Sunday, February 11, 2007

GIMME A B! GIMME AN A! GIMME AN F, T, A AND A LOWERCASE S!

It's here. The biggest crisp in the bag that is award ceremonies: The BAFTAs. Unfortunately, our beloved leaders Britpopbaby and Prophecy Girl are still MIA - we've got Gary Sinise taking their calls. Meanwhile, Number Six is on an Equality and Diversity course and the JW petty cash does not spring to a TV - it has enough trouble keeping the mini-bar stocked. However, Number Six kindly left us some login codes and we've invited Anneka back to give you the juciest Jake tidbits of the BAFTAs night festivities.

Anneka here Jake fans! Seems I've already missed much of the entertainment on E! as I had to go on a booze run, but one can always trust the Beeb to repeat things until they lose all possible coherence; take Christmas specials of The Vicar or Dibley for example. Anyway, I'm going to be your correspondent for the evening, or until I get bored. Please be patient with me as not only do I have no idea what I'm doing - my JW IT course isn't until next month - but my TV and computer are in opposing areas of my house. At least I should lose some of my pre-BAFTA party weight by legging it up and down the stairs. Have another drink and stay tuned!

00:00 Jake is spotted mingling with sexy celebrities, signing the papers of the less-fortunate-non-celebrities. He’s avoided the powder-blue tux and gone for the classic black – in mourning for BPB and PG.

00:06 Breaking news! ! ! Jake loves ‘Babel’. He rhymes it with gabble, in honour of the British way of pronouncing it, as he is in Britain.

00:07 Jake politely smiles at a rubbish Jonathon Ross joke. What a gent. Don’t worry Jake, you’ll have plenty of opportunity to smile at Ross’ rubbish jokes. It'll improve your acting skills.

Oooooh. Ross is stood in front of the word Jake. That was our doing.

00:08 Jake chortles at a stinging Mel Gibson joke. Okay, so will we then. Ha ha ha!

00:09 Shot of Kirsten Dunst in Marie Antoinette with American accents, with come hither look behind a fan. It’s no good Kirsten. He’s seen it all before.

00:11 Yay! A British film won Best British Film! Take that all you other countries!

00:12 My bad. Ross is in fact stood in front of the word ‘make’, not Jake. It’s okay. We’ll have the set designer sent to Coventry. Or Alaska.

00:15 Eva Green wins Rising Star award and accepts looking like the love child of a vampire and a drag queen. Hang on…she’s FRENCH! When did that happen?

00:17 I love The Departed. And this song by the Dropkick Murphys. Everyone buy it now. What do you mean it’s not out in the UK yet?

00:20 Wow, Ross is really going in on the Gibson bashing tonight. He’s just made a Mayan ‘Sugar-tits’ joke.

00:20 Pan’s Labyrinth wins best Foreign Language film. The acceptee says he is too fat for such excitement and then makes a joke about Britons being repressed alcoholics. Why didn’t they get this guy to host the awards? He’s far funnier than Ross.

00:22 Damien Lewis – the world’s hottest ginger actor. Lindsey Lohan, you’re fooling no-one.

00:24 Children of Men wins Best Cinematography. Good for them.

00:26 Babel, Jake’s recommended film. But it hasn’t got that Sailor Peg song by the Dropkick Murphys. Surely that makes it a lesser film.

00:28 Whoa, Billy Elliot grew up didn’t he!

00:30 Red Row wins the Carl Foreman award. My Dad wins the George Foreman award.

00:33 Awww, Little Abigail Breslin is sitting attentively.

00:36 Best Supporting Actor goes to Alan Arkin for Little Miss Sunshine. He has not showed up. He’s playing in the snow in Wales.

00:40 Music award. Have you not been listening? DROPKICK MURPHYS!!!!

00:44 Dammit. Achievement in Film Music award goes to Babel. At least Jake will be pleased.

00:45 Excellent short film by Alex Garcia in which a Grandad drops dead in his birthday cake.

00:46 Simon Pegg! That’s almost like a Sailor Peg! Sorry, I’ll stop.

00:50 Best Original Screenplay goes to Little Miss Sunshine. The winner is out playing in the snow with Alan Arkin, so Simon Pegg steals his award. Go see Simon Pegg’s new film Hot Fuzz cos it looks awesome.

00:54 Best Animated Film goes to Happy Feet. Let’s hear it for them dancing penguins. No way their going back to the zoo now.

00:57 Bloody hell, Pan’s Labryinth is creepy

00:58 Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest wins best special effects. Did Bill Nighy not grow that squid beard himself?

00:60 Twenty minute break for the news I’m afraid guys. There hasn’t been enough Jake for anyone’s liking. We’ll page Ross and see if he can’t create an award for Best Scene with a Table for Jake to present. Or be funnier.

01:20 Ross announces the sexiest man in the room. I tense, ready to scream girlishly. But it’s Daniel Craig. Bloody hell Ross.

01:22 I hope Abigail Breslin wins best supporting actress. Just because she’s sweet and they just showed a clip in which she was in tears saying she didn’t want to be a loser. And BAFTAs shouldn’t make small children cry. Grown-ups, fine, but not kids.

01:23 It goes to Jennifer Hudson for Dreamgirls who is absent. Did no-one show up to collect their awards this year? Jake showed up and he’s not even getting an award. That’s dedication Hudson. Take note.

01: 27 Best Adapted Screenplay goes to The Last King of Scotland.

01:33 Uh, what is with Emily Watson’s dress?

01:34 Outstanding Contribution to British Film goes to a location manager who decided that the scene in which Parliament blows up in V for Vendetta would be filmed in Parliament Square. Hmmm.

01:38 Achievement in Direction goes to United 93.

01:46 Thandie Newton appears to be wearing a dress I’ve seen before. People, just because she’s MIA does not mean people can start auctioning Britpop’s dresses on the internet. She’s gonna need them when she comes back.

01:49 Best Actor goes to Forrest Whittaker for The Last King of Scotland.

01:50 I mishear Forrest Whitaker and think he is thanking his cats. My Dad informs me “CAST you moron!”

01:51 Forrest finishes his speech and walks away. Then remembers he forgot to thank his wife and runs back. Awwwww.

01:52 Thank the Saarsgaards! Jake’s coming to present Best Actress. Jake politely smiles at Ross’ joke about camping in regards to BBM. One of our newer agents loses control of herself and screams “WE LOVE YOU JAKE!” from the back of the hall. She is promptly taken outside and given a swift kicking.

01:53 Jake is foxy looking man, delivering his speech with poise and pizzazz. Then he makes a joke – “Any of these performances would be worthy of this guy”, whilst pointing to himself, then pretends he was talking about the award. He acknowledges the Ross-ness of this joke and does a really sweet fake laugh, head bobbing back and forth, eyes squeezed shut, before returning to a deadpan “Here are the nominees.” THAT’S HOW IT’S DONE ROSS!

01: 56 It’s Helen Mirren. Dammit, Jake’s gonna have to kiss her and we’re gonna have to have her killed. It’s so damn tragic. Wait, hang on. Jake’s a complete pro and just manhandles her waist before handing her the award. No kiss. Mirren gets to fight another day.

01:58 Jake hangs around in the back politely waiting for Mirren to finish her very long speech.

02.08 Dammit. The Queen wins Best Film. But I suppose she’d be peeved if she didn’t win. She’d stop giving out knighthoods and stuff.

02:15 Anne V Coates wins Outstanding Contribution. Good for her. She goes on to give a longer speech than Mirren.

02:19 Ross thanks us all. While all the other awards are quickly presented before our very eyes, our agents move on to the after party to keep Jake away from the tuna vol-u-vents.

That's all folks. Thanks for bearing with my technical problems of the last half hour. Let's all go get wasted and sing the Sailor Peg song!

65 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG HES HHHHHOOOOOT, just started and darn ian mckellen i watched the e! thing and he took up jakes interview with his flirting! the judi dench went by which excited ruby wax so jake left! cant blame Miss Dench shes a sexy lady.


oooo just saw jake again, coooor!

peace out ya'll x

nice anonymous said...

Did Jake really say he loves "Babel"? Really? Oh, dear. That's too bad. As a hardcore fan of "The Departed," I am now officially disappointed in my favorite young actor's taste in films. And he's an Academy voter now. [Deep sigh.] "Babel" will now win Best Picture at the Oscars, after all, I am sure. "Crash II: The International Edition."

This is a perfect example of why I'd prefer to keep the actual, living breathing Jake at a distance ... so that I can safely idealize him & imagine he shares all my views in films, books & etc.

KayDee said...

This is a perfect example of why I'd prefer to keep the actual, living breathing Jake at a distance ... so that I can safely idealize him & imagine he shares all my views in films, books & etc.


if i had a living breathing jake at a close distance, i wouldn't discuss my taste in movies with him, i would taste HIM

and then they would call the police and put kaydee in a dark cell and issue a restricting order...

kokodee said...

Bring back Stephen Fry now!
My god, Johnathan is so unfunny, its not even funny!

kokodee said...

Actually the Sienna joke was funny...'the star of factory girl and every tabloid in the country'..haha

nice anonymous said...

Empire Online is saying that "Jake Gyllenhaal ... is smiling the smile of someone who knows he's the most handsome man in the room."

http://www.empireonline.com/features/baftas2007/default.asp

Kaydee, if you hope to do well with Jake, you really must acquire a little more, er ... finesse in your technique. Tackling someone without being formally introduced does very well in a sporting event, but wouldn't you at least attempt to make a little small talk with him?

KayDee said...

ok, so i would formally introduce myself to him before licking him all over. i'm sure it would seem much more elegant and gentlemanly then :P

Nothing Really Matters said...

Fuckers! Emily Blunt so should have won that award!

For that hair alone Eva should be imprisoned from crimes against fashion!

kokodee said...

I hear you NRM, what's with that eye make up? Lol!
She's french, I forgive.

phoebe said...

"Jake Gyllenhaal ... is smiling the smile of someone who knows he's the most handsome man in the room."

I can just picture that smile.. *faints*

He's not only the most handsome man in the room, but on the entire planet!!!

Nothing Really Matters said...

She's french, I forgive. I don't!

I'm sorry i'm being mean tonight! A brit should have won!

get real said...

Well, Jake isn't the only celeb who likes Babel, Gwyneth Paltrow and others have mentioned it in interviews. Jake probably likes it because the cinematographer and score were done by the guys who did then in Brokeback. It was an okay film, imo, not nearly has horrible as Crash. Crash was an insult to intelligence. However I do want The Departed to win at the Oscars.

nice anonymous said...

Thanks, Get Real, for reminding me of that connection with "Brokeback Mountain." All right, then Jake's redeemed in my mind ... slightly. Loyalty is an admirable thing. Loyalty to Prieto and Sataolalla (did I spell that right?). Yes, I see it now.

[Still dreaming of Jake appearing in a Scorsese movie.]

Anonymous said...

where THE FUCK is Jake?

Anonymous said...

Brillant recapping Anneka! And that Dropkick Murphys song IS amazing.

kokodee said...

I love forest but damn man! Get a move on, we ain't got all day

kokodee said...

\jakeeeee!!!! Squeee!!!

Anonymous said...

God, Helen Mirren is going on a bit. And did Jake just say 'gay' on the podium? What the hell?

Anonymous said...

BACK AWAY FROM MY MAN, MIRREN

kokodee said...

I'm pretty sure he said this guy as in the bafta statue

nice anonymous said...

Wishing I could see this.

Jake is just the perfect bait for these older females.

KayDee said...

i so wish i couls see it... i hope smn puts in on youtube soon...

Anonymous said...

He totally said gay.

Nothing Really Matters said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I missed JAKE!

kokodee said...

Oh dear! I must have misheard. What exactly did he say?
I thought he was talking about the statuetes, (little guy??)

KayDee said...

WHAT DID HE SAY!?

and "little guy"? *snort*

nice anonymous said...

And so begins a slew of approximately 20 comments deciphering & interpreting Jake's off-the-cuff remarks at the BAFTAs ;-)

[Sits back to enjoy this.]

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure now. Maybe he did just say 'guy'. Whatever, he was making a joke. The Bafta podium is no place to come out of the closet! LOL!

kokodee said...

well he was pointing at the Bafta when he said that...so.

Anyway The Queen won best pic and best director went to United 93,was that even nominated for oscars??

Overall it wasn't really exciting a bit boring actually

Anonymous said...

Even if he did come out, the biggest shock of the night would still be Eva Green's hair.

Anonymous said...

^Ha! Who let her out the house with that birds nest?

Nothing Really Matters said...

I think he said "I love NRM"

S4M985 said...

Oooooh my, i just saw pics of him at IHJ

ohhhh my.. he looks AMAZING!

Anonymous said...

I swear it was 'BPB & PG are locked in my basement'.

kokodee said...

re: Eva Green...I said it before and I will say it again...She's French!
Our neighbours have a very curious sense of coutre
Its excusable

S4M985 said...

ok i just managed to move my mouse past the pics and read the comments...And some girls at IHJ now saying he got a fake tan? Do u rekon?

KayDee said...

and there's more tongue!

Anonymous said...

any of these perfomances are worthy of this guy(points to self after some laughter from audience, points to bafta statue)

jake you sly sly man.

KayDee said...

jake you tease. tsk tsk. bad boy

kokodee said...

haha, I thought that was what I heard, I remember the laughter and him thanking Jon for introducing him to the podium, (star of last year's Jarhead and brokeback mtn, he brought camping to a whole new level)but I was to absorbed in his gorgeousness to zoom in on his speech

phoebe said...

Oooooh my, i just saw pics of him at IHJ

ohhhh my.. he looks AMAZING!


Uhm YES!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

i know this is blasformy, and i shall whip my back with a large but sturdy shoelace, but i dont like jakes hair at the momement, it makes him look alot older, i dunno, hes beautiful.

Anonymous said...

I don't know if i ever want to see Jake in person. Ever. Preliminary reports are coming in at DCForum from Lashers who were on the red carpet. They are barely coherent. They seem to have had an "out of body" experience. The only consistent word that keeps being uttered is "...beautiful..." As in, "He is even more beautiful in person, etc. They ramble on a bit and then excuse themselves and say good night...then they come back and sigh some more...then they say goodnight again....It's all just too much...(sob!)It frightens me. I don't think I could handle it...

kokodee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kendra said...

Oooooh my, i just saw pics of him at IHJ

You also can drool over them at my update: Gorgeousness at Baftas

Kendra said...

And Super cool link, Kokodee, thanks, I'll try to post a few soon ;)

kokodee said...

Sorry messed up first link

Kinda OT; but some clips from Zodiac were posted today.
http://iesb.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1866&Itemid=99
Jake and his 'son' are on clip 6, "tracing the call"

nice anonymous said...

Kokodee, thanks. I just watched several of these clips.

And I am so base-minded, so disrespectful of Fincher's potential vision ... because when I was watching the last clip, titled, "Nobody Else Will," in which Jake's character has a husband-and-wife "discussion" with his wife, Chloe Sevigny, my heart fluttered when Jake moved into what looks like the bathroom, and couldn't help thinking: "If Graysmith/Jake will just take off his shirt now, while continuing to have this serious, intense, discussion with his wife, and start running the water for a long, calming, shower, I will be SO HAPPY."

No such luck. Graysmith the Cartoonist is definitely not going to be played as a hunk. (Probably forgets he has a body half the time & lives from the neck up.) And Fincher is not DePalma.

nice anonymous said...

Also, thank you to our hostess for this evening, Anneka, for the effort of live-blogging the BAFTAs. It's a pleasure to read your succinct summaries of whatever is being screened again.

Anonymous said...

Jake Presenting at Bafta
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wORutBEGCI

Anonymous said...

Just saw pics of Jake at the afterparty at Grosvenor House. With Penelope Cruz. He sure has lots of girl "buddies".If he were my buddy we'd hafta be FWB. Only kind of friend he could possibly be for me.
Not real crazy about his hair. A CIA analyst would have shorter hair...like the pictures in GQ. *ded!* Since he's in these equatorial climates, he'd have to have at least one, if not several shower scenes. Can someone get Gavin Hood on the phone plz??? We need to talk about the shower scenes, the level of appropriate scruff, the number of times Jake wanders around with no shirt on, the number of scenes where Jake wanders around naked, (It's hot in Morocco!)and the length of his hair.It's only that I want Gavin to make the best possible film and take full advantage of all the resources at his disposal.

S4M985 said...

Anon 4.08? where are these pics?!

And another thing i was wondering that you wonderful british (and those alike) agents could maybe tell me, any sign of a date?

Anonymous said...

Some wire service photos, forget which.WENN, maybe or London? Just Pen and Jake posing for a couple of pics and a couple of them standing around talking. I don't think Jake had a date for BAFTA. If he's working on location in Morocco and he flies in for a quick weekend presenter thing, I'm not expecting him to have a date.
Jake seems to have lots of friends. Doubt he gets too lonely.

veeveevee said...

If you head on over to the forum, under the "Jake at Bafta" thread, I have uploaded all the shots of Jake in the audience, as well as when he was presenting.

Enjoy! (And put a pillow under you for when you faint!)

penny lane said...

Thank you all for sharing! I think he looked drop-dead gorgeous!

Dottie B said...

Pronouncing Bable as Babble isn't too bad -- someone at the Golden Globes read it as "Bobble."

j01560403 said...

Y'see!?!! Something very fishy with that so-called "Number Six". How come he's giving his codes out to Anneka all of a sudden, that is weird!! How come I am the only Agent who is suspicious??

KayDee said...

and the person who sreamed jake when he was presenting (at which he rolled his eyes heavenward - ungrateful sod), was that one of the agents?

Katie said...

This ecstatically happy and deranged Agent/Lasher has just posted her pics on the forum.

I've just been alerted to this BBC report

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6352719.stm

If you read down about a Trio of Women going for Our Boy, I will not deny it. That was us and I'm not jesting!!

Don't know whether to be proud or embarrassed - I think I'll stick with HAPPY!!!

Anonymous said...

I think I found a new title for Jake after Last Nights event and in the spirit of the best film -

His Tastiness.

He's full of taste and tasty to look at at...satify these hungry eyes.

Anonymous said...

It was nice to see Jake and Sir Ian interact. They looked very
comfortable together. Both, very witty and charming!

roco

Anonymous said...

when did Jake and Sir Ian meet up? Jake's too classy to snub Ian - forgive the man HE'S OLD.

Anonymous said...

Old he may be, but Sir Ian is a brilliant actor and a national treasure! And he was prolly thrilled to be hugged by Jake!!!

miffed67 said...

SOOOOO with you on the Damien Lewis love....I know, I know! It's a Jake blog...and I love the Jake, don't get me wrong. Damien is HOT, baby. He's got the hair to prove it.

Excuse me...I have a thing for redheads!

Anonymous said...

Concern Fresh Wind offers a construction investment for different tariff plans. Today , overcame the recent financial crisis, more ponder how invest the money at interest . According to conclusions of many of the leading the best analysts, one of the most real estate investment . Everyone knows that the construction of less exposed to the risk of falling prices, in addition , construction has always been important and in demand, and will be in demand. Even the economic crisis did not recaptured removed the desire for people to buy their own property. Therefore, investment in construction will always remain relevant and profitable.

Fwit Biz - [url=https://fwit.biz]where to invest money[/url]