Sunday, April 23, 2006

THE SUNDAY PROJECT PART DEUX

It's that day again. You've got nothing to do except maybe go to church and repent your sins. Don't bother, we're all doomed, let's talk about Jake instead.

The Jakester has just finished filming the thriller Zodiac but what the Dickens is next in the pipeline? You know what, maybe he hasn't decided yet; should he do a rom-com with Brittany Murphy or how about some improv theatre with Kevin Spacey? If our suspicions are correct and Jake is an avid blog walker prehaps we should throw foward some helpful suggestions so we can rest assured that his career continues along the right path. So, what should be Jake's next project?

A. Epic, maybe with romance. Wait...definately with romance, naked romance.
It worked for Russell Crowe, well, until he started flinging phones at mortals. The big adventure that lasts over three hours so that your arse is numb and you can't walk when you try to leave the theatre. Something with Romans raping and pillaging their way across Europe but helpfully building aqueducts in the process?


B. QUINCY, M.E
They seem to have remade every old seventies TV show going. Some worked, (Charlies Angels), some didn't, (everything else). Why not throw one more into the mix? Jake Gyllenhaal is Quincy, M.E, a man with a strong sense of principles but also a dab hand at forensic science, cruising round LA, looking sexy and solving cases. Also starring Gene Hackman as Dr Robert Austin. And what's going on with Miami Vice? It feels like they've been making it since the seventies.


C. Persuasion
It's about the only Jane Austen novel left that hasn't been turned into a major motion picture. This is really just to fill my perverted desire to see Jake as a Mr Darcy-type, being all strong and silent yet still flouncing around the English countryside looking mighty dapper! He would play Captain Wentworth, the naval officer returned victorious from securing the Empire and looking for a filly. Hahzar!


D. The Musical!
Jake has obviously been chomping at the bit to star in a musical since missing out on the part in Moulin Rouge and we also know of his desire to return to the stage so what could be more fitting than Brokeback Mountain: The Musical! Now everyone sing along! "Like a rhinestone cowboy..."


E. I don't care as long as he dances around naked in a Santa hat again.



On a side note: I had a really vivid dream last night where the cast of Brokeback Mountain were being interviewed by Graham Norton and when Jake was asked about his beard (that he has just parted with) he said that the only reason he grew it was so that the ladies would have something to grab hold of whilst making the beast with two backs. It's not the most interesting dream I've had about Jake but it was kinda precise. Also at one point they were all laughing so much that Jake's contact lense fell out and Heath put it back in for him. I'm going to stop now, I'm freaking myself out.

40 comments:

mia said...

"Gone with the WIND"!
with Heath Ledger, Michelle Williams, Ann Hathaway and...Jakey Poo

Anna said...

I would love to see Jake in an Austen-like movie. Not sure there is enough physical contact in Persuasion for me to be happy with him as Captain Wentworth, though... ;-)

Chantelle said...

Man... I can't choose, Jakey should just be in everything (as discussed before).

But I am very tempted to see him with a british accent a la period piece. I always says if Jake had a British accent I may die of *O* pleasure...

Anonymous said...

AHAHAHA!!! what a weird dream!! i love you !LOL

The old lady said...

Miami Vice was an eighties tv show not a seventes tv show...as witnessed by their clothing.

cina said...

I want to see Jake in anything as long as it involves a hot, steamy sex scene.

britpopbaby said...

Whoops again! I really must research more thoroughly before I open my big trap...

Anonymous said...

I vote E. The santa hat was GOOD. *drools*

I had a weird dream aswell last night, in short it was about jake's (now shaved off) moustache being like a disease and spreading all over the country..it was called "jack nasty-itis".. it was a strange dream indeed. Jake caused an epidemic!

Miss Twist said...

I am definitely for E! But I am impartial about the rest....Apart from the Jane Austen one. Although I would like to see Jake in the clothing and his stance I am dreading the voice. Seeing as Jake is a Californian he has a very distinct accent and the only other accent that will cover that is a southern American accent. I am just picturing another Dick Van Dyke fiasco, I mean have you heard our Jake do a British accent?....Trust me, the less I say the better!

Miss Twist said...

P.s Happy St. George's Day!

Anonymous said...

I want to see him on a London stage.Theatre will hopefully be next on the cards as he did say he would like to do that now.

Anonymous said...

I'm from somewhere nearish to LA and I hear Jake as having an American accent that isn't region-specific. How does our accent sound, and who do you think of as not having any accent? I'm always interested in that sort of thing.

mia said...

Jake definitely should be in"Wuthering Heights" as Heathcliff and Austin as Edgar Linton...I would like to see him as a gipsy
And I would love to see him in Visconti-like movie ...he could be great in "The Leopard", he could be new Helmut Berger :)

claire said...

can we see him in a 70's style porn flick?

Karyney said...

Hmmmm, anything really. Nudity would be a plus, as well as any sexy accent.

SquallCloud said...

First off, brit, you're an odd little duck, but then all my Jakey dreams end with a whimper when I wake up to my real life and look around my Jake-free room. This is hard. I want him to do a comedy but not necessarily a romantic one. I really loved Bubble Boy eventhough the world was not on my side with that one. I want him to do some screw ball comedy that does well and is well recieved. ... We should get to see his naked chest in it too. I really hope he gets the gig as Two Faces or whoever in Batman. It'll be dark and probably funny. Of course his face will stop being pretty at some point in the narrative but we'll cross that bridge. Also, he should do Saturday Night Live just before Zodiac comes out, to promote it.

Miss Twist said...

Yeah I really think Jake should do Saturday Night Live cause it seems like he would be briliant at that; with all the skits and the taking the piss out of yourself. Although I would not see it cause I am in the UK, but I am sure, if he did it, the episode would be on youtube the next day.

britpopbaby said...

I'd love to see Jake on SNL! And I loved Bubble Boy too! "500 dollahs!".

To anon who asked about accents - I don't really know what people from LA are supposed to sound like - that place is a big ole melting pot.

And yeah, Happy St Georges Day! Some nutter next door to me is letting off fireworks - yeah, alright dude, it ain't Bonfire Night.

Anonymous said...

Trust me, Jake has an LA accent. I'm from Northern California, and most Californians have what sounds like a non-accent. Even some Southern Californians have the CA non-accent. But Jake sounds and seems like an LA-born and bred. Surfer dude, totally (and he's only a novice surfer, weirdly enough).

Jake doing a Dick Van Dyke Cockney accent? Well, why not a remake of "Mary Poppins"? Though I do like the idea of a big-screen Quincy. He'd also be a good Oscar Madison for an "Odd Couple" remake.

justroe said...

Re Persuasion, there was a wonderful version of this film made in 1995 with Amanda Root and Ciaran Hinds (who looked damned fine back then!) as Wentworth.

I vote for a comedy (I too loved Bubble Boy - you either got it or you didn't) or a musical, but disagree with SNL - that show reeks.

Thanks again for this hilarious site.

Miss Twist said...

Oh yeah, I am all for Jake sweeping my chimney! LOL I need to get my head out of the gutter now!

laura said...

E!

Well we know that Jake likes to be naked! He said that on Leno or something...I can't remember? But he did say it, hopefully we got more naked Jake, but of course he is a fantastic actor as well! lol

Jamaica said...

OMG! You totally stole my idea for the brokeback mountain musical. lol I was just talking about that to my sister a week ago. hehe, I would love to see him sing though.

squallcloud said...

Yah, so a comedy where he gets to be funny and screwy and cockney apparently ... also barechested and singing... Hollywood needs to churn out a script ASAP with these specs!

Anonymous said...

I can also see him as Danno in a "Hawaii 5-O" remake. Or the Mike Stone (Michael Douglas) part in a remake of "Streets of San Francisco." Those are both supposedly in the works, but not in casting or production yet.

Silver said...

The Jane Austen thing sounds good, but I really want to see Jake doing a villainous role. I mean, some split personality kind of thing where he goes crazy and starts blackmailing people or killing them.. muahahaha... cmon, its jake nasty! and would be good to see him going indie again.

miffed67 said...

Flouncing around the English countryside looking dapper, huh? Methinks you have an ulterior motive, m'lady! And a possible filly in mind for the good Capt? Cuz...you know...he ain't seen a filly that could throw him yet!

I don't care what he does, as long as he takes his shirt off while he's doing it. A surfer/beach movie would be good.....oooo, a remake of Blue Lagoon, maybe?

ItalianLady said...

This is completely out of topic but you girl are great! Please don't stop doing this because you make my day! And as far as the project is concerned.... "The Gladiator 2" would be great. I can imagine him already wearing a very short skirt (Roman style).

cina said...

Come on girls! Am I really the only one who wants to see him do a really hot sex scene? I refuse to believe that! I'm talking about wall-slamming, table-jumping, grunting sex that leaves you with your mouth hanging open. Oh dear me, I'm so there if they need a stand-in for that scene...

mia said...

no, you are not

Anonymous said...

Capt. Wentworth is a great idea, so is having him play an unsympathetic character.

I'd love to hear him do a British accent, and I'm sure he'd have no problem with it. Whoever wrote that all he could do is Southern isn't familiar with American regional accents. He's done several: flawless Wyoming and Texas accents in BBM, and Appalachian in October Sky.

miffed67 said...

Ooooo, Gladiator 2 would be fantastic....and maybe it could include that hot, grunting sex scene?

Jake will be wonderful in whatever he does. I'm looking forward to Zodiac (or whatever they're calling it now) and future projects. I love his acting so much, it's almost a case of "gosh - I can't wait....Jake....act NOW!"

miffed67 said...

Ooooo, Gladiator 2 would be fantastic....and maybe it could include that hot, grunting sex scene?

Jake will be wonderful in whatever he does. I'm looking forward to Zodiac (or whatever they're calling it now) and future projects. I love his acting so much, it's almost a case of "gosh - I can't wait....Jake....act NOW!"

Anonymous said...

Persuaded: Set in Regency London in which a wealthy, powerful duke (played by Heath Ledger) persuades a young cockney crossings sweep (Jake) to become his secret lover. Rated R for m/m sex.

The Odd Couple: Jake as Felix and Heath Ledger as Oscar. The "twist" is that they share a bedroom but still cook dinners for proper young ladies as well as escort them to stage plays. Rated R for m/m sex.

Gladiator 2: Roman times. A slave owner (played by Heath Ledger) buys a beautiful young slave (Jake) with the intention of turning him into a gladiator but soon finds having him as his own personal slave to be far more rewarding. Rated R for m/m sex.

miffed67 said...

I see a pattern emerging, anon!

Right there with ya, tho!

silver said...

I vote for all three of the above.

Anonymous said...

I'm relieved to know I'm not alone in my obsession of Heath and Jake together.
Jordan aka anon 10:51am

britpopbaby said...

The Odd Couple: Jake as Felix and Heath Ledger as Oscar. The "twist" is that they share a bedroom but still cook dinners for proper young ladies as well as escort them to stage plays. Rated R for m/m sex.

This film HAS to be made. Has anyone got any contacts in Hollywood?

Anonymous said...

Excellent, love it! » »

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