Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Jake Gyllenhaal: A Multimedia Experience

According to sources deep within Jake Watch's intelligence department, Jake Gyllenhaal will be featured in the upcoming rewrite of the book, Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah: The Ceremony, the Party, and How the Day Came to Be. Besides having an overly long subtitle, the book will contain stories of several celebrity bar and bat mitzvahs, including Jake's, which was held in a homeless shelter (it was a hard time for the Gyllenhaal family). Long-time fans of Gyllenhaal may recall that Jake lived in a homeless shelter for several years before making it big as a Spandex model.

The staff at Jake Watch is diplomatically trying to overlook the fact that the book, written by Bert Metter, hits presses mere months before Jake Watch: The Stalking, the Blogging, and How My Restraining Order Came to Be. It's assumed that similarities in the titles and release dates are purely coincidental. Jake Watch, however, is betting that Jake's wistful reminiscing of his days as a homeless person will be much less entertaining than the pages upon pages of court documents contained in the BPB/PG-penned tome. Look for both before Christmas.

In related news, a video has appeared confirming a story first reported here in June that Jake will no longer be acting, but devoting all his time to a career in singing. This early evidence suggests that Gyllenhaal is having some trouble adjusting to his new medium as the video shows him doing little more than dramatically reading lines to an instrumental backing before rushing off stage and refusing an encore. His warm-up act has a lot of potential, though.


Thanks to heddaparsons for being an awesome forum member. :)

41 comments:

cina said...

Holler dudes! I'm back from the deep forests of northen Sweden and with that comes internet access again - and what do I see? This lovely video of Jake's notorious little performance back in June! WHAT a treat! *snicker*

And that song is a KILLER btw. Even without Jake.

cina said...

Okay... perhaps "notorious" was a bit harsh on Jake... Maybe "talked about" is more fair. *wink*

Nothing Really Matters said...

Holler darling!


How very strange! I'm singing La-la-la-la-la-la-laaa Te dijo te amo La-la-la-la-la-la-laaa.

JW Lurker said...

I'm not to sure about Jake giving up acting for a singing career after viewing that video. Was he auditioning for Shakespeare in the Park?? Ha, ha! He's such a ham and funny too, he should do more comedy!

Anonymous said...

I Thought I saw Rufus get a hard on when he kissed Jake's cheek.

Xenia said...

I'm looking forward to read the book, the JW one I mean...

Oh and the video is really priceless, Jake Gyllenhaal Prince of the Drama haha...:))

Anonymous said...

I found this site:


http://shiksaplease.blogspot.com/

Looking forward to BOTH books and that video is priceless!!

cina said...

Long-time fans of Gyllenhaal may recall that Jake lived in a homeless shelter for several years before making it big as a Spandex model.

ROTFLMAO!

heddaparsons said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
heddaparsons said...

Thanks PG!! That video was um, interesting, definately should keep his day job!

The book looks interesting, looking forward to checking it out in August, but somehow I don't think it will be half as interesting as the JW book

Welcome back Cina!

Carina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cina said...

Thanks Hedda! =)

Oh and NRM sweetie - that song is very easy to get stuck on...

La-la-la-la-lala-laaa.... E dijo que te ama... ;)

Prophecy Girl said...

What is this song? I feel out of the loop. :D

ncwoman said...

Welcome back, Cina! Missed you sweetie!!

And I am SO looking forward to that book, and I'm not even Jewish... ;)

cina said...

PG, it's "La Isla Bonita" with Madonna! =)

And thank you ncwoman! ;)

Prophecy Girl said...

Ah, thanks! I should have know. ;D

get real said...

Great post, PG!

Aww, I love seeing Jake with Rufus and wowing the crowd with his hamming it up, lol. He is born to be on the stage. :)

Cina, so glad to see you back, hon!!

Anonymous said...

What is this? Has this blog morphed in to some kind of popularity contest or something?

Anonymous said...

anon 10:08 here: my comment was addressed to the posters here, not to the blog itself.

Just because someone goes on holidays for a week, is that a reason to do all these shout-outs? Shouldn't that stuff be reserved for the forum? Jeez, talk about forming a clique!

Anonymous said...

^^^^ Why do you care so much. Oh and welcome back Cina, hope you has a good break.

Prophecy Girl said...

Forming a clique?! If you have a comment, comment. You can talk about the post even if the conversation in the comments has switched to a slightly different direction.

Cina is one of the most prominent members of our community. She's a forum moderator and wrote the first comment on the first JW post. She's practically royalty around here. ;D

Let's not look for negativity where there isn't any. We're all friends, and when one of us is gone for a while, we miss them. Nothing clique-ish, just, you know, regular human interaction. You could always un-anon yourself and join in... ;)

NY Agent said...

I'm afraid i'm not a fan of Wainright, so I FF to Jake's part, what a ham, he looked like he was having a blast!

Xenia said...

...And wellcome back Cina, of course :))

Anonymous said...

What a riot!

Anonymous said...

Rufus is totally squeeing at Jake!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting the video, his part was really short. Looking forward to the book.

heddaparsons said...

OT: I'm having a bit of an anxiety attack right now. There was a major explosion in NY yesterday near Grand Central Terminal. It wasn't a terroist attack, they are saying that it was a main water break but ever since 9-11, everytime something like this happens, I have these attacks. I'm sure that i'm not the only New yorker that feels this way, sigh.

Prophecy Girl said...

^^^ I just saw that on the Today Show! How scary!! They showed pictures and it really did look like a bomb went off or something. It is very upsetting, and I don't even live there. :(

NY Agent said...

Thanks for posting that clip! That reminds me, any news on the play that he read for? I also read that he will be doing a reading for Promises, Promises next month.

Hedda: I feel the same. Everyone at work is a bit tense.

get real said...

Hedda, I feel you. I was very gittery yesterday when the explosion happened. Seeing it at first brought back feelings of 9/11 for sure.

Anonymous said...

The explosion yesterday bought back memories of 9/11 as well, I will never forget that day. Sorry to go off topic.

This is also OT PG but you may want to add this site to your affiliates. I came across it through one of my political blogs:

http://decisiveindifference.blogspot.com/

And speaking of political blogs, the Jake in '08 MySpace kicks ass! You should add it to the links on the side bar!

PS: Jake sounds like he is trying to channel Sir Lawrence Olivier in that clip!

cina said...

I heard about the explosion when I woke up this morning, and at first I totally froze because a friend of mine is in NY right now. But then I heard that "only" one person had died, and that due to a heart attack so I'm quite sure she's okay.

And yeah - it brought back memories of 9/11 for me too - and I'm not even american. It's very scary every time something like this happens, but thank God it wasn't another attack this time.

ncwoman said...

OT: Hedda, I'm sure that all Americans, and even non-Americans who remember the horror of 9-11, are sympathizing with New Yorkers this morning. I'm afraid that all of us, particularly New Yorkers, will understandably always be traumatized by that horrible day. Thank God it wasn't another attack.

Okay, back on topic: Yeah, I think Rufus may have a crush on Jake - I honestly thought Rufus was gonna kiss Jake when they embraced!

Prophecy Girl said...

Rufus is totally in love with Jake.

Anon 2.20, interesting blog! Good find. And yes, the MySpace really needs to go up somewhere, it just keeps not getting done. We need a staff or something... ;D

Anonymous said...

^^^ well it sure looked to me like he kissed him! Should we take a poll? Who thinks Rufus kissed Jakey on the cheek?

cina said...

^^^ well it sure looked to me like he kissed him! Should we take a poll? Who thinks Rufus kissed Jakey on the cheek?

*raises a hand* =)

Anonymous said...

Hey! What happened to the post from today about the sunglasses???

Prophecy Girl said...

Weeellll...the first commenter thought I didn't know who Salma Hayek was and the second commenter called me a pod person, so it had to go. I mean, I knew it wasn't a great post, but if the interpretations were that off, then I figured it was worse than I thought. :D Hey. I know when to throw the towel in. ;)

And then there is the problem of the excruciating lack of anything to replace it with...

Anonymous said...

6:47PM here,

The interpretations weren't off to me, of course you knew that was Salma, DUH! I don't know if the pod person comment was a joke or not. Oh well.

ncwoman said...

Who thinks Rufus kissed Jakey on the cheek?

Um....on second look, yeah, count me in!

*fans self, and not just cuz it's 95 degrees out*

Anonymous said...

I think he kissed him because Rufus kisses everyone. He's a kissing sort.