Monday, October 23, 2006

JUST FYI

I know we're still a little icksnay on the erm, babynay but I thought you'd all like to know what we're spending the Jake Watch Piggy Bank funds on (aside from britpopbaby's gin and coke habit). At the last minute I backed out of buying a Tamarin because I thought, in the wrong situation, it might cause offense; as I learnt from my Carmine Giovinazzo experiment, my idea of 'cute' isn't always the same as everyone else's. So we 'sponsored' a Red Panda. His name is Maurice - well I don't know if that is his name but that's what I deemed he shall be known as. Below is the accompanying letter that may or may not have reached Maggie and Sarsy - Pops might have screwed it up and hurled it at the back of PG's head when she wasn't looking. Who knows?

When we first heard about you, Baby Ramona, we have to admit, we were pretty damn excited. And now here you are (we won’t mention that you decided to show up on the same day as Jake Watch’s sixth month anniversary thus stealing our thunder in a most spectacular manner. We’re cool).

With two talented and stunningly attractive parents we reckon you’re pretty much set but your arrival can not go unmarked without some amount of fanfare and purchasing of material objects by us, here at Jake Watch. But what to buy?


After much consideration, whimsical glowing rabbit toys, comedy baby-grows and any kind of donation to a charity of your choice were crossed off the list as we came to the obvious conclusion. What better start in life than your very own designer pet?

Now, we did want to send you the Red Panda, honestly we did, but apparently there are some ‘regulations’ and ‘laws’ that prevent the shipping of wild animals by Joe Public. Customs and Excise – they’re so uptight!

So, rest assured. The panda is yours, it just lives in a zoo on the other side of the Atlantic. We think it’ll work better this way and after all, as the zoo website tells us -
You will understand that we often exchange animals with other zoos for breeding purposes, and - like us - they eventually die
– best not to get too attached, eh?

Expect a certificate and some magazines about conservation and stuff soon. You officially own that Red Panda from the first of November. We suggest you name him Maurice.

Wishing you all the best,
The Jake Watch massive.

PS. You are now a member of the North of England Zoological Society. We’re not quite sure how that one happened.
-------------------

77 comments:

kaydee said...

what happened to the spectacled bear?!

but that's ok, maurice is cute as well.

i bet Ramona's just enchanted that she became the member od the North of England Zoological Society. such an honour!

Simon Agent 002 said...

how did I know you wrote this by the first line?

muffin said...

red panda? very, very cute.

The Bearded Lady said...

Exactly how does one sponsor a Red Panda?...are we sending him to school....or regular feedings?

Anneka's Alias said...

It is really cute but I think it looks more like a Red Fox than a Red Panda. Are you sure the zoo isn't pulling your leg? And I never liked the tamarine so I like this choice.

Mia said...

Fantastic letter! lol

I'm new to the site but I absolutely love it. The funniest website I have stumbled upon in ages. Good job!

Agnes said...

Now, we did want to send you the Red Panda, honestly we did, but apparently there are some ‘regulations’ and ‘laws’ that prevent the shipping of wild animals by Joe Public. Customs and Excise – they’re so uptight!


Damn! Did you tell them it was JW who wanted the panda?

Prophecy Girl said...

Is that what hit me in the back of the head? I'd been wondering...

Keks said...

German Gyllenhaalic´s are crying
We nee help. We are so happy for Jake but sad on the same time.
is lovely Greta/Gretel/Gretchen his new girlfiend or not. we´re confused.
Can us anybody here give an advice
our english is to bad, thats for sure.

Keks / Webblog
http://jakerocksmyworld.blogspot.com/

Keks said...

German Gyllenhaalic´s are crying
(see the pictures are posted...)
We nee help. We are so happy for Jake but sad on the same time.
is lovely Greta/Gretel/Gretchen his new girlfiend or not. we´re confused.
Can us anybody here give an advice
our english is to bad, thats for sure.

Keks / Webblog
http://jakerocksmyworld.blogspot.com/

The Bearded Lady said...

Those manila envelopes are killer when struck upon the back of the head.

Kendra said...

Awww, I have a blind crush on Maurice right now!

Anonymous said...

keks: We know nothing about Greta except they seem to be friends and she is the daughter of actor David Caruso and actress Rachel Ticotin.
Don't be sad! Only wish Jake all good things.Nice webblog!

cina said...

Aww! Maurice the Red Panda - I LOVE IT! And damn Gyllenpappa if he doesn't deliver our gift.

Anonymous said...

"We think it’ll work better this way and after all, as the zoo website tells us - You will understand that we often exchange animals with other zoos for breeding purposes, and - like us - they eventually die – best not to get too attached, eh?"

Oh man, I just snorted raspberry snapple over my computer screen. I'm starting a new job next week, and I imagine I won't be paid to spend 8 hours a day surfing the internet as I currently am. I will miss this blog dearly.

Nothing Really Matters said...

That red panda is kinda cute.

PG dear did you sustain any paper cuts when the blow to the head happened???

The Bearded Lady said...

^ Somehow I don't think they were hurled with proper force, but the return might be more on target.

smurfette said...

ooh, i hope they get the letter! it's fantastic. i have a feeling our fave hipster parents mags and peter would appreciate the humor and love.

oh, i found some non-news here: http://www.celebrityweek.com/
movies/show_news.asp?
id=1637&cid=31. what is with this celebrityweek.com and their annoying/know-it-all tone? i have to agree about kate bosworth tho.

Jake Gyllenhaal
Out yourself as an A-lister, already.
Props for Brokeback. But lately it’s all about being the third wheel in Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong's posse or the guy who replaces a fictional actor in the fictional Aquaman movie on HBO's fictional Entourage. As for Zodiac; you chase a serial killer?! Dude, leave those roles for Denzel Washington. We love you when you're dark and quirky (Donnie Darko, Highway, even Bubble Boy), so stop obsessing about your PerezHilton.com self.

The Bearded Lady said...

"Thick fur on the soles of the feet offers protection from cold and hides scent glands."~ Wikipedia

I approve of any animal that has the sense to hide it's scent glands.

~ goes contrary to the popular fashion to expose glands to public view.

j01560403 said...

Re: oh, i found some non-news here: http://www.celebrityweek.com/
movies/show_news.asp?


Damn! Is this the kind of crappy news Jakey sees about himself, and yet we don’t think he even knows about Jake Watch?!!!! That ain’t right!!

~DKBB~ said...

Wonderful choice, britpop! What little girl wouldn't love her very own Red Panda?! And the best part is she (or her lovely parents, I should say) won't have to clean up after it! ;)

The Bearded Lady said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
smurfette said...

j01560403,
i agree, this stuff pisses me off—i’m no fan of the matt and lance trio either, but c’mon, real fans don’t really get turned off by what he chooses to do with his personal time, and we’re uber-excited about zodiac and want to him to grow as an actor, geez. hopefully jake and his people won’t see or care about what these hack “journalists” have to say on their silly sites!

ATD said...

Red Panda, Ewok, Bungle from Rainbow! – Way cuter than that ugly assed tomato thingy!

Katie said...

I've never seen a more handsome Red Panda than Maurice in my entire life, BPB, good choice, better than those monkey things - I cannot think of a single 3 week old or so infant that would not be thrilled to be presented with this critter on a plate. And it's purely coincidental but I exchanged Jake for a Red Panda on my Desktop last week. Spooky eh (although that's more to do with the fact that my partner prefers mammals with four legs to The Sexiest Thing on Two Legs that happens to obsess his girl). So I'm approving.

PS, I've snuk The Sex back onto my Desktop (don't tell anyone - he's in disguise)

perfectscore_goldstar said...

Good choice, there BPB and JW ! I love it ... and I do hope that this didn't end up being hurled at PG's head; I didn't notice any errant envelopes flying thru the air but I think I was at the bar at the time of said possible paper trajectory ... :-p

PG, did you share my discovery "in the khaki's" with BPB or do I need to do the honors ? ;)

perfectscore_goldstar said...

p.s. I like the name Gunther better than Maurice but that's just my opinion ;)

SquallCloud said...

Maurice is tres adorable!

That note is priceless. Whether it gets to Maggie and Peter it's the thought that counts, eh?

Prophecy Girl said...

nrm, I escaped physically unscathed. I think.

perfectscore, I did not share the, erm, "news," as I think I was still in shock from my own oversight. Seriously, how the fuck did I miss that?! :)

Simon Agent 002 said...

There was Maurice, that made the song "Louise", famous in the 20's

"every little breeze seems to whisper Louise"

Simon Agent 002 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Ya know. If you're really Watchin' Jake, you really should check out the khakis. O.M.G.

Great letter! Hope Maggie and Peter get the gift and laugh and enjoy it as much as we did.

dottieb said...

And the best part is she (or her lovely parents, I should say) won't have to clean up after it!

Aw, I was hoping that would be grandpapa's job!

mrs_dalloway said...

The red panda is perfect! Cute and weird in the same time,just like Ramona's uncle.
And the letter..LMAO!! I just hope they'll get it.

JoyceDavenport said...

Maurice adds to the already stratospheric (it's my word of the week) cuteness of the Gyllenhaal pets. First Atticus, then Boo, now a Red Panda. Jake will have to get himself a Koala bear to top that. God Jake and a Koala in the same picture- doesn't bear (bear- geddit?) thinking about.

Anonymous said...

That Red Panda is mighty sexy. Maurice - MEOW!!

I heard Boo got wind of PG's drop off to some uknown poet from Jake's text messaging - yeah Boo is pimped out with his own Pug-berry. I heard Boo snagged the first over seas flight to New Zealand today. Its that interspecies thing he has going. Nevermind he stole Atticus's Diners club card and used Jake's jaw dropping amount of frequent flyer miles.

I think Boo is making for a cross continental booty call if you ask me.

Thats where Boo is - Global Playah!

Anonymous said...

BTW - Brit I hope you set up a PO Box for Ramona in NY to pick up all that zoo pamphlets because I have a feeling Boo's gonna be having that stuff rerouted to him in LA - its like porn for puggles like him.

god that panda is sexy.

Anonymous said...

Oh crap I think that Maurice has already showing Jake tendencies...

the tongue
http://www.savci.upol.cz/gal/_10/urs/ailurus_3.jpg

Anonymous said...

Proof that this Panda is gonna cost a lot - they are so dam hungry all the time...there goes Brits coke & gin habit...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zfg1rlWcLH0

Anonymous said...

I don't think the Red Panda in that video likes Japanese food - thye keep beatingthe crap out of that poor girl and why the hell is she sleeping with wild animals?

Watch out Boo! That maurice may got a serious bitch slap waiting for your ass - he's all like "Look here you genetic sex freak - I'm Ramona's - hands off biatch - I'll go Bjork all over your puggle ass."

Anonymous said...

Oh crap Boo went the wrong way - he's ticket was for New Zealand and not North England - man that puggle needs to stop digging into Atticus's stash.

and here's what I posted on prior blog because forwhatever butt ass reason I can't ever seem to hookup with the most current post - WTF BLOGGER!!

OK ALL THESE RUMORS HAVE GOT TO STOP...

I don't think Jake would appreciate us delving into Boo's lovelife - whore or not - Boo is his own dog - if he wants to sniff around whether in his species or he's gone a fowl then thats his own dog goen business.

Atticus is not responsible for Boo's behavior whether or not Jake's in town - Atticus has his own problems. I think Atticus is suffering from alleged rumors of his own - news around the hydrants is he's using again - his chew toy habits are put of control. Hell Petsmart won't even let him hang around anymore without Jake's in tow.

atticus - you can do it man - stay strong - maybe take in a dog spa. I know Boo's been out more than he really should - he should be there for you. I know he's got his bitches all over town - but bros before hos man!

BTW - yes I'm up its the wee hours and I'm STILL SICK AS A PUGGLES THYROID AMPED UP ON DOGGIE TREATS.

STAMP OUT UNPROTECTIVE BUTT SNIFFING - watch your Puggle.

Agent Krycek said...

Maurice is adorable, and if I wasn't currently being massively unfaithful to Jake by having Mark Ramprakash as my computer wallpaper, I'd have little Maurice.

It's your own fault Jake, Mark looks after me, he's on my tv every week till Christmas, he regularly shakes his hips at me and smiles ALL THE TIME - what are you doing to deserve my love at the moment? The odd pap shot doesn't count - I want films, interviews, photoshoots, and you never write, never call.....

britpopbaby said...

Ooo, a Strictly Ballroom fan! Welcome...I'm afraid my soft spot is for Brendon 'Bad Boy of Ballroom' Cole. But thats a story for another time...

Anonymous said...

Oh my!!!!!
http://www.thesuperficial.com/

Anonymous said...

Oh my!!!!!
http://www.thesuperficial.com/

Anonymous said...

Oh my!!!!!
http://www.thesuperficial.com/

MapleSyrupCanuck said...

^LOL. Anon, I think you just made my day. Odd looks from my co-workers be damned.

I was going to comment about the panda, but I can't think straight after those pics I saw.

nice anonymous said...

Umm, that looks a little uncomfortable for Jake.

Though not as uncomfortable as he'll be after he realizes that many thousands of people on the Internet are staring intently at the encircled spot.

Anonymous said...

Oh my!!!!!
http://www.thesuperficial.com/

6:48 PM


The comments by the people (and I use the term loosely) about Jake on that blog are vile. Ugh.

Anonymous said...

Hey BPB, I don't know about you, but I feel like that link there just above is not Jake-friendly. At all. GD it. Poor guy, I don't think he is going to be too pleased about that other website embarassing him like that. How would you feel? If we love Jakey like we say we do, maybe we should not publicize this intrusive website? What do you think??? JMO....

Mk said...

IMHO, the material posted on this other site is so gross that it is not even worth bothering. I mean, the pics are not *that* emabarassing in themselves, there is actually nothing to see and the people down there seem to get overexcited because they are projecting whatever fantasy they have about Jake on images that you could get from any other man if you photographed him 24/7. Let's just ignore them. Freedom of speech, duh.

mpom said...

I am not pleased about this other site. Very bad comments. My guess would be silk boxers. Very sexy, very comfortble and NOBODYS BUSINESS.
Nevermind them Jake. Jealousy brings out the worse in scum like that.

amerita said...

Oh man, that's load of crap. Don't even know why this link was posted here. How stupid is that. I think this is the kind of totally idiotic stuff people think they have to publish just because they have access to the internet. Oh my, indeed.

MapleSyrupCanuck said...

Now that I've got some food in my stomach, thus lessening my caffeine induced blurting-of-first-thoughts-that-pop-out-of-my-mind mode, the images are indeed mundane. *does shamey finger hand gesture to self* -_-

Back on point, sending a live animal may be tricky, but what about a plushie format of Maurice?

Anneka's Alias said...

^^^ Ohmigod, that plushie is soooooo cute!

Anonymous said...

Has STD tests been done on Maurice - I mean is this a clean guy or an irresponsible global himbo we're dealing with?

Anonymous said...

charming.

SquallCloud said...

I saw the pics in the above link in LJ I think. There was some hemming and hawing but mostly folks were in reverent awe. Yah, okay crotch shots are not cool, but that doesn't mean I have the willpower to look away from them.

The commenters on that E! site are jackasses.

SquallCloud said...

Why does E! hate Jake?

Anonymous said...

E! is just hateful period. They got busted was it just today, bcz they brought a camera team and went onto the private property of the home of Brad Pitt to shoot a spot. When they were caught, the network offered a disclaimer and an apology and said the camera crew did that on there own. Yeah. As if. Pitt plans to prosecute and I guess E! fired the crew, who were probably doing it on orders. So they have no limits and will do anything they can get away with.

SquallCloud said...

Damn Anon 3:23 Such jackasses. Why can't everyone love Jake the way we do? I don't care when any other celeb is ragged on but I'm super protective of Jake.

Anonymous said...

Me, too, SquallCloud. I think Jake's attitude towards many of the paps changed after he saw a really ugly side during the Brokeback Mountain promotion. Heath, too. Not all paps but a vocal few said despicable, vulgar things and were harrassing them.
Jake is more wary and less affable now, in his exchanges with them, unless he knows them. There are a few regulars that become familiar over time. They are usually pretty "reasonable." (I use the term loosely.)

Anonymous said...

New Line has set Peter Sarsgaard to star with Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon in Rendition!!!

kaydee said...

The perverts at the Famous Males forums even included zoomed in closeups for maximum perversion

sounds like those guys at the Famous Males Forum are not the only perverts. the glee it that comment is positively nauseating.

sigh

mrs_dalloway said...

IHJ has stated that they will not be posting inconfortable paparazzi pics anymore.That means we won't be seeing Jake pissed in any pics!Brits,you should have crossed that Pap Bingo when you had the chance! *sigh*

Simon Agent 002 said...

Do you think those cameras would bother him just as much, if he knew those photos/video would never be seen by anyone?

JoyceDavenport said...

I'm glad IHJ has takedn a stand on this- maybe if paps know people won't get to see pissed of photo's they will stop trying to snap Jake in anytrhing other than his generally happy/ neutral mode. It does appear to be the case papas like to set up that kind of shot.

On a happier note universal are putting out a new 2 disc version of BBM with never before seen footage.
here

mrs_dalloway said...

Thanks,Joyce!
I'm happy with IHJ's decision,too.We all complain that we don't like seeing him in bad pap pics,but they were there,on the site. IHJ is the largest and the most important Jake site,so the move is excellent.

green said...

New Line has set Peter Sarsgaard to star with Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon in Rendition

I hope that Peter is authorised to watch Jake LOL

heddaparsons said...

Smart move by IHJ since they seem to be the source for most of the Jake pap pics on the net. We will see less intrusive pap pics posted on sites like D-listed and ONTD, etc. because they usually get the pics from IHJ.

Anonymous said...

Back in the olden days. before the internet, we learned to wait. We looked at monthly/weekly magazines, we watch TV, we waited. Back in the old days, we very rarely saw film/TV stars in scuffles with the press unless it was Frank Sinatra smashing some reporter's head in with a telephone or something. Back in the old days seeing a film star doing anything other than being a film star was practically unheard of. The general public, worldwide, knowing where they lived was unheard of. Knowing where they shopped for cough syrup was unheard of. (sigh.) We survived without all the constant exposure.
I "need" to see my Jakey at least every five or six days...just to reassure myself he's really still part of this world and he's OK. But if I couldn't, or if I saw less of him, like in the old days,...I think I'd be OK...we'd all manage somehow. But I wouldn't like it.

Anonymous said...

Sarsgaard's Rendition


Peter Sarsgaard has signed up to star in Oscar-winning South African director Gavin Hood's Hollywood debut film 'Rendition'.


In agreeing to star in the film, which is Hood's follow-up to his acclaimed drama 'Tsotsi', Sarsgaard will appear alongside his future brother-in-law Jake Gyllenhaal and Oscar-winning actress Reese Witherspoon.


As previously announced, the film is based on a CIA agent (Gyllenhaal) that witnesses an Egyptian-American tortured in the wake of a suicide bombing.


Hood hopes the start shooting next month.

Anonymous said...

I think it is safe to assume now that Peter's slightly "shaggy" appearance is indeed for a new film role. ;)

SquallCloud said...

I know this is old as hell but Anon 4:05 pm Jake doesn't get into weeklies or monthlies too often. He's a super big interweb celeb but only like a second tier tv/magazine celeb. I still maintain that fansites can really change any rules they like, unless they are the ones buying the photos no matter what they do it will not effec the amoutn of pap attention the star gets.

James said...

This won't really have effect, I think so.
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