I did not make up that headline, but in fact stole it verbatim from this article, which came with it's own intense-yet-dreamy-and-deadpan-stare Jake picture:
Speaking of food (which we weren't), it's time for the annual ACLU of Southern California Auction! It seems like only 13 months ago that a day with Jake Gyllenhaal was bought by a person in Hong Kong...who couldn't swing it so someone else got Jake on the cheap and then we never heard anything more about it. Clearly scarred by the experience, this year Jake is only offering himself up for dinner. Or maybe it's not dinner, since the actual wording is "dine w/Jake Gyllenhaal" and by my count, that leaves open at least two other meal possibilities. I know what you all are thinking and no, I am not too proud to accept anonymous bids on my behalf. Even if it winds up being lunch.
And lastly, I am genuinely disappointed to report that Rendition is on track to have an even more dismal opening weekend box office showing than Zodiac. Let's just hope Jake's having too much fun with Xenia in Rome to be reading the overnight numbers...
Thank you heddaparsons for the ACLU tip!