Monday, August 27, 2007

Well, drat.

Oh, dear. My super-secret stash of October Sky quotes has been compromised by Wet Dark and Wild. This is terribly disappointing as the website of young Misty was probably one of the only things I ever found in the Jake World before anyone else caught on (OK, I had help). She also once interviewed Jake, therefore making her the most successful fan site-runner in the history of Jake fan site-runners. As our foremother in Jake (her site was the very first), we should remember Misty and recognize that Misty's Jake Gyllenhaal Web Site is a direct internet ancestor to all of us who are around today. But seeing as how I have lost the element of surprise, I'm forgoing a Quote of the Week today so that I may ruminate on my quote options for the future. Speaking of ancestry...

Instead (some might say "in desperation") I turned to my fellow stalkers at iheartjake.com. Perhaps they had some story of interest which I could cover in a satirical manner to distract from the egregious lack of quotage? Ah, there it was. The golden nugget of genealogical information: that Jake and Princess Diana are, like, freaking related (!). With excitement, I left-clicked...and found that the story had been taken from Wet Dark and Wild (you're everywhere!). So I left-clicked again...and found that the story had been reported by Cherita of Zen Gyllenhaalism. All of these (former?) Jake Watch readers are now flying the nest and striking out on their own...it warms the cockles of my heart to think how our little family is now begatting other little families. This convoluted, quasi-incestuous, online world of Jake fandom reminds me of something...what could it be?

Ah, yes. It reminds me of the convulted, quasi-incestuous fact that for PG, Years 18-22 were spent daydreaming of her ride into the sunset with Prince William. Prince William, who was later ditched for, and now just happens to be the direct blood relative of, Jake Gyllenhaal. I feel dirty, like I've possibly done something illegal. I hope I haven't caused too much tension within the royal family. I can imagine that earlier in history, my loyalty switch would have spawned wars (as opposed to new blogs).

Who discovered this intriguing link between Hollywood royalty and actual royalty? Richard K. Evans, who, for the hell of it, went back 12 generations in Princess Diana's lineage. To the surprise of none, Anderson Cooper is also a blood relation (why wouldn't he be?). To the surprise of many, my own lineage is not dissected in the book. Odd, since I am so pivotal in the newly created rift between the Gyllenhaals and the Spencers/Windsors.

Also odd is that the name of the book is, "The Ancestry of Diana, Princess of Wales, for Twelve Generations," since the Gyllenhaal connection is actually traced back 13 generations (14 to get to Wills, although it's 12 on the Gyllenhaal side...apparently the Swedes procreated at a slightly slower pace than the English).

What Jake would look like today if a mere 12 (or 13 or 14) generations of diverging lineage had not separated him from the British royal family.

Honestly, though. 13 generations? I'm sure half of us could claim we were related to Princess Diana if we went back 13 generations. I wonder how many generations back the connection to Mitt Romney is? Oh, he made the list, too. Apparently they had to choose Presidential candidates on both sides of the aisle so as not to appear biased.

In conclusion, perhaps we will have a quote later in the week.

Seriously, hats off to Misty.

35 comments:

S4M985 said...

"I feel dirty, like I've possibly done something illegal." Haha PG! That was so funny. I saw this at IHJ and thought "hmm interesting" But you had me in fits of laughter once again!

If it makes it any easier, William was my love before Jake too... i even got a picutre with him and Harry at Madam Tussauds last year. Now i just wish that Jake had a wax model....

Prophecy Girl said...

^^^ No way!! I haven't been to Madam Tussaud's since his wax counter-part made his appearance. It's totally on my list of things to do. :D

We had a "hot guy wall" in our apartment when I was in college and it was COVERED in William pictures (thanks to me!). I still have all of them hidden away somewhere. I even had one of him in a Speedo. Now I'm feeling dirty all over again... :)

felicia said...

We had a "hot guy wall" in our apartment when I was in college and it was COVERED in William pictures (thanks to me!).

Now that would be when Wills still had his looks, right?

Who knew that Harry would mature to be the better look Windsor! Well me. And my mother. She's a ginger-head lover. I think she only loved me that one time when I was 16 and dyed my hair orange.

Your photoshopping techniques always make me snort a little. Hee.

Cherita said...

PG, I'm certainly not a former reader! Can't speak for anyone else. I did refer the Diana article to WDW because she'd recently done a little genealogy bit on Jake.

Meanwhile, your British Royal Jake portrait made me spit food all over my monitor.

Misty was certainly on top of the game, wasn't she? Good on her for having been there before Jake got so thoroughly over his internet fandom. And speaking of feeling dirty...the home page, with that collage of underage!Jake...excuse me, I need to go scrub my eyeballs.

Prophecy Girl said...

Now that would be when Wills still had his looks, right?

When he was blonde and golden looked amazing in blue. *big dreamy sigh* But now it's all Harry. My mom, grandma, and I had this discussion after the American interview they did. Three generations agreed that Harry has QUITE come into his own (although I still can't say I'd turn Wills away).

And Cherita, I'm glad you're still here!! I know Katie pops by every once in a while.

Misty was AWESOME. And I thoroughly enjoyed doing Royal Jake even though because of his caveman-like face, his forehead had to be unnaturally elongated. ;D

S4M985 said...

I agree with you all too, Harry definatly has overtaken Will in the "good looks department" I think its the thinning hair thats turned me off a little... Although i totally agree with you PG- i wouldnt turn him away!

blamesvedka said...

PG, I will like to take a minute to praise you photoshop skills, although I'm with Cherita...I'm a little creeped out by 'royal' jake.

BirdGirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BirdGirl said...

Yeah royal Jake is very strange. I disturbs me and I haven't figured out why yet. Okay I think it's the wig.

Anonymous said...

royal jake's 4head is gingornomus.
i supposed that cranium needs to be streched to fit all that history.

bmg said...

Jake G is officially Posh Totty?

You could go back 113 generations of my family, and you still wouldn't find any royal connections. It's all steel working, coal-mining and peasant farming. That said, all my forthcoming Jake fantasies will revolve around a Lord of the Manor/feisty scullery maid dynamic, like some high class piece of erotic literature.

phoebe said...

OMG! Royal!Jake had me LMFAO!! Fabulous stuff. :)

Xenia said...

Ok, Royal Jake's forhead may be a little out of proportion but the hands are HIS to a tee!!:D

Wet Dark and Wild said...

PG, what can I say? I'll buy you an aqua velva ;D You're safe with Jake's cousin William; I feel old enough to be his great aunt, which would make me a very complicated relation to Jake so I'll stop right there.

Prophecy Girl said...

^^^ I'll take you up on the aqua velva. As of this morning, MySpace has deleted the Jake in '08 account. I could cry. :( I'm trying to get it back, but no promises...

Xenia said...

Oh God, that's really BAD NEWS!:(

And how could it happen? They can delete an account like that? >:(

Prophecy Girl said...

I'm guessing we got caught up in a purge of all Fake Jake's, which is highly ironic since a) we were freaking responsible for taking down the biggest Fake Jake of them all, and b) we never claimed to actually be Jake or have any formal association with him. It was so clearly a spoof! I sent a pleading e-mail to the gods of MySpace but even if I get it back, there will be no friends and probably a blank template. It's kind of making me sick to my stomach. :P

Xenia said...

Oh PG I really feel for you...:(

Those MySpace Gods are really something, aren't they?

It took so long to purge that Master Fake Jake but once they've started they sweep everithing away!

Anonymous said...

Your genius has always been in your ability to take what he says, or the latest..or not so latest Jaek news and put your own unique spin, your own unique brand of humor on it. So it really doesn't matter what else is out there. Bcz there is always something out there.

BirdGirl said...

That really sucks PG. What the hell is wrong with them. I hope you get it back. Even though it will be like starting over.

bmg said...

Besides which, there are rumours of an October 2007 General Election in the UK. If Jake is related to Prince William, couldn't we claim him as a British citizen and ask him to stand here?

nice anonymous said...

Jake looks like a Madame Tussaud's waxwork figure of Charles II -- he's so very aristocratically pale, drained of all blood, it appears -- and very much the opposite of the shaggy, tanned, baggy-shorts-wearing Californian guy that he is. If he signs up for a historical film, I think the late 17th century is not really his period. (I'd much prefer Regency Jake.)

Hope MySpace sees the light of reason & frees up all your hard work for viewing again.

perfectscore_goldstar said...

That picture is frikkin HILARIOUS ... as is the post ... :)

~Dee

Anonymous said...

what became of misty?

Prophecy Girl said...

I actually tried to e-mail her last night, but the address wasn't good anymore. I don't know! She still has links on a lot of older Jake sites but most of them don't work. I think it would be fun to talk to her...

call me cherita said...

G*&&@%n it!!! When did the Jake in '08 MySpace go down? Son of a bitch! That is the most ridiculous thing I've heard all day. What if a bunch of us created new MySpace profiles with unrelated names and mirrored your layout? Do you have any of that stuff saved? Gaaah!

And I guess I don't watch the news enough...I'm going to have to find recent pictures of Harry and William together. Last I remember, Harry bore a rather unfortunate resemblance to his father in the ear department, while William was the image of his elegant mum. Funny how things can change.

Yeah, PG, I also sent Misty an email, though I pretty much had no hope that a 7-year-old address of a then-19-year-old would be any good. The bounce gives us no further info. Misty, if by some miracle you're out there, please contact one of us!

Prophecy Girl said...

NO!!! I just heard from the MySpace people and they sent me a FORM LETTER on HOW TO DELETE AN ACCOUNT. If it took them a whole freaking day to send me that, I don't want to think how long it will take to get a real response. :(

Cherita, I do have all the graphics saved, but not the actual html format. I don't know whether to just start over now or wait since I complained and drew attention to myself...if they poke around and see I've recreated it, I might just cause more trouble. I totally have a headache.

S4M985 said...

Can we do some sort of petition or something, or is it now somewhere in the oblivion of the internet space... this really sucks *sulk*

Cherita said...

They've deleted your account, and you contacted them about restoring it, and they sent you information on how to delete the account they already deleted?

Why am I not really surprised?

Please keep us posted. If you don't get a response shortly that appears to address your problem, I vote we plaster Jakein08 all over their damn domain with as many pages as possible. :P

S4M985 said...

haha cherita you are right onto things are you! Sounds like an awesome idea! haha

heddaparsons said...

Again I bow down to your photoshopping skills PG, great work!

Sucks what happened to the Jake '08 MySpace what a bunch of assholes. Keep eveyone updated

Xenia said...

PG wrote : "NO!!! I just heard from the MySpace people and they sent me a FORM LETTER on HOW TO DELETE AN ACCOUNT. If it took them a whole freaking day to send me that, I don't want to think how long it will take to get a real response.
:("

Assholes indeed!! And idiots too, to say the least!! >:(

Anonymous said...

Wonder if this will be the poster for Rendition.

http://www.cinematical.com/2007/08/29/exclusive-one-sheet-for-rendition/

Prophecy Girl said...

I will definitely let everyone know when (if) I hear something! Thanks for understanding and sorry that my eternal bad luck seems to ruin everything. :P

Anonymous said...

Boooooo for them deleting Jake in 08 PG ! That sucks ! I think Hillary Clinton is behind the deletion ... ;)

~Dee (perfectscore_goldstar)