Sunday, December 17, 2006

CAPTION KIRK

Hey! It's Jake Watch's, er, tri-monthly caption contest! Caption it:
Please leave your name, prison ID number and which part of Jake you'd most like to lick this Christmas. The winner gets that AWESOME hat (size XXXXXXL). Good luck!

68 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mmmmmmmmm - I don't have a caption, but I'd like to lick him all ovah, does that count? ;-)

HEY!! It wont let me login! (sarahgyllenhaal) said...

Lol! Where is this pic from?

I think Jake is pretty stoked to be on SNL.

And, I am going to answer with an obvious answer -- I want to lick EVERY part of Jake this Christmas -- except, maybe, his armpits. And everyday of the year. I would like to be licking Jake every single night.

cina said...

^^ It's from when Jake hosted the Sundance Filmfestival with Zoey Deschanel (sp??) in.... 2003? 2004?

It still wont let me login...stupid Blogger said...

Oh. Oh, yeah! I actually remember that! I love Jake! He's so funny!

I still can't login said...

It's from 2004.

mh said...

This pic, well one from the same appearance,and a screen cap from BBM were captioned over in the dave cullen forum months ago and it's in the "best of photo captions" thread. It is LOL funny, one of the funniest I've ever seen.

Newport Girl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
mh said...

page 15 over at DC, photo captions greatest hits

Anonymous said...

I think it was from the Independent Spirit awards. When they introduce a nominated film, they do a skit and sing a song. The songs are usually familiar melodies with new lyrics specific to the film nominated. They are very often extremely funny and you'd be surprised at some of the actors who can actually carry a tune decently. Very zany.
I turly love the new banner with Jarhead Jake.There's a picture of him in his darling Santa 'costume', the one where he''s standing outside, silhouetted against the night sky, holding his rifle. Would this be the headshot of that pose? Bcz
"Buff" would be an understatement.

Anonymous said...

If Jake does SNL, and they spend the entire preceeding week developing the skits, when will he go abroad to film Rendition?

Newport Girl said...

JAKE: HEY, AMPAS, LET ME SHOW YOU WHERE I'M GONNA SHOVE THIS STICK!

Newport Girl said...

JACK: ENNIS, AFTER 20 YEARS HITCHED WE GOTTA DO SUM ROLE-PLAYIN, YA KNOW, SPICE UP OUR LOVIN.

ENNIS: WHUT? THAT THERE HAT IS SURE PRETTY ON YA, JACK, CAN YA PUT IT WHERE I LIKE IT AND DO THAT THERE SANTA DANCE OR SUMTHING?

Newport Girl said...

JACK: WHOO-HEE! ENNIS 'N ME IS GOIN TO MASSACHUSETTS AND GETTIN MARRIED!

Newport Girl said...

JAKE: AND THAT'S HOW I TAMED THAT LION!

can't login said...

"JAKE: HEY, AMPAS, LET ME SHOW YOU WHERE I'M GONNA SHOVE THIS STICK!"

hahahaha

Newport Girl said...

IRONIC JAKE: OKAY, LION NUMBER 2, STAY SITTIN ON THAT STOOL, NO, NO, STAY THERE, LION NUMBER 2, STAND BACK, STAND BACK, HOLD UP LION NUMBER 2, HOLY SHIT, I'M GONNA GET EATEN BY A GIANT PUSSY!

Newport Girl said...

JAKE: HEATH! HEATH! PLEASE HEAR ME OUT, OKAY? I REALLY THINK THIS COSTUME SHOULD BE PART OF THE "THIRD NIGHT IN THE TENT" SCENE, IT'LL BRING A TOTALLY DIFFERENT DIMENSION TO THE CHARACTERS, AND BESIDES, DON'T YOU THINK THIS HAT LOOKS CUTE ON ME? DON'T YOU?

cina said...

It is from Sundance 2004.

because I'm such a smartass! ;)

Jake: Oooooo!! Something jumped up and bit me!

I suck at this, I know. I'll shut up now.

Newport Girl said...

And now you all know how I spend my days...

Newport Girl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Newport Girl said...

JAKE (THINKING): HOW THE HELL DID I GET THAT WHITE SPOT ON MY SHIRT?

Newport Girl said...

JAKE (THINKING): I TOLD NEWPORT GIRL NOT TO SPIT!

Newport Girl said...

Okay, I'll try to stop now. ROTFLMAO

Newport Girl said...

Oh, and I'd like to lick the Mexican beer part of Jake for Christmas. Without the lime, thank you.

Newport Girl said...

JAKE: NEWPORT GIRL! THERE YOU ARE! I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU ALL MY LIFE!

STILL cant F***ing Login! said...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=q6UacdEDH6w

Just for your viewing pleasure, there's a lovely christmas vid about Jake on Youtube.

Newport Girl said...

JAKE: AND THIS HERE IS WHAT I CALL THE FIVE-FINGER LOTUS FLOWER TICKLE, BRITPOPBABY JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THIS MOVE, LET ME DEMONSTRATE..

Simon Agent 002 said...

I think the lion would get to the front of any line for licking purposes.

Caption: "AHHHHHHH"

Newport Girl said...

JAKE: HEY, BOO, I NEED TO TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE, I GOT THE THERMOMETER RIGHT HERE, BUDDY...

Anneka's Alias said...

Caption: Although Jake tried to bring an air of professionalism to his role as 'Chorus Member No. 5', he could not help himself when he spotted Saarsgaard in the audience.

OR

Despite Jake's stirring performance of 'The Sun'll Come out Tomorrow', the part of Sam in the musical version of 'The Day After Tomorrow' ultimately went to the guy from 'High School Musical'.

Anonymous said...

Ohhhh Anon 7:50, thank you for the Christmas Jake video, and the song is perfect! He's so beautiful, what a great holiday greeting! :-)

ATD said...

Official proof! Jake Gyllenhaal eats FIVE Sprinkles Cupcakes simultaneously, claiming his place in the Guinness Book of World Records.

What would I like to lick...well seen as it is Christmas, I'll have to go with The Baubels!

Newport Girl said...

JAKE: LOOK AT THE HAND, NEWPORT GIRL, IF YOU MAKE ONE MORE FRIGGIN CAPTION POST I'M GONNA SLAP YOU RIGHT UPSIDE THE HEAD, LIKE THIS!

NEWPORT GIRL: I'LL STOP IF YOU PROMISE YOU'LL SLAP ME RIGHT UPSIDE THE BUTT!

JAKE: WELL, OKAY. BEND OVER BABY!


(Newport Girl will be, um, busy for a little while, and she doesn't quite know when she'll be, uh, back, but hopefully, heh heh, not too soon, and *praying* that it will be longer than 8 seconds)

Anonymous said...

I'd like to lick all his pink parts..

Anonymous said...

Good thing Jake is funny 'cause he is going to be hosting Saturday Night Live on 13 January...OMG...I simply can not wait!!

mpom said...

Caption:
"This is the last photograph taken of the screen actor Jake Gyllenhaal before he was chased by a gaggle of wild anonymous people, mostly women, who proceeded to lick him into a comatose state. They were all wearing T-shirts emblazoned with the letters JW. A full investigation is in progress."

If licking is allowed can I please have the ears, then the lips?

mpom said...

Caption #2.
"Mr Jake Gyllenhaal was released from the hospital today after emergency surgery to remove a really small hat embedded into his scalp. No reasonable explaination was given by his publicist. JW agents are questioning anyone with a hat size smaller than
14 & 7/8ths."

Anonymous said...

"If licking is allowed can I please have the ears, then the lips?"

Mpom, you can have the ears and lips, as long as I can have his gorgeous jawline and neck! ;-)

nice anonymous said...

Oh, damn. Now you had to go & post my second-least favorite picture of Jake, in which he looks like Jiminy Cricket.

I'm very thrilled that he's going to host "Saturday Night Live." (It's about damn time!) Haven't watched the show in years, but this will make it worth my while.

The Bearded Lady said...

Does anyone know what song he's performing here?

Elms [ivuesis] said...

BPB (or is it PG- you guys should really have a signature at the end of your posts so we don't confuse you), don't encourage them... ;o)

ROFL at Anneka's 1st caption!!

If you go to www.maggie-gyllenhaal.net you can check out a brief clip E! interview with her about her GG nom.

Also, I just finished writing a review of Jarhead which I'm quite proud of, so if you're curious check it out by clicking on my name - it'll take you directly to PMC.

SarahGyllenhaal (the one who can't login) said...

Anonymous said...
Ohhhh Anon 7:50, thank you for the Christmas Jake video, and the song is perfect! He's so beautiful, what a great holiday greeting! :-)

8:40 PM


^^
No problem! Glad to be of service :D

Hey, does my forum account have anything to do with the blogger account? I can't seem to get it to work, can anyone help?

Dumbo said...

Jake: Abracadabra and ta-da! For my next trick I will be pulling Frank the Rabbit out of my hat!

atk said...

I suck at captions but I have to say I love love love the new banner. Of course it´s all about Jake at Christmas. Jesus who?

And Jake hosting SNL? How cool is that? I´m really looking forward to the clips on youtube because I don´t think they will ever show it on German TV.

ATD said...

Damn Heath!

Why did this thing have to be scheduled right after our rehearsals?

You’ve given me Friggin’ lock-jaw again!

cina said...

Forgot to add in my post with the lame caption that I want to lick him all over. Thank you.

S4M985 said...

I cant think of anything funny enough to capture it... but can i still lick him all over too?

atk said...

Oh yeah, I forgot the licking part, too. I want to go on a search for all the moles on his body and lick them all over. I´m pretty sure there are plenty....which will take lots of time...lots of pleasure...for both...

willy the goldfish said...

... and this song goes out to that special someone. Austin, you know I'm talking about to you, baby boo.

Anonymous said...

I really suck at captions, but I would just like to say as far as licking him goes...I'd start with his pinkie toe and would not stop until I got to the top of his beautiful head, and I mean EVERY INCH, armpits included. I can't imagine there being any inch of him not tasting like...let's see...butterscotch, cinnamon, allspice, honey, coffee, caramel...pick your flavor.

mmmmmmmmmmmmm...imagination's taking me over...and I'm at work and unfortunately can't do anything about, er, the results of those imaginings...

NC Woman

vanzmotorbike said...

CAPTION:

VAN: CUSTARD PIE FIGHT!

JAKE: HIT ME!

Anonymous said...

Mmmmmmmm, I'd love to lick his neck . . . and his treasure trail looks pretty lickable too . . .
and a course a nuzzle to his armpits . . . I love a man's armpits; they're just so . . . well, manly! That tuft of hair, and his natural scent (fresh, of course!)is a turn-on. I love the parts of a man that are opposite to a woman's, like yin and yang!

Well, I don't know why I felt moved to tell you all this, must be DUI of Jake G.! ;-)

AlinaGyllenhaal said...

Wel, ladies, you turned me on wwith all those lust/I feel almost impossible to surpass u...
But all ovah and again and again would match...And to linger on his amenities... I am panting..
and again,and again,and again...

sarahgyllenhaal (who cant login) said...

OK, guys...um. moles and armpits?
What happened to tender moments?
Howabout lips, ears, neck, hmm hmm....you know, the good stuff?

Anonymous said...

We'll get to all that good stuff too, eventually! We just got distracted along the way - but we will soldier on! ;-)

Anonymous said...

Some of that good stuff goes without saying! Should we describe every inch we are going to lick? That could take all night baby, and we want to prolong the pleasure . . .

And his moles are beautiful, I especially the "constellation" as someone so beautifully called them, under his right ear.

If we keep this up, we're going to get a warning to take this to the Forum! ;-)

Sarah K said...

Oh. See, when I think of moles, I think of those huge, disgusting things. I believe you are referencing his BEAUTY MARKS, such as the one above his lip.

Anonymous said...

Yes, most definitely, his beauty marks, and I would whisper to him how beautiful he is as I kissed and licked him. OK, I'm going to stop now before I get into trouble!

Henceforth, they shall always be called beauty marks! ;-)

claire said...

The audience could never quite work out why he was called '2-sticks Jake'

Sarah K said...

Yes, anon!

And hahaha, Claire, very funny.

Boy...I sure have become addicted to the comments...maybe id better to the forum...

Sarah K :( said...

I am heartbroken.

My friend's dad, the one who was gonna get me tickets to Jake's SNL...well, it turns out he doesn't work for the company that does SNL. So we can't get tickets. ...There goes all my hopes and dreams

Anonymous said...

Yes, definitely his "beauty marks"...they are so incredibly sexy and so well-placed! And I love the "constellation" description of the ones under his right ear! And has anyone ever noticed how beautiful his HANDS are??? He has got the most beautiful hands on a man I have ever seen...long, graceful fingers, and the way he uses his hands...aaaaahhhhhh!!!!

NC Woman

Anonymous said...

Yes, he does have beautiful hands. I noticed them in BBM; artistic, expressive hands.

Sarah K said...

OMG, i noticed that too!! They're gorgeous! They look soft and gentle, yet also masculine and strong. Very artsy. I want to hold his hand. Maybe I should send him a CD with that song (I Wanna Hold Your Hand - The Beatles) You think he'll take the hint?

Anonymous said...

Oh yes, definitely they're definitely the hands of a man - masculine and strong - but the long fingers give them an elegance, like a pianist's hands or something.

Anonymous said...

^^or a guitarist

Anonymous said...

3:58AM I heard he does play the guitar.

Anonymous said...

^^ HE DOES??!!! That is sooooo sexyy!!!!