Thursday, August 31, 2006

BLATANT STALKING...I SHOULD REALLY GO BACK AND CATERGORISE THESE DAMN THINGS

Aaah, we meet again, Seagull of Malevolence. I could assume that this is an act of revenge designed to make me glowing nuclear green with envy...but no, I'm not that self involved. I realise the world doesn't revolve around me. It obviously revolves around Jake Gyllenhaal. I can see this is merely a case of BLATANT STALKING.

I can accept that this is in no way a retaliation to that time you flew into the back of my head on Aberdovey beach. Remember that? I am also going to make no connection between this and that time you sent one of your blackbird minions into my bedroom to scare the living fuck out of me which resulted in a trip to the A&E.

Nah. I'm cool. Just know that I hate you Seagull of Malevolence and I will seek my vengeance. Especially after this stunt.

34 comments:

phoebe said...

This is CLASSIC!

Seagull of Malevolence

LMAO!!

JoyceDavenport said...

Ohh Jake and pops in the same post.

Drool drool!(Double drool!)

Personally I think that it might be Jonathan Livingston seagull come to engage the Gyllenmen in a spot of esoteric discussion.

smurfette said...

ugh, i hate birds. seagulls, esp are such a nuisance, like flying rodents. i can hear them now...
"Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!"

The Bearded Lady said...

I was once a big supporter of the Audubon society until, during a outdoor lunch a bird of undetermined species flew over and relieved themselves.

Now the birds are on their own.

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of the scene in the movie where the kids are singing that song, the teacher looks out the window and sees ALL those blackbirds beginning to assemble on the playground for the assault.. there are millions...and then the children leave very quietly, except someone screams and the birds attack and the teacher gets pecked to death...they always seem to send one sinister gull ahead for recon...I'm worried....do they have these things on MV?

mrs_dalloway said...

Hey,remember the bird webcam?I think I miss it.

About seagulls in general,I like them cause I think they look poetic.However,this one in particular is more active and more involved than it should,so..dude,keep the distance!

Simon Agent 002 said...

Bird cam is still operating except now they have it aimed on a street scene.
I understood they were planning to return the camera to the nest view when the doves come back to nest again...
I was told by someone dove nest multiple times in one yr.?

Anna said...

Seagulls are nothing but rats with wings. How dare they approach The Sex and The Father of The Sex in such a disrespectful way???

;-)

Prophecy Girl said...

TBL, I had a similar experience with a great blue heron, a bird which is three feet tall. You can only imagine that horrors that go along with a bird of that size. I realize now it was the bird community trying to stop me from my future work as a Jake Watch agent, but I would never have known were it not for this post. Excellent work, brits!

The Bearded Lady said...

Yes dear I know!
It's very humbling when some bird singles you out for a discharge. ;)
Wear hats when outdoors is the best road to take.

cina said...

LMAO!!! Brilliant. :-D

smurfette said...

i read that the denise richards-richie sambora balcony photos were taken by paparazzi posing as DIVERS, so they had no idea they were being stalked. i was like, WTF, they hire divers for this stuff now? what's next, seagulls? indeed, is that a blinking red light i see in the beak? agents, we have some serious work to do to guard the gyllenfamily from these evil birds!

bubblegirl said...

Can Jake and family go anywhere without being seen? I wonder where the bird has its camera? No wonder they get so many great pics!

nice anonymous said...

My God, will the handsomeness never stop? Despite the informal situation, Jake looks almost professionally posed in a deliberately casual stance, partly turned away from the camera. The pictures from this little family outing could have been used to sell outdoor clothing. ("Mr. Gyllenhaal is wearing our All-Weather Squall jacket with pima cotton lining (p. 2) and our cargo pants (p. 11) in Light Tuscan Olive.")

As for the seagull, it's fallen victim to interspecies infatuation. Now it's going to want Jake to become a seagull, too. It's wondering: Why are Jake's publicists lying, saying that he's human, when deep inside, he's really avian? The seagull is standing vigil, watching & waiting for the day when Jake holds a press conference & comes out as a bird. (Like in the movie "Birdy.")

Personally, I love seagulls. But they look better in flight than when doing anything else. They have perfect aerodynamic design.

Katie said...

I accidentally ran over a pigeon yesterday - does that help the cause?

britpopbaby said...

Most definitely, katie. I love animals but birds must fucking die unless they're like parrots that can talk.

smurfette said...

katie, omg, that's like the seinfeld episode? anyone know what i'm talking about?

Simon Agent 002 said...

^^ Bad bird karma... do you remember the Seinfeld episode with George, and the birds?!...funny
love that show.

I hope everyone gets to see it overseas...very important to watch the show from the beginning to follow what is happening later in the program.

~DKBB~ said...

Phoebe is so right, this one is CLASSIC, britpop! You need a "best of" category, and this one should definitely be in it! ;)

britpopbaby said...

Funny you should say that, dkbb. I've just spent a good proportion of my time and sanity collecting all the 'blatant stalkings' together. They look all nice and pretty under 'Features'.

And a best of you say? Hmmm...

Kendra said...

I hate going to downtown in my city, near the port where there is a plague of doves everywhere, thanks I'm not a spy target.

PICKLE said...

I love you guys and I love these posts, but where is Jake? :(

Simon Agent 002 said...

Pity a flock of seagulls didn't fly over the paparazzi, when they were filming this personal family time...
leaving droppings on their lenses and mircophones! :)

JoyceDavenport said...

Nice anon LMAO! 'Interspecies infatuation' do you think that's what the wolves had in TDAT?

Frank Sinatra said...

Whatever became of that group from down under "Flock of Seagulls"?
They seemed to be on the scene about as long as I would keep a hat.

cina said...

Honestly, that seagull is working for me. I trained him, just as I trained Atticus. LOL! ;-)

Roland Emmerich said...

"not wolves ...rather da woofves."

dtanks you.

Anonymous said...

Whatever became of that group from down under "Flock of Seagulls"?

Still around and touring.

http://www.oz.net/~davester/AFOS/

Now that some 80's hairstyle -

http://tinyurl.co.uk/koya

wesntia said...

Last night I had a dream in which I chased remote controlled sea gulls and now I see this....it's a sign! (but a sign of what?)

Anonymous said...

A dedication from the oldies radio station in honor of this picture of Jake G. with a seagull.

"Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you."

Simon Agent 002 said...

I love that song! and this best verison of it!

http://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=PPwX21tYs8c


Streisand with Bert Bacharach at the piano 1971

The Bearded Lady said...

Nice Anonymous,
"Now it's going to want Jake to become a seagull, too."

What would be the repercussions of such a desire?
Jake circling cars at the local
Mc Donalds waiting for someone to dump their soggy fries out the window?
No no, this is a ill fated love.

Marie said...

oh my god!! I am LMAO at all of these posts. :->

Speaking of Seinfeld, remember the one where a bird flies into Elaine's giant freak head? Jake's head is kinda big. Maybe the seagull is plotting an attack on Jake's head.

Tany said...

LOL! Now, that's just too funny! :p