I wasn't planning on writing about either of these shows, but as soon as I heard Naomi called "Nora" on the TV Guide channel, I figured it would be unethical if I didn't at least come up with some kind of snarky commentary. Aside from some really interesting behind-the-scenes footage, TV Guide's "Close Up" on Jake Gyllenhaal was...well...it looked like they put about as much effort into their special as I did into writing a summary of it. The least you need to know in 5 sentences:
1. Whitney Cummings (who the hell are you?) gets an exorbitant amount of screen time and 30 minutes in, reveals she doesn't know how old Jake is.
2. There's a bit where Jake gets really excited about The Day After Tomorrow and then compares his life to Teen Wolf.
3. Perez Hilton (how the fuck did he get in this?!) tackles The Gay Rumors and later talks about Jarhead in a really uncomfortable way.
4. There's some Zodiac stuff we've all already seen.
5. Before commercial breaks, TV Guide challenges viewers with insultingly easy Gyllentrivia, and then throws in a question about how much Jack Twist's shirt sold for on eBay, like that's something the average person on the street knows off the top of their head.
Er, points for effort, TV Guide, but I think you meant to interview someone from Jake Watch and not Perez Hilton. I can't really excuse such a mistake.
Moving on to a show that's much more dimly lit, "America's Most Wanted!" I've never watched "America's Most Wanted" before. I was always more of an "Unsolved Mysteries" person. Completely not on topic, I know. Hey, that summary thing worked pretty well, don't you think? Let's try it again. With more sentences.
1. Oooh, lots of dramatized reenactments! And actual Zodiac evidence! I'm duly impressed.
2. Robert Graysmith talks exactly like he writes.
3. Man, the movie scenes just keep on coming. Jake and The Most Dangerous Game! Jake Against the Wall! Jake Manhandling a Child! Jake in a Shooting Range! Jake Eating Carrots! Jake Flipping Through Posters! (veeveevee is on top of things yet again! Click HERE and HERE.)
4. Jake wore Robert Graysmith's clothes and used his pens. That piece of trivia, I did not know.
5. Those Zodiac interviews from last week are getting some serious play tonight.
6. There's an entire segment on handwriting analysis. Always riveting television. Viewers are then encouraged to go online and solve unsolvable Zodiac ciphers.
7. Arthur Leigh Allen is cleared of being the Zodiac because his upward loops don't have ink spots. Isn't that who "Primetime" cleared through DNA analysis? I think "Primetime" might have had the upper hand on that one.
And that's it. Two hours, 12 succinctly written points of interest, and not a whole hell of a lot of Jake. I guess I shouldn't complain, though, since he's going to be live on every show on television in the next week.