Thursday, January 18, 2007

ZODIAC? WHO CARES ABOUT ZODIAC?

You may remember that Jake Watch promised to deliver Jake in a movie before Zodiac. Have we ever failed to come through? I think not.

Alright, Zodiac, you've got a trailer, a GQ interview, one movie poster...guess it's time we take this up a notch. Never before seen, I present to you, the official movie poster of The Day After Tomorrow Never Dies (working title, Jake Watch: The Movie):

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Oh, wait! 'Cause no movie worth it's buzz has just one official poster, we got two, baby! Count 'em. One, two.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Man, you don't even have to tell me how awesome I am for making these. I am sometimes astounded by my own brilliance. I would also like to thank the late, great Joyce Davenport for titling our flick.

The problem is this, friends. The recent security breaches seem to have culminated in the ultimate crime: the Jake Watch script has been stolen from the vault (what? no!) and it looks like our release date is going to be pushed back again by at least a week or so while our diligent writing team (*cough*me*cough*) gets some shit in order. Oh, what to do in the meantime? What to do indeed.

I'll tell you! Check out The Official TDATND Website and read up on the history on the movie (surprisingly non-humorous). Also, until I start putting up the script, I will be periodically posting the artwork of ATD who has done an entire promotional campaign for us. And to prove that I'm not actually making this up, here's a little excerpt for you:

We flashback to Harvard-Westlake High School, circa 1995 (swirly graphics and dream music accompany the time shift):

ED stands off in background, alone, watching JAKE (wearing his postage stamp t-shirt…huh, who knew it was so old?) who is popular and surrounded by friends. They are looking at something on the wall.

JAKE: Locker partner, baby! Who wants to be my locker partner?

(MAROON 5 FRONTMAN) ADAM LEVINE: Man, you got top pick again? You’re rigging the system aren’t you?

JAKE: What can I say? I was born lucky.

DAVID BOREANAZ walks up wearing a maroon shirt (I didn't know he went to high school with Jake! OK, he didn't...but this is the only time this story strays from the absolute truth).

DAVID: Jake! How you doing, man?

JAKE: Five by five. Ooh, I like that maroon shirt.

ADAM LEVINE stands off quietly putting the pieces together.

ADAM LEVINE: Maroon? Five? My God, that’s brilliant.

He rushes off to find his bandmates while JAKE flashes a charming grin and then announces to the crowd:

JAKE: I’m going to be the only underclassman with a locker outside in the quad and I can choose whoever I want to be my locker partner. This is the best day of my life!

He laughs, not in an evil way; just good-natured fun. He puts his arm around a person standing next to him who will remain gender-neutral lest we be accused of making assumptions about Jake’s sexual preferences. The group walks off.

ED, still away from the crowd, hears everything. His face shows he would give anything to be JAKE’S locker partner.

ED (softly): Pick me, Jake. Pick me!

He slowly walks over to where they stood. Close up of a piece of paper taped to wall:

“Sophomore Locker Lottery,”

“1. Jake Gyllenhaal”

ED searches the page, searching, searching, finally finding his name at the very bottom.

“199. Ed Medina.”

ED (to himself): I’ll be stuck with a basement locker. Again.

ED walks outside to the spot of the coveted lockers. JAKE and friends are hitting them, laughing, deciding which one JAKE should choose. Again, this is all very over-the-top.

The bell rings. The crowd dissipates and JAKE rushes by ED, not noticing him. ED’s face shows his devastation. He is in love, but he doesn’t know it yet.

Cut to classroom. JAKE and ED sit side by side. JAKE leans over.

JAKE: Dude.

ED freezes at the prospect of Jake talking to him. He slowly turns his head

ED: Um. Uh.

JAKE: Dude. Are you deaf?

ED: What?

JAKE: For God’s sake, man, I’ve been trying to give you this note for the past 5 minutes.

ED responds, so hopeful it’s painful.

ED: You wrote me a note?


Did Jake write the note to Ed? Will Ed be Jake's locker partner? Who is Ed Medina? And what the hell does this have to do with Jake Watch? Oh. Stay tuned; this is only the beginning...

Oh, and guys? Something really needs to be done about this security thing...

31 comments:

cina said...

*squeeeeee* :D I can't wait!

Brilliant posters!! You're one talented girl PG! And ATD's artwork is just fabulous too!

(You can tell I'm excited from the amount of exclamation marks, can't you?! LOL)

Poor Jake, if he only knew what he's missing out on...

Anonymous said...

Simply fascinating. I'm on the edge of my seat.....but holding tight so I don't fall off (laughing that is!). Keep going. Please. Love popular, charming, don't-know-how-in-love everyone is with him Jake!

smurfette said...

ooh, what does the note say--i'm at the edge of my seat!

LOL at He laughs, not in an evil way; just good-natured fun. He puts his arm around a person standing next to him who will remain gender-neutral lest we be accused of making assumptions about Jake’s sexual preferences. and at the genesis of the maroon 5 band name.

oh, and did you know masi oka (hiro from heroes) also graduated from harvard westlake? can he be written in, i love him! ok, fine so maybe it won't work cuz he's 6 years older than jake... but hey, how's peter gonna fit in. like i said, edge of my seat!

smurfette said...

^^ haha, great minds think alike-- then again, the jw movie is simply a very "edge of your seat" type of movie, i guess =)

ncwoman said...

"He puts his arm around a person standing next to him who will remain gender-neutral lest we be accused of making assumptions about Jake’s sexual preferences."

ROFLMAO!!!

Brilliant stuff. Can't wait for subsequent chapters!

Jake (who we're fairly certain knows of this site?) really needs to read this stuff. With his sense of humor, I'm sure he'd think it a hoot!

Prophecy Girl said...

Let's just say at present there are 89 pages and that was pages 31-32. It is quite the story...

cina said...

^^You know, that's what I think too. The guy has a great sense of humour and I really do think he would find this rather hilarious.

But who knows what happens in the future. Some day we might feel it's okay to send it to him like we originally planned.

cina said...

... and my comment was meant for ncwoman! ;)

BeABee said...

awesome!!:D

"DAVID: Jake! How you doing, man?

JAKE: Five by five. Ooh, I like that maroon shirt.

ADAM LEVINE stands off quietly putting the pieces together.

ADAM LEVINE: Maroon? Five? My God, that’s brilliant."

LOL!!XD

BTW, Ed Medina in Hebrew is "state witness" :P

veeveevee said...

Wooooohoooo! What a great intro! You've got me hooked already - I MUST know what happens next! How long will I have to wait?!?!

(Can you tell I'm with Cina on the important use of exclamation points?!?)

So what happens during pages 1-31? And when do we agents get to make an appearance???

ncwoman said...

SNL left no doubt that if there is anyone on earth capable of laughing at himself, it's our darling Jake.

I do hope he does know that although JW is a humor site, we are respectful of him and only wish him good. To that end, wouldn't it be FANTASTIC to be able to send him this story? Let's say he reads it, laughs his ass off and thinks it's brilliant (how could he NOT, I ask you??), and with his connections gives it to some upper muckity-mucks who are always on the lookout for fresh writing talent. Who knows, this could possibly open the door for Prophecy Girl and britpopbaby!

On the other hand, if Prophecy Girl and BPB were to go to Hollywood and become writers, who would take over JW?? We'd lose our daily JW fixes and...

Ah...never mind.

;)

city girl said...

Brilliant!! Great posters!! You ladies are co creative, thank you. I love you guys, you brighten up my days.

:)

penny lane said...

The posters are darling!! You guys are sooooo creative! Thanks for the laughs (which were needed!).
(Something TOT - Art Buchwald died on Wednesday. So sad. He was an American icon in my book).

Anonymous said...

OT: New pic of Jake on People:

http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,20008757_6,00.html

Anonymous said...

LOL! like all the agents above, i can't wait to see what's next. i so want to see some JW agents in the film...

i understand the delay but you just have to make it in time for the next year's award season.

AND THE OSCAR GOES TO: PROPHECY GIRL FOR JW THE MOVIE :)

Nothing Really Matters said...

Dude have i seen this before??

veeveevee said...

BTW, I volunteer for some agent security detail...we gotta stop these break-ins and disappearances!

cina said...

Here's the picture from People. :)

cina said...

... and here are more pics at IHJ.

ncwoman said...

Oooh, thanks for the link, Cina!

AAAAAHHHH...his hands kill me! Those L-0-0-0-N-N-N-G-G fingers...

*sigh*

lolalemon said...

Brilliant. And I think Kiki is behind the security breaches. Just because I don't like her.

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU CINA!

interesting info about jbg i didn't know before:

1. he's working to get a big head

2. his house's full of icebergs

3. he's not a pussie

4. knows his synonyms: Totally, completely, earnestly

5. Because you never know! cracked me up

i don't kow about the interview... he doesn't seem to me a very nice person in any of his interviews. i prefer him to be quiet and just look good *ducks*

don't kill me (verbally), please, i just had to say it somewhere...

cina said...

Well, let's just say that I don't agree with you kaydee. And then we'll leave it at that. ;)

felicia said...

Bwaaahahahahaha! BOREANAZ???!!!??? Bwaaahahahhahah! Now there's a name I didn't expect to see pop up on JW!

phoebe said...

OMG, I'm soooo excited!!! Excellent job on the posters, they're fabulous! And the script?! Dude, I can't WAIT for the rest!!

Woohoo! *does a happy dance*

You guys rock!!

agenth said...

Oh oh oh I am sooo excited for this! I was just starting to lurk at JW when all of this was being discussed, so I feel like I missed out..however, doesn't make me love it any less. Can't wait!!!
love the posters! Awesome girls!
H

perfectscore_goldstar said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
perfectscore_goldstar said...

Note to self: go to the bathroom to pee BEFORE getting on the JakeWatch website ...

Dayam.

;)

Too friggin' funny ... too friggin' funny.

Got to read the whole beautiful interview with Jake in GQ ... what he said about his Mom and Dad ... I cried ... *sniff* ...

Hope all the agents have an awesome weekend ! :)

atk said...

You guys are insane! In a good way. Honestely, who comes up with stuff like that! It´s like a crazy Charly Kaufman script! I love it!

Anonymous said...

Bravo!!!! I love the posters, wonderful artwork.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I recently added a news widget from www.widgetmate.com to my blog. It shows the latest news, and just took a copy and paste to implement. Might interest you too.