Thursday, December 14, 2006

JAKE WATCH UNCOVERS SCANDAL!

Covert operatives within Jake Watch have recently made the shocking discovery that the paparazzi regularly doctor the photos that they release of Jake Gyllenhaal. See the irrefutable evidence below:

Altered version:
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us


Actual photo:
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
As suspected, Jake's life is much more exciting than most people think.

102 comments:

dani said...

For a guy who very seldom wears a watch, he always seems like he's in a hurry. Now we know why!

cina said...

At the moment, I really don't know what else to say but LMFAO!!!
PG - in the immortal words of Holden Worther: "I want to knock your head open and see what's inside"! :D

Gail said...

Oh my goodness what a laugh so early in the morning. Thanks for making my day. Jake sure can run fast.

Anonymous said...

Ha, Ha,!!! I knew it!
OT: Maggie just got a Golden Globe Nom. for Sherrybaby!!

The Bearded Lady said...

Leave it to the paparazzi not to show you how it all turned out.

cina said...

It just dawned on me that if Jake goes MIA now, I'm going to get really worried he was eaten by a lion.

Oh how am I going to be able to sleep at night?!

The Bearded Lady said...

Oh, Don't worry I think the Lion wants to lick'em just like the rest of us.

Anonymous said...

"Oh, Don't worry I think the Lion wants to lick 'im just like the rest of us."

LOL, Bearded Lady!

OH yeah....I imagine he tastes just like a mixture of cinnamon, brown sugar and coffee.

NC Woman, AKA mature-aged (I refuse to say middle) unabashed Gyllenhaalic.

mpom said...

PG I can always count on you and everyone else here for a good laugh. This just made my day.

I wish Jake could see this stuff. I am only guessing but I think he would be impressed. His goofy sense of humor would find all of what goes on here at JW hilarious.

Kendra said...

It's a Matrix world we all are living in!

Simon Agent 002 said...

I just knew Morocco wasn't a good idea.

where's his assistant?

veeveevee said...

Yeah...shouldn't his assistant be running interference in between Jake and the lion?

I volunteer for the job (even if it means being chased by a lion) if it also means that I get to run behind that physique!

Congratulations to Maggie!

nice anonymous said...

Yay for Maggie! So glad the Hollywood Foreign Press put her in among the actresses in bigger-budgeted films in the olden Globes Best Actress category.

Still, they snubbed Jake last year, after insisting he was a co-lead (they were right about that, though, really) so they have a lot to make up for within the Gyllenhaal family.

Shame Jake will be filming through the awards season. I would've liked to have seen him elegantly tuxedoed again & gracing a couple shows in the audience or as a presenter.

But it would be equally nice to see Peter & Maggie arm in arm on the red carpets again.

smurfette said...

i know, maggie's one of my faves, so i'm super excited. a movie with jake-maggie-peter would be my dream come true. i'm holding out hope taht jake might be back in town briefly to support his sister at the globes, thus making this awards season that much more pleasant to watch =).

re: the picture, my question is: what's in the baggie? is jake up to no good, is he luring the lion somewhere?

Agnes said...

LOL!!

The Bearded Lady said...

"What puts the "ape" in ape-ricot?"

Anonymous said...

"I would've liked to have seen him elegantly tuxedoed again & gracing a couple shows in the audience or as a presenter."

Me too, that's one of my favorite ways to see him! *sigh*

Anonymous said...

I think he will be involved! He has to present at BAFTA bcz he won a BAFTA. And a lot of film productions budget time for the awards season, especially if they have ppl who are involved. Meryl Streep will definitely be involved and so will Reese as a presenter. So I have all my fingers and toes crossed for Jake to do GG, SAG and Oscar as well as BAFTA. I don't know about the Indie Awards. They take place a day or two before Oscar. The other thing is, since Zodiac will be coming out and thank Goddess there's a trailer finally, they usually want to feature actors who have films coming out as presenters. It might be considered part of the PR effort for Zodia. So I'm betting him in. The fact that he's not in Morrocco (yet) might simply be bcz the production units go there ahead of time to set every thing up. The actors usually arrive a little later to do their work.
YAY!!! Maggie! Love that girl. I really do.

britpopbaby said...

Fucking paparazzi but yeah, he shouldn't have stole that lion's lunch bag.

If you want cupcakes that bad Jake, just ask...

Anonymous said...

Anon 5:45,

YAY!! I'll definitely keep my fingers and toes crossed and my eyes open for Jake appearing at the upcoming award shows!

Nothing Really Matters said...

That is one big lion!

mpom said...

The only reason I will watch the Oscars is If Jake and/or Peter and Maggie are there. I have been so mad at the Oscar system since the Academy chose Fargo over Evita, and just about every year between that and the BBM fiasco of last year. I just can't watch and get myself all worked up. It stinks, just like the Sexiest Man Alive Crap.

Getting down off my soap box now.

Great news about Maggie.
"You go girl."

nice anonymous said...

As for the lion: Jake, I have to tell you, it's not a dog. Really. You can't bring it home in a cute little crate, like you did with Boo Radley. Or make runs to Pet Smart to pick up a chew toy for it. Plus, you're gonna have trouble finding someone to sit for it when you fly off to New York or off to film in Morocco.

cina said...

Oh nice anon, you're going to break poor Jakey's heart!

smurfette said...

nice anon, but it looks like it's working! the lion can't resist jake's charms.

and, BP, i don't think jake stole the lion's cupcakes. i figured it out, knowing jake, he must be luring the lion away from that forest for its own good--maybe it's like in the lion king when scar tricked mufasa away from simba to get rid of them both, and jake is just trying to help? haha, sorry, but i love lion king...

The Bearded Lady said...

It's much safer to have your cupcakes delivered.

Anonymous said...

OT, but I'm glad they're auctioning the cowboy hat on eBay and it's generating a lot of funds for a worthy cause, but really.
When will some genius figure out how much money they can raise by auctioning off the Santa Hat from Jarhead...especially if it hasn't been laundered...
(I can't believe I just said that! My "we think we're adults" children are going to have me institutionalized.) I once saw a documentary on lions and the male lion is a very horny bastard. Runnn, Jake! Runnnn!

Juila Child said...

Sprinkle's new catnip flavored cupcakes can have unintended consequences.

em said...

I love this place...

mpom said...

Me too.

veeveevee said...

Ditto!

:D

mpom said...

Not exactly OT but are we planning a Birthday Bash for the Worlds Most Extraordinarily Sexy Man next Tuesday? Will he be 26 or 27? We could play Spin the Bottle or something. Or maybe Pin the Tail on The Donkey. Jake could be the donkey. Hide and Seek would be the best. Jake could hide and we could all take turns finding him. Blind man's Bluff anyone? We could blindfold Jake and.....

Juila Child said...

I told Sprinkles when they consulted me about these new "Kitty cupcakes"
They said to me: "Look Juila honey, we cater to an elite clientele...
We have done the doggie cupcake....it's like sooo last six months ago.
Don't you have a recipe for our pussy friends?"


When your a Master chef you can't just rest on your Bonbons.

cina said...

I'm all in mpom! And he turns 26. :)

Anonymous said...

I think we should do something really extraordinary for Jake's birthday!!!! Only I don't know what that could be!

"When you're a Master Chef you can't just sit on your bonbons!"

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!

Juila Child said...

I knew something was amiss, when late at night,after baking a test batch. I heard cats wailing outside my bedroom window.
I just wrote it off to mating season...

mpom said...

Must be something like the "special" brownies from back in the late 60's. I think I heard cats wailing outside the window then too.

mpom said...

Julia child

Are you sure that was catnip???

Julia Child said...

Well dear, It's... just the cooking sherry for me.

I knew Betty Crocker, and it annoyed me to cook with her.
She always had baggies of unmarked ingredients laying around.
A very disorganized cook. If it didn't come out right , she'd immediately look at you.
I tried to get her to adopt my pegboard system...I drew outlines around all her spatulas.

we haven't spoken since.

m said...

Maybe she got into the "catnip brownies.

mpom said...

OOPS I went in there as m. The POM went somewhere???

Juila Child said...

I tried the catnip brownie but it was a failure.
Test cats would try to bury it.

mpom said...

Cats can't mix catnip and chocolate. Must be something like the night I mixed Southern Comfort Manhattans with a sloe gin fizz after egg nog.

You can learn alot from cats.

mpom said...

BTW are we alone here Julia??

Everyone must be either asleep or out Christmas shopping.

Anonymous said...

I'm here! (waves) When I was a child, there was a cooking show on TV called The Lady of Charm. Her name was Edith Fern Melrose. She had false teeth that fit badly and caused her to talk funny. She repeated every single ingedient several times and smiled incessantly. She never made cupcakes, tho.

Simon Agent 002 said...

The Lady of Charm?

I'm not familiar with her, I assume this is a British conception
Was her cooking charming?

I was a fan of "The Two Fat Ladies" ...not that I made the fare...but the were fun to watch.

Smurfeyshmoo said...

Oh my God. That is quite possibly the funniest thing I've seen in weeks.

Smurfeyshmoo said...

I don't like that lion's line of sight. Almost a back away from my man!

Newport Girl said...

'Tis True, PG's Picture Ain't LION!

Newport Girl said...

Actually, he was carrying Wildebeest Waffles topped with Calico Creme with a side order of Gazelle Garam Masala.

Damn, no wonder he was being followed, I'm starting to get hungry just thinking about it.

Newport Girl said...

*NG had to crack open her hardly-used "Joy Of Cooking" in order to find a recipe that started with a G*

Newport Girl said...

*So don't ask what a Garam Masala is, NG has no fuckin idea*

Newport Girl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Newport Girl said...

*NG feels safer that a lion would never be attracted to canned goods*

SquallCloud said...

Very cute.

*huff-sigh*

I'm kinda bummed I didn't participate in the survey. Works been off the chain for the past few weeks.

*pout-flail*

Anonymous said...

Probably coz HEL and El is pissed (we got BABYCHAM,and we just got home from cardiff barfly) we want to promise that one day, ONE FINE DAY, we will find, (and possibly shag (SIMULTANIOUSY))THE GYLENHAAL, in the name of Anneka, her being welsh and everything, and therefore is includeded in our celtic family, (we support the MACDONALD BROS in the X FACTOR(YOU FUKIN WHAT? SCOTTISH IS SEX-AY!!!)). we is keepin it in the family, our celtic sister, (LETS FUKIN OVERTHROW THE WORLD!!!) WE HAVE TO MAKE SURE THE WELSH WIN...
HEL and El appreciate SEXY, THE GYLLENHAAL qulaifies, especially POPPA and LE SEX.

Anonymous said...

we would just like to add thst THE GYLLENHAAL is looking thin. he's turning into THE LOHAN (dirty bitch wot don't even deserve caps lock). Get buff, a la rugby boys, you dirty bastard...

Anonymous said...

NOW see where would I be without JW to uncover the REAL DEAL! I looked at that photo and thought, 'why is Jake in that position when crossing the street, it IS a rather hum drum (okay so he's absolutely gorgeous and I would love to bump into him on the street sometime) ordinary photo, but you guys WOW how did you uncover this REAL photo.

of course we can see what Jake really does during his off time. as you can see male or female of ANY species can NOT resist the Gyllenhaal :D

smurfette said...

I don't like that lion's line of sight. Almost a back away from my man!

well i don't like how jake's body language towards the lion is so suggestive too! it's like, roar, come this way! that's why they didn't want us to see this original pic! hehe, think i'm reading into this a bit too much?

Anonymous said...

OMG! Will there be a sequel to Chronicles of Naria??? Will Jake be in it? Is that...could that be... Aslan? Aslan, is it you? With Jake?

Anonymous said...

Britpopbaby, when are you going to link back to WFT? Dany had the good grace to put you're link back up.

silver said...

There are lions in Texas? No wonder they dont drink coffee...

ATD said...

It was a set up by the paparazzi; they wanted revenge for the recent walking backwards joke Jake played on them.

Obviously it failed, hence the doctored photo to cover up their sinister plans of revenge. They failed to take into account that Jake has true animal magnetism.

All the lion could think about was getting Jake to take the role of Tarzan. Well who could resist the thought of that ass in a loincloth!

kaydee said...

Good mornink Jake Watch. It's 10:20 here in Europe and i had the hottest dream last night feacuring (among other very exciting objects) The Shirt That Can't Be Posted Too Much.

Now, if i only could rewind it... ;D

kaydee said...

Oh, Don't worry I think the Lion wants to lick'em just like the rest of us.

LOL! by "'em" you mean cupcakes or jake?

Newport Girl said...

THE ORIGINAL UNDOCTORED HEADLINE:

"Jake Has Giant Pussy Running After His Ass"

And he thought his Jake Watch Stalkers were bad...

kaydee said...

"Jake Has Giant Pussy Running After His Ass"

surely, it must happen to him often. i can't swear i wouldn't do it. the pussy is excused.

S4M985 said...

is this guy an agent? hes not doing a very good job of keeping secret...

mpom said...

Good morning JW, 5:30 AM at the beautiful NJ shore on a very very foggy morning. Can hardly see across the street. Looks like London out there.

I guess Jake got away from the amorous lion or we would have heard something on the news.

kaydee said...

Jake has true animal magnetism.

All the lion could think about was getting Jake to take the role of Tarzan.


don't mention it where i can see it!!! bcz i'm getting a bit crazy when jake's compared to animals.

and seriously, if i had such a view in front of my eyes, the only thought i'd have would'nt be tarzan, but smth dirty &hot.


PG, BPB, the paps doctoring the pics might mean that there were pics of jake with frank the rabbit, but got altered.

hmm?

kaydee said...

is jake's birthday on the 19th? Is JW prepared?

and where is everybody? i hate playing by myself, bcz i get up to crazy things...

cina said...

Does that count as "random animal" in Paparazzi Bingo? ;)

kaydee said...

Does that count as "random animal" in Paparazzi Bingo? ;)

well damn it should!

and i think the paps do it on purpose to spoil our game

heddaparsons said...

"Jake Has Giant Pussy Running After His Ass" LOL!!!!

I just about spit my coffee all over my computer!!

The Bearded Lady said...

"by "'em" you mean cupcakes or jake?"

Oh the cupcakes. I've given up the carnivore thing, strictly a vegetarian now.

"Up with Turnips"

kaydee said...

Oh the cupcakes. I've given up the carnivore thing, strictly a vegetarian now.

i'd lick him all over nevertheless. i wouldn't have to swallow anything ;D

kaydee said...

i can't belive i said that. the internet is a strange thing. i type before i think and then blush furiously...

veeveevee said...

I love it..."The Shirt that can't be posted too much" - it now has an official title.

Kaydee...I'm jealous of your dream involving the aforementioned shirt. I shall have to see if I can do the same.

And Cina - I do believe that does count as a "random animal" for Gyllenbingo (oooh, that sounds fun!) The paps are obviously doing everything they can to sabotage the game!

smurfette said...

hahhaha, that giant pussy headline deserves line-of-the-day mention, newport girl.

kaydee said...

have you seen jake's HRC acceptance speech?

probably you have, but i'm in a sharing mood. besides, otherwise i have n excuse for not working...;P

i love the guy. he's just awesome.

i too hope that equality will one day be taken for granted.

kaydee said...

woo, my grammar and spelling suck today, but you know what i mean...

kaydee said...

i know. i'm the only miserable sod over here who sits at home friday night. everybody else's out having a good time

sigh.

i need to get a life too

The Bearded Lady said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
britpopbaby said...

You people have confused me on beyond belief. Do I need to install a chat option so Jake Watch doesn't crash?

Britpopbaby, when are you going to link back to WFT? Dany had the good grace to put you're link back up.

Dear anon (lovin' your work), I'll have the good grace to link back to WFT when they admit to themselves and everyone else what they truly are. Thanks for your concern, yet again. You're not Sarah920 are you?

smurfette said...

really? you mean JW could crash due to too many comments?

OT: for those interested, jake will NOT be in DC to film rendition...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/
wp-dyn/content/article/2006/
12/14/AR2006121402087.html

Meanwhile, Witherspoon sneaked into town for a couple of days of shooting "Rendition," a thriller about a CIA analyst who witnesses a violent interrogation by Egyptian secret police. Publicists were tight with details, but sources said filming took place at L'Enfant Plaza yesterday. Witherspoon was spotted in the lobby of the Hotel Palomar Wednesday night, while her co-star Peter Sarsgaard was seen enjoying a cocktail at adjoining Urbana. Sorry, ladies -- co-star Jake Gyllenhaal is not expected for the D.C. shoots.

The Bearded Lady said...

Yes,I did go way off topic.

Anonymous said...

One thing that concerns me is this lion looks absolutely HUGE! Almost prehistorically huge. To be able to outrun such a beast would take the powers of some kind of superhero. Jake! Who knew?

Get real said...

Bummer that Jake isn't in D.C., but he is/was being a loving brother to Maggie after her richly deserved Golden Globe nomination.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/news/e3ie8bda4603b04e6413d347ea8d3681647?imw=Y

"I know a lot of people who were nominated. I wrote to Penelope (Cruz) and told her I was gonna kick her ass!" Maggie Gyllenhaal joked. "I don't know Judi Dench, but I'd like to." After a wrenching performance as a drug addict in "Sherrybaby," the best actress drama nominee feels that the accolade comes near the end of a long road she has taken with the film. "It's such a teeny, tiny movie, and it felt like I worked so hard to get it made, distributed and seen that it means so much," she said. Brother Jake heard the news and rushed to her home in Los Angeles, where she is staying while fiance Peter Sarsgaard is out working. The news comes at a time when Gyllenhaal has her hands full. "I have a new baby, I'm nursing, answering the phone and trying to put on makeup for TV interviews, wondering if I can nurse her before I get down the hill," she said in mock exasperation. "My brother is trying to get me to eat."

AWWW!

veeveevee said...

Does it make you nervous, Britpop, when you go away for a bit and then come back to find nearly a hundred comments? Wondering if there is another "____-gate" brewing?

Nah...just us, bored at work and chatting away - all thanks to you!

;-)

veeveevee said...

ARRGH!! Totally OT, but boy am I "grrrrrr!"

I just found out this morning, totally by accident, that Jake's uncle (Gyllenpapa's brother Anders) was the Editor of my local newspaper. I spent the day having wonderful visions of Jake coming to town to visit his cousins, and how we might just 'happen' to bump into each other running along the lake (...insert sappy music and rose petals here...)

And so I go to the website of the paper, as I usually do in the afternoon, to see what's going on in my neck of the woods, and the headline is, "Star Tribune Editor, Anders Gyllenhaal, To Take Reins at Miami Herald after 5 Years in MN"

My luck STINKS! ;-)

Anonymous said...

Jake's HRC acceptance speech was very moving. What a beautiful man in every way. :-)

kaydee said...

Do I need to install a chat option so Jake Watch doesn't crash?

does it mean we should abstain from commenting (too much)?


well ok, I probably should anyway, but i've been hyperactive the last couple of days, not only at JW. it will pass, i hope

Chris. said...

Those BASTARDS!

nice anonymous said...

^^^
I'm almost afraid to ask ... to whom are you referring?

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences?

The Hollywood Foreign Press members?

Sarah K said...

OMG! I had only seen some parts of Donnie Darko at a friends house before. Tonight I saw the entire thing for the first time. It's CRAZY!! I'm all mind-boggled. I think that's the first Jake movie I've seen where I've been so distracted by the movie itself that except for a few select scenes, I completely forgot that Jake is TOTALLY hot, especially at 21 with his hair all tousled...
Anyway, if anyone has seen it, I really need to talk about it...I can't stop THINKING about it! It's really intense.
And I just realized that Donnie is supposed to symbolize, like, Jesus. Well, he's MY HERO.

And I am officially scared shitless by Frank. O.M.G.

S4M985 said...

Sarah K, When i first watched it i had nightmares, well i put it down to nightmares. i was up in the middle of the night, i could hear this crazy noise outside for an hour! When i went into my bathroom it got louder and it just wouldnt stop!! i was too scared to look out the window thinking i would see frank! To this day i have no idea what it was... i definatly was awake but! Im glad you liked it, since ive watched in numourous times and i love it too :)

mpom said...

Now I'm going to have to get out DD and watch it again. It IS a disturbing movie and much more complicated than many people think. Each time I watch it I find something new to think about.

I can't help but wonder if it is the mere presence of Jake in a movie that gives it that unforgetable "watch me again" quality, or if he chose them wisely and he knew by instinct it would be so. I feel a deep and powerful aura surronding him which can be seen in every photo and movie, even the ones where he is very young. I also feel he has become aware of this gift as he grows older and uses it now when ever he can. He's humble about it though, and seems to me to be in awe of himself at times.

Anonymous said...

Yeah. Wow. I think this is the deepest convo ever to be recorded on a Jake Watch comments list. Haha. Ok, but my friend Laura, who has never seen it, keeps grilling me and my friend Linda, shes like "Oooh, a GIANT BUNNY how SCARRYYY" And we're like, no, Frank isn't acutally a bunny, and he is TERRIFYING. I was afraid to look in the mirror in my medicine cabinet the night after I watched it.
But, seriously. I'm actually a little confused. About the movie, I mean.
I should go watch it again.

And Donnie is sooo cute! And SO SWEET. I can't believe he killed himself for Gretchen. My Hero!

...Though, personally, I really don't like Jenna Malone....bitch that she is.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=s3PEVUmKAL0
Click it and see...she doesn't appreciate Jakes amazing sense of humor! (humor only has ONE u, by the way)

Sarah K said...

Oops, sorry. that last post was by me, i accidentally hit enter w/o a name

Bubble Over said...

that's funny :D

Sarah K said...

^^
What is?

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