Wednesday, April 25, 2007

BLATANT STALKING #10

I was loving this. Dude, LOVING IT. I had the special Jake Watch gold plated cheque book and pen on stand-by. How could it go wrong? So original and yet, so obvious. The slogan t-shirt, the 'Urban Steve Irwin' hat, the unassuming Crocs with socks and oh god, the finishing touch, a leaflet! Jake thinks you're just wild about public interest issues - why else would you be loitering in a car lot, waiting to pounce, in cargo jeans? Erm, maybe because you are a BLATANT STALKER, sunshine! What gave it away? Perhaps the fact you've shoved your crotch into Jake's rear bumper?

Aiming for the collective Gyllenhaal weakspot that is political activism was inspired but like so many before you, you tumbled spectacularly at the final hurdle. For shame. Now you must be archived as an 'also ran'.

32 comments:

claire said...

I'm going to stand like that at regular intervals today in honour of a stalker that went that extra mile. All hail the stalker!

hugsuzie said...

^^^ Me too! All hail!
P.S. Do you think Jake knows that standing next to this guy makes him look EVEN HOTTER?

pink mist said...

A BLATANT STALKING entry!! It's been so long...
*wipes tears of joy*

They do get craftier though, don't they? Notice how his right leg is perfectly placed, ready to trip Jake in case he tries to get away :-O

But obviously JG is on to his little scheme. While he looks calm and interested in what the Blatant Stalker is saying, he is prepared. Take a closer look:

a)right hand: ready to slam the trunk door on the stalker's hands should they move any closer to him
b) right leg: slowly receding, ready for a sprint

call me cherita said...

^^^Fine observation, Pink Mist! Notice also that he hesitates to take this "pamphlet" from Mr. Stalker. Instead, his left hand hovers ever so slightly over his mid-torso...millimeters away from where begins that fine, delicious trail of silky dark hair, leading the way down to...I'm sorry, what was I saying?

Marina said...

This latest blatant stalker update is very funny! :)

pink mist said...

Oooh, oooh, right Cherita! Left hand: distraction technique! Deadly! Mr. Stalker is entering into a trance while watching the slight hovering of the hand over the JG torso...

Anonymous said...

Ya gotta admire the stalekr. He demonstrated initiative, imagination and determination...Chutzpah!! I also gotta commend Jake for permitting him his special moment. Jake could have stomped on his feet, tore up his petitions and knocked him to the curb. Jake is THAT strong. But he opted for patient indulgence.
When I stalk him, I'm going to pretend there's a..a...Moroccan scorpion crawling up his back...under his t-shirt...and I'll have to feel allll around to try to find it! Then it will go down into the seat of his jeans....and I'll have to feel alll around...with both hands... until I find it, but then it will crawl around to the front of his jeans...excuse me. My meds are here.

theshowerlady said...

The Moroccan spider thing has possibilities. I am glad Jake indulged him.I don't think Jake was in any real danger.If anything, he might have been impressed not only with the stalker's zeal, but with that outfit. It certainly is making a statement all on its own. I am fascinated by both the stalker's shoes and the hat. Has anyone else noticed that Jake seems to be wearing boots or shoes a lot more than his usual athletic shoes lately??

Anonymous said...

I did notice the jeans and boots, and I like it! There's something about a boot heel and the way the jeans fall over it . . . oh, sorry! :)

Anonymous said...

Is it just me or has Stalker bloke got a huge head - look at it in comparrison to Jake's - now Jake has a well documented large head (all the better to arrange those beautiful features on) but Stalker Geezer's face seems about 50% larger again. Plus, I'm sure there's some sort of law against humping cars in public.

ultraviolet said...

Seems like some other online stalkers, er, fans are beating the JW agents:

There's a poll to pick the Most Beautiful Man of 2007 (in conjunction with People Magazine's Most Beautiful issue) and Jake is in 7th place. Aren't we all sick of Sanjaya and McDreamy?

call me cherita said...

theshowerlady and anon 3:13, I must concur: as devoted as I am to Jake's socks, the boots do wonderful things to my...insides.

Anonymous said...

ABC Most Beautiful Man. Vote! Jake Of Course!

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/popup?id=3073325

Apparently each time you delete cookies (Tools - Internet Options), then log out and back in you can vote.

call me cherita said...

^^^We all know Jake's not just the most beautiful man alive, he's the most beautiful thing existing on this earth. Your support is more needed in getting his "official website" up to a level deserving of such a creature! Go sign NOW!

veeveevee said...

GUH.

Just LOOK at the way he's standing there, so casual, and yet so unimaginably sexy.

kokodee said...

sanjaya malakar is sexiest man alive? sanjaya is sexy?? Jake is no 7???
How could this have happened?

cina said...

What's up with that dude?! Is he humping Jake's car?!? Man, I thought I'd seen it all...

Anonymous said...

Better the car than Jake! Jake seems to understand. And I agree.
Jake has got to be the most incredibly, naturally sexy person who has ever lived. Now I understand the term:"...achingly beautiful..." cause he just is.

cina said...

On the contrary - Jake I would understand, but his CAR?!

Anonymous said...

Is that his Toyota hybrid car?

theshowerlady said...

If it is a hybrid, it would explain why this particular stalker is humping the car. He must be an environmentalist.

Nothing Really Matters said...

Darlings I’ve already come up with the best plan even! I’m just gonna knock on his door and pose as an Avon lady!

Nothing Really Matters said...

I so can't spell "ever"

KayDee said...

the poll must be a joke!!! they don't even have the name of the most wonderful man alive on the list!!! i was looking all over. checked it twice. double-checked. then triple-checked.

NOT.EVEN.A.TRACE!

are they blind???!!!

Anonymous said...

"the poll must be a joke!!! they don't even have the name of the most wonderful man alive on the list!!!"

Jake is the most wonderful man alive..and he is on that list :-)))

But I partially agree with you: Where is Johnny Depp??

KayDee said...

Jake is the most wonderful man alive..and he is on that list :-)))

Jake who? :P

Anonymous said...

HELP JAKE AT ABCNews poll. He is being beaten by Sanjaya!!

Vote here: http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/BeSeenBeHeard/popup?id=3073552

call me cherita said...

^^^And again I'll suggest that rather than playing a game of "clickclickclick" with the clueless dumbasses who think it's funny to push a nobody to the top of that list, you do something with your time that will have an impact. Sign the petition to get something done about Jake's official website. If you don't, it will still be hanging around, misrepresenting Jake, in two weeks, a month, a year. That silly poll will be gone in a matter of days.

theshowerlady said...

Kaydee, I was upset that Heath wasn't on the list, too.

If they had Jonny Depp who has a partner and two kids, they should have included Heath. And Johnny is a very eccentric dresser so there's no excuse. PLUS, Heath is a very sexy man. There's only one guy I can think of who is sexier. JUST one.

Anonymous said...

Oh man, Sanjaya in no way is sexier than Jake.

theshowerlady said...

Actually, the fact that Sanjaya is leading this poll speaks volumes. Who ever is behind this whole Sanjaya phenom is saying "This is what I think about your stupid polls." No offense to Sanjaya, a sweet kid whose reach exceeds his grasp. He just wanted to have fun and be famous. He's a very young 17 year old who is in way over his head, IMVHO. But for some reason he's become the standard for how we celebrate mediocrity and there are really a lot of Sanjayas around. The Jessica Simpsons, Paris Hiltons, Britneys, Olsens twins,Nicole Ritchie, etc. I think this all says our culture is virtually bankrupt.
And that's not far off the mark.
Sorry. Didn't mean to get all serious.

heddaparsons said...

Sanjaya? Ok.

And please vote for Jake and sign the petition!!