Tuesday, April 04, 2006

JAKE IS IN HIDING: WE KNOW WHY!

Clooney takes aim at 'Gawker Stalker' site

LOS ANGELES (AP) — George Clooney is known as a prankster, but his plan to undermine a website that posts celebrity sightings is no joke, his publicist said Friday. Clooney has suggested swamping Gawker.com's "Gawker Stalker" feature with false notes about stars' whereabouts, spokesman Stan Rosenfield said.
In an e-mail Rosenfield recently distributed on Clooney's behalf to other high-powered publicists, the actor calls for publicity firms and their clients to join the effort against the site that some have called a threat to celebrities.
"There is a simple way to render these guys useless," Clooney said in the message. "Flood their website with bogus sightings. Get your clients to get 10 friends to text in fake sightings of any number of stars."
"A couple hundred conflicting sightings and this website is worthless. No need to try to create new laws to restrict free speech. Just make them useless. That's the fun of it. And then sit back and enjoy the ride," Clooney writes, signing the note, "Thanks, George."
Gawker, a popular site, had been posting map-free "Stalker" sightings for two years. Now it pinpoints the locations of readers' random celebrity sightings on the Internet, using a Google map of Manhattan.
Publicists say the new feature puts their clients in harm's way by revealing their specific whereabouts.
(http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2006-03-31-clooney-gawker_x.htm?POE=LIFISVA)

My first reaction to this was, "Get the hell off that high horse of yours Clooney! If we want to fucking stalk you, we fucking will. Don't you realise you'd be nothing without us? NOTHING! We're the ones who pay to see your complicated movies about oil wars and your less complicated movies about making the beast with two backs with J-Lo, so don't tell us we've got no right to know you're every move! We own you Clooney! OWN YOU!"
Then a took a deep breath and reassessed the situation and came to a startling conclusion. Now it's okay for big tough nuts like the Cloonster to take on us stalkers but what about poor sensitive Jakey? He has obviously been terrified by Clooney's words of warning and had to retreat to some safe harbour, hence the lack of recent spottings. Now, nothing is of more concern to me than Jakey's well being so it is our job, nay, duty to help Clooney and all his a-list buddies (Matt Damon!) bring down Stalker. I know it contradicts out purpose for living but we, just this once, must go against the gospel. So if you could all please head over to Stalker and post random sightings of Paula Abdul and Chevy Chase and hopefully Jake will be back with us soon, strolling the streets in relative safety.

(P.S - I've just thought of a new tagline for this blog: Taking other people's news and making it all about The Gyllenhaal.)

4 comments:

SquallCloud said...

LOVE this blog. Very funny. Yah, the google map is a bit much imho and if i were a celeb I'd never leave my heavily guarded bungalow but if our sweet Jake has gone into hiding then THIS MUST BE STOPPED. Hmmm I wonder what he's doing now? Curled up on the couch with a good book maybe? Damn, I wish we had access to satelite pics or something.

lureen said...

Yeah, poor Jake boy is so sensitive, that's why we like him...It's really awful that Jake is hiding, we must know what he's doing

Lauren (407) said...

OMG I love you, lmao.

Yes, we must STOP THIS for Jakey...

...so that he can come out of hiding and give us lots of new pics.

Haha, I <3 the tagline!

britpopbaby said...

Apparently, the Cloonster only meant the email as a joke. Why would you bother? Stop wasting everybodies time Clooney!!