue of Film review magazine. I'ts published in the UK and it's says the interview is new but I doubt it.

http://iheartjake.suddenlaunch.com/index.cgi?board=gyllenhaalics&action=display&num=1174741220

Anonymous said...

Is A Day In The Life Of A Fuck Machine available on DVD? Can I rent it at Blockbuster or buy it on Amazon??? Someone asked about it and I want to be helpful.

Anonymous said...

The Day After Tommorow on FX now.

replays Sunday night on FX check your listings

welliwont said...

Ok, I really thought this was Jake, right up until I read the last word in the post. And then I knew. It couldn't be Jake. That's not like Jake, to call people losers! This is Jake's nature. Jake is a very loving soul, we know that.

Then I sleuthed something else: Whatever happened to Number Six? He hasn't been around, ever since BPB made her way back to her homeland. Is there a connection I'm not seeing here?

Shaken, not stirred said...

I love this picture of Jake and Cahrlize from last years Bafta Awards. I would love for them to do a movie together!

Anonymous said...

Just read this on the Rendition board over on imdb.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0804522/board/thread/65127201?d=70198802#70198802


I dont know from where these reports get their information but Jake was in morocco 2 times for 2 weeks and the movie rendition was filmed for 2 months and not FIVE :)

This information is from a direct resources :)

Anonymous said...

That would explain why it's listed as in post-production on IMDB. So does that mean that filming is done for the movie or that filming in Morocco is done? It says that filming for Rendition took 2 months not 5 months. I can see 2 months for Morocco but weren't they suppose to shoot in S. Africa as well?? Odd. I wonder if the revised schedule had anything to do with $$$$. Three weeks or so in L.A., a few days in D.C. and about 4 weeks in Morocco (assuming they mean Jake was in Morocco twice , 2 weeks each). That is a short shooting schedule.

Anonymous said...

According to the plot lines of Rendition, Reese's husband in the movie boards a plane in SA and gets snatched before he can change planes and go on to D.C. He is in Egypt for "questioning." Jake's CIA analyst is witness or party to the "interrogation". SO I have no idea if the plot calls for Jake to be in SA to either follow the subject or if Jake's character goes back to SA to investigate and retrace he guy's steps to find out why he was there and whether there was sufficient cause to snatch him.
Does this mean Jake is home now? OR: Maybe he's on a vacation and then he'll turn up in Europe to promote Zodiac???? Sure hope we also hear about a new film project !

phoebe said...

Thats one thing that sucks about having friends online, there is no way of knowing if they are ok!

s4m985, I know! Let's just hope that veeveevee is well, off being busy with RL! We all know what a complete bitch RL can be most of the time. Guh. I hope she'll be back soon!

Kendra said...

Come on, Veeveevee, come back soon, we miss you!

Anonymous said...

Another aussie gossip spread - FAMOUS

http://au.blogs.yahoo.com/famous/104/get-famous-every-monday/

After the post on NW mag 2 weeks ago I believe our fellow agents may get a kick out of this. Regarding the lovely Reese. Hee-Hee!!!!

Sorry, I don't know how to make links work here.

cina said...

"Reese dumps hot Jake for an older man"?! LMAO!!! Oh my, these gossip mags.... LOL!

Anonymous said...

I think the "older" man is directer Andrew(?) Payne who directed Reese in Election. There was a picture from last week of them emerging from what looked like a business lunch with a script in her hand, how romantic!!! Poor Reese. I guess the rag didn't know who the old dude was!

Brunhilda said...

IS THAT A RING BOX IN HIS HAND?!?!