Sunday, July 16, 2006

BACK AWAY FROM MY MAN!

(click to enlarge)

What a disgusting display. Britpopbaby is gone for less than 24 hours and look what kind of crap we're having to deal with! Special thanks to both jla and cina for doing their Jake Watch duty and being on top of this most disturbing situation. What have we got? Not one but two non-Jake Watch operatives throwing themselves shamelessly at the Gyllenhaal? Accosting him in his car? Do they have NO SHAME? You, Miss I'm-dressed-to-work-out-in-my-gray-shirt-but-can-still-flash-some- cleavage-for-the-movie-star. Yeah, you. What the hell? I'm fairly certain whatever Jake is saying is not that funny, because I'm fairly certain he's telling you about how he's involved with someone. Me. (Or possibly britpop. Sometimes I'm a little confused about that.) And you should just back off before he presses on that accelerator and leaves you laughing to yourself in the parking lot. And you, Miss I've-got-perfect-blonde-California-hair-but-I-had-to-pay- my-stylist-out-the-ass-for-it. You're as bad as your friend. Stop trying to hide behind your enormous white purse-thingy and BACK. AWAY. FROM. MY. MAN!

Photo from IHJ.

And speaking of disturbing cases of people trying to hone in on what is clearly my territory, Nothing Really Matters and Kate have alerted to me to this travesty against Jake's dignity. Who will kiss Jake next? Here's a hint: Save your money because Prophecy Girl isn't even on the list.

P.S. Damn. You guys are good. Keep up the excellent work, agents!

29 comments:

The Bearded Lady said...

Yes, Jake now I see why you found it necessary to grow that beard...
At least you managed to get your seat belt on before these girls pounced on you.

cina said...

Yup this is clearly a case of BACK AWAY FROM MY MAN!! The agent in me got a little worried there, wondering what those girls were really up to. I was afraid they would hit him in the head, drag him out of his car, gag him and put a blindfold on him and then throw him in the back of a black van strategiously parked nearby. But my Jake radar tells me he is still a free man, on the move in Beverly Hills, actually, it seems he's approaching Sprinkles for.... a breakfast cupcake perhaps?

Btw - where the heck are Atticus and Boo?? On holiday??

Simon Agent 002 said...

It was real nice of these girls to stand patiently in your parking space and save it for you.
That's real "Star" treatment for you.
I trust you gave them a nice tip. All those hours waiting for you to arrive.
Did you give the horn a little toot , just before you pulled into your spot?....You wouldn't want to run down anyone accidently.

penny lane said...

Me thinks Jake is really lapping up the attention they are giving him here..!

phoebe said...

Disturbing. Utterly and totally disturbing.

I don't know what sickens me the most though: those girls and them clearly going way past the line here, or our Jakey's huge smile on his face. Ouch.

nice anonymous said...

This picture has all the hallmarks of a pleasant encounter between a star & his fans. (Unlike that night-time picture from a couple months back of that drunken female who seems to have committed the lese-majeste of attempting to touch Jake's shoulder without permission.) Both Jake & the girls are smiling widely. Jake basks in the glow of their admiration, all his troubles forgotten momentarily (What's happening with the Fincher thing? What about my next project?). The two fans walk off with accelerated pulse rates, saying to each other, "Oh my God, can you f--- believe it?" Everyone's happy. (Except us, on this blog, who've been denied a fortuitous chance encounter like this with Jake.) I get a warm glow from this picture. I feel a little hopeful: So maybe Jake does like girls, after all?

gin said...

Um, Jacob, how many times must I reinforce this point? You are to save your smile and unabashed charm for me! I did not give permission for this interaction. Clearly you've missed the memo.

The Bearded Lady said...

Yeah he likes'em....
He likes'em to get out of the way so he can back out.

phoebe said...

^^ LOL!

jla said...

^^ TBL...you are hilarious!! It's clear these girls are brazen hussies! They are clearly imposing their crazy fangirl squeals upon him. Jake is a busy man! I am sure they are keeping him from, cycling up hill while eating a sprinkles cupcake and reading the newspaper in his socks and flip flops! So in the immortal words of rapper turned actor Ludacris... Move Bitch Get Out The Way!

The Bearded Lady said...

I thought that model Mercedes Benz had the high frequency sound emitter?
You know the feature that emits a high pitched squeal...to ward off dogs and young girls...
I suppose Jake was giving the girls a few seconds before he resorted to pressing the button.

Simon Agent 002 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
cina said...

phoebe said: I don't know what sickens me the most though: those girls and them clearly going way past the line here, or our Jakey's huge smile on his face. Ouch.

Phoebs, I'm gonna have to agree with you on that. OUCH.

winterbird said...

Mmm... i gotta say, those two girls seem pretty restraint to me... consider that I do something more "radical" if I was in that situation. Sure, they should still back away, as they are not on the list of the people Jake Watch approved to be touching Jake. But no big crime comitted here, me think.

dani said...

At first I didn't like that big smile Jake had on his face. Then I thought he was just being polite for a moment until he could get away from them and before anyone else spotted him. As long as he kept his glasses on so they couldn't see his eyes, I'm ok. I could not tolerate silly girls such as these to be able to see those eyes up close.

Kendra said...

I specially dislike the brunette one. Good news are I guess that he didn't invite these girls to go into the car for a lift.

Miss Twist said...

Jake isn't following the guidelines in his "Miss Twist's golden rules" book(I should really make one of those... anyway)
Rule number one: Never, I repeat NEVER, talk to anyone who starts off a sentence, "Like, Oh My God! Like, hi!" In this very circumstance you should smile, nod and run (or drive) away as fast as you can leaving the person in question picking dirt, you threw up in your get away, from their perm-a-grin.

More Golden rules to come…

Prophecy Girl said...

I was actually quite encouraged by the next picture in the series in which everyone looked kind of awkward and ready to leave. But I couldn't help but pick on those girls for this shot, because everyone does look nice and happy. Damn them.

Anonymous said...

WHAT THE HELL?!

anyways,no matter how much i hate those girls, NO FAIR! they got to meet JAKE!

gin said...

Jake isn't following the guidelines in his "Miss Twist's golden rules" book

He doesn't follow my rules, either. I told him this is his last warning, then I'm getting the leash. ;)

dani said...

Kendra, I'm with you. I do find the brunett particulary annoying.

Nothing Really Matters said...

Leaves house and goes to hunt these bitches down.

Girl Friday said...

Girls! Girls, retract the claws! He was just being polite.

Consider it charity. Only instead of money he's giving his time to the less fortunate.

only1annabel said...

What would brit pop think? He's a bugger he really is! I guess he can't help that he is a magnet to all females...damn it if only I was in close range of that magnet! I'd be doing more than just laughing politely...!

Nothing Really Matters said...

Brits would thank me!

msdonniedarko said...

it always depresses me when jake talks to other girls! if only he could meet me!

msdonniedarko said...

oh jake you just dont know what a good girl could do for you!

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