Saturday, November 18, 2006

I'D LIKE TO BE THE FIRST TO REVIEW ZODIAC

But apparently, according to Paramount Pictures, I'm not deemed a 'respected member' of the film critic circuit. Whatever, biotches. I don't care, I got me a trailer to review and I'm gonna break it down for ya now, sweet seconds at a time.

0.00 R rated. Mention of brief sexual images. We've peaked too soon, haven't we?
0.02 Shot of the Golden Gate Bridge. Just so we know where we are - San Francisco, fyi.
0.14 The Zodiac appears to have quite childish handwriting. I'm not sure how relevant this is.
0.15 Jake has got away with having to wear only moderately bad 70's clothing.
0.23 Jake is belittled by some bit part actor. Blacklisted.
0.34 The Zodiac might be a paedophile. Not good.
0.44 Jake likes killing people..oh wait, the Zodiac likes killing people. Figures.
0.52 Jake likes him some Sudoko - this cartoon will never get finished.
0.54 Someone needs to call in Lieutenant Dan 'cos there is like, 500 suspects.
1.00 Robert Downey Jnr looks like a cop who makes his own rules.
1.09 Jake is a Eagle Scout, 1st class...hee, hee, hee! What's an Eagle scout? Like a beaver scout?
1.15 Robert Downey Jnr insults Jake. Blacklisted.
1.28 Jake climbs tree and peers in Mark Ruffalo's window. Yeah, we've all been there.
1.29 Mark Ruffalo busts Jake for climbing his tree and peering in his window.
1.34 Chloe whatshername bitches about Jake's face being on TV. Shut up.
1.38 Jake gets a phone call with heavy breathing...er...
1.44 Yay! 70's car with cherry light! Fingers crossed for a Daisy Duke bonnet slide, people.
1.45 Robert Downey Jnr does not look like a cop you could trust.
1.47 It gets better! 70's music! Bink bink bow!
1.50 Something about squirrels.
1.55 The Zodiac rings Jake, they've obviously formed a bond that we're not at this stage privy to.
1.58 The Zodiac can give you a lift to the train station. See, not all serial killers are self-involved.
2.13 There is definately someone else in that house.
2.18 Rounding up with some blues music - nice!
2.22 Coming soon. It better be.

PS - If anyone out there can sort of make videos please email us because we have a small project to complete. We'll pay you in sherbert lemons.

Nervous Jake from IHJ.com.

85 comments:

Anonymous said...

See this is why I can't go 1 day without coming here to check the latest news. They've got reviews on upcoming movies but YOU'RE the only one even talking about this one. You are way ahead of the game.

I can see why you want to blacklist some of the participants (bad mouthing Jake does not make friends with us huh ;)

And I can see Jake being an Eagle scout ;) just look at that innocent look he has. or was that terrified. And of course someone has to be in the house there always is. Otherwise it would be a waste of some FINE scared looks that Jake gives.

anyway I can't wait to see this movie, I wish I had some clips to give ya but can I still have the lemon sherbet?

kaydee said...

jake looks like a raccoon in the pic :) still sweet though.

Something about squirrels.

was there really smth about squirrels in the trailer???!!! did it have smth to do with the beavers above?

not all serial killers are self-involved.

LOL

There is definately someone else in that house.

i wonder why you think so? ;)

BPB, now that is what i call a real talent - to review a film that's not even out yet. congratulations!!!

i wouls also blacklist the girl who saw jake brushing his teeth - i'm the only one allowed to do it.

SquallCloud said...

I loved this. lol Two things I noticed they used some faintly Donnie Darko music in the beginning of the trailer and Jake sounds like Bubble Boy in the movie.

This fucking thing is gonna rock my socks isnt' it? What's awesome is that Jake is espionaging with preggo Reese as we speak so we won't have to go through the terrible drought that 2006 was in terms of Jake movies. *happy sigh*

cina said...

What the hell is an eagle scout??

Anneka's Alias said...

Uh, is Jake popping out of a filing cabinet drawer in the picture above?

Anonymous said...

BPB, that heavy breathing call... I thought they'd edit me out....BTW: are there any shower scens in this movie? I mean, it would seem that Jake's character ought to get overwrought and stressed and need the hydro-therapy...lots of it.

Anonymous said...

Chloe is his wife, right? I wonder if the sexual scenes refer to him being a good husband...which would mean having sex with Chloe...I guess that's why they call it acting...they should have cast Natalie...

Prophecy Girl said...

An Eagle Scout is the highest rank in the Boy Scout system. It's quite an honor if you make it to Eagle Scout; it takes a LOT of work. I've only known one Eagle Scout and I wish I could remember more of what he had to do to make it...I didn't know there were classes though. This was sort of an unhelpful answer.

Even if Jake wasn't in this movie, I'd still be way excited to see it.

Dumbo said...

I saw the trailer while watching Bond last night. It was sort of an exciting night, as I also watched the Spider Man III trailer there too. Can't wait to see both movies.

em said...

Yay, I'm not the only one who is interested in analysing the trailer! You can check out my review here:
http://www.postmoderncritic.com/
analysis-of-brand-new-zodiac-trailer/

Re: Jake looking like a racoon, I couldn't agree more... He looks like a timid yet perky creature who has been thoughtfully wrapped in 70s textiles to shield his sensitive skin from those cold, cold SF nights. (It may be in California, but the Bay Area gets really chilly at night!) lol

SquallCloud said...

Oh god, Anneka your comment about Jake popping out of the filing cabinet mixed with the kaydee's observation that he looked like a racoon has set me off on a peel of laughter that brought water to my eyes.

Anonymous said...

Isn't that Jack in Aquirre's trailer?

veeveevee said...

He looked so intense with his big bedroom eyes in that picture...that is, until I read the comments.

NOW I totally see a raccoon (albeit a damn sexy one!) popping out of a file cabinet drawer!!!!!

I hope I don't laugh inappropriately at that part in the movie...

Smurfeyshmoo said...

Where do I get one of those filing cabinets?

And anonymous 5:34, I think you're right. Hydrotherapy. For Jake. Completely necessary.

The Bearded Lady said...

"Chloe whatshername" - did they base her look on Hillary while at Yale days?

Nothing Really Matters said...

Coming soon. It better be. I'll be dead soon if they don't hurry up!

cina said...

Thanks PG! :-)

Anonymous said...

I think the other Zodiac movie, with Justin Chambers is out on DVD. I think I'll rent it just to familiarize myself with the story line and so forth, bcz when this one comes out I don't want to be bothered with keeping up with the basic story line...I'll be watching Jake and all the various "nuances."

The Bearded Lady said...

^ Oh Pussy just go see "Casino Royale" the Bond movie.
Daniel Craig has reenacted Cina's famous bathing suit picture.
Seafood is healthy for you.
Don't be bitter they didn't call you back to the screen,...Judi Dench is on an unstoppable role.
Queen...now Bond...she's be your next Prime Minster before you realize it!

britpopbaby said...

Ha! It DOES look like he popped out the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet, like, 'Hey you guys, someone shut me in the filing cabinet - totally not cool.'

I was going to ask if it's a laptop it's holding but then the normal side of my brain kicked back in...

kaydee said...

BPB, you mean it's not a laptop he's holding?

so it really is a drawer?

cina said...

Hahaha, you guys crack me up!

And TBL - are you saying Mr Bond is stealing my show?! Totally not cool! ;-)

The Bearded Lady said...

^ Exactly Cina.
If I was Ursula Andress,I would be very upset.
Pussy was never given the bikini scenes, due to the requirements of many aerosol cans of hairspray which her "do" required.
As soon as Pussy's head became wet it was disastrous.
No, she had to remain dry and land bound.

P.S. Daniel does look stunning in Cina's bikini bottom.

cina said...

Found a little youtube video of Jake and Reese on the set of Rendition:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjBw9hL5HVo

Just wish we could see the entire footage without the annoying editing...

kaydee said...

Thanks for the link Cina! ♥

i don't like the unsubtle innuendo about ryan being there... bleh! when are they going to get tired of it?

and why does it say Jake "The Snake" Gyllenhaal at the beginning?
or don't i want to know? hmm

damaris said...

^^^ Squall, I was thinking the same thing about Jake's voice!!! He has "bubble boy" voice in the trailer. lol He sounds soooooooo young still. Come on, he's almost 26 years old; I want him to start sounding a little gruffer. But that's just me. I also voted for Wolverine Jake. ;)

mpom said...

Terriffic review Brit. You are ahead of the pack again.I never heard of reviewing a trailer. Great idea though.

Now that you mention it Jake does look like a racoon. Still, he looks good as a racoon, but then he'd even look good as a pumpkin.

I think the comment about the squirrels is made because there are squirrels in the freezer. I might be wrong but it seems so to me. Gagh!! The Zodiac must be really a bad scarey guy.

kaydee said...

Now that you mention it Jake does look like a racoon. Still, he looks good as a racoon, but then he'd even look good as a pumpkin.

LOL, but that is true. his eyes are so deeply set that in some pictures he looks as if he used eyeliner.

he even looked good while picking his nose so i think nothing can spoil the view

there are squirrels in the freezer.

it had me laughing out loud, as it sounds almost like Snakes on a plane. i know i'm weird.

what about those squirrels? where do you see it in the trailer? (i'm dim)

The Bearded Lady said...

"I think the comment about the squirrels is made because there are squirrels in the freezer. I might be wrong but it seems so to me. Gagh!! The Zodiac must be really a bad scarey guy."
Where else would you put your squirrel?

Jake's voice is fine,as it belongs to him, accept no substitutes. ;)

kaydee said...

Where else would you put your squirrel?

right next to my pussy, why? *smirk*

kaydee said...

god, sorry, pretend you didn't see that. i drank too much. *blushes*

amerita said...

Cina, thanks for the pointer to the little video on you tube ...agree, it would be so much better without the Lance-at-the-espn-type of really stupid jokes to break it...

Anonymous said...

Hell-lo!!! He was NOT picking his nose! He was scratching the side of it!

Get real, do you really think he would put his finger up his nose in public? Not to mention: are you blind???

kaydee said...

yep, blind and drunk, but at least will a sense of humour

cina said...

@kaydee: Damn right!

Anon 10:40, take a Valium or something will you? LOL

Nothing Really Matters said...

Did someone call my name dahlines?

The Bearded Lady said...

Yes, I was just explaining to everyone about your hair and water reaction...

playitagein said...

Thank you Britpop for a review of the Zodiac trailer. You keep me sane!

And Jake very much resembles a racoon who appeared at my screen door one night standing on his hind legs wanting food.

Eagle Scout: the Boy Scouts of America by the way has been notoriously anti-gay. Eagle is highest ranking. Has to have something like twenty one merit badges, or something.

Not that you need to know this but
(quote, from BSA site): Merit badges signify the mastery of certain Scoutcraft skills, as well as helping boys increase their skill in an area of personal interest. Of the 120 merit badges available, 21 must be earned to qualify for Eagle Scout. Of this group, 12 badges are required, including First Aid, Citizenship in the Community, Citizenship in the Nation, Citizenship in the World, Communications, Environmental Science, Personal Fitness, Personal Management, Camping, and Family Life. In addition, a Scout has a choice between Emergency Preparedness and Lifesaving and a choice among Cycling, Hiking, and Swimming

Etcetcetc.

kaydee said...

And Jake very much resembles a racoon who appeared at my screen door one night standing on his hind legs wanting food.

when i was little i had that toy, a stuffed racoon, from disney i think. i slept with it and loved it to pieces. literally, as it fell apart from too much of my loving...

is it why i like the way jake looks? because i have a soft spot for racoons? (a question fit for a psychanalyst) :)

cina said...

Btw, I'm not trying to be a smartass or anything, but RDJ is not a cop in Zodiac, he's a reporter at The San Francisco Chronicle - Paul Avery. Mark Ruffalo is the cop - Dave Toschi.

Okey, I'm gonna go and be a smartass somewhere else now. Wait, I just said I wasn't trying to be one... Hmm. I better to go to bed now I think.

Anonymous said...

Better a raccoon then a "deer in the headlights" look, yes?

Wonder if Jake has met the real Robert Graysmith, anyone know???

veeveevee said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
veeveevee said...

Okay, it's been more than 6 hours since I left my message about laughing inappropriately at the movies when the "raccoon coming out of the drawer" part comes, and I am still laughing out loud when the page loads and that picture appears. I love it!

Thank you for making my day!

Anonymous said...

Actually, that looks like a long olive drab cardboard file folder that Jake is holding on to. He doesn't look raccoonish to me at all. Anyone familiar with scouting would know that that is the exact look of an Eagle Scout who finds himself in serious disress and is right that very moment, summoning up all his skills and knowledge, going through the catalogue of his merit badges and trying to determine the very best application of his achievements in service to tracking down the Zodiac killer. He is probably regretting the fact that he spent an inordinate amount of time earing his cycling badge and not nearly enuf on things to do with self defense, or building a campfire or determining which beeltes had the most nutritional value.

Anonymous said...

I thought the poor boy was just sitting and leaning forward on the back of a really, really ugly chair. ;-)

Agent Krycek said...

I thought the poor boy was just sitting and leaning forward on the back of a really, really ugly chair. ;-)

I've now got a rather lovely image of Jake posing Christine Keeler style in my head (e.g. naked and straddling a chair)

mpom said...

As difficult as it might seem to stray off this topic of, naked Jake straddling a really ugly chair, it's early morning here on the East Coast of the US and I am watching an old movie. Montgomery Clift has just flashed a big beautiful smile in "A Place in the Sun." Does anyone else see how much these two men are alike? Jake and Monty I mean. Jake would be so great in the remakes of all of Montgomery Clift's roles. Can't imagine who could replace Elizabeth Taylor, but Jake has that seething contained, sexual energy like Monty, and that body and face of his, those beautiful eyes, yes they are so alike. I am surprised a studio hasn't suggested it. They do love to remake.

kaydee said...

LOL!

in the previous thread, Nice Anonymous said: Jake is like a leopard. He's handsome & he's got dark spots everywhere.

i say he looks like a racoon on the picture from zodiac. are there any other animals he reminds you of? :-)

cina said...

Well, a puppy of course... ;-)

kaydee said...

and i seem to remember cow's eyes in the JW exclusive

cina said...

Hahaha, yeah! I'd rather call them puppy dog eyes though. ;-)

nice anonymous said...

Yes, he does look like a raccoon. This is nearly the exact posture those animals assume when they are peering up out of a garbage pail, with one's flashlight shining right in their eyes. Only Jake looks far more earnest. That's where the Eagle Scout part comes in. Like he's gonna cross his heart & swear something on the Eagle Scout manual.

kaydee said...

see, eagle's earnestness. anything else?

LOL

dani said...

Mpom - I would love to see Jake do a remake of A Place In The Sun. I just don't know of an actress that could do Elizabeth Taylor justice. To watch Montgomery Clift and Liz together was one of the most stunning combinations in movie history. Next to Liz and Paul Newman in Cat On A Hot Tin Roof. She was just amazing when she was young. Now we have the amazing Jake and no actress that comes close to him!

perfectscore_goldstar said...

I love this place; I really really love this place ...

and in reference to the "Jake the Snake" question ... there's a pro wrestler who was named Jake the Snake and if I am not mistaken, he carried a big python or boa or something around ... I think. Maybe.

I gotta stay away from kaydee ... she's contagious (but *does* have a sense of humor ;))

cina said...

Perhaps Natalie Portman...?

kaydee said...

thanks Perfectscore_Goldstar for the info about the Jake Snake. i can't help but notice that the snake thus becomes another animal closely related to jake in my mind.

leopard, racoon, eagle, puppy, cow, snake.... anything else?

Anonymous said...

That's where the Eagle Scout part comes in. Like he's gonna cross his heart & swear something on the Eagle Scout manual.

Like the golden oldie: "On my honor I'll do my best to watch the girl scouts get undressed"

playitagain said...

the golden oldie was mine, not anon.

sorry - lost in rendition

cina said...

leopard, racoon, eagle, puppy, cow, snake.... anything else?


Oh, but WOLVERINE of course!! :-D

SquallCloud said...

I love kaydee. Blind drunk and all. :o)

Animal Jake Reminds me of: Any manner of small cute woodland creature when he's doing his sensitive eyes as see in that screen cap and in the SNIT scene of BBM. Also when he's just being himself tromping around swanky parts of town he reminds me of A Sexy Beast!

Someone mentioned Snakes on a Plane. I have an inordinant infatuation with the band The Academy Is, Cobra Starship, and Gym Class Heroes. All of these bands lent a member to the Snakes on the Plane title song and they are the slashiest bandslash that ever existed in the continuum of time. They kiss. They cuddle. They hug. They grope. One of them smells one of the other one's hair all the time. It's wild.

Just thought I'd share because I know we have some slash fans in the house. :o)

Anonymous said...

Cina! Natalie Portman and Jake in a remake of A Place In The Sun would be genius!!!! I've read the Theodore Dreiser book and if they redo it and adhere to the novel instead of the truncated Hollywood version we got with Elizabeth and Montgomery Clift it would be spectacular. And the themes it hit on: his parents were urban missionaries obsessed with God and he was driven by an obsession with material success. For me, the hard part would be casting someone to play the Shelley Winters role. And honestly? I think someone like Michelle Williams would be great. Except she'd have to do love scenes with Jake...talk about awkward? Maybe she could get guidance from Heath! LOL!

damaris said...

^^^ MPOM,

What do you think of Alexa Davalos as a possibility for the Elizabeth Taylor role? She's got the eyes, but she is quite a bit taller...5' 8". But Jake's tall, so it could work. ;) I like your idea for re-makes. :)

Newport Girl said...

Believe it or not, yours truly was a Girl Scout, starting at the young Brownie level and ending at Cadets.

I once saw a Boy Scout wearing a teeshirt that said "Boy Scout Troop 69 Says Eat More Brownies"

Hey, we knew how to have fun...lol

cina said...

I think someone like Michelle Williams would be great. Except she'd have to do love scenes with Jake...talk about awkward? Maybe she could get guidance from Heath! LOL!

Now that really threw me into a laughing fit!! LOL!!

kaydee said...

let's summarize our little game.

jake has:

Cow's eyes or
puppy dog eyes; he assumes a
raccoon's posture and is like a
leopard. because he's handsome and he's got dark spots everywhere.
he has smth of an eagle's earnestness
and small woodland creature's cutness. some call him
Jake the Snake (snigger)or more appropriately
a sexy beast
sadly, some ppl want him to look like a wolverine

seriously, that is what you want him to look like?! i sure prefer a clean shaven jake.

ok, i will stop that silliness now, i promise :)

S4M985 said...

you had me at 0.00

mpom said...

So good to be home from work.

I like the idea of Michelle Williams Ledger playing the Shelly Winters part, and Natalie Portman the Liz T. Part in A Place in the Sun. We'd really have something to blog on about then. Wonder how hard it would be to get the word out to some studio. Could this be a mission for the JW Agents? Hmmm.

Then I would like him to star in the remake of The Hieress, another of my Montgomery Clift favorites. He's never done a period movie. Jake would look great dressed up in something Victorian or Edwardian. He has the looks, he has the talent but does he have the desire.

Here I am dreaming of future pictures and I can't even see Zodiac. And that one's already made.

mpom said...

Cina
I think someone like Michelle Williams would be great. Except she'd have to do love scenes with Jake...talk about awkward? Maybe she could get guidance from Heath!

That scene with Michelle would be a lot more than a love scene today. It would be a sex scene now. This would be very strange for Jake I am sure considering the BBM sex scenes he and Heath did.

Newport Girl said...

Maybe a more modern "A Place In The Sun" would have the sex scene with all three of them participating. That way, the only awkward one would be Heath, when you think about it...

Newport Girl said...

Oh, and Kaydee! Drunk, blonde and thinking animalistic thoughts...my kind of girl! And if that was your picture, I think I want you more than Jake...

dani said...

Ok, I guess I can go with Natalie Portman and Michelle Wiliams to round out the cast of the remake of A Place In The Sun. And to see Jake play another kind of less than admirable guy and don the clothing from a long ago era, there is The Heiress which Montgomery Clift made with Olivia de Haviland.

Anonymous said...

Since we're pitching remakes here, I 'd like to lighten things up a bit. There was a delightful remake of The Philadelphia Story (Kate Hepburn & Cary Grant) which was turned into a musical with songs by Cole Porter, and called High Society Grace Kelly, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra). Since Jake said he could sing and he told Conan he loved show tunes, let's get him to do a remake of High Society...with Natalie in the Grace Kelly role.

BTW: Michelle could do a great job in The Heiress.

dani said...

Yes, I can see Jake in a sophisticated comedy. He is quite funny!

Anonymous said...

I agree. But I wouldn't mess with Bing & Frank. I'd rather see him do a remake of the Philadelphia Story with Natalie, but WO the singing. Even tho I would love to hear him sing....

kaydee said...

Oh, and Kaydee! Drunk, blonde and thinking animalistic thoughts...my kind of girl! And if that was your picture, I think I want you more than Jake...

@Newport Girl:

i was drunk 2 days ago, so that one's right. i am known to think animalistic thoughts about jake which i proved yesterday.

but what makes you think i'm blonde?

unless it's a jab at my intellectual powers (i don't know in america, but here we have thouse dreadful jokes about silly blonde girls...)

Newport Girl said...

Kaydee, aren't you blonde? I thought you were, not because of intellectualism but because of a picture you sent. Don't you remember, or maybe I was drunk?!

kaydee said...

oh, yes, now i remember. the picture of my beautiful back. sorry, my mistake :P

i really should pay more attention to ppl i bless with the sight of my beautiful body. i might leave behind hordes of swooning ppl whose life will never be the same :)

Newport Girl said...

Yes, you got me all hot and bothered with that picture and I'm not even gay...lol

mpom said...

Love this site. We circle the globe because the comments go on night and day.

Kaydee's animal summary gets a big LOL. The JW 5 & dime should sell a stuffed animal named Jake. Maybe a leopard. A snake might be too reminiscent of the unfortunate pics of Jake getting out of the cab. You know, the
"Gyllengigglepants" set of photos. On second thought, given our decadent sense of humor a snake might be perfect.

kaydee said...

Snake is very symbolic though. We are way too sophisticated here at JW to bother ourselves with those vulgar gyllengigglepants pictures, but a snake is a symbol of so many things and so well described in poetry:

He drank enough
And lifted his head, dreamily, as one who has drunken,
And flickered his tongue like a forked night on the air, so black,
Seeming to lick his lips,
And looked around like a god, unseeing, into the air


Lifting his head dreamily and flicking his tongue is so Jake.

I know I shouldn’t because I will feel ashamed of myself again, but Dickinson wrote:

A narrow Fellow in the Grass
Occasionally rides –
You may have met Him —did you not
His notice sudden is –
The Grass divides as with a Comb – A spotted shaft is seen –


Okay, perhaps I’m not that sophisticated, but I couldn’t help myself with the spotted shaft… (spotted like a leopard).

our fearless leaders seem to have abandoned us - and i'm feeling naughty when unsupervised :P

nice anonymous said...

Being here clearly is not work safe, when the comments are focusing on Jake's anatomy -- but Nice Anonymous nearly spewed coffee over her keyboard at the mention of his "spotted shaft."

Must ... go ... do ... work ... which pays for Internet access & so many other essential things in life.

nice anonymous said...

Distracted by this conversation & unable to work because I just remembered something.

Can someone British confirm this?

Is it true there is a pudding sometimes served in England called "spotted dick"?

Now I really must get some work done.

An English person said...

There is indeed an English pudding called spotted dick, made with suet and dried fruit.

It's eaten with custard, but is quite rare these days.

It's a relic from innocent times when dick was short for Richard and everyone over here needed warming up from the inside.

britpopbaby said...

Spotted Dick is lovely jubbly!