Wednesday, March 14, 2007

DEAR ANNE HATHAWAY

Dear Anne,

First of all congratulations on your new* job. It must be an exhilarating experience to work in an adequate movie adaption of a fairly mediocre book with the cutest court shoes and co-ordinating jackets this side of Bloomingdales, but this is not why I write. Like us, Anne, you must be unequivocally interested in Jake Gyllenhaal's career, because you were in that movie that one time with him. Well, Annie (can we call you that?), we thought you might want to use your new* position for the 'greater good' by persuading Meryl Streep, aptly played by Cruella De Vil, to feature Jake on the front cover of Vanity Fair. Now, he's been on the inside but c'mon! This is Jake we're talking about. If 'Star Wars' can get it's own freaking front cover then surely the Jedi master of fangirls should be honoured!

I can picture some iconic image for this spread. Perhaps Jake clutching his naked stomach a la Demi Moore? Or how about him wrapped in an elephant's wearing nothing but beads and a tutu in homage to Goldie Horne? No wait!!! How about Jake huddled in Tom Cruise's bomber jacket like the great Suri before him? I'l leave it with you. Just FYI, you can do pretty much anything with Jake and it turns out hot.

Anyways, you got 48 hours to snap this bitch of an opportunity up or I'm taking it to America Ferrera at Mode.

Laters!!

Love Jake Watch.


*I was originally supposed to write this post in October 2006 when it totally would have made more sense and been 'topical' and shit but...whatever.

46 comments:

S4M985 said...

Love it brit pop, Doesnt matter if its october or march, im sure Annie will get the point. Oh and i agree with your quote of "Just FYI, you can do pretty much anything with Jake and it turns out hot.' Its so true, i think ive said it before, Jake in a clown outfit (and i hate clowns) would be amazing!

p.s. its so good to have YOU back! ;)

ATK said...

Jedi master of fangirls? Ha! May the force be with you, Jake!

I ditto s4m 985, it´s so good to have you back, Britpop! We missed you!

KayDee said...

the Jedi master of fangirls! LOL

I'm all for Jake clutching his naked stomach a la Demi Moore, wearing nothing but beads and a tutu

LOLOL!

ncwoman said...

October 06 or March 07, doesn't matter, it's still funny as hell. It is wonderful to have you back Brit!!

"Anyways, you got 48 hours to snap this bitch of an opportunity up or I'm taking it to America Ferrera at Mode."

ROFLMAO!!!!

Anonymous said...

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/r_m/index.html

"Jake Gyllenhaal may soon collect an awfully big paycheck as America's latest superhero. We hear New Line execs are keen to have the "Brokeback Mountain" hunk play Captain Marvel in "Shazam!" Based on the DC comic, the movie is New Line's bid for a franchise on the order of "Batman" and "Superman." "They're ready to spend up to $200 million to get it started," an insider tells us. Sources say director Peter Segal and his fellow producers want to nab Gyllenhaal before "Spider-Man" director Sam Raimi does - with "Spider-Man 3" due to open on May 4, star Tobey Maguire has said he may let someone else play the web slinger. "

ncwoman said...

^^^It that's true.....

SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Anonymous said...

It's still gossip at this point. Personally, I don't care what Jake signs up to do, I just want him to sign up for **something**.

joycedavenport said...

Captain Marvel- well that won't take a lot of acting from Jake!

Hi Brits, PG, Cina and the gang. Just dropped by to say hello to y'all.

cina said...

Hmm... can't say I'm too keen on these super hero movies...

HI JOYCE!! *waves* :)

Carla said...

Ok it is a rumour but can anyone tell something about that comic? "Captain Marvel" - is that an interesting "person" or one of those boring superheros?

I checked the director Peter Segal on IMDB but I am not very impressed with his former movies...:-((

And contrary to anon 1.34 I care very much on what Jake signs up next....I don´t want to see him in "something" but in intelligent, challenging roles.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE "Jedi master of fangurls". I could make all kinds of lewd and lascivious remarks about Jake's light saber...but I won't. I'm conflicted. While a LARGE part of me (is there any other kind?) wants very much to see Jake DRESSED as Spiderman, I don't want him to BE Spiderman. It's been done. I don't know what kind of costume that other superhero wears, so I'll withhold judgement, but I'm not enthused.

Anonymous said...

I think the Spiderman rumor is wishful thinking on their part. I think it's not on Jake's radar. But I wouldn't say the same about Captain Marvel.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to see Jake on the cover of Vanity Fair, but naked, like Demi Moore was, except totally painted.

heddaparsons said...

Carla: Here is some info on Captain Marvel from DC comics. I'm more of a Marvel comic fan. That said, I think the Spiderman boat has sailed regarding Jake. If he wants his own franchise (if this turns out to be true) then he should start his own and not take over for anyone.

http://www.angelfire.com/comics/eternity0/

smurfette said...

i agree jake is past that point where he would take over tobey in spiderman-- his career has certainly surpassed tobey's. that said, i don't really like the sound of this captain marvel franchise. jake deserves a REALLY amazing superhero if he's gonna do one of these movies, the hero needs to be on the order of batman or spiderman in terms of coolness and popularity, i think.

britpop, great to have you back. your options for the vanity fair covers are all so brilliant, it's hard to choose! i think this one made me laugh most though: How about Jake huddled in Tom Cruise's bomber jacket like the great Suri before him? omg, i dunno why, but that kills me!

cina said...

And contrary to anon 1.34 I care very much on what Jake signs up next....I don´t want to see him in "something" but in intelligent, challenging roles.

Yeah, I agree. Sure I want to see him as much as possible, but it's more important to me that he does interesting and GOOD movies, rather than anything just because it's considered a blockbuster movie. And for example, these superhero movies are rarely that good imo.

Anonymous said...

I can understand the attraction of getting a franchise. But I dislike the superhero genre intensely...wit the exception of the Batman that Chris Nolan has re-invented with people like Liam Neeson, Gary Oldman, Christian Bale and now, Heath and Maggie. Clearly the eye is on acting talent.I'd much rather see Jake in a smart funny, Ocean's 11 type film.I'm not 14 anymore and I think most of Jake's fans aren't either. I think Jake is overdue to get seriously sexy and play up his comedic talents at the same time.

Carla said...

Thanks for link, Heddaparsons!

He wears a cape!!! A CAPE!!

Please let this be a rumour...

Cina, I agree, the only interesting superhero movie so far (IMO) is Batman Begins, Chris Nolan is an excellent director.

veeveevee said...

Yeah, I'm not into the superhero genre thing either, unless maybe we could give him a bit more heroic role in TDATND and he could do that! ;-)

Regarding a VF cover...a naked, painted Jake...

*thud*

ncwoman said...

"I think Jake is overdue to get seriously sexy and play up his comedic talents at the same time."

Actually, that is most definitely what I'd like to see Jake do next.

I was squeeing at the thought of him in a tight spandex outfit, but yeah, I agree, Jake's beyond that, I think.

BeABee said...

"Jedi master of fangurls"

XDD

Anonymous said...

You know, I'm gonna buck the trend and pray that this Capt Marvel rumour is true. Let go of your superhero prejudice, because when the director at the helm is good, the results are outstanding.
Infact Spiderman, under Raimi and Batman Begins under Nolan not to mention the X men franchises are examples of just how entertaining these comic adaptations can be.

smurfette said...

^ i agree that batman, spiderman, and x-men have all been excellently adapted, but for every batman begins, you have a sh!t movie like daredevil, or some such embarrassment. maybe it’s prejudice, but i don’t have faith in captain marvel and peter segal is no chris nolan…

back to the post at hand, when i first saw that this post was an open letter to anne hathaway, i for sure thought it would be to comment on that boob grab thing that set the internet abuzz last week. but this VF/prada thing is pretty funny. it’s interesting how much goes into these magazine cover decisions behind the scenes. i’m sure jake’s day will come =)

speaking of VF, did anyone catch this year’s VF hollywood issue? the storytelling theme was excellently done, and much more interesting than the much hyped tom ford issue last year. only complaint is that it’s missing jake… i mean, i’m sure they would’ve easily ensured he wasn’t in a shoot with kirsten. hopefully he’ll be in next year, what with rendition coming out, and it’ll be a good issue.

Anonymous said...

There's a pic of Fincher and Jake I haven't seen before
in the Esquire magazine with Robert Downey Jr. on the cover.
They don't have the scan at IHJ. (It's a tad blurry, and has only their heads.)

penny lane said...

smurfette, this year's Hollywood issue of Vanity Fair was indeed great - reading Vanity Fair has been a guilty pleasure of mine for years. What I would really like to see is Jake on the cover - fully clothed or naked with body paint like someone was suggesting here earlier - whatever..! But a good in-depth article on him with beautiful pictures by either Annie Leibovitz or Mario Testino. Now that would be nice.

cina said...

Cina, I agree, the only interesting superhero movie so far (IMO) is Batman Begins, Chris Nolan is an excellent director.

Yep. My opinion too. :)

joycedavenport said...

Just read the last part of TDATND -been away for a couple of weeks. It was great. Wow- got myself some client list there! Loving the continued October Sky review.

smurfette said...

penny lane, just found a collection of annie liebovitz's VF covers online here: http://wrkshy.blogspot.com/2007/
03/annie-leibovitz-hollywood-covers.html

seriously, in comparison to the other years, last year's tom ford nude-fest was very lame. i'm okay with the comedy guys on the cover this year, but all the photos on the inside are golden.

Nothing Really Matters said...

I love the devilwears Prada! Anne You rock!

Totaly put Jake on the cover!

welliwont said...

"jake deserves a REALLY amazing superhero if he's gonna do one of these movies, the hero needs to be on the order of batman or spiderman in terms of coolness and popularity, i think."

Smurfette said perfectly what I was thinking.... Captain Marvel? Shazzam?? they are not worthy. How many people know who Captain Marvel is?

Dumbo said...

Strange that I'd read this post while at the same time listening to Mase's song "Welcome Back," well BPB, as Mase says welcome back!

Oh, I like the elephant idea :)

Anonymous said...

Jake is the Jedi of Fangirls - but he doesnt need to work no mind tricks on us to make us drool and adore!!

WORSHIP! WORSHIP! WORSHIP!
Can I be your Padame?

Anonymous said...

Shazam?

goddam.

I did like that series as a kid -
SHAZAAAAAAAAAAM! *throws ringer fist into the air*

Anonymous said...

You know - anything involving Jake is tights or body clinging costume is a big A-O-K! with me.

I'm just going to drool silently in the corner with visions of this in my head.

Anonymous said...

Ugh!!! And this Captain MArvel dude is a KID!!!!, a "radio reporter" (think Jimmy Olsen, Superman's sidekick...ewwww!) who gets struck by lighning and turns into Captain Marvel...a guy in RED TIGHTS...with yellow trimming. PLEASE JAKE!!! JUST SAY NO!!! PLZ!!!

Anonymous said...

I think Jake may want to find some mainstream, franchisey things that he can get paid for...so he can finally set up to make his own movies like Clooney. So he may be considering things that are really commercial. But I think he needs to look further. Taking Toby's place is ridiculous. He deserves to create his own character. And Captain Marvel ain't it. I want Jake to do a cover and I don't care if it's VF which I love, or W orwhatever. But he needs to show some skin. Lots of skin. Maybe a workout magazine. And he could be all oiled and....never mind.

Anonymous said...

Is it possible to visualize Jake in a red tights outfit??? a la photoshop???? ANd lest we become prematurely alarmed, unless there's a kick ass script they've shown Jake and he likes that script, I wouldn't worry yet...

Anonymous said...

Somehow I don't think Jake look right as a superhero (just like I think Clooney looked wrong as Batman). Next project for Jake should be a romantic comedy, he looks so right for one.

Anonymous said...

I don't want to see Jake do bewildered, geeky, or angsty. I want him to break away from every character he's ever done. I want to see him as sexy and tough on screen as he projects off screen.
And I want him to look like he looks. In RL. I vote for a remake of Gidget! He'd be a great Moondoggie!!!

nice anonymous said...

The only way I'd like to see Jake featured in a superhero franchise is if he plays the morally ambiguous villain.

I'd also be interested in seeing him starring in a romantic comedy of much-better-than-average quality -- like "High Fidelity" or something of that order. His comedic talents need another opportunity on the order of "Saturday Night Live," only in a feature-length film.

Brits, so glad you're free & posting again. Missed hearing your "voice."

lemondrops said...

Love "High Fidelity", but the kind of comedy I would really like to see Jake in screwball-type romantic comedy (you know, like those with Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn, Jake can outdo Cary Grant I think in such roles).

smurfette said...

nice anon, agree 100% with everything u said, you nailed it exactly =)

Anonymous said...

11:37 here. Don't be so quick to diss Gidget!!! I mean. Have you ever seen Gidget????? Moondoggie was so totally hot, it was not to be believed. And The sexual tension btwn him and Gidget was also unbelieveable. And then, they introduce the Older Man element!!
The Big Kahuna...who almost deflowers gidget...until Moondoggie follows them to the pad...(yes, pad...crib...whatever! His lair. OK?) and Moondoggie bursts in and saves Gidget from herself!!! Moondoggie was so...unbelievable...the movie was drenched in sex. It even took place mostly at the beach. And I bet you could find lots of 16 or 17 yr. old girls who'd be happy to play Jake's Gidget...or some 21 yr. olds who don't have boobs.

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm 11:27 from the other thread. Firstly. I LOVE the photoshops of Jake as Superhero.Gotta work on the neck thing, but otherwise, quite nice.
Next, I still wish ppl would consider a remake of Gidget as Jake's romantic comedy. After all. It came out in '59!!! Jake could be a really cool Moondoggie. And lest ye say nay: Have you ever seen it? Bcz, if you haven't I totally recommend it...and I think PBP and PG you guys ought to give serious thought to reviving it after you finish TDATND sequel. It would really lend itself so well to your writing skills and plot machinations.(LOLOL!) In fact, there are TONS of movies out there from that era that Jake could play in. I'm just emotionally attached to Gidget. And there is no truth to the rumor that Sandra Dee is my grandma.

Anonymous said...

Rats!!! Too much glue sniffing!!! I meant for that last post to post on the next thread. I am so effing retarded.

KayDee said...

The only way I'd like to see Jake featured in a superhero franchise is if he plays the morally ambiguous villain.


like heath the joker. yay!