Are you...are you...no, surely not, wait...my eyes doth deceive...TOUCHING HIM? ARE YOU FREAKIN' TOUCHING HIM? Er, survey says, 'ding, ding, ding, HELL YEAH'. Are you out of your friggin' mind? Or can you please remind me where you fall on the very short yet comprehensive list of 'People authorised to feel up Jake Gyllenhaal's suit'? Thankfully (for you) this was a failed attempt at snaffling the Gyllenhaal as wherever it was you were trying to take him, he obviously didn't want to go. He's veering in the opposite direction, probably transfixed on a puggle or some passing lycra. Dear god. Close. Thatclose.