Sunday, August 26, 2007

Jake Gyllenhaal: More like Homo erectus than you might think.

And more specifically, it is that very similarity that makes him attractive to us. Well, actually, it's because he looks like a "caveman," which would literally mean early Homo sapiens, but that would have made for a very confusing headline. But I'm getting ahead of myself...

Science with Jake Watch: Because Jake Gyllenhaal Does Have Some Practical Applications

LiveScience.com recently released the results of a study that found that women throughout the ages have "selected for males with relatively short upper faces. The region between the brow and the upper-lip is scrunched proportionately to the overall size of their heads."

Large head, small face. Ladies, we're apparently evolutionarily programmed to select for such features. The prime examples used in the article were Brad Pitt, Will Smith, and Johnny Depp.


Brad, Will, Johnny, and Caveman

Proportionally, these men all have what the article refers to as "bulldog-like faces," and what watchers of Jarhead might call a "squishy face." From brow to upper lip, they pack a lot into a relatively small area:


Did you know that my first comment ever on Jake Watch was in reference to how I have never been particularly attracted to Brad Pitt? It's true. After reading the article, I thought I must be an evolutionary deviant. Not that I wouldn't be proud of that, but I ran a highly scientific test instead...


Well, what do you know? According to my completely non-precise picture resizing technique, Jake is also bulldog-like in facial proportions and thus the women of the world are guided by instinct to find him desirable to father their offspring. Your brain is telling you that anyone with an upper lip that close to his eyebrows would make a good baby-daddy. See? And you thought it was because he has blue eyes. No, it's because he looks like a Cro Magnon man.

In fact, out of everyone in my analysis, the caveman in the first two pictures actually has the least "caveman-like" face. But that's probably because that's not an actual caveman and is instead some random dude in makeup for a Geico commerical.

16 comments:

felicia said...

Ha!

Funny! But more importantly - Educational!!

blamesvedka said...

Your brain is telling you that anyone with an upper lip that close to his eyebrows would make a good baby-daddy. See? And you thought it was because he has blue eyes.

My brain is in dire need of some holistic washing.

snowtonight said...

And he's looking more and more caveman like the longer that he's on vacation. The ladies must be going ape.

Great post! Jake is lucky to have you guys. I'm sure he appreciates it, I know I do.

Anonymous said...

Not entirely sure about Brad Pitt being used as part of that argument, I'm still completely convinced he's the by-product of some experiment involving the splicing of human and hamster DNA

Anonymous said...

Jake Watch: I am not worthy, I am not worthy!!!

"Homo erectus" LMAO

bmg said...

All these scientists trying to discover what attracts women to men and why. According to Lynx/Axe adverts, all it takes is a man to display basic levels of personal hygine to turn into a raging bi-sexual exhibitionist nympho.

cina said...

^^LMAO!! So true!

S4M985 said...

Well ive said it before, Jake could dress up like an ape and id still find attraction. So technically does that mean that if Jake dressed like an ape we would all be more attracted to him? Haha! I bet that took some time to write, what a crack up!

nice anonymous said...

Heh heh heh. [Denotes a Beavis-like snigger.] ProphecyGirl used the word "erectus" in connection with Jake.

I only wish that whatever part of my mind calculated the geometrical proportions of Jake's face & found it pleasing would have been on duty for more serious stuff in my math classes years ago ... then perhaps I'd be making more money today.

linna said...

LMAO!! No one teaches science like you PG :) Why couldn't science in school been like this?

Also, I'm very relieved that I have scientific reasons for finding Jake lethally attractive. Now, no one can blame me, it’s out of my hands ;)

bmg said...

Hmmm...but very few of my Jake dreams involve actually propogating the species and therefore biologically ensuring the future of the human race. It's mainly just ... erm .... practicing for that eventuality.

Xenia said...

Uhmm...is it reliable for what makes a woman attractive to a man too? I mean, men choose the most cavewoman look-a-like? :)

Prophecy Girl said...

They didn't say anything about women! They also didn't really have much of an explanation as to why such facial proportions would be seen as favorable (OK, so they're "masculine"...but what makes them masculine as opposed to something else?). And according to them, we should find Justin Timberlake attractive.

In conclusion, the article had some flaws. ;D

heddaparsons said...

Ah, thanks PG, I needed this post!

PS: I hear that ABC has a series based on the Caveman commercials, how friggin lame is that???

nice anonymous said...

Hmmmm. This begs a question, doesn't it? Many men find Jake attractive -- and for them, obviously, it can't be because their ovaries are in an uproar over the perfect proportions of Jake's face & are demanding that they join with him in propagation of the species. Aren't we just allowed to find people attractive because, well, they fit some non-biologically-oriented aesthetic ideal (i.e., they're hot)?

bmg said...

^I always love those pieces that 'explain' why men find blonde, busty, blue-eyed women sexy in terms of fertility, when -really- which modern man actively looks for a girlfriend that will get pregnant at the first possible opportunity?